As I walked down the Courtyard Corridor, I felt a pair of hands cover my eyes, completely blacking out my site. I grabbed the person's wrist both of my hands and started to trace the surface of their hand. I ran fingers on top of their's and felt a ring on the right ring finger. One ring? This can't be Draco and the hand feels familiar, so it's can't be Alex or Blaise.
"Harry Potter?", I teased.
"Very funny", Theo mocked, taking his hands off of my eyes. I turned around to face him and saw he had a picnic basket in his hand. "I, Theodore Nott, am taking you on a little date", he said taking my hand and leading me down the corridor towards the exit of the Hogwarts castle.
"May I ask where you're taking me?"
"It's a surprise and I know you will love it because you've begged me to do this before"
"Are we going to Azkaban?", I teased again.
"How did you know?", he joked.
Theo held onto my hand tightly and quickly led me out of the castle so no one could see us leaving together. My short legs tried to catch up Theo's long ones, almost tripping over my own feet as we walked out towards the Forbidden Forest.
Once we reached the edge of the forest, Theo placed the picnic basket on the ground and pulled out his wand. With just a flick of his wand, a picnic blanket was laid out on the ground and snacks were laid out on top of it. A bouquet of red roses in a small round glass vase sat in the middle of the picnic blanket. I don't think I have the heart to tell Theo that I absolutely hate roses because he set up such a cute date.
"You used to bug me all the time about sneaking into the Forbidden Forest, so I thought it would be a good place for a redo of our first date", Theo smiled, sitting down on the blanket.
I sat down on the blanket next to him and curled my legs up next to me.
"I appreciate your effort", I said reaching for a strawberry. "It's very sweet of you"
"I can't take all of the credit, Alex recommended I took you somewhere we've never been before", he chuckled. "We've been everywhere together so it's kind of hard to come up with something we've never done before"
Draco never had to ask someone for help when he took me out on dates. He always knew what to do.
"Um... well, I love it, even though we're doing this in secret"
"I just think it's best if we keep this on the low for awhile. You don't mind that, do you?"
"No... I don't", I lied.
Not that I want to shout from the top of the Astronomy Tower that Theo and I are working things out right now, but I don't want to be his "dirty little secret". If this were Draco, he wouldn't be hiding me in the corner of the Forbidden Forest. He would want people to know that we're going on a date so all of the wizards at Hogwarts wouldn't dare come close to me.
I don't care that we're working things out privately because I like that, I just don't want to be anyone's secret. Keeping things at minimum in front of Draco is fine because I understand that it will set him off if he sees Theo and I picnicking out in the Forbidden Forest, but completely keeping us a secret, I don't know. It just doesn't feel right. Holding hands underneath the table is one thing, but going out on secret dates is another.
Maybe I'm just overreacting and thinking a little to hard about this because I wouldn't want Draco to know what we're doing either, especially since there's nothing significant going on. I think I'm just so used to doing things so publicly, it feels weird that I'm doing something so secretive. After all, I haven't been on a date with Theo in over a year so I shouldn't be so quick to judge him for how our date is going.
"Is everything alright?", Theo asked, taking my attention away from my overthinking. "You've been quiet"
"Yeah, everything I'm fine. It's just weird... being here... with you"
"Oh..."
"It's only because we haven't done this a long time. I think it's going to take some time to get used to it"
"If there's anything I can do that will make things better I can-"
"No, no, no. This date is perfect", I said placing my hand on top of his. "It's not a you problem, it's a me problem"
"I get it", he sighed. "We haven't been alone like this in awhile. The times we have been alone, it was in a friendly way. Right now... we're just worried about whether or not we're going to be doing this again"
"Yeah... I guess..."
"Be honest with me, Stell. Is something bothering you?"
"No", I said shaking my head. "Everything's fine"
"I think that if we're going to be starting over, we should be honest with each other", he said cocking his head to the side.
"Okay", I sighed. "It's just... I hate roses, I always have because I think they're overdone and it kind of bothers me that you had to ask Alex for help"
"Wow", he breathed.
"I'm sorry, I love everything you did it's just... I thought you knew me better"
Theo bit down on his inner cheek and looked down at his hands as he played with his silver Slytherin house ring.
God, I feel like such a fucking bitch.
I didn't mean to make it sound like I don't appreciate what Theo did for me, because I do, there's just no other way to say it. Being that we dated for eight years, I expect him to know me a lot better than Draco does. How is it that someone who was strictly my friend up until a year ago was able to plan out a date that feels like real effort was put into it? Not that this date isn't perfect and romantic, because it is. I'm just bothered that Theo had to ask someone else for help. He didn't even know that my favorite flowers are peonies and someone who never dated me did.
I wanted this to go perfect and feel the way that I did the other night when we were up in Astronomy Tower together, but that's just not the case. Having a do over is going so well because I expect more from Theo this time around. Maybe getting back together with Theo isn't such a good idea. He's an amazing friend and creates the perfect balance in my life but maybe we're supposed to be just that, friends.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The rest of our date was pretty awkward since I pointed out the fact that Theo knows nothing about me. We has small talk here and there but there was no excitement or "spark" if you will. I can't tell if it's because we've dated before so it feels like muscle memory and nothing is new or it's because I was somewhat disappointed. The thought was there, it was just the little things like not knowing what flowers I liked or the fact that he had to ask a friend for help with the date.
Theo walked me back to my dorm room and gave me a kiss on the cheek before leaving me at the door. He was silent our whole way back to the castle and I feel bad for making him feel bad for not doing his best.
When I entered my room, Stass, who was sitting on her bed painting her nails, shot up from her bed, running to me with her wet nails.
"How was the date? Tell me everything", beamed Stass.
"How did you know about the date?"
"Alex told me about it. He said that he suggested Theo to take you out on a cute romantic picnic in the Forbidden Forest. So, how was it?"
"It was... It was okay"
"Just okay? Please don't tell me Alex wasn't building it up to be more than it was"
"The date was sweet, but..."
"But it wasn't what you were expecting?"
"Yeah", I sighed. "He brought me roses"
"Roses? Come on", she groaned. "Even I know you hate roses. Fuck, even Draco knew that and you guys were barely dating when brought you them on Valentine's Day last year"
"That's exactly what I was thinking..."
"Now, I'm suddenly team Draco..."
"First of all, there's no teams and second of all, Draco isn't even an option right now. I still haven't gotten an apology from him and I don't want to deal with Theo and Draco at the same time. Yes, being with Draco was a lot more... exciting, it you will, but Theo is the clear choice"
"Theo might be the clear choice but this is about your heart, not picking the perfect handbag. Go off of how you feel"
"Well.. I feel like Theo is the better person for me, but Draco, when he's not being a dick, makes me feel loved"
"I hate to say this, but maybe you need to block Draco out so that he sees that you're serious about wanting him to grow the fuck up. Once he sees that he really fucked up with you, he'll take his head out of his pale ass and act right"
"Ugh", I groaned. "I can't deal with this right now"
I dragged my feet across the concrete floors of my dorm room over to my bed and plopped my body on top of it. I dug my face into my soft satin pillowcase and screamed into. My muffled screams filled the dorm room, but it wasn't loud enough to be heard through the walls.
Why do my relationships have to be so damn complicated?