Harry and Zayn return to the living room where Niall is on his second meeting with the psychologist assigned to them, Kelly. The first meeting had only been a few days earlier, and it's mostly been introductions.
Now, Niall is kneeling on the side of the coffee table opposite her, the two of them working on a jigsaw puzzle as they talk softly.
Harry's hand finds Zayn's between them, thankful that his husband has stood by his word and taken extra time off of work. It's made a world of difference, having the extra support here, especially with Niall not yet at school still. The kid seems to be doing a little better with both parents at home, as if the stability has improved his anxiety or something.
Still, there haven't been any major breakthroughs, and Harry wishes he could just look inside his sons mind and know what's going on in there sometimes.
Kelly praises the boy when he finishes the frame of the puzzle, glancing up to the two men. "Do you mind if we talk to your Dad and Papa about what we were speaking about?" She asks kindly.
Niall pauses, looking up and hesitating for a moment before his lip finds its way between his teeth and he nods at the woman.
Kelly looks up at the two men, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Niall and I had a little chat about how he doesn't know what to call the two of you, and we discussed George, didn't we, Niall?" She addresses the boy with a gentle expression. "Do you want to tell them how you feel?"
The eight year old shakes his head at that, turning his wide blue eyes on the woman expectantly. Kelly smiles and turns back to Harry and Zayn.
"Niall told me he feels confused, mostly, about George. Which I told him is understandable, he spent five years believing that man to be his father and if he still feels love for him, then that's okay. And he says he wants the two of you not to get mad at him for loving George, which I know is difficult, but maybe if Niall feels as though he has your support no matter what he feels, it might make it easier for him to open up to you both in the future," she explains in a softly spoken voice.
Harry nods immediately, no hesitation, unlike Zayn. And he gets it, he does, it's more than just difficult when their boy says he misses his kidnapper or that he loves him, but looking at it from Niall's perspective, that's completely normal. He truly believed that George was his Dad and they can't deny him of those five years. As much as he wishes he could erase them.
He squeezes Zayn's hand as he turns his gaze to Niall, smiling when the boy's blue eyes peer up at him from across the coffee table. "I could never be mad at you, baby, not for how you feel. I told you before, didn't I? You just let yourself feel however you need to feel and I'm here no matter what. Me and your Papa, right?"
He directs the latter question to his husband beside him, who quickly nods his agreement, his eyes sad as he forces a smile at their small son.
Kelly smiles, turning her attention back towards Niall. "Is there anything you want to say to that, Niall?" She asks, and the boy goes bashful with three pairs of eyes on him, his cheeks turning pink as he ducks his head and shakes it. "Do you mind if I tell your parents what else we spoke about?"
Niall shrugs again so Kelly looks back to the men.
"Niall spoke a lot about his little brother, Louis. He told me about the games they play together and how Louis took care of him when he wasn't feeling very good last week. He spoke about his big brother too, and how they played video games together last night. He speaks very highly of the both of them," she tells them, making them both smile, Harry's heart warming at the words. Kelly turns her attention to Harry. "He tells me the two of you bake whenever he feels a little fed up and how it cheers him up, and how Zayn has been home from work more the past couple of days."
Zayn squeezes Harry's hand at that, but the woman doesn't add much more detail. She pauses instead, a contemplative look on her face.
Harry hopes whatever she's about to say isn't too terrible, not when everything so far has been relatively positive.
Kelly lets out a breath. "Niall mentioned that he hasn't called you Dad and Papa yet, but he doesn't call you both by your first names either," she begins.
Harry winces, because it hasn't escaped either of their notices. He hopes each day that Niall might look up at him and call him 'Dad' or 'Daddy' the way Lou still does, but he doesn't. He doesn't call them anything - if ever he needs their attention, he'll simply run up to them and tug on their trousers or the back of their shirt.
Niall pointedly keeps his attention on his puzzle.
Kelly continues. "He says it feels strange, which is again, understandable. But he also says that calling you by your first names doesn't feel right either. We decided that it'd be easier if there was no pressure on him to call you Dad and Papa, rather just allow him to do it in his own time."
Again, Harry nods, letting out a breath. Because that's not a bad thing; he'd even go as far as to say that it's good. It isn't as if Niall is refusing to ever call them Dad and Papa, he just wants some time, and that's a good thing.
He smiles a little, looking at Niall as he glances up at them. "Of course, baby. No pressure," he agrees, Zayn humming his agreement.
Niall smiles back, and Harry's heart flutters fondly.
"I got homework," the little boy states proudly.
Harry chuckles. "Oh?"
Kelly nods. "It isn't much, and there's no hurry to complete it. I thought it might be helpful if Niall drew a picture of all the people in his life - the two of you, his brothers, George - and wrote a list or a few sentences underneath of positive and negative feelings towards everyone. It'll be entirely up to Niall whether anybody sees it."
