"Please."
Ayedah nodded, and shifted closer to him. "I'll stay, don't worry," she said. "I won't leave you." Burak sighed and relaxed his body, closing his eyes as he leant against the trailer, his chest heaving slightly with the deep breaths he was inhaling and exhaling. Ayedah shifted into a position where she was sitting next to him- though not too close as to not make him feel claustrophobic- and sat against the trailer too. There was a painful silence that rang through the air for a good few minutes, and the only thing Ayedah could hear was the sound of his breathing...it was oddly comforting, and she found herself relaxing to it.
"I'm sorry," said Burak quietly, breaking the silence. Ayedah turned to him, a confused look on her face. "Why are you sorry?" she asked. "For uh...this," he said, looking embarrassed. "I uhm...er..." He didn't seem to know what to say, but Ayedah saved him from needing to explain himself. "I've seen a panic attack before," she said softly, grabbing his attention. "Well...experienced it myself." Burak edged closer to her, his eyes boring into hers. "You have?" he asked. "Yes," said Ayedah, a melancholy smile on her face. "Just once, though. When I was sixteen years old." She snuck a look at him, and read the expression on his face- he seemed to want to know more, and to keep his mind off whatever had been causing him stress and anxiety, she continued.
"It was the end of the school holiday, and I was to start a new term the next day," she narrated. "And well...I hated my school. And to be frank, my school hated me..." She gave a somewhat bitter chuckle. "So I was really anxious that night, and experienced a panic attack. But at that time, I had no one to help me out. No one was going to come and comfort me, I was alone in my bedroom at around 10 PM...so I decided to learn about how to deal with one, so I could help myself again if needed- and even though it never happened to me again, it came in handy to help you." She smiled at him, but at the look on her face, quickly added, "If that is what that was- a, er...panic attack. I mean, maybe it was-"
"It was," Burak interrupted. "It happens sometimes...since I got divorced." Ayedah's eyes widened. "You're divorced?" she asked. She blushed slightly at her tone and immediately apologized. "S-sorry, I just...I didn't know. I thought you were just unmarried." Burak chuckled. "It's alright, many of the cast don't know anyway," he said. "But yes, I'm divorced. As of about six years now." Ayedah's mouth formed an 'O' shape as she nodded her head. "So is your divorce related to whatever triggered this particular panic attack?" she asked. "Uhm- but you don't have to tell me, of course...sorry for butting in." "You're not butting in at all, Yazar Hanim," said Burak softly, making Ayedah smile, and she didn't reproach him for her nickname this time. "But yes, it is."
"How so?" asked Ayedah. "Well, she got married recently," said Burak with a bitter laugh. "Aysenur, my ex." "Did she now?" "Yes." Ayedah nodded her head again, interested but sorry for Burak. "How did that make you feel?" she asked, knowing that it would be good if Burak could let it out if he was comfortable. "Well...sad," said Burak honestly, hesitating slightly at first. "You see...it was a rough marriage overall. We married at twenty-one. I was head-over-heels for her, believed I loved her, and that she loved me. We were just kids, trying to figure out what love really was. She was a fellow model, so we had known each other for a while, and decided to take it further.
"We got married in 2013, and for a while, everything seemed perfect. She was beautiful, and damn, I loved her. I wanted to give her everything and anything, that was how much I loved her."
Ayedah smiled at the tenderness on his face, before it disappeared into a look of sorrow.
"But that was before everything started going wrong," he said with a sigh. "She began asking for too much from me, and she spent so much of my money- and not even a bit of her own. It was putting a strain on our finances, and how I was managing the household as well as the money I needed for my family to ease their burden. In the beginning, it wasn't a problem because I loved her so much, I just wanted to see her happy. But none of it was enough for her, she barely used anything she bought and had none or little appreciation for what I had bought her and gifted her.
