I hung awkwardly back as everyone spoke. My plans were all ruined. There was no way for me to sneak out a window as I listened to Edward discuss with Carlisle, talking about how they planned to have Emmett install alarms on every window in the house. Edward joked that it would also prevent Renesmee from sneaking out when she got a little older, but his eyes flew to me as he said it.
He knew. Of course he knew.
Esme flitted over to stand next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me snug against her body. Her hand rubbed up and down my back calmingly. I sighed, forcing some of the tension in my body out.
I had felt the pout on my face, and I knew that my arms were crossed, but I didn't actually consider that my expressions would show everybody in the room how I was feeling. I still wasn't used to being around other people, and having to censor my emotions and reactions to things.
"Don't be afraid, Darling," Esme whispered to me. "Everybody here just wants to help you and make sure you are safe and healthy."
Well, at least she didn't know what I was upset about. She just knew that I was. That was better than nothing.
Edward and Carlisle discussed how they would speak to the wolf pack, asking them to slightly adjust their routes to make sure nothing else got through. After all, I could have been an insane murderer. They also mentioned that Jacob was furious that I had not only gotten past their patrol , but had managed to sneak into his imprint's bedroom.
I made a mental note to not only ask Renesmee what an 'imprint' was later, but to also avoid Jacob. The last thing I wanted was the fury of a werewolf to be directed towards me.
Renesmee went on and on about us sharing a bedroom. She would excitedly start talking when Edward and Carlisle paused briefly in their conversation, asking her father a million questions about what they had purchased at the store. She seemed to be excited to have a room makeover, though I almost expected her to be upset about having to share a room suddenly. I knew how much I valued my privacy, and not having a space to myself would surely irritate me.
I had never needed to share before.
Just as the thought crossed my mind, Edward glanced at me. He held up a hand to silence his daughter, who huffed at the signal, but went quiet. Looking between Renesmee and I, Edward said, "Now, girls. Neither of you have ever had to share a bedroom before. There are quite a lot of benefits to children sharing a bedroom. It teaches you how to cooperate and how to share."
His eyes met mine as he said the word 'share', and I looked away, disturbed that he always seemed to know exactly where my mind was wandering. I really needed to work on my poker face.
Edward still had more to say, though. "It also teaches you to be patient, to compromise, and will no doubt help the two of you become closer, helping you both to gain more socialization skills". He looked at me again as he said the last benefit and I glared.
"It will be so fun, Daddy!" Renesmee squealed, seeming to have no hesitation about sharing a bedroom.That made one of us. I had never even slept in a bedroom until the night before, and now I was expected to not only stay in one permanently, but to share it.
Thankfully, Edward seemed to sense my qualms. "Yes, Renesmee, I'm sure you two will have a lot of fun together," He promised. "But sharing a bedroom also means the space is no longer entirely yours. You will have less privacy, and less of your own space. I expect both of you to respect each other, and to respect the other's needs and belongings. While you both need to share, that does not mean bickering over who's turn it is to use what or play with something. Just because sharing a bedroom offers more opportunities for misbehavior, that does not mean such misbehavior will go unrecognized or unpunished. Do you both understand?"
Renesmee, subdued by the realization that sharing a bedroom may not be entirely fun and games, nodded quietly. Edward looked at me next, but I didn't respond.
I didn't want to share a room. I didn't want a room at all. I didn't even want to be here. But now, on top of having to do all of those things, there would be consequences if I didn't do them correctly.
"Do I make myself clear?" Edward asked again, raising his eyebrows at me.
I nodded. There was nothing else I could do.
Smiling now that we had both acknowledged his words, Edward nodded to the stairs. "Well, it sounds like they're all done with the bedroom setup. You two can head up and look at your bedroom".
Renesmee bolted from the room. I stayed in place.
I didn't want to see the new bedroom. I didn't want to walk past Emmett, who was still terrifying to me. I just wanted to stay where I was, pressed into Esme's side and hardly noticeable as I silently listened to the voices around me.
"Come on!" Renesmee's voice was impatient, demanding that I follow her out of the kitchen. Esme's hand gently pushed me forward, and I sent her a pleading glace.
"We have some grownup things to talk about, so this is a good time for you and Renesmee to go have fun," she insisted with another gentle push. "Go on and explore your new room. There is plenty to do in it, so I am sure you and Renesmee can occupy yourselves until lunchtime. Ask her for a tour of the whole house."
Ah, yes. Grownup things. Subjects I was clearly too dumb to understand.
