Date: 04-03-2021
Song: Never Not
-
Hawaii.
"Vicey! Tabi tayo ah!" sabi sa kaniya ni Karylle na hindi niya rin naman tinanggihan. He hasn't admitted it to himself yet, but he'd take any chance to be close to her.
Picture taking. Both their smiles wide as can be. Hindi lang ang kanilang fans ang naging masaya sa mga litratong iyon, maging siya rin. Hiningi pa nga niya sa mga kaibigan nila ang mga kopya nito upang ipang-bati raw kay Karylle sa birthday nito— which he never does.
Sama-sama silang nag-dinner ng showtime family. Magkatabi na naman sila.
"'Yan lang kakainin mo? Baka manghina ka niyan," he said to her, concern evident in his voice. Aangal pa sana si Karylle nang dagdagan niya ang laman ng plato nito ngunit pinanlakihan niya ito ng mata. Sanay na rin naman ang dalaga sa mga aksyon niyang ganito. He loves taking care of her.
The night was filled with many laughs, mainly because they could hardly run out of funny things to say. Syempre, hindi rin nakalagpas ang panaka-nakang panunukso sa kanila ni Karylle.
"Gusto ngang papuntahin ni Nanay sa bahay namin! Sabi ko, tsaka nalang kapag napasagot ko na." he shared then winked at her.
"Nako, waks! Baka kapag nakapag-meet na sila, i-invite na si K na maging manugang ni Nanay."
"Sinabi mo pa! Ngayon pa nga lang, naghahanap na ng apo eh, kaloka!" pagsakay niya sa biro ng kanilang mga kasamahan. Karylle just laughed it off but he was sure he saw a flush in her cheeks that moment.
Hindi na rin naman bago iyon. Pinipili lang talaga niyang hindi i-point out.
vicegandako: 9pm here in Hawaii. Where to go? Mmmmmmmm..........,
A few minutes after he tweeted, he received a text from Karylle.
From: Kurba
Wanna eat?
To: Kurba
Sure! Mga anong oras ba?
From: Kurba
Mga 10-ish. See you sa baba, Vicey!
Mahina namang siyang napatawa nang saglit siyang napaisip kung ano ba iyong 10-ish.
"Ay taray! Saan ang lakad, Meme? Mags-shopping ba tayo?" tanong ni Buern nang makita siya nitong nag-aayos. Inirapan niya ito.
"May date ako." maikli niyang sagot habang chinecheck kung ayos lang ba ang itsura niya sa salamin. For some reason, he wants to look perfect for this "date", which caused Buern to raise an eyebrow.
"Nandito ba si baby boy?" his panicked expression suddenly shifted upon hearing that name.
"Wala, gaga. Inaya ko kasi si Karylle na lumabas."
"Ah..." kunwaring patay malisya lang na sabi ng kaniyang kausap at sumunod nalang sa kaniya.
Tila balisa siya habang hinihintay na dumating si Karylle. Namamawis ang mga kamay niya at hindi niya mapaliwanag ang bilis ng tibok ng puso niya. Hindi na nga niyang namalayang kinuhanan siya ni Buern ng litrato at pinagkakaguluhan na pala ito ng mga anak nila ni Karylle.
"Vicey!!" his lips automatically curved into a smile when he heard her angelic voice call his name.
They had dinner at one of the restaurants near their hotel. He prentended to be busy with his menu, but he surely wasn't reading anything written there. He just stared at her whenever she was too occupied with choosing a meal to order.
"How about you, sir? What's your order?"
Napa-balik siya sa realidad nang bumaling sa kaniya ang waiter.
"A-Ah, I'll just have whatever she ordered."
They had random discussions over dinner, but none of them were about their lovelifes. They just wanted to enjoy each other's company and what seems to be this own world they've built in Hawaii.
Sinubukan ni Karylle na mag-presintang magbayad, pero hindi naman siya papayag doon.
Lumabas sila ng resto pagkatapos kumain at bumili ng ice cream. Sinubuan niya ang dalaga ng flavor na kinakain niya with his spoon at ganoon din naman ang ginawa ni Karylle sa kaniya.
After that, they decided to just walk back to the hotel. Gaya ng laging nangyayari, siya ang naka-angkla kay Karylle habang naglalakad sila. Mamaya-maya naman ay unti-unting naglakbay ang kaniyang kamay pababa. He intertwined their hands.