"It led to fights and arguments, as well as violence. She began to hit me, throw things at me. I never retaliated, I could never hurt her- but she did all in her power to hurt me, and eventually I divorced her. Not even my love for her was enough to go over all that had happened between us, we just could not get along anymore...and she did not love me."
"Oh, God," gasped Ayedah, tears threatening her eyes at the sad story. Burak continued;
"When the divorce happened in court, she charged me, and I was forced to give up almost everything except a somewhat small sum of the recent earnings I had from when I just started acting. If not, she threatened to make it a legal issue and accuse me of domestic violence."
Ayedah's sorrow and pity for Burak immediately turned into indignation and anger at that point of the tale, but she refrained from saying anything as she did not want to interrupt him.
"She also demanded for our marriage to be forgotten completely. All records of our union wiped out clear, from documents, social media, etcetera," continued Burak. "Of course, some pictures probably still exist in the depths of the internet, but if found they would be taken down immediately- as per the order of the jury after her request, even if it did take a long time to implement. Nearly all the interviews, videos and photos of us together were terminated, and she blocked me from all of her social media, as well as her phone number.
"It didn't end there, I found out from friends and fellow actors and models that she had been unfaithful all along, and had been dating around behind my back in the second and final year of our marriage. As if the divorce wasn't hard enough, that took a major hit that caused me to be extremely down and inactive for a long time, especially as I had no house of my own and was living with my family. Eventually, I decided to pick myself up and go for military service, which too had its own share of trauma, but I did get somewhat better."
He smiled sadly at Ayedah. "And just today, when I was getting ready to come here, I had gotten news from a friend that she had remarried, and claimed it to be her first," he said bitterly. "Despite the number of people who know it isn't, and her now husband had assisted her in pretending that me and her never happened, and well...they did it very well." He exhaled heavily, and leant against the trailer. "Wow, that was good to get off my chest," he chuckled, despite the tears that ran down his cheeks. Ayedah gave him a sad smile, and said, "I'm so sorry for all of that you had to go through, Burak...I really am. You didn't deserve any of it." Burak looked up at her and returned her smile warmly. "Thank you, Ayedah," he said softly, and she smiled at the way her name rolled off his tongue.
"Not that it's any of my business, but..." Ayedah flinched at the question she was about to ask.
"Do you still love her?"
Burak scrunched up his forehead in deep thought, looking up at the starry sky for a while as he dug through his mind for the answer. "No," he said finally. "Well, I believe part of me will always love her...but I no longer am in love with her." He smiled at Ayedah, and she smiled back. "That's good," she said encouragingly. "You've moved on...that's an achievement, Burak. I'm proud of you." Burak chuckled, blushing at her words, and they both laughed for a while before silence overtook them, though it was a comfortable silence, and not an awkward one.
"Have you ever been in love, Ayedah?" Burak asked her, his question taking her aback. "W-what?" she asked, and he repeated himself. "Have you ever been in love?" Ayedah shook her head a little too quickly, and said, "No. I have never been in love." She added a joke to lighten the mood a little; "Unless you can count the number of times I've taken time to lie down on my bed and admire Chris Evans." Burak burst out in laughter, and Ayedah watched him as he did; she couldn't help but notice the way his eyes always crinkled at the sides whenever he smiled or laughed, and the way his beard and mustache perfectly framed his soft-looking pink lips reminded her of a puppy. She couldn't help herself but to smile at the sight of his laughter, catching his attention.