When I still didn't move, Esme called for Renesmee, asking her to show me around the house. Renesmee ran back in, grabbing my hand and quickly pulling me from the room. As we raced up the stairs, Esme called after us, "Girls, walk please!"
Renesmee sighed, slowing a tiny bit.
The door was open to the bedroom that Renesmee and I were meant to share. We walked in and the first thing I noticed was Bella, standing next to the bed closest to the window, straightening a stuffed rabbit. The next thing I noticed was that the color of the walls had changed, going from a bright lavender color to a softer, pale yellow. I liked this color better, though. It reminded me of the cooler tones of the forest. All of the bright colors, the white lights, and the shiny surfaces here were giving me a headache.
Renesmee immediately ran to the bed that I wanted- the one closest to the window.
"Hi, Pookie!" She picked up the stuffed rabbit on the bed. Holding it tight to her chest, she tumbled onto the bed, messing up the pink and white blankets that Bella had just straightened. She laid on her back, looking all around at the room with a grin.
Renesmee's eyes widened as she looked across the room at a fluffy pink carpet. There was an open chest next to it, showing off the trinkets inside, and a basket of stuffed animals next to it. "New toys!" She was on her feet again, darting over to the apparent play area.
She went through the chest, piling spinning tops, slinkys, wooden planes and toy cars on the floor as she explored. She was quickly distracted by a wooden dollhouse that was sitting just off the rug, turning to look at all of the dolls and furniture.
"And a new dollhouse," Renesmee gasped. "Thank you, Mama!"
Bella was smiling as she said, "You're welcome, Ness." Then Bella turned to look at me, still standing in the doorway. "Come on in, Honey. Most of these new toys we bought with you in mind. Renesmee already has quite a few toys in the closet, but we thought it would be helpful to have enough for you to both play with without conflict."
I stepped closer, but still felt awkward. After a few more seconds of not knowing what to do, I walked across the room to kneel next to Renesmee. Picking up one of the dolls, I stared at it. Even if I wasn't too interested in the little wooden doll with yarn hair, it was easier to look at the toy than to look at another real person.
After watching Renesmee and I fiddle with the toys for a few moments, Bella spoke again. "Alright, girl," she said, drawing our attention back to her. "You have your new room. New beds, new toys. I expect you both to take care of your things, share, and be responsible. That means you are both in charge of making sure this room stays tidy. Agreed?"
I nodded, while Renesmee chirped a happy, "Yes, ma'am", before turning back to the toys. She was going through the stuffed animals now, picking up each one to feel it before hugging it to her chest and then setting it down. The pile that she was creating was slowly growing larger and larger, and I waited for Bella to rebuke her.
She didn't. With a pointed finger, she warned Renesmee that she needed to clean up her mess before doing anything else. As Bella turned to leave the room, she stopped, seeming to remember something. "And show her around the house, Ness. Stay with her and help her if she needs it".
I bristled at the assumption that I may need help, but Renesmee nodded happily. Bella turned and walked down the hallway, leaving the bedroom door open.
Waiting until her footsteps faded down the stairs, I turned to Renesmee. "Are you called Renesmee, Nessie, or Ness? People keep calling you different things".
She glanced up at me, pulling her attention away from the spinning top she was playing with. "Well, I go by all of them. Renesmee is usually if I'm being introduced... or in trouble." She smiled, chagrin. "Ness and Nessie are what people usually call me."
"But... I said something wrong," I acknowledged quietly. "When they asked me what my name was. I told them all of the things that I'm called, and they weren't my names. Why is it okay for you to go by the names you're called, but I can't go by the names that I'm called?"
Renesmee hesitated now, setting down the toys completely as she turned to face me. "Well... it's just that you said... pet names, I guess. 'Love' and 'Honey' and 'Sweetie' aren't really names. Just like 'girl' isn't really a name. I mean, anything can be a name I guess, but..." She trailed off, not sure of how to finish.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. Renesmee knew that I didn't understand, and I knew that she didn't have the words to explain what she was trying to say.
I decided that the best thing to do would be change the subject. "Can we switch beds?" I asked. "So I can be closer to the window? I want to look out of it." And try to run away, even if I wasn't sure exactly how to without setting off the alarm.
Again, Renesmee didn't answer.
"Please?" I tacked on, hoping it would prompt the response that I wanted. They seems to really like manners around here.
She looked down, picking up a doll and moving it around nervously in her hands. "I would say yes," she said slowly. "But Daddy- my Dad, I mean. Edward. He talked to Grandp- Carlisle. And they sort of are the ones who decided I need to sleep closest to the window. Sorry."
