MAY 24TH
10:34 AM
There were a lot less girls here this morning.
I knew what had happened. I knew why it happened. But I was sad to see some of my new friends go.
"Ladies."
I sat up a little straight when Capitola Mollory spoke for the first time this morning. As always, she looked completely out together and like the whole world was running smoothly.
Which, I'm pretty sure the world usually runs smoothly. I can't think of an instance I heard that the earth had stumbled in its course. It rotated on its axis really consistently.
"Do I want to know what you're thinking, Miss Cortland?"
I glanced up at the playful tone in Capitola Mollory's voice, "You usually don't want to, ma'am. They don't make much sense to anyone else but me."
"I assumed as much." She smiled at me and I smiled back, knowing that my insides were quivering a little bit. She was awesome.
"Ladies, I'd like to get started please." Capitola Mollory called to the group.
Even though there were less girls, we females made up for it. We sure did like to talk. And everyone had a story to share.
Delphine was talking quietly with her neighbor. Cora and Sawyer were laughing about something. Katie Davies was talking animatedly about her coffee(which she claimed not to be able to live without).
Mornings might be my favorite part of the day.
Glancing down at my hands, I noticed that I still had some paint on my fingertips from my painting this morning.
I had painted the sunrise and then started on one of my books that I had to get finished by next week. It was a cute story about a curly haired girl and her umbrella.
I wonder what I would look like with super curly hair.
Smiling to myself, I watched as Capitola Mollory clapped her hands and the room started to quiet down. She sighed, shaking her head and began to wish us a good morning.
Within two minutes, everyone's full attention was on Capitola Mollory. I was eager to find out what we would be learning about. I hoped that she would give us more history. That was my favorite.
Stories always got to me. And history was just a compilation of a bunch of stories. Written down and preserved. It was so cool to think about.
To help me remember what Capitola Mollory has been teaching us in history, I've taken to sketching out some of my favorite stories. It helped me remember more and plus that's what I do for a living.
Put words into pictures.
"I'm excited to inform you of this week's lesson topic." Capitola Mollory smiles at us(it was a little terrifying honestly), "We are going to be practicing for the Report on Friday. You will each be appearing on the Report for a short time."
My stomach dropped.
"So lessons today, tomorrow and Friday will be practicing interviews. I've enlisted my sister Livvy, Princess Siri and Connor Harrison to help me conduct the practice interviews.
"Don't get worried yet. I have full confidence in all of you." I think she looked me in the eye when she said that, "And we are going to help you feel the same confidence in yourself.
"Now, our guest interviewers will be here shortly, so here is the order of interviews."
I listened as Capitola Mollory read the order of girls. I noted that I was before Fern and after Lynette. And I knew Capitola Mollory could do wonders.
If she could somehow make me confident for this Report, then she was a miracle worker.
Maybe I should start a religion. Capitola Mollory could be the figurehead.
I wonder who I could get to join this religion with me. I doubt Beau has enough time to devote to it, he has a kingdom.
I glanced around the room, eyeing each of the girls thoughtfully, trying to see if any other girls were as intimidated as I was.
I bet I could get some of these girls to join. Aelin would probably support my newest life choice. In all likelihood, I could get Aelin to join this religion too.
What should it be called?
I bit my lip, hoping to come up with something clever. Capitolary. Mollorism. Moldu(which is a horrible option but I have to consider them all). Capism. Capmollory.
The followers could be called Mollors. We'd maybe get cool matching tattoos. Or wear a scarf around our arm.
I'm kinda a fan of Mollorism. It sound the most appealing and it was the easiest to pronounce.
"Mollorism." I whispered to myself, testing out the word. It sounded nice.
"Pardon me?"
My eyes focused and I realized that I had been staring at a man. How he had gotten into the selection room? Last I checked, the selection was for females.
I frowned, "What?"
He mock frowned in return, "I asked first."
I felt my eyebrows raise, "I am so confused."
He threw up his hands, "Well, so am I. I just sat down, all innocent like and you're staring and muttering at me. Didn't Cap teach you it's rude to stare?"
