Chiang Mai.
Saint stood up from crouching after he had done Phu's shoelaces. He fixed on Phu's denim jacket before taking his small hand into his to exit the house.
"Mummy? Where we go?" Phu asked him after Saint done buckling his seatbelt.
"I want you to meet someone." Saint said smiling at him while reversing his car.
"Mummy friend?" Phu asked staring outside the window distractedly.
Saint sighed fondly. "Yes, Mummy's friend. I want you to be nice to him. Can you do that Boo?"
"Of course Mummy!" Phu exclaimed. "Me nice." He muttered feeling offended.
Saint giggled at that. He hit the main road at ease, the traffic was not that busy. But he still drove carefully, didn't want anything dangerous to happen. Saint took his time driving to calm his nerves. He took two days after their meeting before decided he was ready to let Perth see Phu. He had texted Perth to meet them at a children-friendly restaurant. The latter had replied his text eagerly. He even called his phone. But Saint let them missed.
Saint arrived at the restaurant six minutes late from their promised time. He sighed, rubbing at his eyes before breathing gently. He turned to look at Phu who was staring wide-eyes at the themed restaurant.
Saint looked down at his lavender sweater and jeans suddenly feeling anxious if his white jeans was too tight. He blushed before pushing the thoughts away. It was not like he tried to appeal to Perth.
Saint climbed out of his car before going to Phu's side to unbuckle him. He took Phu's smaller hand in his before crouching down to his son trying to fix his jacket and his unruly chocolate hair. Saint sighed at that Perth's trait.
"His name is Perth. Be nice to him okay? And speak politely." Saint said suddenly feeling nervous to let Phu officially meet his father.
Phu nodded his head vigorously. "Okay Mummy!" Phu promised.
Saint smiled at him feeling proud of his son.
They entered the restaurant by holding hands. Saint wanted to carry him but Phu insisted that he was a big boy already, and Saint wanted to cry at that. A waitress approached them with a smile while waving at Phu.
Saint smiled at him. "We're with Mr. Perth Tanapon."
The waitress asked them to follow her to their reserved table. He saw Perth standing even before they reach the table. Perth's eyes were staring at them, no, at Phu with wide eyes.
Phu, being his clueless self tugging at Saint's hand to show him the park located outside the glass window. Saint swallowed. He patted Phu's shoulder. "Come Boo."
Phu whined but toddled along beside him. Saint stopped in front of the table looking at Perth whose eyes were fixed on Phu without blinking.
Saing cleared his throat. Perth snapped his head towards him blushing before clearing his throat to regain his manliness.
"Hi." Saint said.
"Hi." Perth croaked out.
Saint pushed Phu gently in front of him making him stand directly in front of Perth. The small child looked up at the big guy in front of him and Saint could tell that Perth was whipped by his heart-eyes.
"Boo, say hello to Per- err." Saint stuttered.
Perth crouched down making eye level contact with Phu. He offered a hand.
"Hello Phu, my name is Perth. But you can call me Daddy."
Saint choked before coughing. He glared at Perth with warning look.
Perth smiled sweetly at him didn't even care.
"Dah-dee?" Phu asked confusedly looking up at Saint for confirmation. Saint grimaced.
"But you Ar Perth, Baba friend." Phu exclaimed stepping nearer to Perth.
Perth coughed into his fist. "Not Ar Perth anymore. Call me Dad..."
Saint cleared his throat making Phu and Perth looked at him. He wanted to die looking at them mirroring.
"Same hair Mummy." Phu said patting on Perth's short hair before on his own.
"Yes Boo, same hair." Saint agreed wanted to cry. He could see the adoration and love in Perth's eyes for Phu. It made Saint felt like a mean guy. He knew Perth always loved kids absolutely adored babies.
"Mummy?" Phu called him.
"Yes Boo, you can call him Daddy."
Saint was thankful for his decision when Perth's smile at him could light the universe.
"Dahdee." Phu tested that word on his mouth.
Perth smiled. "Thank you," He mouthed at Saint.
To Saint's surprise, it was not hard for Perth and Phu to bond. Phu was a talkative boy by nature and he continued to talk to Perth non-stop. They talked about superheroes, TV characters, movies, and by the time their food was served in front of them, Perth still gave Phu his full attention indulging him happily.
Saint finally spoke up, “Phu please eat your food, and let Perth eat in peace.”
"No, it's fine. I like hearing him." Perth shared a smile with Phu as the cute boy began to shove fries into his mouth, all drowned in ketchup. Perth turned to Saint, who sat across from him. "Besides this is what we came here for. To talk."
Saint looked down at his food, "And what is it you want to talk about?"
Perth scoffed, “Really, Saint?”
Saint poked at his broccoli with his fork, not meeting his gaze. "Just ask your questions and I'll answer.”
"How about until when did you intend to hide my son from me?” He asked too calmly. It made Saint shiver, he knew Perth too damn well.
Saint blushed from embarrassment and muttered at him, "I was hurt... and confused. And I was going to... was planning on it at some moment ... but." He trailed off, not having an actual answer.
"But?" Perth pressed, eyebrows raised and he still looked evilly handsome. After a couple of seconds of Saint saying nothing he continued, “But nothing!" He hissed.
"This is something you should have told me as soon as you found out!" He whisper yelled suddenly feeling raged.
Saint swallowed. He glance at Phu, bless the boy who was munching happily on his chicken nugget and playing with a superhero toy in his hand.