Seeing the look on my face, Renesmee rushed to defend her family. "But it's just because they want to help you! You're new to living here, so when they check on us at nighttime, they want you closest to the door so they can see that you're sleeping okay, and not awake and upset. And also so if you wake up and get scared, you can get to them without having to walk past me and maybe wake me up".
"And so I would have to climb over your bed to get to the window, so you would wake up if I tried to sneak out?" My voice was low, losing the friendly tone I usually used with Renesmee.
She wouldn't look at me. I was right. Of course I was. Edward had made it clear to me that he knew exactly what sorts of things I was planning.
"I'm sorry," Renesmee mumbled. "I know you don't like it here. Or sharing a room with me. I know that you want to run away. I'm sorry."
I closed my eyes, trying to block out the sadness in her expression. No, I told myself. You don't need to feel bad. She's right. Everything she said is right. Why feel bad for the truth?
Maybe because it wasn't the full truth. Really, I didn't think I would mind sharing a room so much- as long as it was with Renesmee, specifically. Her and I had talked for hours before with no issue, and that was basically all sharing a room was, right?
"I don't know how to live in a house," I admitted. "Or how to share a room. But I'm glad it's with you, at least". We smiled at each other, and though I felt awful as I watched her swipe a tear off her cheek, I was happy to see that no more fell.
It was strange, caring for another person. Her emotions could influence mine. Her sadness seemed to wash over to me, and when she calmed down, I did too.
Happy once again, Renesmee jumped to her feet. "Let's play a boardgame!"
I shrugged, not really knowing how to play one of those, but following her obediently to the closet. On a shelf there was a big pile of boxes, varying in size and color. "What do you want to play?"
Of course, I had never played any of them. Some seemed to involve reading, so if having to read was part of the rules as Renesmee explained them, I passed on that choice. I had no idea how to read.
But I didn't tell her that.
She eventually settled on a game I chose because it sounded pretty simple. You rolled the dice. You counted the little dots on the side facing up. You moved your piece that many squares. The first person to the big, colorful section in the middle of the board won.
Renesmee was dramatic as we played, groaning and throwing her arms up as I kept getting high rolls, leaving her far behind me. She even accused me of cheating, using the wind to manipulate the number that the dice would land on.
What she didn't know was that I didn't care enough to cheat. The game was incredibly dull and boring. At least with real games, like building forts or climbing or playing pretend, you got to see the outcome. At the end of a building game, you got to see your fort or treehouse. At the end of a climbing race, you got to look down and see your new surroundings as the world seemed to shrink below you. And pretend was the best game, my favorite game. You got to watch as the trees around you became soldiers, or as the birds became dragons.
In this game, all you did was watch a little plastic figurine move to a new square.
So when Renesmee sighed and wanted to quit because I was beating her by so much, I wasn't upset. I simply allowed her to pack up the pieces and fold the board into the box. She stood on her tiptoes to get the box back onto the shelf she had retrieved it from, and then she turned to me. "Let's go, I'll show you the rest of the house."
I watched as Renesmee started making her way to the door. She turned to look at me, clearly expecting me to follow.
But she hadn't cleaned up the toys on the rug that she had been playing with. Her Mother had told her to do that before she moved on to do something else. Would she get into trouble? Or, even worse, would we both get into trouble, because Bella had specified that we were both equally responsible for keeping the bedroom clean? Did that mean I was in charge of cleaning up half the mess, even if I hadn't created it?
Sharing a room was hard.
"Shouldn't you pick up your toys?" I asked her, glancing at the mess on the floor.
Renesmee sighed, seeming to be very put out with me. "I'll do it later," she insisted, marching over to me and grabbing my arm. I allowed her to pull me away from the rug, but I was still afraid. Nobody had really explained exactly what the consequences would be for me if I didn't follow the house rules, but I was sure I knew.
"But..." I almost didn't ask, not wanting to argue with Nessie. "Won't you get a spanking?"
She came to a sudden halt, turning her head to glare at me. Her cheeks turned a bright red, and I realized that I had upset her.
Still, Nessie let go of my arm, begrudgingly walking to the rug to start picking up the toys off of it. She started on the dolls, placing each one back where she had originally found it. Feeling bad for causing this reaction from her, I came to sit beside her, putting away the stuffed animals that she had removed from the basket. Just because I hadn't made the mess didn't mean I couldn't help.