"What is it?" Burak asked, when he noticed her staring. Ayedah blushed, and cleared her throat. "N-nothing, I'm just impressed by how far you've come," she said. "And I also think that they will be worried about you by now, and I'm sure the episode is close to ending." "Oh damn, you're right," Burak said, and scrambled up. He stuck out a hand to help Ayedah, which she looked at for a while- suddenly feeling nervous once again, at the offer of a hand. "Just take it this time, Elizabeth Bennet," he said, looking as if he were fighting the urge to roll his eyes. Ayedah's eyes widened; "You've read Pride and Prejudice?" she asked. "No, I've watched the movie," he said, and unlike him, Ayedah could not stop herself from rolling her eyes. "It wasn't too bad, I guess." "One day I'll make you read the book, then you'll properly enjoy it," said Ayedah firmly. "Sure I will, now just take my hand," said Burak in a strained sort of voice. "You can't just sit around all night there, can you?" Ayedah laughed nervously, and finally took it, feeling her small hand slip perfectly into his much larger yet warm one. She stood herself up with the support of his hand, and felt a considerable loss of warmth when he took it back. But she brushed off the feeling as they began to walk together toward the screening once again.
"Wait, Burak, can I ask you something?" Ayedah asked him, and he nodded. "Go ahead." "Does anyone else know about this...er...your panic attacks and Post-trauma Anxiety?" she asked. Burak stiffened up a bit, but he answered her- "No," he said. "Well, Yigit knows to some extent, but not everything...you're the only person I've opened up to about this in a long time." Ayedah's eyes widened, and she couldn't help but feel touched, flattered....yet somewhat pressured and suffocated. "T-that's...wow," she said in awe. "I mean I...I'm touched that you trust me enough...and we barely know each other." "You did help me out," said Burak softly. "You were the one who came to my rescue...no one has ever done that before." "Oh I'm sure others would've, if they got the chance," muttered a flustered Ayedah humbly, though she was looking at the ground. Burak smiled at her, and said, "But you were the one who got the chance and did it." Ayedah nodded at him, still looking down at the ground. Burak was just about to walk off again before she stopped him once more. "Wait, there's something else-"
"Er...Ozcivit asked me personally if I had known that you were going to be late," she said in a slightly small voice. "I was just wondering why he asked me specifically- I mean, well...we've talked a bit and seen each other a few times since I came to set, mostly in the first week... but we don't exactly know each other that well. So er... I was just wondering why me." She tried not to flush as she asked him, afraid of insulting or offending him. But instead, he smiled warmly at her and said, "Well, perhaps it was because I spoke of you so highly." "Is that so?" asked Ayedah, surprised and flattered. "Yes," said Burak, and he suddenly leaned in closer. "I don't do that often, not amongst most people anyway. And about not knowing each other well...I plan to change that." He winked and set back off walking, leaving her stunned, confused and rather flustered for a while before she followed him.
They managed to slip back in almost unnoticed just when the episode had introduced Flatyos, one of the main Byzantine villains of the season. Burak slid into his seat smoothly, and whispered an excuse to Yigit before giving Ayedah a smile, which was returned- it did not go by unnoticed.
"What on earth have you two been doing, making out?" hissed Ozge after a few minutes since Ayedah and Burak's return to the table together. Ayedah went red. "Oh hell no," she stammered back a whisper. "We just happened to run into each other on the way back." She figured that Burak would not want the others to know about his recent panic attack that she had just witnessed, especially if he had not yet opened up to them about his struggles. "Ah, I see," said Ozge, though Ayedah could detect a hint of infuriating smugness on her face. She decided not to reply, of course, as she knew Ozge would just continue with the teasing if she did; so she sat back and enjoyed the rest of the episode with her crewmates and the cast.
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The episode ended with Osman and Goktug riding off across the hills to look for Ertugrul Bey before the end credits rolled in, and the audience applauded tremendously. "That was an awesome first episode, if I do say so myself," said Seckin, who played Flatyos. "It was," said Ozge, laughing happily. "I'm so glad." "You all should be proud of yourselves," said Mehmet, smiling around at them all. "Your work was amazing. I myself, am very proud." They all thanked him, and the cast and crew began to exchange hugs before leaving the set.
