"Klaus, is Ben here?" Five asked Klaus as Klaus finally let go of us.
"Oh, uh, no" he responded. "No, unfortunately, ghost can't time travel" Klaus sighed.
"Are you kidding me?" I heard Ben's voice from behind me. I arched an eyebrow at Klaus as he just waved me off.
"All right, then. Let's get down to business" Five walked up the stairs. We followed behind Five as Klaus grabbed my hand and we walked beside Vanya.
"So, Vanny, what's new?" Klaus asked in a silly voice.
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"All right. First off, I wanna say I'm sorry. I know I really screwed the pooch on this whole going-back-in-time-and-getting-stuck thing" Five sighed.
"But the real kick in the pants here is we brought the end of the world back here with us" he said honestly.
"Oh, my god, again?" Klaus asked annoyed. Everybody just stared at Klaus as he looked confused. "All of you knew? Why am I always the last one to find out about the end of the- Oh my god" he suddenly widened his eyes at a realization.
"What?" I asked confused. "My cult is gonna be so pissed. Five!" He whined. "I told them we had until 2019" he pouted like a child.
"We have until Monday. We have six days" Gove told him. "Is it Vanya?" Klaus asked while drinking from his glass of water.
"Klaus, no dices eso" (Klaus, don't say that)I scolded annoyed. "What? It's usually Vanya" he shrugged.
"Do you have any leads, Five?" Vanya asked Five, ignoring Klaus.
"Yeah, we have one" Five sighed and Diego passes him the envelope with a picture of Reginald in it.
He handed the envelope to Allison and her eyebrows furrowed.
"Holy shit, is that dad?" Allison asked shocked. "Yeah" Five sighed. "That's him?" Vanya asked as Klaus and her looked at the picture.
"Standing on the grassy knoll" I sipped my wine. "Diego, Luzia and I have been trying to talk to dad about what exactly this means" Five told them.
"Who's Luzia?" Allison asked confused. "Me?" I pointed at myself. "Wait, what?" She asked confused.
"No time, we have nothing so far about trying to talk to dad" Five interrupted.
"Not nothing" Diego said. "He's planning to kill Kennedy" Diego said.
"Maybe. But we don't know who or what sets doomsday in motion" Five replied.
"Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely independent" I finished his sentence.
"But if we know something changes the timeline, we have to make it right" Five said.
"Yeah, but how, if we don't know what's broken?" Allison asked confused.
"Come one, do the math" Diego said annoyed. "We know dad's having shady-ass meetings with some shady-ass people" Diego responded.
"We know he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president" he continued.
"So I think we all know what we have to do" Diego said.
"Find dad" "Kill dad" Five and Diego responded at the same time.
"For the first time, I actually like Diego's plan" I said and took a sip from the tequila bottle Allison had in her hands.
"None of us are supposed to be here, right?" Vanya asked us.
"I mean, what if it's us?" She asked again. "Has anyone done anything to screw up the timeline?" Vanya asked and the rest their heads turned towards me.
"Don't look at me. I didn't start a mafia this time" I held my hands up in surrender. "Mafia?" Vanya asked me confused and shocked at the same time.
Everyone stayed quiet for a while, avoiding eachother's gazes.
"Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald" Luther was the first one to speak. "And you're working for Jack Ruby" Diego pointed his finger at Luther.
"Allison has been involved in local politics" Klaus said. "Okay, you started a cult" she responded, pointing at Klaus.
"Thank you" Ben's voice said from beside me. "Jesus, how long were you sitting there?" I said quietly at Ben. "The whole time, dude" he said with a confused tone.
"I'm.. I'm just a nanny on a farm" Vanya stuttered. "I don't have anything to do with all of that" Vanya said nervously.
"Well, maybe you do, we just don't know it yet" Allison suggested.
"What time changing thing could she have done, illegally sell cows?" I asked annoyed.
Diego whistled loudly, getting our attention. "Listen to yourselves. Everything in our new lives is connected to Kennedy. That can't be a coincidence" Diego told us.
"Why are you so obsessed with Kennedy? Like seriously, you want a poster or something?" I sighed.
"Look, Luther works for Ruby, Allison is protesting the government" i high fived Allison. "dad is on the grassy knoll, Klaus is... doing something weird and pervy, Victoria is... what do you do?" He asked confused.
"I work at a office where they write newspapers" I said in a monotone voice. "Probably related" Diego shrugged.
"See, clearly, we were all sent back here for one special reason: saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy" he told u all while we just looked at him bored.
Everybody began talking at the same time. Each having a different question and a different opinion. The only ones who stayed quiet were Five and I.
"Guys, you all die" Five announced all of the sudden. "I mean... wasn't that obvious? When do we not die? Something always happens to us when we have to save the world" I stated.
"This time, I saw it happen" Five told me with a crack in his voice. "I was there. I saw it. And I wanna forget it, but I can't" he looked down to the ground with a sad expression on his face.
"I saw Russian nukes vaporize the world with all of you in it... in a war that never happened until we brought it here. And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need to shut up and just listen to me" he told us sternly.
"I don't know if the things we've experienced here are all connected. I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But dad will. We need to talk to him before everyone and everything we know is dead" Five finished his lecture.
"Okay, I'm out" Luther announced and stood up from his chair.
