Silence was my only company during the restless night. My mind was full, and my heart was heavy. Luck was somewhere, but it was too far to be seen. I did complete some of the homework, and by the witch hour I felt exhausted and almost unable to function.
Alas, I had to get it done. But luck was slowly fading away as my mind constantly drifted to him. I will admit I overly romanticized our encounters, but perhaps it's because I've never felt real attraction to someone before. Or maybe it's the daddy issues that loved the male validation—I don't know, and I preferred to leave it that way.
But I had to get this done, I couldn't let some stupid boy take over my thoughts. And so I picked up my worn down pencil and continued writing nonsense.
Tick!
The pencil lead had smashed into the white paper. My luck was truly fading way. A minor inconvenience but it was almost like the universe was annoyingly teasing me.
Frustration was growing and my patience was now narrow. And by sunrise, I was done. My bed was now welcoming me with open hands and arms. School would begin in an hour and I had no energy remaining to still change. Disgusting but understandable. And so I let myself drown in the warm blanket. Safe and sound.
And again the sun blind my eyes, but the weather seemed satisfying. That's a rare encounter in England and I was rather thankful for it.
But then I realized I was indeed late. And it was like the sky grew dark and the clouds had emerged; I could no longer hear the bird singing.
I practically fell off of my bed when I realized that my clock did not welcome me with the same numbers I was used to seeing every morning. Also leaving me with minimum time to get ready. I hadn't change the night before, and that morning especially required extra effort to make myself look—presentable.
I made a run for it. So fast that I was certain I had bruises from the tripping and stumbling.
But I made it in time. To the refractory, and basically stuffed anything edible my eyes landed on. And luckily, I had spotted Amelia among the group of teenagers. As usual convincing people to let her cross the line. One thing that truly made Amelia who she was her lack of patience. Anything that required a bit of waiting lead to a mental breakdown, and normally it's fun to watch.
And I practically pulled an uno reverse card as this time I was grabbing her from her wrist and making a run towards the door. And she was screaming for her life.
"Oops! I guess now you'll know how unpleasant it was." I was clearly enjoying this situation and didn't even attempt to hide the visible smirk. We were now standing on the damp grass infront of the refractory. Students were leaving the door and pushing us away with no care in the world. But Amelia was too stubborn to leave without winning the argument.
Rubbing her wrist to add a dramatic effect did not work, and only because she had attempted it several times. Each time never worked. And this time she finally accepted her acting skills wouldn't work on me, letting go of her wrist sighing in defeat. Later leading to an eye roll and the raise of an eyebrow; questioning my laughter.
"I'm sorry I swear!" I've practically apologized a thousand times; If not more. Each time with immense failure as I couldn't hide the laughter that so badly wanted to escape my mouth. The look on her face had given me abs from the internal wheezing.
I made sure to make a note of how she didn't like to be grabbed by her wrist and ran into mud; To help me in the future of course.
The first class was math, and I had it with Amelia. The whole class was spent playing a game of hangman with Amelia, occasionally stuffing the paper under our Workbook when the teacher gave us a stink eye.
Thankfully, time passed quickly and we had a little break right before chemistry.
God not chemistry.
"I'm so hungry! I missed breakfast because of you!" Amelia had remarked once again with her index finger pointed inches away from my face.
"If u don't walk faster I might just have to grab you and make a run for it."
"You wouldn't." I replied with all confidence.
She did. Stumbling and tripping once again over the damp soil and the many rocks. All that was left was to land flat on the ground for my face to be numb. But that didn't happen, next thing I knew we were in the refractory and now all my focus was on my sore wrist that I hadn't noticed Amelia among the group of people.
The rest of the break had passed quickly. While Amelia ranted about how much she hated chemistry, I nibbled on a sand-which—hardly eating it. Truth was the pit in my stomach had grown. It was like my stomach was twisted, and turned inside and out as the pain was unbearable. It wasn't that time of the month, it was the nerves.
And eventually the time had come again. Once again taking the same path to the same classroom. It was like time had repeated itself as I felt that same lump on my throat and the claustrophobia of the hallway.
We had made it early, thankfully. And even though my teacher was strict about seating plans, Amelia sat in the back of the class was better than nothing.
I swiftly took my seat whilst Amelia chose to sit next to me until the teacher decided to make an entrance. And even though the seating chart was strict and she had to leave soon, her presence, even for the limited time being—had truly calmed my nerves.
However, it wasn't long before the teacher entered and Amelia had to go back to where she was. Once again a smile plastered on his face whilst he reminded us of the homework. He didn't need an annoying student to remind him of the homework, he simply always remembered. One of the factors that made him so unlikeable.
And then he entered. Louis; his collar buttons were unbuttoned and he had a lipstick print on his cheek. I'd be embarrassed if I walked in a full class with clear evidence I was banging someone during a school day.
Then she walked in.
Chantel; Giggling, with his tie in her hands and that red lipstick was from her lips.
Misogyny was never my thing, but I truly hated that girl from every part of my living soul. Not because I found out she was banging Louis. But because she ruined my school-life during first year.
And even though I still lack confidence, I truly couldn't say a word without shaking a year ago. And so standing up for myself was never an option.
But that was the past, now was the present. And I had just found out that he was a playboy like Alexander and like every other boy in this dumpster school.
And even though nothing happened between us and it was just a stupid crush, it had crushed me. I actually had hope in being happy again for a second there. Pathetic how I rely on others for my happiness.