°•∘ what else is hard ∘•°
"Am I– is there something wrong with me?", Eunsae asked her friend.
The boys were arriving one by one, Riki being the first one. So now they were laying on his bed, looking at the bottom of the bed-bunk that was over them, and chatting about life.
"What do you mean?", Riki suddenly turned on his side so he was facing her.
She shrugged. The last few days without her members and getting back on track because of her cold, she had been thinking.
And also, over thinking.
She had been very active on Weverse, posting pictures of the other members and replying to comments. But she never missed the hatred towards her, nor the comments about how if she left the band, they would be better off.
"I don't know... do you think I'm... does it ever occur to you that maybe I don't belong?", only then did she turn her head and locked eyes with Riki.
He had a frown plastered on his face, and he licked his lips while he thought about what to say.
"Like if you don't belong with us?", he questioned. His voice was soft, almost as if he was unsure of what to say.
She nodded and pouted for a second, before looking up again. Tears were starting to form and she really didn't want to cry. Riki would make a big deal out of it and probably would be reassuring her for weeks that she didn't keep them from being the best. But she still felt like it, and apparently some netizens thought too.
Maybe she should just give up and go back to acting.
"I don't know why you'd think that", he sighed. "I think you're just what keeps us going. You're a part of us".
Maybe she was. But was she indispensable?
She had held them back before. With her trauma –that she still had but she thought was under control for now. She held them back with her fears and insecurities and because of that, maybe it was better if she left.
But where would she go? She couldn't go back home. She could maybe get a place and start acting again, but did she want to do that? Why was it so hard to leave if it was so hard to stay too?
"Oh no, don't cry", Riki took her body and pressed her face against his chest, and she let it all out.
"I'm a failure. I literally just got into the group without going through what you guys did, and I always have... there's always something wrong with me. You guys could be so much better if I wasn't here", she sobbed and Riki just held her tight.
He caressed her hair until she fell asleep and kissed her forehead lightly before leaving the room and closing the door. They had to do something.
Was it because of the latest comments on social media? They all had noticed that, while most of them were positive, some comments were mean towards her.
Because she was a girl. Because she hadn't been with them since the beginning. Because she hadn't been trained to be an idol.
He sighed and took out his phone. They had to do something, because she would break anytime soon. And he didn't want that; none of them wanted that. She was so important to them, how could she ever look down upon her merits like that? How could she look down on herself like that?
He created a new groupchat, without Eunsae in it. They, as a band, as a family, had to do something. Had to stand up for her because she would do the same for them. That's what family is for.
With that, he only had to wait.
When the rest of the members arrived, they all sat at the dining table, whispering as to not wake her up. Since she was coming back from a cold, she would sleep a lot, and they decided they weren't gonna wake her up.
"So what really happened? I stopped reading after Jake's comment", Sunghoon sighed.
"Yeah, that's fine. Heeseung hyung was being inappropriate so you better not even go there", Sunoo rolled his eyes. "Besides, you were making dick jokes about our little Jake. What's with that?"
"He's so gonna get cancelled", Jay giggled. "I bet he wasn't even trying to be rude, though".
"Yeah...", the older blushed. "I'm sorry if it was too much", he bit his lip.
"Can we come back to topic, please?", Sunghoon groaned.
They all got serious after that.
"You know how we've been getting some comments? Like... not good comments?", Riki asked. They all nodded. "And have you noticed that she's the one who's been getting almost all of the not good comments?", he sighed after they all nodded. "Well, she's been reading them, and now she thinks she doesn't belong".
"She– why?", Jake asked.
"I don't know, but apparently this has been going on for a while because she broke down a while ago, and said that maybe it was better if she left?"
"We're not gonna let her leave, are we?", Jungwon spoke. His voice was shaky and he looked so pale. "It's not– that wouldn't be right. She's one of us now".
"Yeah, she is", Heeseung spoke this time. He was looking at his hands and sighed sadly. "But if she wants to leave, wouldn't we be selfish if we force her to stay?"
"It's not like we're forcing her to stay. We should maybe let her know how important she is to us; how much we love her", Sunoo pouted. "Oh, I can't believe she's been going through this all alone and silently suffering".
"Yeah. I know", Jay stated again. "Should we tell Bang PD?"
They all looked at one another, no one having a clue about it.
"I don't know. But you know what could help her and get her mind off this?", Rikis eyes sparkled with joy and mischief and excitement.
"Shoot".
"Being Sunghoon's girlfriend".
he had this kind of eyes
that shone with the light of
'everything will be okay'
(Atticus)
extras
1. Jungwon's tweet (related to the chapter):
2.Incorrect quotes:
eunsae: mini cupcakes?
sunoo: as in mini versions of cupcakes? which are already mini versions of cakes?
jay: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO JUST EAT THE CUPCAKES
.·:·.✧✧.·:·.
eunsae: see you in hell
jungwon: are you asking me out on a date?
jungwon: because my answer is yes
.·:·.✧✧.·:·.
niki: it's dark in here
eunsae: don't worry I got this
eunsae: *stomps feet*
eunsae: *skechers light up*
.·:·.✧✧.·:·.
heeseung: eunsae doesn't love me anymore
jake: aw, heeseung
Jake: she never loved you to begin with
.·:·.✧✧.·:·.
eunsae: c'mon jay, hang this up
jay: why do I have to?
eunsae *squints her eyes*: you know why
jay: I know, just wanna hear u say it
eunsae *whispers while clenching her fists*: im too short
.·:·.✧✧.·:·.
sunoo: what do you consider a tragedy?
eunsae: men.
.·:·.✧✧.·:·.
sunghoon: hey cutie, what's your number
eunsae: *texting* I don't have a phone
So guys im sorry if you think the message heeseung sent. It's just hat with my friends we got that kind of dynamics so I tried to make their friendship more real. But if it made you uncomfortable please lmk in this paragraph so i can have it in mind for the next chapters.
also decided I won't be uploading as much. It's just that I've got tons of things to do for uni and not getting a reaction from you just makes this effort seem all worthless. like im writing only for myself idk. sorry im such a sucker for comments, but they literally have been what keep me going this last few weeks. In writing and in life generally... things haven't been really nice lately :(
ily and I'll hopefully see you soon. Stay safe, wear a mask, wash your hands and drink enough water.
-baobab.
(Proofread on September 6. I may have overlooked some mistakes, so if you find any please let me know).