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Sweet creature
Had another talk about where it's going wrong
But we're still young
We don't know where we're going
But we know where we belong
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This will come in handy for the second half of this chapter^^
Harlow Dean
Harry sat himself down on the couch and let out sigh as he did so. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do in this situation due to how cold he was just minutes prior to this, so I sat one of the chairs in front of my desk and picked away at the skin around my nails in the hopes one of us would find the words to say to break this awful silence.
I feel so helpless right now because it feels like I can't do anything. I've never shown up to work like this before and I probably shouldn't have come, not when I'm feeling so awful I was hoping I'd manage to force myself back into happiness.
That didn't seem to be the case though, it still feels like the world is closing in around me and I don't think anybody really understands either. Harry will think this was all because of him and it' not, I don't know why I've fallen into this dark hole, but I have and it feels like I'll spend the rest of my life trying to climb out.
"You're not doing well, are you?" He asks, finally cutting into the silence that felt like it was driving an even bigger wedge between us.
Those words caught me off guard, it was the last thing I expected him to say and for some reason it made me nervous. When his green eyes stared into mine it made it so much easier to tell the lie of me being 'fine', because when I did he just shook his head and stood up from the couch.
My eyes followed him as he stretched his arms above his head, lifting the bottom navy shirt he was wearing out from the waistline of his fitted black pants. He walked over to the window and pressed his forehead against the glass for a brief seconds then wandered back over to the area in front of me.
Unexpectedly he crouched down in front of me and placed his warm hands on my knees. His touch made me flinch slightly at how much of a surprise it was and I could see his tense facial expression fall into one much calmer and relaxed, yet still worried and concerned.
"I'm sorry. I was frustrated and I shouldn't have acted so bitterly towards you." He tells me, looking straight at my face whilst I gaze out to the window displaying nothing but a picture of darkness.
I nod back, smiling slightly so he knows it's fine because I really don't have the strength to argue with anyone right now, especially not Harry.
"Birdy?" He lifts his hand to turn my face back to face him however I keep it facing out the window, unable to look him in the eyes without completely losing it. "Look at me, please birdy c'mon."
I'm so stubborn, therefore I literally fought against his hand trying to turn my head to face him until he gave up and slumped down onto the floor.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have kept those things from-"
"Harry it's not your fault," I interrupt with a sigh. "I've just had a bad day that's all."
Bad days recently have been feeling like weeks.
This is exactly the opposite of what is wanted - Harry blaming himself for the fact I've fallen into this dark place of mine. It's not his fault in the slightest and that's exactly I feel so selfish right now. He opened up about what he's been hiding, he did the right thing and I completely flipped.
"I'm sorry for reacting how I did but it wasn't because of you, I swear I-"
He interrupts me by placing his finger on my chin, this time when Harry tilted my face to face him it came as a surprise so I didn't have the chance to fight it and now I'm staring straight into a pair of pretty green eyes.
Green is my favourite colour.
"D'you know what I'm gonna say to you?" He asks, a slight smirk forming at the corner of his lips.
I shook my head, looking down at my hands folded in my lap that just feel so cold and painful for no apparent reason.
"Never apologise to me birdy." He smiles.
I'm unable to stop my own smile from forming at the fact he's still quoting himself from some of the first conversations we shared. When he engulfed my hands with his own, squeezing them gently I felt my heart flutter a little.
I'm unable to stop my own smile from forming at the fact he's still quoting himself from some of the first conversations we shared. When he engulfed my hands with his own, squeezing them gently I felt my heart flutter a little.
"I think you need to go home." He suggests and the second I shake my head he squeezes my hands again. "I don't think you're feeling too great and that's fine, but I also think you put too much pressure on yourself."
I look up at him confused, feeling a lump begin to grow in my throat and my heart begin to grow heavy.
"Your mum told me that. Said you're a hard worker and a people pleaser too." He smiles, caressing the backs of my hands with his thumbs.
I'm never going to get used to the idea that she's gone am I? Nor the fact Harry has interacted with her but I guess that if you look at the positives, at least he doesn't deal drugs and he understands how much she meant to me.
Still, I'm struggling to find the words of what I'm supposed to say so instead I just smile back at him, nodding my head slightly.
"She also said you have a habit of pushing people away." He states, taking me by shock. "Don't push me away, please."
It was more of a plea than just him asking me not to push him away, and it had my heart beating so rapidly I thought I might have a heart attack.
I nod my head back at him and whisper, "I'll try."
Harry smiles up at me before squeezing my hands and kissing the backs of both of them. Sometimes the littlest gestures are the ones that do the most.
He stands up, holding out his hand for me to pull myself up on and when I do, I throw my arms around him, just desperate to close the boundary between us that I created this morning. When his arms snuck around my waist, holding me tight and his head rests in between my shoulder and my neck, I felt this overwhelming rush of emotions and the coldness I've been feeling all day was replaced by warmth.