"Yes! I was going to! For your information I went to see you to tell about his existence and I found out that you've slept with that woman behind my back. So I did what I think the best thinking that you didn't even want to be tied with me and- and I chose to run away." He ranted breathlessly
"You're an id-" Perth inhaled sharply, angry beyond belief, but stopping himself from cursing in front of Phu.
"You knew how much I love babies don't you? And how I want to have one. Especially with you." He murmured blinking rapidly, eyes bright with unshed tears. Perth was heartbroken. He loved kids and the thought that he unknowingly had one killed him inside. As soon as his eyes met the ones of Phu, his whole life became focused and tethered to his. His love for Phu was simple, effortless - instinctual. While Saint - only God knew how much he still love him with all of his heart.
He had a kid. The thought was so outrageous, it was making Perth dizzy. He was a father. Three years ago his baby was born and he didn't know. Perth wasn't a part of anything! No birthday parties, first words, first steps. Oh how much love will his mother and Sammy showered Phu with when they meet him.
Saint looked away, guilt twisting his heart. Yes, maybe he should have tried harder. Yet, something inside him wanted to keep Phu all to himself. Phu was his baby, his own child. But he was Perth's too, his conscious told him. They loved each other so much before. And they made precious Phu together. A tear ran down his cheek.
"I'm sorry-" he choked.
"Oh baby-" Perth whispered lifting his napkin to stand up and went to him.
"Excuse me." Saint breathed out before walking to the toilet without looking back at Perth.
Perth stunned in his seat.
"Dahdee? Why Mummy-" Phu called him.
"Oh precious."
•••••••••
Saint leaned against the cold sink. Head hang between his shoulders. He was an idiot. Perth was right. He had robbed Perth's right on their son from his against his will. He should've talked to Perth about it like an adult instead of running away from the problem. But who could blame him? He was a pregnant teenager at the moment, filled with insecurity. But, that woman? Saint sighed. There was not the time to think about that yet. They needed to focus on the future and about Phu, their main priority. Saint blinked. What if Perth wanted to take Phu with him back to Bangkok? He would not allow that. He could consider co-parenting but he could not separate from Phu and Phu could not live without him. Saint calmed down. They would talk about it like an adult.
Saint stepped out of the toilet with confidence. He would talk to Perth properly about co-parenting. Saint stopped in his track when he saw Phu was sitting in Perth's lap, a skeleton of dinosaur model was on the table in front of them. He didn't notice a big paper bag besides Perth's chair when they arrived. Maybe presents for Phu. The little boy listened attentively to Perth about how to do the model. Saint wanted to faint. The picture was so perfect. Father and son.
He approached them clearing his throat. He noticed that the plates were gone. His meal was the only one left with a glass of chocolate mousse beside it. Oh Perth and his concern. He blushed.
"Mummy!" Phu said jumping in Perth's lap. Saint grimaced but the man was laughing happily at his son.
"Look what Dahdee give me!" He exclaimed showing his huge dinosaur to Saint.
"It's nice Boo. You like it?"
"Yes Mummy"
"So, what should you say to Per- Daddy?" Saint blushed when Perth stared at him.
"Thank you so much Dahdee!!" He said turning around to hug Perth's neck and kissing his cheek.
Perth was stunned before tightening his arms around Phu and kissing his hair. "Anything for you Boo.. anything."
Saint smiled at that before clearing his throat. "Seems like it's gonna rain outside. Come Boo, time to go home."
Phu pouted his lips, arms still around Perth's neck. "Want play more Mummy..." he muttered leaning his head against Perth's shoulder. Sue him but Perth was comfy to cuddle, after his Mummy.
Perth grimaced at Saint. "We'll play again soon okay. I'll bring more toys more. But you need to go home with Mummy first. It's not easy for Mummy to drive in rain." He coaxed.
"Okay," Phu mumbled eyes halfway closed.
Saint shot him a thankful smile. "If you don't mind, can you carry him for a while. I want to clear his toys."
"Sure, sure." Perth stuttered. He stood up on his long legs being careful with a sleeping baby in his arms. He carried Phu to the side while watching Saint clear the toys into the bags.
"The food?" Saint asked him when they were done.
"I already paid for it." He smiled.
"Thank you." Saint muttered shyly.
"Can I carry him to your car?" Perth
asked for his permission.
"Yes, please." Saint agreed.
They walked out of the restaurant like a picture perfect family earning a few coos from the visitors and the waitress from before. Saint walked slowly behind Perth who was carrying Phu in his arms. He blushed again.
The sky was already dark when they arrived at his car. Perth seemed reluctant to put Phu in his baby seat but Saint's smile at him convincing him that they will meet again soon. He kissed Phu's chubby face when he was buckled safely in his seat.
Saint stood awkwardly behind him flinched when Perth turned to face him.
"Erm, thank you Perth." He said.
Perth smiled. "I'm the one who should say that. Thank you for letting me see him , Son."
Saint bit his lip at the nickname. "Guess we'll get going. See you next time Perth."
"Promise?" Perth asked him, a glint of hope in his eyes.
Saint's heart hurted. "Yes, promise." He whispered.
He was caught off guard when Perth pulled him into a hug. His face against Perth's chest and Perth's breath against his neck. Perth arms tightened around him inhaling breathily on his neck. He should feel threatened but he felt safe, the smell was familiar and homey. Saint put his hands on Perth's back rubbing soothingly for a moment before he pulled back.
Perth's eyes on him was unreadable, but he looked relieved.
"See you soon." Saint said before walking away to climb into his seat.
He drove away with Perth still standing at the parking lot waving his hand at him through the side mirror. Saint sagged in relief in his seat.