Ayedah mumbled thanks after thanks from the compliments she received all around for her hard work on the script of the show- constantly flustering herself as she attempted to remind them about how it wasn't just her who worked on it. But her words were drowned out by others', and by the time she was finally finished with and escaped the crowd of people who were trying to speak to her, her cheeks were red as tomatoes. She was just happy that no one had tried to hug her. She hurried over to Ozge, who was in deep conversation with Emre and Ragip Savas- Dundar Bey- and waited till they were done speaking before they left. "Are you staying at my place tonight?" asked Ozge. "We won't have work till the day after tomorrow, so we could just chill out if you're not tired." "It's alright, Ozge, maybe this weekend," said Ayedah with a weak smile. "I already told Aunt Gab I'd be home tonight." "Alright," said Ozge, but she wagged a finger in her friend's face. "But you owe me a night, this weekend maybe?" "Sure," chuckled Ayedah, rolling her eyes affectionately.
Ozge suddenly went red, realizing that she had not arranged for anyone to send them home- the two had come with Emel, who had already left. "Oh shit," she cursed under her breath, Ayedah not missing it. "What?" she asked. "How are we going to get back?" her friend wondered aloud. "I didn't ask anyone to bring us back-" "Oh, Ozge," Ayedah nearly facepalmed, but at the same time could nearly feel herself laughing. "Oh, dammit," groaned Ozge, scrunching up her freckled face. Ayedah smiled at her, and nudged her playfully before asking, "So...do we sleep in the stables tonight?"
Ozge was just about to retort before a voice cut her off;
"I could get you both home."
It was Burak, he and Yigit had walked up to them, and apparently the two overheard the girls' conversation. "Oh, it's no problem Burak," said Ayedah hurriedly, but Ozge cut her off- "Yes, please." Burak smiled at the two, and said, "Let's go then." "A-are you sure?" asked Ayedah, making Ozge roll her eyes. "I mean, I don't want it to be too much trouble..." "It's no trouble at all, Yazar Hanim," said Burak. "I just need to drop off Yigit first, if that's alright- his place is closest." "That's perfectly fine," said Ozge, before Ayedah could say anything. "Come on, Ayedah." Burak smiled at them, Yigit silently chortling behind him. "Let's go then," said the tall, blonde young man before leading them to his car, which was a very nice-looking Rover. He unlocked the car with a 'beep', and opened the backseat passenger door.
"After you, Ladies," he said with a smile, and invited them into his car. "Damn, Celik, nice car," said Ozge as she hopped in at his invitation. Ayedah sighed, before getting in herself next to her friend. Finally, Yigit and Burak got in themselves and they drove off out of the set and down the road. The four began to chat about the episode, talking about the intensity of the action as well as the romance between the show couples, with the addition of the chemistry in the friendships. They spent a good fifteen minutes chatting before pulling up to Yigit's place, where he slipped out and walked down to his house after saying "Goodnight".
"Your house is near the set, isn't it, Celik?" asked Ozge. "Yes, it is," said Burak, as the city began to grow around them from the Riva villages. "If that's so, it's very kind of you to send us home then go all the way back," said Ayedah, as Ozge typed in the location of her house into Google Maps to guide him. "It's nothing, it's the least I could do," he said with a smile to Ayedah, who returned it graciously. After a few minutes, they arrived at Ozge's house, just on the outskirts of the modern bit of the city. "Thanks, Celik, I owe you," said Ozge with her signature smile. "You don't owe me anything, Ozge, and your welcome," said Burak, smiling back at her. "And Ayedah, do you mind typing in your location so I can drive you there?" "Alright," replied Ayedah, and did as she was asked. Burak furrowed his brow, and turned back to look at her.
"Why don't you sit here at the front with me, it's a little while more till we reach your place," he said. "Just for safety and convenience, you know." Ayedah was about to protest, and question about why it would be safer to sit in front, when she received a look from Ozge which plainly said: 'Do.it.now.or.I.will.make.you.' Ayedah's eyes snapped away from her, then she nodded in reply to Burak before slipping out of the car and then into the front passenger seat- but before she could do so, Ozge grabbed her arm. "You are to text me tonight and tell me all about it, and that's an order," she hissed into her friend's ear before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek and waved goodbye to Burak. Ayedah sent her friend an odd look before getting back into the car, next to Burak this time. "Right, let's go then," said Burak, and drove off down the road into the night.
