It's a strange thing when you realise you've just betrayed yourself with your own lack of control. The fumbling cognisance dawned on me too late, I knew my expression had already revealed enough to water the seed of suspicion Jase had probably long been nurturing. And yet... I had no recovery. I willed myself to say something. Anything. The silence in the room was deafeningly loud, I had to deflect and salvage what I could from this situation but I couldn't make my brain work.
"Paige?" Jase leaned forward across the table, his eyes narrowed. Under the cover of the surface Ant placed a cold palm on my forearm, giving it a gentle but purposeful squeeze. Wake the fuck up.
"I'm sorry, it's been a long day. I've been feeling... dizzy on and off. I think it was the sleeping pill," I rubbed my eyes and sniffed sharply as though I was trying to wake myself up. I was more than awake now. Adrenaline was coursing through me, but I couldn't let it show.
"It has been a long day," Rob spoke wearily behind me. Had they noticed?
"Sure, just... take a look at this and let me know if it means anything to you," Jase's approach was casual, yet I knew he was resolute.
"Mm," I pretended to survey the words again, untidy cursive Arabic shakily scrawled across the page. "I don't think so... I can't be sure. I mean I could have seen it... maybe?" I did my best to appear as if I was wracking my brain for any recollection of the words.
"What does it say?" Jase leaned back in his chair, coolly unperturbed. This is what he does. Don't be deceived.
I exhaled through my lips and practiced a baffled expression.
"I can't really... make it out," I peered closer at the writing. "That word is 'the', that one says 'will'... so does that one too. I'm not sure... what does it say?" I looked up to Jase, making my eye contact direct and instantly regretting it. Had I made direct eye contact at all today? Was that giving me away? Was I trying too hard to appear as though I knew nothing?
"You can't translate it?" Jase tipped his head slightly as he stared straight back at me.
"Sorry," I shook my head. Jase rummaged through a folder and pulled out papers, the pages of text examples I'd been identifying earlier.
"That's strange. Because you translated all of the words in this sentence in these excerpts earlier."
His statement unfurled a fog of hostility throughout the room. Ant grasped the back of my chair with a firm hand, ready to whisk me out.
"I... sorry, I suppose it's difficult if the context of the sentence is different..." My hands trembled under the table. Fuck.
"I thought you didn't know what the sentence said," Sonny's boot was still against the wall, one knee pointed forwards in the same direction his glare was shot- squarely at me. "So how do you know if the context is different?"
"Sorry, maybe the handwriting is-"
"Do you want to try again? Or shall I tell you what it says?" Jase bowed his head marginally so his line of sight was level with my own. His green gaze was unblinking, and unforgiving. He didn't wait for an answer as he slid the page back towards himself and scrawled a translation underneath the words.
قريباً سيكون الوقت الذي سيعرف فيه العالم
Soon will be the time when the world will know
He read the words aloud, and pushed the paper back to me.
"Does that phrase mean anything to you Paige? What was in the box underneath?" Jase asked patiently and deliberately. My palms were slippery with sweat.
"I don't think so," I shook my head again. "It's not impossible that I'd have seen it before... I just... I can't remember. I'm really sorry," I met his cold expression with a pleading one. Please don't press this. I wasn't sure why I was lamely hoping my lacklustre attempt at a recovery had worked, I knew there was little chance of that.
"That's ok," Jase fabricated a tight lipped smile and stuffed the papers back into his folder, leaving the offending page in front of me.
"I'm sorry I-" I scrambled for something to soothe the turbulence I'd caused. "I may have seen it... its just an... image came to my mind it- brought back-" I bit my lip and pressed my eyes together with a downcast face. Did I appear distraught? Was this what someone looked like when they had flashbacks?
"I understand," Jase stated emotionlessly. "You wouldn't mind doing a polygraph test then, would you?" His eyes bore into mine.
"Wh-"
"A polygraph?" Ant's laughter bellowed throughout the room. "You've got to be fucking joking."
Sonny's figure straightened in the corner of the room, taking a step forward. "Did he say something funny?"
"Yeah, a fucking polygraph," Ant continued laughing, wiping invisible tears from his eyes. "You can't tell me you're serious. Don't lads, this is too much," he swirled around to face Rob, who took the hint and shook his head in joined amusement.
"I thought that was just a myth... the CIA actually use them?" Rob continued the pretence of hilarity as I glanced nervously between them.
"All federal employees are subject to polygraph tests throughout their career, it's routine screening. Given where we are, I think this is a pretty reasonable request. I'm sure you'd prefer it over the alternatives?" Jase's face was solemn. The alternatives. I wanted to vomit. I tried to keep my breathing steady and even but I could feel bile rising in my throat.
"I don't un- understand," I stammered the words out, tugging my hair behind my ears with clammy fingers. It was now impossible to conceal my panic, and I could feel them all watching.