I sputtered, "I wasn't purposely staring at you. I just got a little distracted."
"Are you sure?" His whole face changed as he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at me, "I thought maybe you had fallen madly in love with me and couldn't help but stare."
I think my mouth just dropped open.
He laughed, his eyes lighting up, "I'm just teasing you."
I just gave him a look. One that said, "sir, you could have some slight problems".
He laughed again, "I'm just messing with you. Though I am genuinely curious about what you were muttering about."
Nope. He was not someone I wanted to convert to my religion. I was not telling him one detail.
I shook my head, "That's my own information."
He grinned at me, "Something about Mollory? Like as in good old Cap. Or Livvy too, I guess."
"Just forget about it." I was still shaking my head.
"Well, Miss, you'll find that I don't give up when I want to know something. So you'll tell me about it eventually, I wager." Something playful and teasing was dancing in his eyes. It made me relax a tad bit. This guy was all bark.
I studied him. He looked so familiar to me. His dark hair and easy smile.
Connor Harrison. One of the Report hosts.
Also one of our guest interviewers.
Crap, I wasn't ready.
"We have a list." I blurted out.
He raised a brow at me, "That's nice."
I shook my head, "For interviews. We have a list of who's going first."
Understanding lit on his face, "Ah. I had just assumed that we were just picking pretty girls to interview so I picked one."
I felt my cheeks go up in flames.
"Ahh, there she goes."
Face heating more, I turned away from him, "You'd better talk to Capitola Mollory about who you're supposed to interview first."
I started to push out of my chair, going to join the group of girls who weren't being interviewed yet. They wouldn't make me blush and then tease me about it.
Connor grabbed my arm, halting my getaway. "Miss, I am sorry. I shouldn't have teased you so much."
I glanced back at him, "Just forget about it."
And I pulled my arm away from him and moved towards the group.
Once with the group of girls, I felt bad. I shouldn't have been rude by walking away from him. Dad would glare at me and shower me with disappointment if he was here.
My eyes flew to the dark haired man, the only man in the room. I'd apologize if I got the chance but I didn't want to seek him out to apologize. I didn't want him or anyone else getting the wrong idea.
I bit my lip, watching Connor talk with the girl who was sitting in front of him. She had been stiff when I had first seen her sit down, but within a few seconds, Connor had her relaxing.
How did people do that?
Maybe I should try to convert him to my religion.
He could be a fellow Mollor.
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MAY 26TH
10:57 AM
I kinda had been dreading the second day of practice interviews.
There hasn't been enough time for each girl to get through yesterday and so I and a couple other girls were doing our first practice interviews today.
I glanced at Fern and smiled as we sat down in the assigned interview chairs. The guest interviewers weren't there yet.
I glanced down at my fingernails, making sure that I had scrubbed off all the paint this morning.
"Fingers are a fascinating thing, aren't they?"
I glanced up into Connor's dark eyes, "I was just making sure they were clean."
"Dirty nails sure are a turnoff." Connor grinned at me, "Not very attractive ."
I rolled my eyes at him, "You're despicable."
"I aim to please, Miss." He laughed, "And based on the list that you mentioned so kindly yesterday, you are Miss Rowan Cortland."
I bit my lip.
He met my gaze, "Nice to meet you, Miss Cortland."
"Hi." What else was I supposed to say to him?
He chuckled, "We can work with it."
"I'm glad at least one of us thinks so." I muttered under my breath.
His eyes danced but he didn't comment on my muttering. "Let's get started. Now, let me first tell you, Reyna and I aren't here to embarrass you."
I gave him a pointed look.
Connor laughed again, "Okay. My goal is not to embarrass you on screen. How's that?"
"I'd rather you try not embarrassing me at all."
"Ah, but I can't help it. You're so pretty when you blush." Conner smirked at me.
I frowned in return.
He had to be one of the most frustrating people I had ever met. He wasn't mean or anything, but he flirted with every breath. Did he like me or did he treat everyone like this?