There was always this certain feeling when their hands held each other. A feeling of comfort. Like her touch was exactly what his body and what his heart needed. He just wondered if she felt that too.
"Salamat sa pagsama sakin tonight, I really had fun."sabi sa kaniya ni Karylle habang tinatahak nila ang daan papunta sa kanilang mga kwarto.
"Ako pa nga ata ang dapat magpasalamat sayo eh. Buti nalang talaga inaya mo ako, bagot na bagot ako kanina."
"Basta, Kurba ah. Alam mo namang one call away lang ako lagi. You know you can always come to me if you need anything." bilin niya kay Karylle bago pumasok ng hotel room.
"Me too. Thank you, Vicey. Good night."
The day of the show. Kasama talaga sa script ang pampakilig nila ni Karylle.
On the spot ay nagdalawang-isip siya kung pipiliin ba niyang ilapat ang kaniyang mga labi sa labi ng magandang dilag na kaniyang kaharap.
Karylle's anticipating a kiss, he can see that. Hindi niya lang alam kung bakit hindi niya tinuloy. He resorted to his usual way out: pointing out something about her with every hint of his sexuality.
They went on with the show, but he could see in her eyes that she was quite disappointed with what happened earlier. And that gave him something he didn't want to feel but also something she continued to give him unintentionally— hope.
On the way back to the hotel, magkatabi sila sa bus. Nakatingin siya sa labas ng bintana nang maramdaman niyang hinawakan ni Karylle ang kaniyang kamay. Matapos iyon ay sumandal ang dalaga sa balikat niya. Hindi naman niya napigilang mapangiti dahil doon.
Tanging silang dalawa ang naiwan sa lobby kaya magkasabay silang nagtungo sa kanilang mga hotel room.
Just before they parted ways, Karylle called his name.
"Vice,"
"Hmm?"
He was shocked when she planted a quick kiss on his cheek.
"Good night."
He was so tired that night but he just couldn't fall asleep. Gising na gising ang diwa niya.
Tulog na ang mga kasamahan niya kaya wala na rin siyang maaya sa mga ito upang samahan siya. Pinili na lamang niyang magtungo sa veranda ng kaniyang kwarto.
Habang nakatingin sa kawalan ay tanging mga alaala lang kasama ang isang tao ang tumatakbo sa isipan niya.
Clubbing in QC.
He volunteered to take her home since it was his fault she was wasted. He brought Karylle to her condo. Hiniga niya sa kama ang dalaga at hindi niya napigilang mapatitig sa maamong mukha nito habang natutulog. This was one of his hobbies, admiring her.
Aalis na sana siya nang biglang dumilat si Karylle. Ilang pulgada lang ang layo ng mga mukha nila sa isa't isa.
"Una na ako—" nanlaki ang mga mata niya nang hawakan ni Karylle ang batok niya at biglang lumapat ang mga labi nila sa isa't isa. Their lips just stayed that way. Noone dared to move for a few seconds, not until he went back to reality.
"U-Una ako, K. Magpahinga ka na rin. Good night."
They never discussed that moment between them. Karylle was too drunk to remember it anyway.
Their various kulitans on TV and even backstage.
Him pulling her closer to him by the waist.
Him fixing her hair.
Him checking up on her before going on air.
Her calling him pogi.
Them pretending to be a couple.
Buko juice.
Their almost kisses.
Their kisses.
That was what was keeping awake. His hope.
-
Days passed, and they just grew closer (and sweeter) to each other. They hung out more often. They spent so much time in their own little bubble. They both knew they were falling, but never chose to speak about it.
-
They weren't in good terms right now and at this second, only the two of them knew that. Only the two of them knew what happened in her dressing room.
"Uy, Vicey! May kailangan ka ba?"
"Noong nakita kita kaninang kasama siya... Noong nakita ko kung paano mo siya asikasuhin, I-I... Paano ko ba sasabihin 'to? N-Nagseselos ako, Karylle. Tuwing nakikita ko kayong magkasama, nagseselos ako. Gusto ko, kung ako yung kasama mong gawin yung mga bagay na ginagawa mo kasama siya. Everytime you're with him, I wish you were with me."
To answer the several questions in her head, he crashed his lips into hers. She was quick to react, though. Agad siyang tinulak nito.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Karylle..." he took her hand and looked her eye to eye. She could see the pain in his eyes.
"I have to go." pag-iwas ng dalaga.
