"Are you sure you can't fly back with us?" I ask Isa as I sit down next to her in my childhood bedroom. I'm packing to fly back home tomorrow, and then the new year is on Saturday. Being home is always fun but L.A. is slowly growing more and more on me. I get giddy of just the thought of going back.
"Nope, I promised Mark and mom I'd stay home." She says, putting down her phone. Her step-dad loves when she comes back home so he takes full advantage of it. I don't think she was in a hurry to get back though. "Why don't you just stay? Em, me and you in her penthouse. It'll be fun, we get drunk, watch the ball drop, eat copious amounts of hot chips. Maybe play a drunk game of uno."
"I wish I could. A drunk game of uno sounds like heaven. But I feel like actually spending new years with my friends might be more fun. Just wish Nate would come." She tenses up at the sound of his name but lets me finish. "For a week, he was thinking about it. But he said something about how being in New York would be good nostalgia or something."
"That's so weird. I don't know, I guess people just really like spending it with their families." She says, going back to scrolling on her phone. She tries to act uninterested but I think something about the conversation peaked her interest.
"Yeah, but that means no New Years kisses for me. That's the main reason I even have a boyfriend, right?" I pout. She throws a pillow at me, "Me either, stop pouting."
I laugh, "Yeah, just wanted to make you feel bad. If you got a boyfriend, maybe we could do double dates, even New Years kisses. "
"I would but I have no time. Plus boys from both sides of the country are grimy, you just got lucky."
"Yeah, I guess I did." I say, laying my head on her shoulder.
I miss spending time with her.
*
"Be honest with me, what's actually going on with you and Zach?" Nezza asks as I scoop another spoon of ice cream into my mouth.
Nezza, Franny, and AnnMarie decided that we all needed a girl's night, so we are sitting on the floor of Franny and AnnMarie's apartment eating huge amounts of junk food. AM is painting Nezza's nails as music plays in the back. I slightly hum, knowing some but not all the words to the beach bunny song playing.
"You said this wouldn't hurt,
Give me cavities,
And all of your apologies are only empty calories"
"I'm with her 24/7 and even I don't know." Emerson says as Franny braids her hair.
"Nothing, we are just best friends, that's all." I say into my carton, scraping at the sides with my spoon. It's a soupy mess at this point but I still act like it's enjoyable.
AnnMarie scoffs, "and I can fly to mars. Tell us actually."
I sigh, putting down my carton, "I love Nate, right? Great guy, star athlete, easy on the eyes." This earns an "Eh." from Emerson's direction, but I continue. "Zach and I can't be anything more than friends because of Nate, I owe him respect. I can't give up on Nate and I's relationship just because something new is added. Plus, Zach would never feel the same way for me. So as for right now, as I am still dating Nate, we are just best friends."
"Girl, are you blind because-" Nezza starts speaking but is cut off by Ann Marie's hand flying over her face.
"I hate to put it this way but what if Nate was out of the picture?" Franny says, tying up Emerson's braids.
"Maybe. But even then, I still don't know how you do it Fran. I've been their best friend for like 4 months and it's still hard managing time together or even a second to talk to them."
"It gets busy but Daniel always puts in the effort. Always calls me goodnight, sends me gifts when he's away, plans dates and so on. If he wanted to, he would." She says, plugging in the curling iron.
"What about you Em? How are you relationship wise?" Nezza asks.
"Over it. I tried dating but how is it possible that every dude out here is so gross?" she says, getting up to grab a bottle of water.
I point up my finger, "Another reason why I couldn't date Zach."
"Zach doesn't count. He's technically not a L.A. guy." AM retorts, "But, what about Jonah? I know he has his girlfriend or whatever but you know, what if they weren't dating? You guys already get along so well."
"Damn, y'all just want to break up every couple." I laugh.
Everyone laughs in response, "But, actually, why not?" AnnMarie asks.
"I like our banter but I don't see him as anything more. He'll make a girl really happy, but just not me. I'm more into guys that aren't in a huge international boyband." Emerson says, sitting down, opening the seal of her water. "Are you down to do face masks?"
"Yes, yes and yes." Franny says, getting up midway through curling my hair. "I'll go grab it."
"Franny, my hair." I speak. 3 curls lay on the side of my shoulder while the rest sits pin straight. I couldn't even pass it off if I tried.
"Oops." She says, sitting down behind me to finish, causing us all to laugh.
*
"Dude, where are the Doritos?" Emerson says, sorting through the blanket. They put on some documentaries to pass the time by before we have to go. We've all just been catching up about how we grew up and us as people.
It's weird having people other than Emerson or Isabella to talk to about stuff like this, but not in the wrong way. It's a comforting feeling of knowing I have support for whatever I talk about; someone is always looking out for me.
"I think I left them in Fran's room when I went to grab the nail polish." Nezza says.
"I'll go grab them." I volunteer, getting off the couch. Nezza stands up with me, grabbing the polish off the coffee table. "I'll come with you." She says, slightly waving it.
I walk into Franny's room to see the bright blue bag on the floor. "Found them." I say, scooping them up and sitting down on the bed while Nezza puts away the nail polish.
"Pass me one." she says, walking out of the bathroom.
I put the bag her way, and she places her hand in, grabbing a handful. "What were you saying earlier about Zach before AnnMarie cut you off?" I ask, putting another chip in my mouth.
Nezza ponders for a second but then laughs, "I said, girl are you blind? Because that boy is in love with you."
I laugh in response, "I guess so because he seems like he has no interest in me."
"And why is that?"
"He's been flirting with me from the beginning of time so it has to be a joke."
"Does he flirt with anyone else you know? Em? Any other girls who are with you guys?"
I think for a second, "No, I guess not..."
"What's another reason why you think he doesn't like you?"
"He literally took another girl on a date."
"Wasn't it a double date? And wasn't it your idea?"
"Yeah but-"
"Kira, I think you're creating problems because you're scared of what would happen if he did like you."
I stay silent for a second, soaking in her words.
You're scared of what would happen.
"Nezza," I say quietly, "what do I do?"
"That's for you to figure out K.J. I'm here to help you, not guide you."
"But, Nate. He's been through so much and I can't just drop him like that. It's rude."
"You can care for two people at once. It's just a matter of what to do. You can't feel guilty or feel pity for yourself. They are just human emotions. You know you owe respect to Nate but you are also trying to figure out what you feel for Zach. But, don't get stuck in a crossfire when there's gallons of water in front of you." she says, getting up, opening her hand for me to take it.
"Nezza, do you think he actually likes me?" I say, grabbing her hand.
She pulls me up. "Oh girly, I KNOW."
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word count: 1386
short chapter, will be editing it soon (I KNOW THERE ARE MISTAKES)
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much love,
~ nish