“Hi.” Trevor's gravelly voice pulled me out of the deer-in-the-headlights trance I had fallen into.
“Hey, Stella.”
She waved at us, halfheartedly, not really looking me in the face.
“Right,” I said, trying to find a solution to the disaster before the losses became too great. “So… do you two want to come inside?”
Stella remained silent and Trevor shook his head.
“If you consider yourself safely delivered, then I’m going back to my place.”
“Okay. I’ll see you, then.”
He nodded to me, turned his back and disappeared into the dark streets, walking fast. Stella and I said nothing for a minute.
“So you’re together,” she said at last, her tone flat.
“No!” My negative tripped over itself in its haste.
“It would explain why you were holding his hand,” she went on.
“Look, this is… it’s late. Why don’t you come inside for chocolate and we can talk?”
She didn’t jump at the chance to share girl time, but she didn’t turn away either, so I took her silence as an affirmative and opened the door.
“Hello!” I called out. “Stella and I are here! We’re going up to my room!”
“Okay, sweetie!” Mom’s voice came from the living room. “Would you like me to bring you some hot chocolate up?”
“That’d be great!” I cried back, already mounting the stairs two at a time.
Once safely locked away in my room, I plopped down in the bed and tried to find the best starting point for my argument. Stella beat me to it.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were seeing him?”
“Because I’m not.” I sighed. “It’s the first time I’ve seen him outside the school, and I hadn’t talked to him before the theatre project.”
“It didn’t look like that from where I was sitting.”
“Had you been waiting for long?” I asked, worried. And, let’s be honest, trying to curve the ball out of the court.
She shook her head no and we stopped for a minute for my mom to leave us a tray with two steaming mugs of cocoa and a plate of cookies. When we were alone again, I realized it was time to make a choice between my secrets and my friend.
I hoped against all hope that I wouldn’t be left with neither.
“Okay, so, this is weird, I know, but you did know that Trevor and I knew each other from before high school,” I started.
“Yeah, from when you wore diapers, according to you.”
“Actually, he lived close by until we were eleven or so, but then he left and I knew nothing of him for the next few years—until I saw him again in high school. By that time, he’d changed a lot and I never bothered to talk to him again.”
“Because he had become Dracula in Drag.”
“Yeah, whatever. Anyway, the thing is… I knew he played music.”
“But you were surprised when Ashley brought it up.” She frowned in confusion.
“I was surprised because I didn’t expect her to know and because I didn’t expect her to want to include him in any group events even if she did.”
“She wanted to get back at him for the cafeteria thing, so at least her reasons are clear now.”
“Stella,” I sighed. “I know it was your head against that tray, but do you think it was okay to wait for weeks for revenge? To try to break the one thing he cares about?”
She shrugged and chomped on a cookie, uncomfortable. “I guess it was a bit mean. But that’s Ashley for you. We’ve never cared before.”
“She’s never targeted anyone we even knew before.”
“Isn’t that a bit hypocritical?”
I sipped my chocolate, mulling it over. It probably was. I probably should defend the helpless kids that got picked on, whether I loved their music or not. The fact that I didn’t care for random girls crying in the bathroom didn’t make what Ashley did any less cruel. Still. “So it is. So bite me.” I shrugged.
She laughed and I could see the tension easing off her shoulders, even if only a bit. “So, were you already back to talking to him by the time ‘the incident’ happened?”
“No.” I nibbled on a cookie to buy time, but forced myself to plunge on before I lost my nerve. “He didn’t know it, but I used to listen to him.”
“Okay, now you lost me.”
“I didn’t talk to him, but we weren’t as…” I gestured vaguely about, trying to explain a relationship that I’d have denied to death before that night. “We weren’t as disconnected as it might seem.”
She waited for me to go on. I tried to gauge how much of the truth I should fit into the answer and sighed.
“All of it” sounded about right.
“One day I just happened to follow him, okay? I was curious. He had changed so much; I guess I wanted to know why. But then, before I reached his door, I heard this melody, so broken and so incredible. It sounded great, and I had to listen. It blew me away, Stella. And it was Trevor. The next day, I found myself just walking the few extra blocks to see if he would be playing again, without thinking much about it. He always was, each day different than the day before. I never talked to him, and I know it’s stupid, but I just needed to listen to his music.” The words left me in a rush and Stella stared at me for a second before blinking.
“So… you’ve been stalking him,” she said.
I winced. “It does sound crazy when you put it in so many words, but…” I gestured, at a loss, and she burst out laughing.
“Hey, what’s so funny?” I asked, half-bothered but also half-glad that she hadn’t run off, calling for the police.
“God, I can just picture you in your high heels and best skinny jeans, crouched among the bushes, leaves getting tangled in your hair and mud getting everywhere…”
The mental image was quite accurate, but I didn’t tell her.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, once she managed to stop laughing.
“I don’t know. Perhaps because I was stalking the weirdest guy in school, and that’d make me even weirder?”
She heard my underlying fear and barked another laugh. “Aww, it takes more than that to split up Team A!” she said, leaning forward and giving me a hug.
Team A. Stella and Alice. That was us, and it felt so good to know we still were the same. I hugged her back. “I was worried,” I admitted.
“No wonder! But I’m glad you told me. This story is even fun! Do you know how I felt when I saw you returning with him? I thought you two were dating and you had not trusted or valued me enough to even let me know!”
“That wasn’t it. I swear!”
“I know, I know,” she said, smiling wickedly and waving my excuses off. “For all your lying skills, I can always tell when you’re being sincere.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You’d have come up with a less embarrassing explanation if it had been up to you.”
We laughed at that. I could hardly believe that I had shared my secret, but at the same time, I couldn’t believe how light I felt, knowing that Stella knew and didn’t judge me for it.
Not too harshly, at least.
“Back to being serious,” she said once the cookies and the chocolate were gone. “There’s something I need to know before I give you my blessings.”
I wanted to say that we weren’t dating or anything, but thought better of it. Her face was too grave. “Yeah?”
“Is it true he sleeps in a coffin?”
“Stella!”
“What? That’s one of the rumors going on at school. Come on, he’s Dracula in Drag!”
“No, he doesn’t. He’s got a perfectly normal bed.”
“You’ve seen it?” Her eyes gleamed as she leant forward.
“Yes,” I replied before I could think of the implications. I was mortified and she was peeling with laughter. “It’s not like that…”
“Don’t try to fix it, really,” she choked out between giggles.
“Hey, Stella?” I said after a moment.
“Hmm?”
“I’d really prefer it if no one knew Trevor and I are on talking terms yet, okay?”
“What a wasted question. I do know what a secret is. I thought you were going to ask something more interesting,” she huffed.
“Such as?”
Her smile turned conspiratorial. “What do the rumors say about the ‘Drag’ part?”
And we started laughing again, so hard that by the time we were done, by the time she went back to her own place, my sides hurt.
Never mind. I still felt better than I had for a long time.
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