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I said, "I'm only looking out for you"
She said, "It's obvious that's a lie"
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Harry Styles
I didn't even go home to my house, I went straight to Liams because he's the only person I know other than Harlow who has more than two brain cells.
I'm in such a shit mood, I thought I was doing the right thing by telling her but it turns out that I actually made things worse and now she's probably having a panic attack or something and I can't even help her.
She probably thinks I'm mad at her too and yeah I was mad, but I was only mad at myself. I shouldn't have let things get this far without telling her and now she's mad at me, she'll probably want nothing more to do with me.
We're gonna have to go back to faking everything because the minute Daniel hears we're not on good terms anymore he'll pounce and absolutely ruin her life, I've done enough of that so I can't let it happen.
I break a lot of promises but I'm not breaking the one I made to her mother.
The second I approached Liam's house I was actually surprised not to find him in the garden considering all he ever seems to do in his free time is plant fucking flowers. Anyway, I know the idiot never locks his door so I decided to just go straight in because I am in desperate need for his advice right now.
His house is the same layout as mine so the kitchen is right by the door and the living room just in front. Sat in the living room is Josie and in the kitchen is Liam, both of them looking equally as confused at my sudden visit.
"Harry? You can't just barge in here, I could've been busy." Liam sighs, sounding completely fed up with me.
He's used to it at this point, Josie I'm not quite sure but she'll have to learn that I don't really think before I act.
"Doing what?" I scoff, wandering through to his living room after kicking my boots off at his door.
"You know...stuff." He suggests, looking at Josie with a smirk.
Gross. This is disgusting. Why are they so fucking happy?
I throw myself down on his couch at the other end as to the one Josie is sitting at, "Sorry, forgot you were in a stable relationship." I muttered under my breath.
Josies looking at me confused but I just widen my eyes at her as if to ask what the fuck she was staring at. She's also wearing one of Liam's jumpers, as if things couldn't get any worse. She's practically rubbing it in my face that she's in love with my friend. It's just a shame he was my friend before her boyfriend so I actually win here.
"Jesus christ what the fucks wrong with you?" Liam asks, coming through from the kitchen to sit in between Josie and I.
Thank god he didn't sit right next to her because I think if they started touching in front of me I'd be sick.
"I told her everything." I say through a sigh.
Liam looks as if I've just told him that I've killed four dogs and fed them to her, that's how shocking it is that I've actually opened up and confessed to everything I've been keeping from her. To be honest, I surprised myself by telling her everything, I didn't think I had it in me.
She was actually really understanding and I really appreciated that, made me feel like there was no rush and that it would be easy. However the second she pulled her hand away from mine and shuffled away from me I felt my heart literally sink to my stomach. All I wanted to do was hold her whilst all she wanted to do was be alone. It hurt a lot more than it probably should've.
It's my own fault though, if I was just honest to her from the beginning we wouldn't be in this position and she wouldn't be so mad at me. At least she can't blame her mums suicide on herself anymore, she can pass all the blame to me because I probably deserve it.
"How did she rea-"
"Not fucking good Liam that's why I'm here." I interrupt, looking at him like he's stupid.
He's supposed to be the smart one out of the four of them, at this point I'm debating just going to Louis' house because he'll just laugh at me instead of asking stupid questions like 'how did she react?'.
Josie knows about what I've been hiding from Harlow, Liam told her which I was originally mad at, however he tells her fucking everything so I'm used to it by now. At least she's stayed quiet so far, I really do not want her sticking her nose in my business and giving her unneeded opinions.
"Give her some space and let her think things through on her own. That's a lot to digest in a one go." Says Josie.
Spoke too soon.
"I wasn't talking to you." I scowl across at her.
I can see the look the two of them share out of the corner of my eye, but I just leave it. I'm not arguing with Liam today, I really do not need that right now.
"She's right Harry, you need to give her a bit of time. How would you feel if you found out your half brother you didn't even know about was trying to murder you and the girl you're in love with was one of the last people to speak to your dead mum?" Asks Liam, raising his eyebrows at me as if he was a dad.
He's a 27 year old man trapped inside an 80 year olds body I swear. The gardening, the advice, the love for jigsaw puzzles...he's a strange breed of human.
"I'm not in love with her." I correct him, rolling my eyes.
When the conversation fades into silence I turn my head to face them, only to be greeted with the two of them looking at me like I have four heads and eight eyes. The visible confusion on their faces even had me doubting myself for a second.
"You're being an ass-"
"I'm being honest." I cut him off.
"Okay...well speak to her tonight and see how-"
"No, I'd wait until she comes to you." Josie interrupts Liam, however Liam doesn't even seem to mind which is weird because if that was me I'd have told her to let me finish. "She'll come to you when she's ready."