After putting a few stuffed animals away, I spoke, still not looking towards Renesmee. "I'm sorry I made you mad," I mumbled. Apologizing was really, really difficult. I wondered if it only seemed like that because I had never really had to do it before. Maybe, as I practiced more and got used to being around people, it would be easier.
She let out a deep breath, dropping another toy into the chest. "I'm not mad," she said quietly, still not looking at me. "It's just... embarrassing, I guess. I mean, I'm obviously too old for it. But I age so quickly, and most of my family is more than a century old, and they are all pretty strict and it just always has been the main punishment they use. I hate talking about it." Her eyes finally found mine, and I was glad to see that she now had a little smile on her face. "I guess you should know, though". A small, breathy laugh escaped her.
She thought that I should know. Though that statement alone confirmed what I already assumed, I needed her to say it. "So..." My voice sounded nervous, even to my own ears. "They would... do that to me, too?"
Renesmee nodded. "Yeah. Sorry. Just try to be good, okay?"
I nodded. Esme's hand had stung like crazy the night before. Even though my skin had been wet from a bath, and that may have made it worse, I didn't want to risk it happening again. I almost wanted to ask Renesmee for more details- after all, when her Mother had threatened to punish her right after I broke in, Renesmee had been crying hard, just anticipating the punishment. The few smacks that Esme had given me had hurt, and a few stray tears had even fallen, but the hysterics Renesmee had been in seemed overdramatic.
Unless the punishment could be worse. Significantly worse.
Maybe trying to sneak out wouldn't be such a good idea, after all.
Once we got all of the toys put away, Renesmee started guiding me through the house. She would point at a door, telling me who's bedroom it was, or explaining that it was a bathroom or closet. There was no way I would remember them all.
We didn't actually enter a room until we came to a door directly next to Carlisle's office- at least I could remember where that was. Renesmee opened it, explaining that the office was actually connected to this room, and that Carlisle spent a lot of time in both rooms.
"This is the school room," she told me. "Or the library. Or the study. It's multi-purpose, I guess. It's where most of the books are kept, and also where Grandpa gives me lessons. He'll start teaching you soon, too. He had my dad pick up some school material for you. You'd be in like... what, fourth grade?"
I nodded, though I had no idea what grade I would be in. It was doubtful I could do any of the assignments anyway. All I really knew how to do was hunt and build forts. Hopefully the schooling would start sometime in the far, far away future.
The room, though, was gorgeous. Even though Renesmee seemed to think of it primarily as a school room, it was definitely more of a library. Despite having never seen an actual library in person, I was sure that this massive room, lined with giant bookshelves along the walls, could rival any library in the area. For the first time in my life, I found myself wishing that I could read.
Renesmee didn't seem interested in this room. She turned and walked out almost immediately, leaving me with no choice but to trail behind her. She started to lead me downstairs, but I hesitated, not really wanting to run into the rest of her family. When she kept walking, though, all I could do was follow slowly, my nerves growing with every step.
There was a big piano at the bottom of the stairs, and Nessie swept her fingers across all of the keys as we passed it, creating a trail of sound. I winced. Clearly, Renesmee and I did not agree on how much attention we wanted.
Most of the Cullens were downstairs, in the biggest room in the house. Despite there being multiple couches and chairs, most of them were standing. Rosalie was the only one sitting, flipping through the pages of a magazine. They all glanced towards Renesmee and I as we entered. At least they were smiling.
"This is the family room," Renesmee announced. "You've already seen pretty much everything important on this floor". She plopped down on the couch next to Rosalie, gazing over her shoulder to see the magazine, too.
This left me standing alone. I considered going back upstairs to hide in the bedroom, but moving away from the group would just draw more attention to me.
Instead, I tried to discreetly look around the room and take in everybody. When my eyes fell over to Esme I realized that she was already looking at me, and I darted my eyes over to the next person, embarrassed. Emmett seemed to be the only one missing, and I wondered where he was. Not that it mattered, as long as he wasn't here. There were two others here, as well. I had seen them the night that I had first arrived. They hadn't seemed to be around much since.
"This is Alice and Jasper," Edward suddenly said, answering my unspoken question. "They've been away hunting since just after you first arrived. Emmett is doing the same, now. I was gone when you first got here, as well, you know. I was away for a few days, hunting and then paying a visit to our cousins in Denali. If I had been here when Renesmee first met you, I would have known that you weren't imaginary. The timing just played out in an unfortunate way. But at least it all worked out in the end." He smiled at me.