Niall looks at Harry. "Can - can we get some felt tips? I had some at home - um - at - at George's house."
"You want to go out and get some?" Zayn asks in surprise.
The boy chews his lip nervously. "Um. Yes."
Harry blinks, trying to keep his own anxiety at bay. He exchanges glances with his husband, turning back to Niall.
"Well. We can go out and grab some before picking up your brothers, maybe? Uncle Cal was going to pick them up today, we could always go and give him a visit after?" Zayn offers.
Niall chews his lip and gives a hesitant nod.
Kelly smiles, standing. "That sounds like a good plan." She turns to Niall. "I'll be back next week to see you again, alright? If you need me before then, you have my number on that card I gave you last time we spoke, remember?"
The boy nods. "Uh-huh. Um, next time, can we do another puzzle?" He asks.
The psychologist chuckles. "Of course we can."
Harry walks the woman to the door, waving her off. When he gets back to the living room, Zayn is already gathering Niall's shoes and jacket, and Harry has to bite back his worry again.
Niall has barely been outside the entire time he's been with them. He's been in the car twice to go and pick his brothers up from school but he hasn't been out of it. Even getting him out into the garden the first time had been a push, and when they'd mentioned going over to Cal's - the man had ended up coming to them since Niall had freaked out at the prospect of going to his Uncle's house.
Even now, as Zayn is tying the boys trainers for him, his skin has turned pale.
Harry crosses the room and crouches down in front of the sofa next to his husband. He offers the kid a reassuring smile.
"You sure about this, honey? I can always order some coloured pens online," he offers.
Niall chews his lip and shrugs. "Kelly said I should try goin' out more...but - but maybe not today," he whispers, looking more anxious than before now.
Harry nods, lifting a hand to gently brush his fingers over the child's cheek. "That's okay. Maybe today we can...I don't know, go through the McDonalds drive-thru and get a happy meal."
The boy tilts his head. "A...happy meal?"
Zayn chuckles. "Yeah, honey. Burger and fries and a toy, all in one. Sound good?"
"Yeah!" Niall nods enthusiastically.
"And maybe, afterwards, we can see if you're up to going to the shops. No pressure. We can just give it a go," Zayn adds, ignoring the frown Harry shoots the other man.
But Niall nods nonetheless, and as annoyed as he is that his husband has gone against what he'd said before, he knows that it's a good thing to try and push the boy out of his comfort zone. He just can't bring himself to be the one to do it.
He doesn't say anything to his husband until Niall is buckled into the back of the car and they're both preparing to climb into the front.
"You shouldn't go against me in front of him like that," he says with a frown.
Zayn raises a brow at him. "Go against you? When did I -"
"I just told him he didn't have to worry about going out today and then you switch it up and tell him he has to try going to the shops. We can't tell him one thing and then change it to another, that's never going to help his anxiety, is it?"
He knows he's being unreasonable, but Zayn doesn't seem to be prepared to argue. His husband stares at him for a moment before shaking his head. "He's fine, Haz. We can't keep him inside forever, no matter how much you don't want to risk anything happening to him again. He's safe with us, isn't he?"
Harry swallows, nodding, feeling guilty already. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have -"
"Don't. You have nothing to be sorry for," Zayn murmurs, smiling softly at him across the roof of the car. "We'll see how he feels after the drive-thru. If he still wants to go to town then we will. If not, we'll arrange another day. It's natural to be worried, Haz."
He manages a small smile at the reassurance, nodding. "I just...I don't want him to be afraid. I just want to keep him close, for my own peace of mind at least."
His husband nods knowingly. "I know. So do I. Lets just take this a step at a time, okay? We've got all the time in the world."
Niall blinks at them both from the backseat of the car when the two men finally climb up into the front. He has Bunny on his lap, head tilted to the side inquisitively.
"What were you guys talkin' 'bout?" He asks.
Harry glances at his husband with a smile at that, Zayn chuckling as he starts up the engine.
"Eh, just boring grown up stuff, Bug," he hedges, and Niall stares for a moment longer before he shrugs, looking out of his window whilst chewing on his lip.
He looks nervous, but before Harry can speak to reassure him, the boy speaks again.
"Do they have good chicken nuggets at McDonalds?" He asks.
Harry grins at him in the rear view. "I think they're pretty good. Is that what you want? A chicken nugget happy meal?"
Niall actually smiles at him at that, nodding. "Yes please."
"So polite!" Zayn gasps dramatically. "You could teach your big brother a thing or two."
The eight year old shrugs. "M'not a good teacher. Liam knows lots more stuff than me."
Harry shakes his head. "Well, Liam's older than you, sweetheart. You'll know just as much as him once you reach his age."