There was an awkward silence that filled the car for a while, and Ayedah fidgeted a few times in her seat. She usually always sat in the backseat of a car, unless Aunty Gab drove her- for neither she nor Ozge had their license yet. "Are you comfortable?" asked Burak, and Ayedah went slightly pink when she realized that he noticed her fidgeting. "Yes, don't worry," she said hastily, and immediately stopped. It was odd, to sit next to someone alone in a car, especially someone she barely knew- but strangely enough, she did not find it suffocating her or making her overly uncomfortable. She prepared for the awkward silence to befall upon them again, but Burak spoke up.
"I want to thank you," he began, but Ayedah cut him off. "You don't have to, anyone would've done what I did," she said softly, avoiding his eyes. "Not necessarily true," he replied. He was quiet for a while, his mouth slightly ajar as if he wanted to say something, but he shut it again for a bit before continuing. "So I'm thanking you anyways. Let me take you out to lunch sometime." Ayedah stared at him. "What?" she asked, her voice cracking and suddenly sounding squeaky. "I want to take you out, to thank you," he repeated himself. Ayedah could not stop herself from frowning; she had never been out with a person before, other than Ozge, her aunt and her family members when she was younger.
"You don't have to, Burak," she said. "I did it sincerely-" "I'm not doubting that," interrupted Burak, a smile on his face. "I just would like to take you out sometime, and if you don't want to consider it a thanks, don't." Ayedah stiffened up slightly- she was unsure of what to say. Part of her believed that perhaps it would be rude to turn down his offer, the other part of her- the anxious, tormented, scarred, suspicious and wary part- told her a big, fat, NO.
"It's alright, Burak, seriously," said Ayedah, afraid of his persistence. "I'm okay, really...I'm just glad I helped. You don't need to thank me, honest." Burak gave her a look, scrutinizing her out of the corner of his icy eyes, making her look away out the window; he said nothing, but nodded his head reluctantly, instantly making Ayedah regret her decision. It's probably for the best, she thought. If we got close...I don't know what would happen.
Something might go wrong. And he's been hurt enough.
They were quiet again until he finally pulled up to Aunty Gab's white-brick house, and Ayedah could see Stormy perched up on the window-bed of her bedroom. "Thank you for driving me," she said to Burak, giving him a small smile. "It was the least I could do," he said softly. "And Ayedah..."
Ayedah stopped to listen to him as she was halfway out of the car. "My offer still stands," finished Burak. Ayedah sighed; "I'll think about it," she said stubbornly. "But really, your conscience is clear. You don't owe me anything." Burak nodded, and the edges of his lips curved up as he smiled at her.
"Goodnight, Yazar Hanim," he said, as Ayedah shut the door of the car. "Goodnight," she replied, before he drove off into the night back in the direction of Riva. She sighed, exhausted as she mustered the last of her energy to unlock the door, say a quick greeting and goodnight to her aunt, and climb up the stairs to her room to change into her night-things.
And as Ayedah tucked herself into bed that night, just as she was about to doze off after taking her pills...
Her eyes shot open and widened when she realized that that day, for the first time in a very, very long time...
She had touched someone physically without being uncomfortable.
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Well, well, well....
Early update cuz I've been feeling really low lately and I find comfort in my writing and on WattPad so here you go my Luvs <3
And *Sniff* is that chemistry I smell?
Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, it's kinda long so I'm somewhat proud of it, remember to vote + comment ur thoughts <3
Love u guys,
Ayesha <3
P.S: I improvised Burak Celik's story with his ex(whose marital status is unknown) for fiction purposes, and of course I don't know what really happened(even if I did know the full story I wouldn't share it lmao).
No disrespect is intended toward either of the two. Thank you.