Jase stood from the table abruptly, closing the laptop and gathering his folders.
"I'm giving you the courtesy of doing a polygraph. If you refuse we'll have to explore our other options," Jase addressed Ant and Rob, ignoring my nearly shivering figure. "I'll give you some time to think it over." He stalked past me, with Sonny striding close behind. The door swung shut with a clang.
*
Precipitous silence bathed the artificially lit room. Ant rose from his chair, pacing towards a wall with a thumb and forefinger pressed against his eyes. Rob watched as Paige quivered in her chair, uncertain what to say, unsure what to do.
Ant turned on his heel, crossing his arms and pointing his attention directly to the dark haired woman in front of him.
"What the fuck was that?" His voice was cool and level-headed, but Paige didn't feel the weight of his words.
"I'm sorry I... all I could think of was being ther-" she began.
"No-" Ant interrupted loudly, holding one hand in the air. "No," his tone was low with warning.
"I didn't-"
"Don't lie to me Paige," Ant's expression turned into a harsh sneer. "Do not fucking lie to me."
"Ant," Rob warned from the rear wall, his arms also clamped across his chest in disbelief at the predicament they now found themselves in.
"What do I do?" Paige asked quietly after a moment of silent reflection.
"You tell them the truth," Ant enunciated the syllables as though he were speaking to someone hard of hearing.
"I can't do that polygraph," Paige avoided their eyes and placed both hands on the table, trying desperately to steady herself. Ant whirled around the other side to face her, clamping his palms flat on the surface and leaned in.
"Do you think this is a joke? What do you think we are trained to do, Paige? Do you think we take people's words and hold their hands through a statement? Look at me!" He hissed, Paige stared at him in alarm, holding herself rigidly still. "We are trained to interrogate. We are trained to determine when somebody is lying and coming up with bullshit fucking stories on the spot! Do you think he will be fooled by a girl pleading PTSD? What do you know?" Ant could have burned a hole through her with his stare, and all the while he was regretting his outburst of rage. He couldn't believe this was happening. Was she stupid?
Paige stood abruptly, clenching her tremoring hands tightly by her sides and meeting Ant with direct eye contact. She did her best to ignore the effect of his pervasive icy blue glare.
"I can't tell you," she answered, honestly and resolutely. She had realised her own life was almost entirely out of her hands now, but there was little else she could do. The words written on that piece of paper, the box with a complex image beneath it... they had meant a great deal to her. She'd forgotten about them entirely until that moment, when the page unlocked information so dangerous she knew she was likely to die soon, by hands she had once trusted to protect her.
Ant laughed harshly, throwing his head back and gazing at the ceiling incredulously.
"Paige..." Rob began. "We can't help you if you won't help yourself."
"You don't understand..."
"You're damn right we don't understand," Ant banged his fists against the table in rage. He stepped around to stand directly before her, reaching his hands to her arms and gripping her there for a moment, hoping desperately to implore some sense of the gravity of the situation they were now in. "Paige, listen to me. As someone who has been interrogated, and as someone who has interrogated many, many people. Give them what they want. There is no great secret to suppressing intel, no way that you're going to conceal it. Do you know what they teach us?" He pierced his eyes into hers with passion. "Tell them what they want to know, or fucking top yourself. There is nothing to gain in the purgatory between them. Do you think they'll go easy on you as a woman?" Ant had to scare her, he wanted to shake her for being so stupid.
Paige remained silent. "This is it-" Ant continued. "This is your gender token. A polygraph. You think they'd do that for anyone else? You think it would be the same conversation if you were a man? Even as a civvie? No. Give them what they want, so we can all go home." Home. Ant groaned inside at the thought. They were so agonisingly close. Some twenty six hours stood between them and relative safety, but the longer they stood here deliberating the utter ridiculousness of Paige's non compliance, the less of a reality their exit strategy became.
Paige tossed her dark hair back, a sudden strength reaching her. Ant had since dropped his vice like grip from her arms, but she could feel the imprint of his fingers against her flesh.
"Don't touch me like that again," she stated flatly, attempting quiet courage but soft tremors in her voice betrayed her. Ant's features tightened, aghast at her soft command. "I don't know anything that will help them, you have to understand that. If it was a question of giving them what they want, giving them intel or informing on someone, I would do it. That's not what this is. I can't even tell you for certain if what I saw is true, but trust me," Paige felt tears of frustration and fear prickling in her eyes. "They don't want to know if I have information that will help them. They want to know if I have seen something I shouldn't have. And..." Paige looked up, willing the tears to disappear. Rob walked quietly towards her, standing beside Ant with a deeply concerned expression. "...And I've fucked up. Now they'll know I saw something. And this..." Paige breathed unsteadily. "This won't end well."