Niall just turns his attention to the scenery whizzing past the window, Bunny's head brushing back and forth against the underside of his chin in his usual self-soothing gesture.
Once they reach the drive thru, Niall sits up on his knees in his booster seat to peer out of the window, eyes widening in surprise when one of the workers voices addresses them through the speakers. Harry orders and once they've got their food, they pull up into a parking space in the lot.
Harry twists around in his seat and holds the happy meal box towards Niall, who looks up at him with wide eyes.
"We're gonna eat in the car?" He whispers.
Chuckling, Harry nods. "Yeah, Bug. S'that okay? We can go inside if you want to?"
Niall shakes his head quickly, taking the box off of him. "S'okay," he says, opening it up and then grinning when he fishes out the plastic bag with a key ring inside; a stuffed dog with an oversized nose. He holds it up. "I wanna give it to Louis."
Chest tightening with a rush of love for the innocence in the boys voice, Harry smiles. "That's really sweet of you, Ni."
The boy beams. "D'you think he'll like it?"
"I think he'll love it."
Niall looks pleased with that response, smiling as he tucks into the nuggets, kicking his legs back and forth off the edge of the seat.
They eat in relative silence, Zayn turning the radio on to cover the sounds of chewing. By the time they're all done, Niall is still smiling.
"That was yummy," he states, making both men laugh softly. "I wanna eat McDonalds all the time."
Zayn turns in his seat to smile at their son, seemingly just as pleased as Harry at the kids turn around in emotions for the day.
"So, what are we thinking about going to the shops, hm? You feeling up to it?"
Harry watches Niall carefully for a reaction. The boy shifts a little in his seat and picks up his teddy from the space beside him, pulling it into his lap. He twists his lips to the side, glancing from Zayn to Harry and then back again, before he gives a hesitant nod.
"Okay."
Even Zayn looks a little surprised, as if he hadn't been expected the kid to agree to it either. Harry watches his husband smile, then nod, turning in his seat to start up the engine again.
"Okay. Alright, lets go then. We'll buy you enough felt tips to to last a lifetime," he claims, earning a small giggle from the boy, a sound which brings a smile to Harry's own lips despite the unease already settling in his stomach.
But that unease turns out to be justified nonetheless. They're barely at the end of the street from the McDonalds they'd been parked outside of when Niall whimpers in the back.
Harry jumps, turning to look at the boy just in time to see him pitch forwards and throw up the food he's just eaten all over himself, the seat, his Bunny and the floor.
"Shit," Zayn cusses as he pulls over on the side of the road.
Harry wastes no time in climbing out of the front and then climbing into the back next to his eight year old as he begins to sob, his small body trembling harshly in a way that makes the man hover his hand over the boys shoulder rather than actually touching him.
"Oh, sweetheart. You're okay," he says softly as Zayn rummages around in the glove compartment for the baby wipes that they always keep in there.
Niall sobs again, gagging again before letting out another whimper. "M'sorry. M'sorry, w-wanna go home," he chokes out, and Harry's heart clenches in his chest - a bittersweet feeling filling him because he knows Niall isn't talking about his house with George but their home, but he's saying it now, when he's crying and shaking.
"Okay. That's okay, my love, we're gonna go home. Papa's gonna drive us home, no shopping today, okay?"
Niall lets out a cry but it sounds more relieved now. He looks down at his lap and then up to Harry with watery eyes and a wobbly bottom lip. "I - I - I ruined the c-car," he hiccups.
"No, baby. No, it's okay, we can clean it up. You haven't ruined a thing," he assures the boy, sharing a saddened look with Zayn as he hands Harry the wipes.
Of course, he can't clean much with them, but he does his best, wiping Niall's face clean, his hands and his shoes. He helps the boy out of his jacket whilst Zayn continues to try and stop the his tears, talking softly and lightly to him in an attempt to get a smile from him. It doesn't work, and Niall continues to sob and hiccup whilst Harry puts his jacket and the wipes into a bag.
"You alright for me to drive now, sweetheart?" Zayn asks softly.
Niall whimpers as he nods, letting out a cry when Harry moves slightly to get himself into the middle seat and buckle himself in. The eight year olds hand shoots out and grasps tightly into Harry's sleeve, eyes wide and afraid.
Harry tries not to feel too glad that the boy wants him nearby for comfort, because the situation isn't one that he wants to feel happy about, but he can't help it.
He smiles at his child, staying where he is and holding onto the boy's tiny hand, encasing it tightly in his own. "I'm not going anywhere, Little Bug. I just need to put my belt on, okay?"
Niall watches him closely as he does so, holding tightly onto Harry's hand all the way home, crying softly the entire time.
Harry carries the boy into the house without a care for his own cleanliness, all the way into the bathroom where he sets the boy down on the counter next to the sink. Niall whines and teaches out for him when he lets go, and Harry smiles despite himself.
