Tw: short panic attack, mention of social anxiety. I will put warning signs where they start and end though :) love you xx
⚠️ Tw ⚠️
This was definitely a mistake. I can already tell. It's been two seconds and I already want to disappear. Oh God. People. So many people. They're everywhere. And they're all staring, staring, staring at me. My stomach flips over as my palms start to sweat. The heads keep on turning, and I have to fight against the urge to just turn around and run back out again.
"Red?" Dream's voice sounds really far away. "Red? Are you okay?"
I try to breathe steadily, like everyone always tells me to, but my head is spinning and everything around me is fading...
Then the world comes back into focus, and the few pairs of eyes on me look away.
⚠️You can come back now!⚠️
"H-hello?" I stammer, my head still swimming. "Dream?"
He breathes out. "Thank God. What happened?"
"I-I don't know. I just kinda blacked out a bit." I shake my head and let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. "I'm fine."
"You sure?" he asks anxiously.
"I'm fine," I repeat, unfurling my clammy fists. "I... can you add Niki?"
"Of course."
A few seconds later there is a bleep, and Niki joins the call.
"Red!" she gasps, unmasked panic twined through her voice. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm..." I breathe in. "I'm good."
I wipe my feet on the rugged mat on the floor and give the plump lady sitting at the reception desk a small smile.
"Okay, I'm inside," I say, looking around. "What do I do now?"
"Uh, I dunno. I haven't been to college for ages," Dream replies. "Hey, why don't you ask Tommy? I'm pretty sure he's online right now, plus he has the experience."
I groan, ignoring the fact that my heart leaps when he mentions his name. It's just nerves, I tell myself.
"Really? It's too early for me to deal with the child."
"He might be helpful, though," Niki says; her morning voice is slightly lower than her usual one. "He does go to college too."
I sigh. "Fine."
"I just DMed him," Dream tells us. "Give it a min- oh, he's typing."
"Add him, then," I say impatiently, looking around the large atrium.
The room I'm in is large and open, with doors leading off in all directions, opening on to who knows where. A long corridor lined with lockers stretches across to my left, and a tall staircase spirals upwards on the other side. Tapping my foot, I pull out the slightly crumpled map of the school I had been given on the open day, which has my timetable clipped to it with a purple paperclip, and scan it.
"Okay, so..." I trace my finger across the mess of squiggling lines. "The lecture is in this room, so to get there I have to... ah, I dunno. How am I supposed to navigate this thing? Do you guys have any clue about maps?"
"Nothing apart from that they're annoying." Dream agrees, but he is interrupted by a loud groan.
"What do you want?" Tommy whines, his voice lower than usual. "It's so early! My bus is coming in a few minutes!"
"Hello, Tomathy!" I say, grinning slightly in relief. Finally. Someone who might understand.
"Red has a problem, and you are going to solve it," Dream tells him.
"No I'm not," he snorts. "Well... what is it?"
"I'm literally so nervous," I hiss, already cringing at how stupid it sounds. "Like, how do I do this? I haven't been to college at a different school before."
"Huh?"
"It's my first day too. And, well, I don't know how to deal with it all."
"Okay, well, what part of it?" There is a hint of anger, of disbelief, in his voice, and it bumps my relief down, but I try and ignore it.
"All of it. There's... people. Everywhere. And I don't know where to go or anything."
"Well, uh, I dunno, just ask someone?"
"Did you listen to a word I just said?" I say, exasperated.
"Sorry. But seriously, though, what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know," I whisper. My heart starts to beat, so loud that I am confused as to how no one else can hear it.
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay," Niki says softly. "Don't worry! Just follow the map and you'll be fine. Can we help?"
"I don't even know any more." My voice wobbles, but I brush off the fear and start to walk towards the staircase, my eyebrows furrowed in concentration as I follow the lines on the piece of paper in my hands.
"This is stupid," Tommy mutters.
"What was that?" I say, as sharp as the sudden pain in my chest.
"Oh, nothing, I just—"
"What? Think that mental health is stupid?"
"You know that's not what I meant." He chuckles nervously.
I clench my fists, all relief from his appearance gone in a flash. "Then what did you mean?" I say through gritted teeth.
"I..." He exhales. "I'm sorry. I just don't really know- I'm- look, it's really early, I didn't mean that, I'm just tired, I promise-"
"Just go," I sigh. Of course he doesn't get it either. No one does. That's the issue with shit like this. You can try and try and make people understand, but they never do. It's always, "why?" and "just get over it already" and "you're just going through a faze." Well, if this faze is my whole fucking life then sure, I guess you're right.
"No, what? No, Red, I'm sorry, genuinely, I—"
"Please."
"Fine then." He hangs up instantly.
Tears of anger sting in the back of my eyes.