How would he have known that I wasn't Renesmee's imaginary friend? Maybe he was closer to his daughter than Bella was, and could sense when she was lying.
Alice and Jasper both nodded at me in greeting. Jasper even took a step towards me, probably just to shake my hand. But his approach caused a spike of adrenaline and fear to rush through me, and it must have shown on my face because he immediately stepped back.
Thank goodness.
Edward, having felt the need to make introductions, had put the attention all on me. My opportunity to sneak back to the bedroom was now gone. Did they want me to start the conversation? I wasn't sure that I could manage that.
It seemed that I didn't need to, though. Edward spoke up again, looking at me. "I heard you girls discussing names earlier. Have you put any though as to what you would like to be called?"
He had heard? Had they all heard? Would I be granted no privacy, no intimate conversations, while I stayed here?
I shrugged, trying hard not to let my anxiety seep through onto my face. Edward was too good at guessing what I was feeling, and the last thing I wanted was for him to question what was wrong, right here in front of everybody.
He didn't. Edward nodded his head, acknowledging my shrug, and then asked, "Well, is there any name that you remember being called? One that was meant to address you specifically, and not just a common term of endearment?"
I considered the question. The Cullens were the only ones I had ever really spoken to. They called me things like Dear and Sweetie and Honey, but I didn't think that was what Edward meant. I suddenly heard a voice in the back of my mind, a distant memory struggling to be remembered.
"It's alright, my little sprout. You're getting big now, huh? You don't mean to hurt me. It must be so cramped for you in there. You're blooming into a pretty little camellia."
That was my mother's voice. Speaking to me before I was born. Forgiving me for hurting her as I struggled against the walls that confined me.
Could sprout be a name? I tried to imagine being called Sprout, but it just didn't feel... right.
Edward, always seeming to know just as I finished a thought, spoke again. "You know, you are quite fond of nature. Perhaps a flower name would suit you? Lilly or Rose or..."
It hit me. Somehow, Edward had given me the prompting that I needed.
"Can... I maybe be named Camellia? Please?"
The room was quiet for a second and I was worried that, once again, I had misunderstood exactly what they wanted when they asked me for a name. But Esme stood, coming to wrap me in her arms. This time, I was ready for it, and I felt no anxiety or fear as she hugged me.
"That's a lovely name," she said, looking down at me. "And what was your Mother's name, Darling? Can you remember that?"
I focused, trying so, so hard to remember the distant memories. Usually it was my Mother speaking to me, so she never used her real name. She only referred to herself as 'Mommy'. There was one memory though, one awful memory that I had struggled to forget.
'It's killing you!' My father's voice was fierce as he screamed at my Mother. 'That little demon is killing you! It is destroying you from the inside out.'
'She's a baby, Michael! She is our baby. She tries to stay still, to not hurt me. Can't you see that she's trying? That she cares?' My Mother's voice was even more fierce than the vampire's. I was used to her being gentle and kind as she spoke to me. The anger in her tone made me jump, accidently kicking the inside of her stomach as I did. I felt her flinch.
'Look at that! Look at what it does to you! You're dying. I won't stay and watch it happen. I won't!'
'Then go, Michael.' My Mother's voice was quieter now.
There was a pause. A long pause.
'Love...'
'No! Not 'Love'. Don't you dare ever call me that again. Louise. My name is Louise, Michael. Don't you ever call me anything else! Leave!'
The memory hit me hard. Most of my memories from before my birth were groggy and blurred. But I remembered that one vividly. It was the last time that I would ever hear my father's voice.
"Louise," I whispered. "Her name was Louise".
I glanced up. Edward was looking at me with what almost seemed like sadness. But Esme was smiling happily, unaware of the pain that memory brought to me.
"Then that can be your middle name," she told me. "And you can take our last name, since you'll be living here. Would you like that, Darling?"
Camellia Louise Cullen.
For the first time in my life, I had a name.
***(They finally got a glimpse at their new room! That image is featured in the picture attached to this chapter, though of course the letters on the walls above the bed should be different. And Renesmee explained how the house rules and punishments work a little more specifically- safe to say, they should both try to behave lol. Most importantly, our main character finally has a name: Camellia Louise, both names in honor of her biological mother. Remember to vote if you liked this chapter, and leave a comment or suggestion- I plan on reading them all!)***
***Another reminder: I said in the story description that this story does contain spanking. This will come up more in the next chapter, so if that bothers you, I would suggest you stop reading here. Thank you!***