"Did you even hear me, Luther?" Five asked annoyed while Luther began making his way to the stairs.
"Yeah, yeah I did" he sighed and stood in front of Five. "I heard a fifty-eight year old man who still wants his daddy to come and fix everything" he raised his eyebrows at Five with a sarcastic smile.
"You're one to talk" I told him with a smirk. "Well, I don't care, you can count me out. It's time we all grew the hell up" he told us and left.
"Luther!" Vanya yelled after him. "Come back!" Allison yelled. "Where are you going?" Klaus asked annoyed. "Come back, ape man! Don't be such a pussy!" I yelled at him, sipping more of the bottle of tequila.
"Luther" Diego sat up and followed Luther downstairs.
"Save it Diego" Luther told him. Five jumped away, in front of Luther as he was descending the stairs.
"No one leaves until we figure this out" Five told him sternly. Luther sighed and picked him up, throwing him away and Five jumped to god knows where.
"Ey! What are you doing? That was the smart one of all of us!" I yelled after Luther, not moving from the couch.
"Oeh, what's this?" Klaus asked as he took a bowl of the Jell-O Elliot had made earlier. "Klaus, don't eat tha-" I got interrupted as Klaus took a spoonful of Jell-O in his mouth and chewing loudly.
"You know, I could really go for some tacos right now. Allison?" Klaus asked, taking another spoonful of Jell-O.
"Tacos?" He asked again with a hopeful smile on his face.
"Shouldn't we wait?" Allison asked, pointing towards Diego and Luther who had already left.
"You know those guys. I mean, it could take forever for them to bro it out" Klaus shrugged.
"Vanya, tacos?" He asked her with a big smile. "Is there any way that tacos are gonna cause the end of the world?" She asked us.
"I mean there's only one way to find out, right?" I asked them with a grin. "Let's get tacos, bitches" I stood up from the couch, Klaus hooking his arm around mine, Allison and Vanya walking behind us.
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"The nerve of that man" Allison groaned. We were now inside of the hairsalon she works at. Drinking alcohol and smoking after we ate tacos.
"I mean, one thing goes wrong, and he's on a warpath" she said frustrated. She was telling us about how her husband, Raymond, was ignoring her when she used her powers on a cop, in order for the cop not to kill her husband.
"I mean, doesn't he know who I am? No, no. No, Ray, you know exactly who I am. You just can't handle it" Allison said proudly.
"Amen" I held up my alcohol bottle at her statement. "Pew, pew" Vanya made hun noises and hun movement with her hands, sitting next to me already drunk.
"I'm protecting him" Allison continued. "Ow, from what?" Klaus asked after Allison accidentally combed through his hair a little to harshly.
"The end of the world, for one" Allison stated. "Is the world really gonna end in six days?" Vanya asked us, looking through the mirror at Allison, Klaus and I.
Allison stopped combing Klaus hair for a moment, before continuing again. "Well, it did last time, and we did everything Five could think of to stop it" Allison explained about the last apocalypse.
"Hey, wouldn't it be weird if Five grew up all hot?" Klaus asked all of the sudden, standing up from the chair and standing in the middle of the shop.
"Wouldn't that be weird?" Klaus asked again. "What?" I asked confused. "Eww" Allison grimaced. "Oh, eww! Eww!" Klaus mocked Allison.
"Please, Miss 'Luther was my lover'" Klaus raised an eyebrow at Allison.
"We have never kissed" Allison told him when Klaus started making kiss noises. "Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moon-dog eyes at eachother all through puberty and breakfasts and all that" Klaus said with a disgusted look.
"I'm glad I missed out on that" I giggled tipsy. "Aren't we all brothers and sisters, or..?" Vanya asked confused, turning her chair to look at us.
"Well.. technically, it-" "If you have to use the word 'technically' you're already in trouble" I told her.
Klaus giggled together with Vanya, making me giggle with them. "Okay, can we focus?" Allison asked us.
"I mean, clearly we're not saving the world tonight, but maybe, maybe, we could at least try to save my marriage" Allison suggested.
"No!" Klaus groaned, splashing alcohol on the floor accidentally.
"No, because that's like.." he stood back in the middle of the salon. "That's like asking a nun how to jump someone's leg" Klaus stated like it was obvious.
"I mean who in this room knows shut about relationships? This one?" He pointed at Vanya. "Is secretly in love with some farm Frau" he slurred.
"Her name's Sissy" Vanya corrected him. "Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer" I defended Vanya, not thinking clearly.
"What?" Vanya asked confused. "Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch... for a soldier I haven't technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister" Klaus continued.
"Okay, again, we are not biological" Allison said annoyed.
"And this one" he pointed at me. "Wait, did you ever have a boyfriend?" He asked me, tilting his head to the side. "I killed him" I said casually, which made everybody look at me with wide eyes.
"What? He was working for another mafia and wanted to kill me first!" I defended myself.
"Well, in that case, it's okay" Klaus waved me off. "Look, face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin" Klaus stated.
"Oh, I remember that!" I laughed at the memory. "The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about love... is how to screw it up" he tilted his flask in the air like he was the proudest man on earth.
"Cheers" Allison, Vanya and I said at the same time, lifting out bottles of alcohol in the air.