"Mahal kita. At kitang-kita ko rin sa mga mata mong mahal mo ako."
Fear was etched in Karylle's face. Lalo naman siyang nasaktan dahil doon. He always dreamt of having the courage to admit it all to her, and her reaction was far from what he dreamt it would be.
"Alam mong hindi pwede, Vice. You have someone, I have someone. Magiging magulo 'to."
"Magulo na kung magulo. Ang mahalaga mahal kita at mahal mo ako, diba? Basta magkasama tayo—"
"It doesn't work that way! Alam mo ba kung anong pwedeng mangyari kung ipipilit natin 'to? You might lose your career!"
His grip on her hand tightened.
"I'd rather lose everything than lose you."
"No, no. I'm sorry. I-I can't give you what you want. Hindi pwede—"
"Karylle, 'wag naman ganito."
She met his gaze. He knew she was in pain.
"I'm sorry, Vice. P-pero kung ano man 'tong nararamdaman natin, I think it's best we forget about it and move on with our lives. Walang magandang maidudulot 'to."
"Waks! Ang daming bisita ah!" bungad sa kaniya ni Anne nang dumating ito kasama ng iba pa nilang kaibigan.
"Asikasuhin ko muna iba kong bisita ah? Enjoy lang kayo dyan," bilin niya sa mga ito. Hindi naman nakalagpas sa kanilang paningin ang peke niyang ngiti.
"Annie, ano na?"
"Ito na nga, Vhongski. Nagm-message siya sa group chat natin oh."
His phone continued beeping so he chose to take a look why. He was welcomed with the numerous chats from their group chat.
Karylle: Hindi naman ako invited.
Anne: Anong hindi? Imposible namang hindi ka invited, K. Punta ka na dito! Baka hanapin ka na ni Vice eh.
Karylle: Wala kasi akong driver.
Vhong: Ganun ba? Sige, paikutan nalang kita diyan sa driver ko, bruh.
Karylle: Tinatamad kasi ako.
Alam niyang pinagtatakpan lang ni Karylle ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit wala siya doon. He knows her too well. Hangga't pwede ay sisipot ito sa party niya because she knew how important her presence was to him. But this time was different, they both know that.
"Wait lang, tatawagan ko na nga." Billy said.
"Direk, baka naman po kapag kayo yung nagsabi pumunta na—"
"'Wag niyo nang pilitin yung ayaw." malamig niyang sabi sa mga kaibigan.
Nakarating sa media ang tampuhan nila. Halata rin naman kasi iyon sa kahit sinong makakakita sa kanila.
They chose to handle it with false stories and kept the true story to themselves. It took quite a while to patch things up between the two of them. Hindi naging madaling tanggapin lahat ng nangyari. Hindi madaling kalimutan ang nararamdaman nila.
But he learned to just be thankful for what she can offer— friendship. Constant love and support as a friend.
And that should be enough.
-
May asawa na si Karylle at may boyfriend na siyang tingin niya ay makakasama niya habambuhay. You could say they both have their own happily ever afters.
They still loved each other, just in a different way now.
There were so many things that remind him of her, so many times he wants to bring up her name but ends up not doing so.
"Kunwari mayroon isang artistang babae na mabubuntis ko, sino yung gusto mo?"
"Ano ngang pangalan noong artista, simpleng-simple lang siya. 'Yung gusto mo rin noong araw? Si ano..."
"Kaye Abad!"
"Sinong pinaka-thoughtful sa Showtime?"
"Si Ate Karylle, Ate Karylle..."
"Si Tyang Amy."
"Sinong pinaka-matalino sa Showtime?"
"Maliban sayo?"
"Ako, si Jugs."
But of course, there are also times when he can't help but bring up her name.
"Magbigay ka samin ng top 3 na pinakamaganda at mabait na artista."
"...maganda tsaka mabait? Si Karylle."
He thinks of her, always. He just chooses to keep it to himself most of the time.
March 22, 2021 12mn
One of his favorite days of the year.
As soon as clock struck twelve, nag-message na siya sa birthday girl. He does this every year. He's always the first to greet her.
At para sa kaniya, sapat nang sila nalang ni Karylle ang nakakaalam noon.
A/N:
still familiarizing myself with writing stuff here on wattpad kaya sorry kung di masyadong maganda 😕 i was in the mood to write today and sakto namang napakinggan ko sa spotify yung kanta so i tried to write something based on it hahahaha. thanks for reading, guys! <333