Chapter twenty two: I Know I Love You "Prom"
♥ ▸⚬☉⚬◂ ♥
What makes a monster?
Birth.
People.
What makes you think you're a monster? I was losing focus on the situation as my big brother dragged me away. His mom was raped by his father and that's why she beats him...but is that an excuse to make your child suffer because of your own past. I know it's not easy but to make someone suffer just as much as she is even more cure than in the past; I wouldn't know though. Everyone handles their suffering differently.
There were many things I had to say. First, there's my brother, I fell upon the bed as he swung me inside my hospital room as he shut the door tight. He paced around the front door mumbling things about Daniel, "That privilege jackass. I despise them so damn much!"
I stood up next to the bad mad as hell with tears in my eyes before he turned around to look at me, "Don't give me that look, Renesmee. He got what he deserved."
"I hate you. I hate you and I hate that place...what it turned you into. Who are you? This isn't my big brother what's easy to talk to."
"Ren, don't say that. You don't mean that..SAY you don't mean that!"
"I mean it down to my bones. What you did wasn't necessary! And now I know why because of them...because of your own kind. Because they are Asian."
Ryan laughed at the ridiculous response, "It is. Face the fact that you don't want your little BLACK sister dating an Asian guy!"
"IT'S NOT YOU!" He shouted, running up to me and gripping my arms tight, "I don't want them dating you. The last thing I wanted my little sister to do is date, someone of my race," Ryan continues releasing me from his hold that felt like they were left with bruises.
"Can you date your own kind?" He softly says.
I wondered my eyes all over the room trying to think what's wrong with me, "Is there something that's not with me dating outside my race? Or maybe my kind isn't good enough to like something that's so different from me?"
"It's nothing about your race...only mine. I despise them, all of them."
"Ryan, do you hear yourself?"
"I know!" Ryans shouts, moving around the room and making his decision to sit on the bed, "How can I be racist to my own kind?"
"Did something happen in Korea I should know about?"
He sat there fiddling with his fingers looking down. I immediately sat next to him, "Whatever it is, it doesn't excuse the fact that you just beat the hell out of Daniel!"
"Why do you EVEN like him?" Ryan lifted his head to ask.
"Don't worry about it! You don't have to like him so what's the problem?"
"Does he even know you? Really think about it. Does Daniel Choi know Renesmee Lockheart? You've been catching him that you can probably tell me a lot of things about him but can he do the same for you...does he even like you or does he just like the attention you're giving him but once you stop he comes after you but rejects you."
"I want you to leave."
I tried my best to not show my brother a reaction to the things he said. I don't even want to think about them but of course, he does it for me. He quietly got up and left leaving the do closed before him. There is always something to think about and yet all I want to do is lay in silence staring at the ceiling again.
After a while, the nurses did a checklist of things with me before I had to go to bed. I was ordered to change into my pajamas as they did it and after they left me to myself with the door wide open while I got up to throw away the paper cup the nurse handed me.
Walking around the corner was Eric, visiting hours were over but of course, he just had to see Renesmee. Peeping around the corner Eric gets a bit over himself when seeing Renesmee again. Awake, conscious, and walking allowed him to tackle her with a bear hug. Pushing her on the bed as he falls on top of her unknowingly kissing her unexpectedly.
They both locked lips till Renesmee breath locked inside her chest and tears ran down her face pulling away from the kiss.
"Don't! Please, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry! Eric, I can't like you." Renesmee repeated for him as she said sadly.
Eric glimpsed at Renesmee's sad eyes and just hugged her for her safety. He pulled away sitting on the edge of the bed properly as she followed but in criss-cross next to him on the bed. She leans over hugging her legs to her chest as she leans onto Eric's shoulder while they sit there in quiet.
In the dead of night, there was only silence. Our days in our past will soon be memories we'll forget forever...in hope if the world will forget we will as well. The feeling of a kiss will soon fade like this one we both shared.
-
☺︎ The Next Day ☺︎
Eric was very straightforward about things. He caught me in the middle of the hallway at a dead end, he sneaked up behind me, grabbing my left wrist and holding it against the wall as he whispered behind me into my ear.
"Black!"
"Missed me?"
"Tch," I hissed, rolling my eyes.
"That doesn't sound very pleasant. By the way, why do you call me by my last name? Do you not like my name?"
"Eric," I whined, trying to push myself off the wall he pinned me to, "we're at school," I added as he had power over me.
His right hand reached out and cupped my left cheek. Shift my head to his as he became my view, "How are you feeling today?" he asked, sweetly.
I shyly looked away, taking in his voice, "You haven't thought of him, have you?"
I frowned at his question but he tried even harder to ease my mind by caressing my cheek, "Hey, it's fine. I'm here," he said, meeting his eyes.
I didn't think staring into Black's eyes would put a spell on me, I felt him lure me, or was it just him leaning in to try and kiss me!
It was!
"We can't."
"Why not?" he said, with warmth in his voice.
He sounded passionate with his words, I had to give it to him, Eric Black was very smooth with his words, "Not messing around. We're still at school," I said, strongly shoving him off.
He laughed as I stood embarrassed, "You look so fucking cute when you make that face. You're nervous someone might see us, well to tell you I don't care," he said, pressing his lips to my ear.
I pushed my body off the wall forcing Eric's body to move a good inch while I turned around my back against the wall as I placed my right hand upon his chest pushing him away with the little strength I had left after a tiring day with nurses, doctors, and school. I shut my eyes the way he put all his weight on my hand; turning my face to the left I felt his nose touch my cheek just before getting pissed off I opened my eyes to a boy I haven't seen, a boy that didn't look remotely sad or disappointed, a boy that just looked and stared not taking his eyes off of me.