Goodness I wish I had been around guys more in my life. Then maybe I'd understand them a little better. Beau was confusing like a good mystery book. But Conner was confusing on so many more different levels.
He was like a tv series. But you didn't understand the ending and had to wait for the second season.
Which happened so often, it was depressing.
"Earth to Rowan. Can I call you Rowan?"
I blinked at him.
The becoming familiar smirk on his face made me nervous.
"I know I'm just that handsome." He fluffed his hair and made a kissy face, "You just can't take your eyes off me."
I didn't answer, feeling the anxiety rise in my chest.
"Can we just get on with the interview, please?" I asked, not meeting his eyes.
A beat passed.
"First question, what's your favorite color?"
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MAY 28TH
6:48 PM
My heart rate picked up as I entered the studio. This time, I wasn't here to watch. I was going to be featured on it.
That was so terrifying.
Aelin promised me that she wouldn't laugh if I messed up. But I wasn't there to make sure she kept her promise.
I bit my lip, suddenly wishing with everything in me that Aelin was here with me. I missed her and her usual steady presence. She was my anchor and now I felt a little lost in the waves without her.
Glancing down at the colored pencils and notebooks that I brought, I was thankful for a distraction. Hopefully sketching would keep my mind occupied til my interview.
Capitola Mollory promised that she could make us confident. But sadly, I didn't have the miracle worker working with me.
Connor Harrison laughed somewhere in the room and my stomach twisted. Wednesday's lesson had been stiff and borderline unpleasant. Connor had joked and flirted through the practice interview and I didn't feel any more confident about this interview.
I was even less confident about being interviewed by Connor again.
I felt really bad. I wanted to try to like Connor. I'm sure he's a great person. But with all his personality, it just caused me to be nervous around him. He was something I didn't know how to deal with.
Another reason that Aelin should be here with me. She'd help me be nicer to Connor.
Or she'd kick his butt for flirting with her.
I don't know which one I preferred.
Feeling instantly guilty for not thinking nicely about Connor, I made my way to the back. My yellow dress(also from home. Maeve hadn't noticed my yellow trend yet) had made me feel cute and stylish, but in the back with all the other girls. All of their ball gowns and fancy dresses were stunning.
First thing I'd do tomorrow is get Maeve to make sure that I'd have yellow ball gowns for the next occasions.
I saddled up to Fern, "Do I look terribly underdressed?"
She looked me up and down, "No, you look cute. Very you."
I peeked up, "Awe, thanks. Your dress is gorgeous." I eye her pea green dress. It was perfect for her complexion.
A page full of dresses came to my mind's eye. I'd make sure to add a girl wearing a pea green dress. And I'd add as many dresses from tonight that I could.
Checking the list posted, I gulped. Being from Allen's, I was the first girl slotted for the Report. Why'd they have to do things by province tonight of all nights?
Tucking all of my anxiety away(mental lol), I went off in search of someone-something to distract me.
"You're a little undress, Rowan."
I glanced over my shoulder at Daphne, "And you looked gorgeous as always, Daphne."
I had decided the other day to ignore Daphne and her comments. Everyone knew how much of a turd she was. I hated that she picked on people.
Aelin had about bought a plane ticket at some of the things I had told her about Daphne. She had a strong hate for bullies and hated Daphne.
My theory was that Daphne was hurting in some way and just was lashing out because she was insecure. That's what my dad said to me while I was in high school when the bullies came a calling.
And I as much as I didn't agree with Daphne's life choices, I didn't want to forever condemn her in my mind. Maybe she'd get better with time?
Deciding that there was nothing to do expect wait for the inevitable, I headed back to my art supplies.
A navy dress caught my eye. I stopped to admire Delphine's dress as she stood reading something. The ombré effect was superb. And the top was beautiful.
My eyes caught tears on her cheeks. And my heart went out to her. I had no idea what was wrong.
"Rowan, you're up." Capitola Mollory called me.
I glanced at Delphine before obeying Capitola Mollory. Princess Gena was walking over to the girl and something in me told me that the princess would be able to help her way more than I could.
