When the two of you finally found Sasuke and Sakura, the Walmart Asui Tsuyu was wrapping around the trunk like a snake. Naruto quickly threw his kunai and ninja stars in front of the cuck, stopping her in her place.
"Yo, is that the pedo's stank ass posing as a woman???" You said while pointing at the 'woman' and 'her' clothing.
'Yeah, that's gotta be Orochimaru.'
The 'woman' looked up at you with an unreadable stare.
"Hmm? It appears my snake haven't touched you in the slightest." 'She' said.
"Okay, you really gotta re-word that, kiddy-diddler." You said.
You then realized something before calling out the Sakura and Sasuke.
"Oh yeah! Dick Milk!!!" You yelled.
"We know it's you, you little dummy!!!" Sakura yelled back.
"I know you both tried to be cool and intended to rescue us, but... Don't put your nose in this!" Sasuke yelled to the two of you before you interrupted.
"That's our thanks for momentarily saving your asshole??? Jeez, Naruto, I don't think I can continue our dare now that I feel like killing myself over the fact that people are so FUCKING UNGRATEFUL NOWADAYS!!!!" You yelled at the top of your lungs.
"Damn it, (Y/n)! Now is not the time! RUN!!!"
"Is this something that can kill me? If it is, then NO." You crossed your arms defiantly.
"Tell me."
You all redirected your attention back to the 'lady', who's head completely turned to you and Naruto.
"How is it that you both managed to scare it away...? They never run from their victims." 'She' narrowed her eyes at you.
Naruto looked on in confusion while you slapped your fist on your other hand and flipped 'her' off.
"Nevermind that! Now that I, Naruto Uzumaki is here, I'm going to wipe the floor with you!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Yeah, we're gonna make a burrito out of you, засранец." You said.
"Eh? What does that word mean?" Naruto asked.
"Wait."
Now everyone was looking at Sasuke.
"If it's the scroll you want, I'll give it to you. I'm asking you. Just take it and go." He said before turning to you.
"(Y/n). Give me the scroll!" He yelled.
You looked between him, Orochimaru, and Naruto.
"Hey, Sasuke! What are you doing!? Just giving up the scroll like that!?" Naruto yelled before holding a hand out in front of you.
"You, shut up!" Sasuke snapped back.
Naruto glared harshly at Sasuke in surprise, hissing out something under his breathe.
"I see... You're sensible." The 'lady' said.
'She' looked up at you then back at Sasuke.
"The only thing the "prey" can hope for from the "predator" is presenting other food and pray you would be spared, isn't it?" 'She' said in an amused tone.
"You can have it." Sasuke said.
You looked down at the two, trying to rack your brain for the memory that holds this moment in the show.
Orochimaru would still attack you all even if he had the scroll. After all, he wasn't here to pass the test...
Suddenly, Naruto leaped down to Sasuke and punched him in the nose.
Oh. Well that will do it.
Sasuke was thrown to another branch, which he landed on perfectly fine.
"What are you doing all of a sudden!?" Sasuke hissed out.
"As for me, I don't remember the password... So I got no way to make sure. But you, you're an imposter Sasuke, aren't you?" Naruto growled.
You didn't really know what to do at this point as Naruto started chewing out Sasuke.
He was spitting facts, tho.
"how can you be sure that she'll let us go if we hand over the Scroll, huh?!" He said.
The 'woman' stood up slowly with a sadistic look on 'her' face.
"That's correct." 'She' said, shocking everyone but you.
'She' then started doing some summoning of wind and a giant fucking snake. You flew off the branch you were on and landed on the snake just as it went to smash Naruto.
The snake immediately recoiled when it felt you slam into it and immediately slammed into the trees.
Orochimaru struggled to stay on, clearly not expecting the snake to suddenly react that way.
He looked to the side of the serpent to see you struggling to stay on.
'So you're the one who keeps scaring my creations...' he thought to himself before something slammed into the nose of the snake.
It was Naruto. And he looked PISSED.
You could feel the goose inside ruffle its feathers, indicating that the fox had something to do with this.
Naruto kept coming back for more, beating on the nose of the snake before Orochimaru blew fire at the kid. In retaliation, you sank your teeth into the snake, which was kind of hard since its scales were thick and hard.
Nonetheless, the reptile felt it and wriggled once more.
The snake's head whipped towards Sasuke, just about to accidentally knock him off before Naruto got back up and stabbed into the snake's labial scales.
"Hey... Are you hurt? Scaredy cat?" Naruto mocked Sasuke while panting, clearly sore from falling into trees multiple times.
Immediately, Orochimaru wrapped his tongue around Naruto and pulled him up. The man then did something to Naruto's seal, something you can't really remember and threw the kid across the forest.
With Sakura's quick thinking, she threw a kunai, which pinned Naruto to a tree with his shirt before he could fall to his death.
"As for you..." Orochimaru said while looking down at you.
You released the snake from your bite and stuck your tongue out.
"Oh go suck Kabuto's dweeb cock, you fucking snake!" You yelled back.
His eyebrow raised at this before allowing the snake to disappear. You fell after the thing that held you disappeared in a cloud of smoke and made you fall onto a branch, snapping your spine in half.
"Oof!!!" You wheezed our before slowly rolling over onto your stomach on the low hanging branch.
Your vision was fading, and you could see... Sasuke and the snake pedophile... dancing?
No... they're fighting...
Orochimaru used some wind magic to slice a large piece of tree, which fell towards you.
All you could think of is why you always have to pass out like a little bitch as your vision faded out before the branch reached you.
You came to somewhere in the forest. At first, you expected to see Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto...
But you didn't.
Okay... so you got separated from your group.
Just where the hell were- woah.
As you scanned the area, you couldn't help but notice that the trees appeared to be flattened and snapped in half, leaving a clearing.
There were bodies of animals and large feathers, mostly the predatory kind that were strewn across the trees as if somebody wanted to decorate the place in gore.
You stood up shakily and continued staring at the macabre scenery.
You took a step before tripping over something and falling.
You felt something cushion your fall and sat up, only to find the body of the guy that stole your bag of burritos. Looking around, you saw that there were two others.
The burrito thief clearly died from Insanity berry poisoning, while the other two were brutalized beyond belief.
You stay seated on his torso as you reached over to grab your dirty messenger bag.
Inside, the burritos were squished and dirty. It was as though they fell out but was placed back inside. The only thing that remained unharmed was a scroll inside.
An earth scroll.
You quickly stuck your hand inside the pocket of your hoodie, finding that the heaven scroll was still there.
You grabbed the earth scroll out of your messenger bag and placed it inside your hoodie pocket, hiding it completely.
You dumped out the dirtied burritos but grabbed two of the least flattened ones and placed them inside, muttering a jutsu that transformed them into the earth and heaven scroll.
You did the same to the real scrolls but made them into perfectly wrapped burritos. You could feel the inside of your mouth drool as the real scrolls let off the smell of burritos.
You forgot how good you were at transformation.
Now that you think about it... you should be Dio again.
Yes.
Yes you should.
You started walking, 'accidentally' kicking the poisoned guy's head as you threw the messenger bag back on.
Now to find your teammates.
...Hey... why do you feel like you ate an entire buffet?
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Honk honk.