"I know, sweetheart, I just need to fill the bath and then I'll be back with you, okay?"
Niall sniffles, rubbing a fist against his eye tiredly, looking defeated as his tears slow down. "W-want Bunny," he whispers when Harry turns the taps on and moves back to the counter in front of the boy.
Harry winces. "I think Bunny might need a bath too. Your Papa's probably put him in the washing machine already, he'll be out before you go to sleep tonight, promise," he says, and Niall just nods, looking up at him with watery eyes, bottom lip jutting out into the most adorable pout.
"I throwed up my chicken nuggets," he mumbles, looking upset.
Harry can't help but laugh. He shakes his head. "I'm sure I can cook you up some chicken nuggets for dinner later on, okay? Don't you worry."
Niall sniffs again, nodding, and then squirming a little. "My clothes are all yucky," he says, pulling at his shirt.
Helping him out of his clothes, Harry sets the dirtied material into the wash basket and then checks the temperature of the half filled bath before lifting Niall up and lowering him into the water.
The boy shivers at first before he relaxes, letting out a breath and blinking up at Harry. "M'sorry," he whispers again.
Harry shakes his head. "No, baby. You don't have anything to be sorry for. You were feeling anxious, I know that isn't something you can just switch off. Maybe we can talk to Kerry about this, see if she knows any other ways we can stop this from happening, hm?"
Niall nods, sinking down until his entire body other than his neck and head are submerged beneath the bubbly water, face still pink and puffy from all of his tears. He hums in content, blinking up at Harry tiredly.
"I still had a fun time at Donald's," he says, and Harry smiles, not bothering to correct him.
"I'm glad, baby. I'm just sorry you got sick again."
The eight year old shrugs at that, jumping a little when Zayn steps into the room. Harry smiles at his husband's worried expression as he kneels next to the tub beside him.
He watches as Zayn reaches out to press his hand against Niall's forehead before he pulls back.
"How're you feeling, Bug?" He asks.
Niall goes shy, chewing on his bottom lip and shrugging his shoulders all the way up to his ears, eyes darting across to Harry for the man to answer for him.
Feeling bad for his husband's hurt expression at Niall's uncertainty around him still, he forces a smile at the other man.
"He's doing okay. Is Bunny in the wash?" He asks.
Zayn presses his lips together and nods. "Yeah, he needed it," he turns to Niall. "Managed to salvage your happy meal toy though, don't worry."
Niall looks pleased at that, smiling bashfully at the man. "Thank you," he murmurs, making Zayn smile in return.
After a moment of silence, Zayn stands up again, kissing the top of Harry's hair on his way up. "I'll go grab some clean clothes then get back to cleaning the car up. I'm glad you're feeling a little better, honey," he says to Niall, who blushes and turns his attention to the bubbles in the bath instead.
Zayn is still outside cleaning the car by the time Harry has Niall out of the tub and dressed into a clean t-shirt and joggers. They stop by Niall's bedroom and Harry tugs one of the boy's blankets off of his bed.
Crouching in front of the small boy, he drapes the blankets around his shoulders and then tugs it tightly around him until he's bundled up like a burrito.
Niall giggles at the action, almost falling over with his arms pinned to his sides and his legs pushed close together, laughing so hard that his cheeks turn red, which makes Harry laugh just as hard in turn.
"M'like a - like a mummy," Niall giggles, falling back onto his butt when Harry reaches out to tickle him and then laughing harder.
The sound is the most beautiful thing Harry is sure he's ever heard, and he finds himself tearing up. Niall notices this and stops laughing, managing to loosen the blanket around him enough to sit up, pouting up at Harry.
"I'm okay! Don't be sad, it didn't even hurt," he says quickly, looking ready to cry out of sympathy.
Harry laughs through his tears, shaking his head and reaching out to pull his son onto his lap, cuddling him close. "I'm not sad, sweetheart, don't worry. I just love you so much," he admits quietly.
Niall blinks up at him for a few moments before he wordlessly nuzzles his face against Harry's chest. He doesn't say it back, but Harry isn't hurt by this - he knows it'll happen eventually and when it does, he doesn't want it to be forced.
He rocks the boy like a baby for a while, the tears in his eyes remaining in place and coming dangerously close to falling when Niall slowly begins to hug him back.
If he had it his way, he'd have stayed like that forever, with his boy safe in his arms where he belongs.
NOTE
sorry this is so short! and that it's a day late. life has been kicking my butt lately and writing hasn't been something i've been motivated to do. i'm not as far ahead on this story as i have been so far but i plan to continue my weekly thursday updates for you all (i'm also in the process of planning the sequel to 'breaking away' so ;))
anyway! lemme know what you all think in the comments.
thanks so much for sticking around <3