Quickly stomping on Eric's foot I sent him flying away from me as I ran down the hallway towards Daniel. I have no idea how fast I was running but I know I ended up standing in front of him with words. I didn't know what to say after he told me about his parents' tragic love story and were my first words to him going to be proving myself to the boy Daniel Choi? Will I be the only one that has to prove that I love him? He says he loves me damn he even said it's not the good girl falling for the bad goy, but the PlayBoy falling in love with the mysterious girl.
How does one go about this?
Daniel didn't even share a glance at me. Only Eric, his eyes were so loud the surroundings were so cold soon after the bell rang and the whole student body was getting in the way of his sight of Eric that he started to walk away from me. I followed of course but he ended up in the bathroom. A place I wasn't allowed to enter.
Just like that everything started to drift away again, everything became unclear where the prom was now around the corner...
April 15th, 2020
☺︎ PROM ☺︎
It was three months till summer yet the breeze felt so cool I knew a cup of hot chocolate would be perfect anyway. The fancy hair, nails, make-up, and even the damn dress would do justice tonight.
I never dared to stand on my own but when I'm overly emotional I act on those feelings that I can't escape from everything that pushed me to love him as far as the ocean to the moon still getting dragged like the waves in the ocean.
I unknowingly wrote all about you in my diary. I'm crushed to know that you alone brought me back to writing without me even knowing that I was till the day I left the hospital, it helped. Taking my mind off of death and feeling free to let go truly broke me that if there's ever a next time I am willing to fight for it, for them, for you, for us.
From Day one to now took up all the space in my diaries of our journey to now nothing, just doubt, unanswered questions, but no words. What's holding us back from finishing these last pages in my journals?
Renesmee Lockheart
Thetic Dawkins
Jessica Bell
The doors opened without a push for me and my girls, it felt like our prom the way we walked in as we owned it, we laughed as we entered the gym with the Dj playing our jam. We walked over to the few tables that were set up by us (the juniors) since all the hard work on preparing Prom for the seniors became a thing where no seniors were allowed to do so they left the work to us but at least we got to pick the theme.
"So girls, what's the plan for tonight? Since someone made me go solo to the dances tonight I wouldn't mind a little bit of action for the aftermath of Prom."
"You shouldn't go around pointing fingers, Thetic..."
"Bitch please, you're the reason why I'm dateless."
"Would you keep it down? Renesmee right there."
I rolled my eyes to my friends speaking to each other in their regular voice, not even trying to whisper, "Jessica's right and I can hear everything. So why am I here with you guys? I told you I was fine with coming alone."
"Yeah, well we weren't."
"Thetic doesn't sound like it."
"She's just mad because she wanted to go with her cousin," Jessica laughed, secretly pitching Thetic's arm.
"Ouch hoe! First, he's not my cousin, he's my cousin's friend and he's hot as hell! Sue me."
We laughed, nudging each other's shoulders, "How about you, Jessica? Is your girlfriend okay with this?"
"Ahh, we broke up," she says casually, pushing her hair behind her shoulder.
"OH SHIT!" Thetic and I shouted.
"Since, when?" Thetic asked.
"Three weeks ago. No big deal."
"No big deal, what happened? You have to tell us," Thetic pushed.
I hit Thetic's shoulder, "She doesn't have to tell us a thing."
"Whatever! We have all night, so I will get to you," she edged on, playfully.
Jessica and I shook our heads with a smirk upon our faces when a familiar scent approached us from behind calling my name, "Renesmee..."
I turned around from my seat looking up at the tall and handsome boy that made me believe 'Love Hurts' like the three-pointers:
• Trust gets you killed
• Love gets you hurt
• Being real gets you hated
I haven't experienced pointer one but two and three really hit a home run for me.
Staring at Daniel made me realize how he was the person I could never have, I noticed every facial feature from head to toes and his new hair changed everything, "...can we talk?" He asked.
Without a doubt, his suit was specially made and he changed his hair for this occasion which is something I was damn sure he didn't care about and yet why was he here?
"I'm here my friends, it won't take long," I honestly didn't want to talk to him in private.
The fact that he ignored me these past few days before prom maybe this space between us needed to be spread out even more, though I am a sucker when it comes to love. Nodding my head I followed behind the light of darkness.
"Renesmee... is it okay now that I tell you how I feel? I want to admit it, please give me the chance to do so."
"Daniel, you know I'm here with my friends and you dyed your hair. Why?"
"I didn't dye it how I wanted to yet but I needed to get here to tell you."
"I understand but your words or just promises can only disappoint me plus your actions show more of how you feel so figure it out for yourself."
Ren wasn't trying to be mean but if being honest is this way then she wouldn't have it any other way. She wasn't gonna let it be easy enough for Daniel to make her cry. Crying was easy but breaking someone is another thing and there was no way in this light of darkness she'll see the daylight-like this....well at least she hoped.
"One night, one night is all I need and I'll prove it to you."
"I don't have all night, Daniel."
"Give me one hour."
"I've heard the same sayings over and over again nonstop FOR YOU! Only you, Daniel. No one else has broken my heart but you!"
• I Promise
• I Love You
• I'm Sorry
"It's all a pattern that I don't enjoy playing out for you all over again."
"Then one second!" She nodded her head watching him run up the stage.
© Ren Sherman Nonfiction
2020