I paused before stepping onto the stage. Connor and Reyna were already sitting down and I took a seat across from them. I avoided looking at Connor as much as possible and focused on Reyna.
"Welcome, Rowan. Welcome to our stage." Reyna smiled warmly at me, "You are looking quite calm for being the first girl we have up here tonight."
I laughed nervously, "I didn't realize I was that good at hiding my nerves."
Reyna smiles while Connor lets out a hardy laugh. My eyes were drawn to him and we locked gazes. There was something in his eyes tonight that was different from Wednesday.
But I wasn't going to dwell on that because Reyna had already asked her next question and I had missed it.
"Pardon?" I asked, wincing at my small voice.
Reyna's voice was gentle, "I was just asking you what you do for a job when you're back home in Allens?"
This I could talk about, "I'm a children's book illustrator."
"And you enjoy that?" Reyna asked.
I nodded, inwardly wincing. Hopefully I didn't look like a bobble head, "I love to do it. I've always loved art and my dad always encouraged it. My best friend and I have worked on a couple projects together."
Reyna smiled.
"She's a writer." I added dumbly. I should probably keep my mouth shut now.
"Ah that makes sense." Reyna didn't make any faces at my poor etiquette. Poor Capitola Mollory was probably turning in her recommendation that Rowan Cortland never be allowed to do this again as we spoke.
"What's your favorite part about living in the castle?" Connor jumped it.
"Well, I love my bed. I don't think I've ever slept on anything so soft and I love the gardens." That sounded like a half intelligent answer.
"It hasn't been too hard to adjust?" Reyna asked.
"Apart from the fact that I never know where exactly I am, it's been really nice."
Connor laughed, "Tell us, do you usually get lost easily?"
My cheeks lit, "Sadly yes. My dad got me a cell phone at a young age just in case I happened to get lost whenever we went out."
"That's so interesting." Reyna laughed.
My eyes flickered to Connor, who was watching me with a smirk. I knew that if we weren't in front of a live audience, he'd be commenting on the color of my cheeks.
"Our time is almost up but we have time for one more question, Rowan."
My gaze flew back to Reyna.
"How do you spend your free time?"
"I love to paint. To sketch. That's what I spend most of my free time. If I'm not working with my art, then I'm usually hanging out with my best friend."
"You'll have to show us some of your artwork next time we see you, Rowan." Reyna was closing smoothly, "Thank you for joining us tonight. We've enjoyed getting to know you a little bit better."
I pushed to my feet, a smile lifting my lips. I seriously hope it looked less painful than it felt.
I stepped off the stage, shoulders sagging. That was over. And I was so thankful.
Avoiding Capitola Mollory's gaze, I scurried over to where I left my art supplies. Then walked back over to the seat closest to the stage. It was the perfect place to sit and sketch dresses. I had a perfect view of the girls and their amazing dresses.
Sketching as the other girls' interviews went on, the only one I paused for was Delphine's. We talked for a minute before she had to go on stage.
But I got her permission to use her gown as inspiration for a story Aelin and I were talking about doing.
"Rowan." I glanced up at Beau's voice.
"Hi." I greeted, grateful that it was Beau and no one else.
"You did really good on your interview." Beau glanced down at my paper, "And those are really well done."
I grinned up at him, "Thanks. I don't think my interview was good but I am proud of these."
I held up the paper for Beau to inspect. He leaned in and studied them, "These dresses look familiar."
I nodded, "They are the other girls' dresses. I thought they were so pretty that they needed to be documented."
Beau looked up from the paper and at me, "Your dress isn't on here."
I bit my lip sheepishly, "Well, it's not a ball gown like everyone else's. It didn't fit."
Beau smiled at me, "It's not a ball gown, true but it's still equally as pretty as the rest. It's very you."
I laughed, "You're the second person who has said that to me tonight."
"Then it's true." Beau offered me a hand, "Can I introduce you to someone?"
I raised a brow at him but took his hand. It was so much bigger than my hand but it was warm and not at all gross to hold.