"What do you know?" I mumbled under my breath, rolling my eyes once again.
The fact I can openly sit and speak to Liam about this shit is a lot for me because I don't even talk to the other guys about my life outside the gang. Now Josie has decided to join in and act like this is some sort of group therapy and it's really striking a nerve.
"I'm not going to the club tonight, she hates me." I tell them.
If I go to the club I'll probably just see that she doesn't wanna talk to me, do a shit ton of coke, get wasted and fuck things up for myself. Therefore I'm making the clever decision to stay at home, out of everyone's way.
...and do a shit ton of coke and get wasted.
"Harry," Liam sighs, throwing his head back like he's frustrated. "Did she tell you she hated you? No. So stop overthinking it. She doesn't hate you, she's just trying to figure things out. Stop being ridiculous."
"Alright no need to get bitchy." I scoff, surprised at Liams sudden attitude.
Normally he's a great help, he's like a wizard when it comes to shit like this but right now he's just pissing me off. He has a fucking girlfriend, how hard is it to tell me what I'm supposed to do?
Now I was I was one of those boys in school who had a new girlfriend every week, maybe then I'd have some fucking experience in this field. Not that Harlow's even my girlfriend but maybe if I had experience with women that doesn't just involve my dick I'd be a little better in this situation.
Fuck my life.
Just as Liam goes to say something the sound of three voices I recognise all to well echoes around the room and I don't think my face has fallen so fast in my life. This is the last thing I need right now.
"What the fuck are they doing here?" I sigh, closing my eyes and letting my head fall back because I can't be arsed with them right now, they'll just wind me up.
"I invited them," he tells me, standing up to walk to his door but I'm just confused as to why. "Because funnily enough Harry, they're actually nice to my girlfriend."
That was so passive aggressive for no reason.
When Liam wanders off I flash Josie the most sarcastic smile I think I've ever given and the second my face falls into its usual expression of pure frustration, the loud cheer that comes from the three boys charging fills the room and I'm instantly pissed off again.
Louis sits down right next to me, sarcastically wrapping an arm round my shoulders "fancy seeing you here!"
"Girlfriend not talking to you or something?" Zayn laughs, sitting down right next to Josie.
Didn't realise we were all such big fans of Liam's girlfriend.
I shake my head, shrugging Louis off of me as Niall lies stretched out on Liam's floor like a dog.
"She's not my girlfriend." I tell them sternly, to which Niall just bursts into a dot of laughter.
I didn't lie, she's not my girlfriend. I don't know what she is to me but now she's probably nothing judging by her reaction to the shit I've been keeping from her. She probably hates me now and she should, she has every right to.
If I never dealt her mother those drugs then Harlow would still have her best friend. I never should've given them to her mum, it's the worst thing I think I've ever done in my life and I'm only realising now because I'm seeing the impact of it first hand.
With the handful of times I've made myself a cup of tea at Harlow's house I've seen the Mother's Day mug in her cupboard as if her mum was bound to walk in the door at any second. I've seen the champagne glass with both of their names printed on the sides, I've seen the birthday cards thrown in the back of her cutlery drawer and I've seen her smile at her mums picture every time before leaving the house.
It's a pain I can't ever relate to, but it's one that makes me feel so heartbroken for her and partially guilty for the fact she can't have a cup of tea with her mum anymore, the fact she can't take out their champagne glasses to open a bottle together anymore, the fact she won't receive anymore birthday cards from her and the fact she can't say goodbye to her when leaving the house anymore.
I feel so guilty.
I dread to imagine how Harlow is right now, I'm just praying that she's okay. I hope she's not being too hard on herself because I've realised that's her speciality. I hope she's not overworking herself like I've noticed she does when she gets overwhelmed, because if anything, today's the day she needs the break.
"Harry? You alright mate?" Louis asks, digging his elbow into my side which snapped me out of my own thoughts.
I nod, "yeah, fine."
"Look I know we piss you off, but you need to stop thinking about her for a bit." Liam adds from the kitchen. "We're getting a takeout, you should stay."
Well now I feel bad for being a dick earlier.
"It's alright," I sigh, "I have leftovers in the frid-"
"For fuck sake Harry just stay and chill out for a few hours will you? You're always so stressed and uptight, take a break." Niall interrupts to which everyone just nods in agreement, even Josie.
I don't think I can relax with the state I left Harlow in this morning, however maybe Josie's right and she does need space. As much as I want to go to her house and check she's okay, I need to respect the space she asked for and I probably owe time to the guys considering I've been pretty good at neglecting them recently.
I nod back, agreeing with their suggestion and they all look at eachother with a grin.
I just hope my birdys okay.
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Aaaaand we're jumping back to Harlows POV in the next chapter:)