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I remember when I told my parents I was pregnant with Gabriel. At first, my mum did this thing where she was silent. Her poker face was better than every doctor and nurse I've seen at the hospital so far, and I could see the anger rising within her with every breath. She exploded eventually, and the amount of 'praying to God' and 'save Jesus' she yelled out were countless. In comparison, my dad seemed calm, collected, and very pragmatic. I remember him praying to God to help us get through it, but he's never been as bad as Mum.
I can see it now: the deathly, contemplative silence. She doesn't know what's happening as she walks through the door without asking. Her eyes fall on Nick, and I know she's suspicious.
"Why do you have a man in your house, Aspen?" she asks.
Dad gives me a suspicious glance as I close the door and immediately, I know he knows.
My parents met at church, but my dad wasn't always religious. They call him a 'born again Christian' in the congregation because he didn't believe at first. He's told me various stories over the years of 'his life before Christ', how he would go out to parties, get drunk and have unsafe sex, how his university years were full of debauchery, and what I would consider fun. When Mum wasn't around, he would tell me he had fun, whereas if Mum was around, he'd say it was never how to act. I never get told anything more about how they fell in love or got married; all I know is that they met at church and that was it.
I've always known my dad believes in Christianity, but I know for a fact that he's just not as strict as Mum. I just wish he had a backbone against her.
"Hi there, I'm Nicholas. Or if you prefer, Nick," he greets her.
"I'm Sarah, this is Graham," Mum answers him. She stays standing, her arms folded. "Why are you here?"
I sigh; of course, she's demanding things from a total stranger. So rude.
I stand in the kitchen with Nick and put the kettle on. "Mum, you just turned up unannounced and you're demanding why I have a friend over? Really?"
"A friend? Aspen, you know the Lord wouldn't like male friends when you're alone—"
"Lucky then that I don't answer to the Lord," I snap.
"Aspen, leave it to me," Nick hisses. He turns to her. "It's fine, Mrs—?"
"Mrs Wilkins," she finishes for him.
"It's fine, Mrs Wilkins. I'm Joel's nurse and have been for the past three months now. Or nearly three months. I've come here to check the flat out for when he comes home and see if it's all in good shape for his needs. I've also been checking in on Aspen; she's been tired lately," Nick says, almost like he's been rehearsing the speech.
At this point, I was just going to be honest if they pressed, but I suppose this works too. I hear my dad chuckle. I glance at his amused expression behind his thick-framed glasses. He knows, I have no doubt.
"You're a nurse, yet you're in casual clothing?" Mum questions.
"I'm not supposed to wear my uniform off the ward," he answers. Luckily, he threw on his t-shirt after we woke up, otherwise, my mum probably would've passed out.
She nods, and I pour three teas. Nick pulls a mug down, and when he looks at me, I know he plans on staying for support.
When they both sit down at the table, waiting. I open the fridge to get the milk. The door covers my face from them both, and I give Nick a worried expression.
"You got this. Don't take their shit, Aspen," he whispers. "I'm here."
I put the drinks on the table, and all of us are awkwardly holding mugs of tea with a plate of biscuits in the middle. My dad is the first one to take a biscuit and start munching.
"How is he? Joel?" Mum pipes up. "We have had him in our prayers."
"He woke up from the coma. He seems a lot better since the anti-epileptic drug seems to be working well. They're hoping to send him home soon, I think," I answer.
"If he carries on the way he's going, maybe in a week or so," Nick confirms.
"That is so wonderful! The Lord has a way of working, doesn't he Graham?" She taps my dad on the arm, and he nods. I can tell he hasn't been really listening.
I know for a fact there's this massive elephant in the room. Mum has probably noticed but is choosing not to acknowledge it. There's the fact that I've applied for a divorce and quite clearly, Nick isn't just here as a nurse. We all know he's here for a social visit. Like a balloon that's been let go in the wind, the truth is flying around us, floating up, up and away. Though this truth balloon has been let go of inside and though it floats above us, what has gone up must come down and it'll come out eventually. That's why I don't care that Nick is here; she'll ask, and she'll find out.