He laughed at my face and pulled me into the small crowd. We were supposed to be celebrating our finished Report. In my opinion, all of the girls had done amazingly.
Beau stopped in front of his sister and another girl. She looked exactly like...
"Beau!" I whispered turning away from the pair of girls, forgetting that my hand was still connected with Beau's.
I tugged my hand out of his and tried to get away. I was not ready for this.
"Are you okay, Rowan?" Beau has followed me.
I rubbed my forehead, feeling the last of my composure unravel, "You just sprung me on the other Mollory."
"Yes?" There was a laugh in Beau's voice.
"I was not ready for that. She's probably heard all about me and thinks I'm terrible and I'm sure Capitola Mollory already told you that I need to be eliminated next simply because I was a hopeless case for all of her work and it's Capitola Mollory's sister who you were going to introduce me to and what if she doesn't like me because she's heard all about me and-"
Beau caught my waving hand, "Breathe, Ro."
I bit my lip to contain the rest of my word vomit. I seriously needed to control myself.
"Hey." Beau's voice was gentle, "I didn't realize that introducing you to Livvy would cause this panic."
I winced, "Can I just word vomit to you right now? I just need to talk and process right now. And I don't want to keep you from something and if you haven't to go, it's okay cause then I can call Aelin."
Beau glanced at his watch, "I have a few minutes for you, Rowan."
"This week has been stressful." I admitted, "I've never been good at public speaking and being in front of crowds. And so I was really nervous for tonight.
"But also I got Connor for my practice interview and he didn't help anything. In fact, he probably made it worse. And I'm not saying that it's his fault. It's just that he's really different and I don't know how to process that." I watched Beau to make sure he was following, "And I don't want to let Capitola Mollory down cause I have a tendency to mess up during lessons. And when you tried to introduce me to her sister, I don't know.
"I guess that everything from this past week just hit me and I'm really tired and don't want to meet any more new people cause I'll just disappoint them. I'm sorry that I ran away from them. It was rude." I took a deep breath at the end of my small speech. Beau was still there and not calling me crazy. That's a perk.
"I honestly think that your interview went fine, Rowan." Beau smiled at me, "And I totally understand not wanting to disappoint anyone. I feel the same way every day. But I don't think Livvy and Siri are going to be mad that you didn't stick around. Don't get too worried about that."
"Well, I should at least go and apologize."
"Do it later." Beau placed a hand on my shoulder, "Do this instead. Go to bed. No one is going to get mad at you and if there is an issue with your leaving, I'll cover for you. You need to get your rest. I prefer the normal Rowan over the "drugged" Rowan."
I giggled at the reference to the story I told him on our picnic.
"I'm serious, Ro." Beau smiled at me, "Get some rest."
I nodded, "Okay." Then I hugged him, "Thanks."
He hugged me back. He was the first to pull away and I told him goodnight. I'd take his advice and get a good night's sleep. Then tomorrow I could find the Princess and the other Mollory and apologize for being so rude.
Hugo was waiting for me outside of the room and I was pleasantly surprised to find him still here. He had dropped me off earlier and I didn't expect him to stick around.
"How'd it go, bean?"
My eyes watered at his fatherly tone, "I thought it went terrible."
Hugo shook his head as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, "I don't think it will be terrible. But let's get you back to your room so that I can go watch it at home with my wife."
"I'd like to meet her some time, Hugo." I mumbled.
"She'd like to meet you." Hugo walked me down dim hallways, "It'll happen at some point."
I laughed, "Let's make it sooner than later."
"Bekah would like that." Hugo made quick work of the distance between my room and the studio. Within a few minutes, he deposited me on my door with a cheerful goodnight.
I went into my room and stripped off my dress. Maeve wasn't around(she liked to spend as little time in here as she could due to the mess) but I was fine with that. My dress joined its brother and sisters on the ground and I looked around for my pajamas.
Spotting my Winnie the Pooh pajama pants and my black t-shirt that I slept in, I quickly dressed and crawled into bed. Maeve would yell at me tomorrow for not taking off my makeup but right now, I didn't care.
I just wanted to sleep.