It had been about a week since my birthday. It was late in the night, nearly early morning. I wasn't tired though, my mind was racing with thoughts. I was sat in Steve's and my living room pondering in thought. I was fiddling with my dog tags in one hand while the other clutched onto the still, full test tube containing the blue liquid.
I still hadn't drunk it yet. In all honestly I was nervous. I thought it would be such an easy decision, I mean I had the love of life back and he can age. But this serum didn't just let me age, it gave me more benefits. I could have children again.
I knew that possibility had been taken away from me in 1946 and now it was back again. In that time period the main things girls and young woman grew up to be were good house wives, I did the complete opposite of that. I never thought about family life or being a mother myself. It never really crossed my mind. After I saw the trauma my own mum went through when she lost my sibling, I always thought I would never ever want to experience anything like that. Then when Steve went under ice, it was almost an easy decision for me to give up the chance to have children. As I couldn't picture myself starting a family with anybody else.
I wanted a future with Steve, that was for definite. He would be such an incredible father but I was scared. I didn't know if I would be a great mum. Obviously, we wouldn't have kids anytime soon because technically I still looked twenty three and with my job it would be hard. I mean take Clint for example, he sacrifices so much for his family and with Steve and I being a lot more noticeable in the press it would be even harder to hide a pregnancy.
I also didn't know if I had any motherly qualities. Would I be a great mum? I don't know and it terrified me. I wanted to give Steve what he wanted but I'm so nervous at just the thought.
I shake my head and wipe my eyes. Not even realising I had been crying. I tightened my hold on the tags and loosened the one on the tube, to uncurl it from my palm. I stared down at the blue liquid. I knew I had to take it.
I sniffed and looked up out the window to the night sky but soon my thoughts were interrupted by a calm voice sounding into the silence that had been weighing down on me.
"How did I know you would be awake right now?"
I heard him come closer to me and soon felt his presence sat next me. I know he saw the tube in my hand and probably my red eyes. I still looked out the window, worried to hold eye contact with him.
"I'm just thinking." I spoke barely above a whisper.
I had gone to bed with him around nine o'clock but soon snuck out with my thoughts being too much.
Steve reached up and grabbed my hand from the deathly grip on the tags and into his own, softly rubbing circles around the back of my hand.
"Hey look at me." He whispered.
I finally looked over to his eyes. He held concern within them.
"I'm scared Steve." I admitted to him.
I looked down feeling weird. I couldn't explain it. I never admitted my feelings to anyone. Holding emotions in, deep emotions for so many decades it was starting to take its toll on me. Steve immediately wrapped me up in his arms and rested his head on top of mine. His hands rubbed patterns into my thin top and I cried into his chest.
"I'm just worried about it. Obviously, I want to take it. I mean, I want to grow old with you, I know that for definite it's just..." I trail off not knowing how to explain it.
"The kid thing?" He asks, knowing me too well.
I nod before plucking up the courage to speak again. As well with hiding my feelings for so long I almost forgot how to express them.
"I just never thought about it before, you know? If Tony had never told me about the possibility then I probably would never be this nervous and just let it happen but I don't know...I just don't know if I'd be a good mum." I whisper the last bit.
Steve pulled away from me and looked at me sadly. He placed his hands softly on my cheeks and wiped my tears away.
"Ali, you'd be an amazing mum." He stated.
"How do you know?" I ask still not meeting his gaze.
"Because you are the most caring woman I've ever met. You put everyone before yourself. You would run to the ends of the earth and back again for me. You used to be amazing with kids when we were younger, and every single one of them looked up to you and wanted to be just like you. It's scary, I know it is. But I'll wait an eternity for you. Whenever you're ready. There's no rush Ali. It's just you and me."
I felt like Steve just pulled a massive weight off my shoulders. I sighed and sunk back into his chest in relief.
"You'd be the most amazing dad." I whisper.
"Thank you. But like I said, whenever you're ready." Steve reminded me.
I nodded and just enjoyed his embrace for a little while until I sat up again and brought my left hand up that held the serum.
"Are you with me?" I ask.
"Till the end of the line." He replied sincerely.
I nodded again and held his hand in mine as I unclasped the tube. I gazed into Steve's eyes that held encouragement but I could see nerves behind them. I squeezed his hand before bringing the liquid to my lips. Steve watched intently.
I poured the liquid down my throat and it burnt a bit but nothing happened after that. I closed my eyes as I swallowed and opened them again once it was gone. I closed the tube back up.
"Are you ok?" Steve asked me, wrapping me in his arms.
"Yeah, I'm ok." I smile small at him.
He leans his forehead against mine.
"I love you so much Ali."
"I love you too Steve."
I place a small kiss to his lips but Steve gently holds my neck to deepen it. I wrap my arms around his neck and tilt it slightly getting a better angle.
We soon pull apart and he smiles at me, placing his head back onto my own.
"Let's go to bed Ali Cat." He spoke gently.
"Ok Captain." I smiled making him laugh as he picked me up bridal side and took me back into our bedroom.
After Steve's loving words, I slept with a clear mind that night. Drifting off, while listening to his heartbeat.