"I assume you'll need help when he comes home, Aspen?" she asks.
"No," I say curtly.
"You cannot do this all by yourself, silly! You'll have enough on your plate, we will help—"
"Mum."
"You'll have people in and out, and the Lord wouldn't burden you by yourself—"
"Mum!"
"Let your father and I—"
"Joel and I are getting divorced."
When a balloon is put under enough pressure, it pops. When you undo a balloon, it'll slowly hiss and hiss as it releases the air from within. It's very much the same with me and my parents. When she puts me under pressure, like going on and on despite my warnings, I pop and deliver the news of my divorce. Mum is the same: when she is put under pressure by the news of my divorce, she pops.
Neither of us performs well under pressure, that's why we're balloons. But that also means that when you put us near each other, it's a constant waiting game of whether we'll wear out and deflate slowly or whether we'll pop.
"You both made a vow to God, Aspen! How could you—why would you...? You made a vow."
"Sarah—"
"Divorce will... divorce is not an option, Aspen, you silly girl! How could you?"
"Mum."
"We will all get shunned! Vicar Mary won't like this, we will never hear the end of it! God doesn't like divorce, Aspen!"
"Sarah—"
"How are you so calm with this, Graham? Our daughter has sinned and sinned, and sinned, and now she's divorcing her husband!"
"Do I even get a chance to explain?" I snap. "You're in my house!"
She quietens down and perches back on the chair. "Aspen, you could give me a thousand reasons for this and none of them will be good."
"Good thing I'm twenty years old and don't need your permission, then," I calmly reply.
"This is this man's doing, isn't it?" she snaps, pointing an accusing finger at Nick.
"I'm... nothing to do with Aspen's decision," Nick defends, though, we both know he was a part of my decision.
"Divorce is frowned upon, Aspen. Your vows said, 'in sickness and health', and 'till death do you part'. He is ill, girl, how could you abandon—"
"Sarah, let the girl explain," Dad cuts her off.
My mum's hands shake like aspen leaves – the irony.
"I have never loved Joel, or at least, I was never in love with him. For the longest time, I thought I was because I didn't know any different. Slowly, since he was in the hospital, I came to realise that what I felt wasn't romantic love. Part of his disease is that he has these mood swings, and Joel is... difficult. He made me realise that neither of us loved the other the way we should. We wouldn't have chosen each other if you did not force us up the aisle," I explain.
"None of these reasons—"
"I haven't finished. Before he went into the coma, he snapped at me. Told me he didn't love me and that he wanted a divorce. I didn't have time to react because he fell ill. So, while he was in the coma, I realised he was right. We don't love each other. Neither of us is religious, so for us, divorce is fine. I don't consider it a sin or frowned upon and neither does he. During that time... Monica helped me with that decision. When Joel woke up, I found out that for the past year, he has been having an affair."
Mum scoffs and buries her face in her quaking hands as if she doesn't know how to react.
"I also... found out that the girl he's been seeing is pregnant with his child. So, we've both agreed to divorce and cite his adultery as the reason. We've agreed to split everything evenly, and I get the flat. I—I've been less than ideal as well. Nick and I—"
"Are seeing each other," Nick finishes for me.
"So, you have also been adulterous?" Mum spits.
"No, Aspen and I haven't done anything apart from dating," Nick adds. "The thing is, Mrs Wilkins, Aspen has done a lot of soul searching while Joel has been ill, and she doesn't believe as you do. She's found herself. Both she and Joel want to be happy but feel trapped. Joel hasn't got a lot of time left with his illness, and they shouldn't be made to feel trapped because of someone else's belief system. With all due respect, you might not like or believe divorce is an option, but the two people in Aspen's marriage do, and it's their choice."
"You have no idea—"
"Sarah, be quiet for a minute," Dad pipes up. She glares daggers at him, but he looks at me. "Aspen, do you love Joel?"
"As a friend, yes. As a husband? No."
"It seems he doesn't love you if he has another woman," Dad points out. "Do you believe in God?"
"No."
"Would being divorced make you happier?"
"Yes, it would," I answer.