"Going home?" He asks me quietly, to which I nod, pulling back from our hug that I so desperately needed.
"Will you come?"
Harry was quick to answer my question with a nod, "course I will, anything you want."
With my cheek finding comfort pressed against his chest, his hand and rubbing up at down my back whilst his other gripped me so close to him, I felt so at peace. It's like we're the only two people in the world and I wish we were, I wish we never had the complications of life but you always have to jump the hurdles to get to the finish line.
Harry has filled the void in my heart I never thought could be filled and I'm growing terrified of how much I'm falling for him.
It's a difficult situation because I've never been in a relationship where I'm not being manipulated before and Harry's never been in a relationship full stop. We're both learning and we're learning together I think, I hope.
Today's been a difficult one. A horrible, dark, miserable day but I'm on the other side of it now and I'm so glad.
I hate feeling how I did earlier, like the worlds crashing down on me.
Now I'm exhausted, too exhausted to be stressing over whatever is going on between Harry and I.
He took my hand and picked my car keys up from my desk before heading out, pulling me behind him as he did so. When we reached the door he flicked the switch to let my staff know I'm not in and then we headed out to my car.
Harry chose to drive because he said I'm too tired and he didn't want anything bad to happen. So I climbed into the passenger seat and the second my seatbelt was fasted Harry reached his hand across to my lap where he held my hand tightly.
"Need to stop by mine birdy, got to pick up my guitar." He tells me, driving straight by my street which had me confused until he explained. Only now I looked at him confused still and he just laughed slightly, "wrote you a song didn't I?"
I couldn't help but smile and Harry squeezed my hand gently, grinning to himself smugly as he turned down his own street.
I'm glad he's not mad at me, I was so scared he was.
When he stopped my car and jumped out to go and grab his guitar, it didn't take him long at all, 30 seconds and he was back in the car ready to drive off again. His guitar was tossed in the backseat with so little care but I just decided not to question it.
It's not a long drive between our two houses, but even if it was I wouldn't have minded. The sound of the tires against the tar below and Harry's hand holding mine could make hours feel like seconds and it feels so comfortable.
Comfortable isn't something I'm used to feeling, but right now I feel comfortable.
We got inside and immediately Willow rushed to the door. Harry crouched down to talk to her like she was a child and then he stood back up, throwing his free arm round my shoulder and guiding my upstairs rather than into the living room.
"You need to sleep birdy, you're exhausted." He says, resting his head on the top of mine as we made our way upstairs, him carrying his guitar behind him.
"I'm fine."
"You need to sleep." He states a little more firmly "I'm gonna sing until you've fallen asleep and I'll do it every night for you if that's what it takes."
I felt like crying when he said that, not tears of sadness but tears of pure joy and contentment. Although I don't think I could cry if I tried my hardest, I don't know if there's anything left.
Harry launched his clothes halfway across the room, leaving him in his boxers and when I pulled out some pyjamas to change into he flashed me an understanding smile and turned around to allow me to change.
Once I was done Harry pulled back the covers on the side of the bed I usually sleep in and patted down, signalling for me to climb in. So I did as he suggested and climbed into the bed, feeling a strange sense of relief the second my head hit the pillow.
"Don't laugh, still have parts I'm unsure of and I'm no Stevie Nicks." Chuckles Harry, leaning forward to plant a kiss on my forehead.
I smiled back, feeling my cheeks burn red at his sweet gesture and then Harry began to play the most beautiful sounding melody I think I've ever heard.
"Sweet creature, had another talk about where it's going wrong..."
His voice is angelic. In fact not even angelic does it justice.
"But we're still young, we don't know where we're going but we know where we belong,"
My. Heart. Is. Melting.
"And oh we started... two hearts in one home. It's hard when we argue, we're both stubborn I know"
Harry smiles a little at the stubborn part and I did too. It was a sweet dig, the only dig at me I'll accept kinds.
"But oh," he chuckles slightly while singing, "Sweet creature, sweet creature..Wherever I go, you bring me home...Sweet creature, sweet creature,"
My eyelids were growing heavy and I began battling sleep while Harry sang away at one of his beautifully written songs. I don't want to fall asleep, not when he's singing. I want to hear it all.
The next part of the song he seemed unsure of, humming the tune of the song whilst looking like he's deep in thought.
"Shut your eyes birdy," he whispered and at this point he could tell me to jump of the Empire State Building and I would, so I closed myself and just listened to his guitar and his voice.
"...when I run out of road, you bring me home."
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To make up for breaking your hearts, I've given to Harry singing Harlow to sleep.
Don't say I'm not good to you:)