"You good?" Dream says softly, and I jump. I'd forgotten they were still here.
"Y-yeah." I scrub at my eyes furiously. "Keep talking. I... I'm nearly there now." That's a lie. I don't know where the fuck I am.
"You sure you still want us here?" Niki asks.
"Mm. Yeah." Another lie. All I want is to blast my music at full volume, to block out everyone and everything.
"Okay, well, uh, if you get nervous, just focus on happy stuff. Like, uh, oh, remember how close you are to 25k on Twitch! And how happy you'll be when you hit it!"
"Wait, you're at 25k?" says Dream, surprised.
"Yeah, nearly."
"Wow, um, congrats!"
I scoff, my arrogant side kicking in. "Just because you've got about a zillion followers doesn't mean we all do, Dreamwastaken."
He laughs. "Fine, fine. God, you're so similar to Tommy it's scary."
"No I'm not," I say shortly. "I'm normal, nice, female, and ginger. Oh, and actually funny."
"Man," he says, bemused.
"Oh, there's one more thing that makes me different to him."
"What's that?"
I bite my lip and cross my fingers behind my back. "Well... I haven't been added to your famous SMP thing yet."
He lets out a deep sigh. "That is true."
"Note the way I said 'yet'," I remind him. "Yet."
"Stop!" he laughs, dragging out the 'o'. "Okay, how about this. If you survive college, and hit 25k on Twitch, I'll think about it."
"Deal," I say instantly, pumping my fist in the air in triumph before realising there are still people around. Clearing my throat, I jump the last two stairs. "I'm shaking your hand in spirit."
"Okay then! Well, have a good day, then! I promise you'll be fine!"
"Wait, you're leaving?" My voice falters, and I suddenly regret my decision.
"Red, it's literally just after 3am. I actually need to sleep, believe it or not."
"Oh." My shoulders sag. "Okay then. Niki?"
"I can't stay for much longer, either," she says sadly. "And your class starts in a bit, anyway, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, I guess I'm gonna go too!" she says.
"Oh... right..." I swallow. "Talk later, I guess. And, hey, thanks for helping. It means a lot."
"Aww, no problem!" Niki says cheerfully, not noticing the fear creeping into my voice, probably due to her tiredness; usually she can sense my anxiety before I can. "See you in a bit!"
"Bye!" Dream says, and the call ends, leaving me alone.
I boot up my Spotify again, and clench my fists. Right. I'm going to do this. I'd spoken to, played with, and insulted some of the biggest Minecraft YouTubers out there. I mean, I was just on a call with Dream. Compared to that, a load of teenagers, some lessons, and a huge building is nothing. Right? I sure hope so.
Bracing myself, I walk along the corridor to find the lecture room I am supposed to be in, and push open the door. A few people look up, and I breathe in sharply.
You can do this. For the Dream SMP.
Unplugging one earphone, I scan the room and head over to a seat near the back, alone, away from everyone. Just the way I like it.
Well, not for long.
A girl with straight black hair and glinting dark brown eyes saunters into the room, a shiny black handbag over her shoulder, and surveys the room. I slide down in my seat, trying to become as invisible as possible in my lone seat, but I fail.
A grin stretches across her thin, lipgloss-coated lips and she sashays over to my side.
"Hey!" she says, flopping down beside me and dumping her bag on the side of my seat.
I keep my eyes trained on the front. "Hello."
She leans back in her chair, flicking a lock of shiny soot-coloured hair over her shoulder and folding her hands in her lap. "So. This your first day here?"
"Mmhm," I say through gritted teeth. Why else would I be here?
"Cool, cool." She sighs, crossing and uncrossing her legs. We sit in silence for a few seconds, and I wait for her to go and leave and sit somewhere else.
Spoiler alert: she doesn't.
"I'm Liza," she says, smoothing down her ridiculously short pink skirt. "How about you?"
"I'm Meredith," I say awkwardly. "But call me Re- Meri."
"Okay, Meri," she says, nudging me. My shoulders tense up and I shuffle away from her slightly.
She giggles, unfazed. "You know, you and me, I reckon we're gonna be friends."
Fuck no, we aren't.
"Mm, yeah, I bet," I say, forcing a smile onto my face and sitting back in my seat.
Man, this is gonna be a lot longer of a day than I expected.
A/N — GUESS WHOS BACK KIDDOS :D
Sorry schoolwork and all that stuff kinda caught up to me, I've been a bit busy recently so late update :/ it's a long chapter tho so enjoy or I'll steal your kneecaps 😇
Quick recommendation, lilyann914's book "Classic" is absolutely brilliant! She's great and so is her fic! (It's a Wilbur Soot x reader, the best I've ever read so definitely go check it out!!!)
Take care of yourself, you deserve it! Love you so much and you're worth it <3 love Shrimp :> xx