"Do you... do you love this man?" Dad points to Nick.
"Yes."
Nick and I share a glance while my dad thinks about my answers.
"The man makes sense. If neither of them believes as we do, then who are we to dictate their life? If they are proved wrong, then the Lord will judge them as He sees fit. Judge not, lest thee be judged, Sarah." My dad stares between me and my mum.
Mum stares at me, the disappointment clear on her face. She looks at Nick as if he's just told her that someone close to her has died. Well, I may as well have when this conversation is over. I'll be shunned, her daughter will basically die because her faith is more important.
Just like the balloon, she's popped, and all she's left with is the stretchy, gross shell of something that was once beautiful.
"You... all you have done, Aspen, is sinned. This is not how I raised you—"
"No, and that's the point, Mum, right there. You raised me to do everything you demanded, every single little part of my life. Was it ever a surprise when I rebelled? I don't believe in God, Mum. My life is my own now. I tried it your way for two years after I left home, and it hasn't worked out. It's my turn now."
"You have no idea what you've done!" Mum cries. Her face crumbles like the balloon that's been left for weeks and weeks to deflate. She stands from the chair and flees out of the flat, leaving the door to slam behind her.
Dad stands up from the seat and sighs. He looks between Nick and me for a moment. "Aspen, I—I respect that you don't agree with our beliefs and that for you, a divorce is a viable option. I just hope you can live with your decisions."
"Thank you, Dad," I say sincerely.
"I know your mother has... strong views. It's just... her way," he says simply before following her. The problem is, I know this won't be the end of it either.
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"That was...that was, uh, intense." Nick sighs as I wash up the mugs.
"Happy third date." I snort.
He appears behind me, his arms sliding around my waist, his mouth pressing kisses into my neck. I move my neck to the side so he can have better access.
"How about we get that date started?" he whispers against my skin. The vibration against my veins starts a fire of tingles, and I let out a low groan of pleasure.
"What did you have in mind?" I question.
My body shoots out in pleasure every time he touches me, his lips on my skin suddenly make me believe there is a heaven because he delivers me there.
He presses three more tantalising kisses into my neck before answering. "I was thinking of taking you out... but I was thinking of bypassing that, now we're already home."
I chuckle and spin around, pressing my lips to his and claiming that cloud as my own. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"Sticking up for me, staying with me... helping me deal with them. I don't think for one minute it's over, but for now... thank you."
He kisses my forehead. "Anytime. People like her are bullies, Aspen. She hides behind her religion but it's just an excuse for her to pressure and bully people into doing what she wants. She does it to your dad, she did it to you. What you just did by sticking up for yourself is the first step in showing her she can't control you any longer. You did well."
I give him a ghost of a smile. "Thank you."
"I was going to wait until the end of today's date to ask you this, but this seems like a good time as any... Aspen, I love you. I want us to be official. If you want me, that is."
I arch an eyebrow. "Official?"
"Yeah, like boyfriend and girlfriend? Like... exclusive. Despite the marriage thing, you're separated, so yeah," he stammers. "If you want the same thing."
"Well, I'm technically still married, but we're not together so I guess I'm free to have a boyfriend," I tease.
He looks at me with worry etched on his forehead, so I press a kiss into the palm of his hand. To make a point, I do something I probably should've done a while ago. I take the cheap wedding ring off my finger. I pop it on the side and show him my empty finger, the small dent evident in my skin as a sore reminder. Joel never wanted his back after he woke up, so I don't know why I've kept it on for so long.
"I would love to be your, uh, girlfriend," I eventually answer.
He chuckles and gently kisses my lips.
A hard buzz erupts on the table, forcing us apart.
"Fuck's sake. Every time!" Nick groans.
I pick my phone up and see Monica's number.
"Monica?" I answer reluctantly. She knows Joel and I are no longer together, so if she's ringing, it'll be for a good reason.
"Aspen... he's had another seizure. It's, um, not looking great right now," she stammers.
"Okay, but—"
"Aspen, he's been out for half an hour— with what happened last time—"
"All right, I'm on my way."
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