Summertime Sadness – Lana Del Rey.
"So, before you go, was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather. So, before you go, was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless So, before you go" "Before You Go" Lewis Capaldi.
*Trigger Warning: there is mention of suicide in this chapter*
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🦋Valentina-Rosa🦋
"Buenos días" Emily sings hopping into Alexandre's living room.
"Buongiorno amore" I turn from my spot beside Alexandre to face her.
"Ohayō utsukushī" Teresa winks at her.
"Bonjour bébé" Aurora greets her with a wide smile.
"Buenos días mi amor" Kyle nods at her.
"Bonjour" Alexandre smiles at her, coming closer to me in an attempt to make space for her on the bed.
"It's in moments like this that being a native Englishman feels so bland," Carter says rubbing his palm against his forehead.
"Can I tell you?" Aston says, fiddling with the ends of Aria's jeans skirt.
"Aston you're half Jamaican, you know Jamaican creole; if you were to speak that then you'd have to explain what you were saying to us. I am just an Englishman, everyone knows English; there is no diversity in my speech"
"Creole is not that hard to understand it is literally broken English"
"Wait Aston is half Jamaican? That's so cool; our grandmother is Jamaican" Alia turns to Carter.
"Good morning Emily," Aria says ignoring the bickering men and Alia.
"You seem happy this morning, what's got you in a good mood?" Alia turns to Emily; slapping Kyle's hand from the ends of her hair.
Those two are so weird, I heard them arguing this morning and I swear I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I heard Kyle tell her that if she wanted more than what he had to give she should go ahead and be with some person named Luca or Lucas I don't remember. I've even seen them going into the same room a few nights since we've all been here and whenever Kyle has to go on the road for whatever reason, Alia is always the first to volunteer to accompany him and vice versa. I won't jump to any conclusions though because friends can be that close, besides I might have heard wrong this morning.
"I don't understand your question," Emily says sitting beside Alexandre.
"Aren't I always in a good mood?"
"No!" we all shout; the unison making me laugh lightly.
"Whatever do you mean?" she asks smiling innocently.
"We've been in this house for four days now and you're angry every morning" Kyle explains to her.
"And you're such a bully too" Carter whines.
"And you're always hogging the bathroom" Teresa complains.
"And you never eat my food" Aurora hisses.
"I have no recollection of said events" she laughs lightly shaking her head.
"I'm sure you don't" Aria smiles resting her head on Carter's shoulders.
"What are we having for breakfast?" Emily asks resting her head against the back of the couch.
"We are having the classic American breakfast; you are having a pineapple ginger smoothie because all you do is waste the food in the mornings" Aurora rolls her eyes at her.
"But Aurora that's not fair"
"But nothing Emily"
"Aren't you going to tell me what happened there?" I ask Alexandre lowly, nodding at his busted knuckles, completely ignoring Aurora and Emily.
"I've been telling you that nothing important happened, I just had my fists somewhere they shouldn't have been," he says moving his fingers around.
"That story makes no sense; why won't you tell me exactly what happened?" I ask him running my fingers over his knuckles.
"Because it's nothing important"
"Of course it's important, you repeatedly punched something so hard you busted your knuckles; that sounds like anger to me"
"It was anger"
"So what caused the anger?"
"I can't tell you"
"Why not?"
"You might see me differently if I do"
"Was the anger at least warranted?"
"It was"
"I'll let it rest then"
"Thank you"
"Sorry to break up the heart to heart but I've been meaning to ask" Kyle starts bringing my attention away from Alexandre's knuckles to him.
"Yes?" I ask tilting my head to the side looking at him.
"Have you ever driven Alexandre's car before?" he asks looking me in my eyes.
"I have, twice actually" I nod my head.
"You have?" Teresa exclaims jerking up.
"Twice?" Aurora asks as I nod in confusion.
"How did you convince him?" Carter asks confusion written all over his face.
"I didn't, he was the one who asked if I wanted to drive," I tell them still confused.
"No way!"
"Yes way"
"I can't believe this"
"Mi scusi" I excuse myself pulling my vibrating phone out of my pocket.
"Alexandre, explain yourself," Kyle says as I walk around the sofa.
"Hello?" I breathe into the phone as I walk into the kitchen.
"Is this Miss Valentina-Rosa Aquilla?"
"Yes, this is she"
"I am Doctor Richard Smith; I am calling from the White Ridge Regional Hospital"
"How may I help you?"
"You were listed as the emergency contact for a Mr. Carson Dean"
"Yes, I am aware"
"Are you a relative of Mr. Dean?"
"No, I am his girlfriend"
"I have some news for you and you might want to take a seat"
"You may speak"
"Mr. Dean was brought into the ER half an hour ago for a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head; he was breathing when he was brought in and we did everything in our power to try to save him but unfortunately he died five minutes ago"
My heart stops the moment those words left his mouth, I freeze and the phone slips from my hand. My chest is tight and I can't breathe, the room is spinning around me yet I am rooted in my spot.
I try to say something but no words come out,
I can't move,
I'm surrounded by Carson,
I can hear his laugh,
I can see his smile,
All that we've done,
All that he has done,
I can smell him,
I can hear him calling my name.
"Valentina-Rosa, are you okay?" Alexandre says shaking me gently.
"Val, what happened?"
"What's wrong?"
"Who was on the phone Val?"
"Valentina-Rosa talk to me!"
"Hello, who is this?"
"What's wrong Valentina-Rosa, you're scaring me"
"Come on Val, talk to me"
"Valentina-Rosa please"
Their voices are close yet so far away, the only thing I think is Carson.
The only thing I can hear is Carson.
This must be a joke,
It has to be,
There is no way that this can be real,
He can't be dead,
He has to be alive.
Why would he kill himself?
Why?
He had so much to live for,
He could've changed.
He could've turned his life around.
He could've been better.
This must be a joke.
He didn't even say goodbye.
He just ended his life without thinking about what life without him would be.
If he needed help, why didn't he say something?
I could've helped him.
I could've saved him.
Why didn't he reach out to me?
Why didn't he ask me for help?
Why didn't he leave an explanation?
I could've been there for him.
I didn't love him,
I didn't hate him.
I wanted him to be a better person,
I wanted him to leave me alone.
I wanted him to change,
So much so that I didn't even have the decency to check to see if he was okay.
He was dying right before my eyes for all these years and I was so caught up in myself that I let him suffer.
He's dead and there is nothing that I can do about it.
But why?
Why didn't he say something?
Anything at all,
All he had to do was give me a signal,
No matter how small I would've seen it.
I would've helped.
He would've been okay.
If only he'd just tell me he was fighting to be okay.
"Dis quelque chose mon amour" Alexandre says wiping the tears from my eyes.
"He's dead Alexandre" I sniffle gripping his shirt in my fists.
"Who's dead love?" Teresa asks rubbing her hands up and down my back.
"Carson" I croak out.
"He killed himself this morning".
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a/n: Rest in peace?
I don't know if they tell you how a person dies over the phone but that doesn't matter, all is fair in love, war, and fiction right?
Teresa is part Japanese by the way.
Also, I used a number of translators for the languages throughout the chapters but my mother tongue is English so if I made any mistakes with the languages then feel free to point them out.
Glossary:
Buenos días – Good Morning.
Buongiorno amore - Good Morning.
Ohayō utsukushī – Good Morning.
Bonjour bébé. – Hi baby.
Buenos días mi amor – Good Morning my love.
Dis quelque chose mon amour – Say something my love.
Word Count: 1319.
Thank you so much for reading❤️