When I wake up the other side of the bed is cold, and the windows are open as far as they'll go. This high up, it's only by a few inches, but it makes the biggest difference. Sometime last night, the air conditioning kicked into overdrive.
I groan and sit up, bedsheets falling down over my naked chest. My outfit from yesterday is in three different places and my legs are so sore that when I try to stand up, it takes a second. I move other parts of my body to assess the damage. The worst part is a mark on my wrist that's definitely going to bruise- though I can't say I didn't enjoy it at the time.
I look around for my suitcases, and they're still in the same place I left them- untouched. The smell of breakfast wafts up my nose, a tray sitting on a table across the room. For now, I ignore it to get dressed.
Lilith'll be popping in soon to make sure I'm still alive, whether I like it or not- and I'd prefer that she not see me naked. I'm sure it's going to happen eventually, since they see just about everything- but today I can avoid it.
In the largest bag, my stylist has packed four full outfits: two pantsuits, a formal events dress, and a more casual one. I decide to go with the last since we'll be on a plane soon and the public will only see distant pictures of us. I stand back to observe myself in the mirror, and become more grateful that the stylist plans all outfits for overseas trips.
I look presidential despite the fact that I'm in something meant for the couch- I'll have to ask her about the psychology when I get back.
I walk over to the tray. I recognize all of the ingredients, just not the name of the dish, so when I lift the spoon to my lips- I'm pleasantly surprised. It's sweet and savory at the same time, hot though I don't know how long it's been sitting here. It could've been an hour- or twenty minutes.
Regardless, I'm halfway through the dish before I hear whispering outside of my door. Two familiar and distorted voices go back and forth for about thirty seconds, before one of them goes "Oh what the hell", and the doorknob twists open.
I don't know why, but I was expecting somebody different. Tao stands in front of me, looking like he's been up for hours. "The minister of cyber security asked me to pass on a message since I was already up. They've agreed to relinquish all access to the...suspect if we... increase the budget for the humanitarian funding package in Guangzhou."
"We can't afford or control it." I shake my head.
"So call a meeting with the house speaker and senate majority leader. Inform them of the situation."
"It would be pointless-" I say. "They've already agreed to letting us hold him in a United States prison. It wouldn't matter that they have access to him there because he'll be protected."
"Yeah- tell that to Mei Yang's family." He sighs.
I freeze. Mei yang was a young, Asian-American woman who was visiting family here in the capital last year. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time- as people usually are in these tragic stories. As a result, she was given five years in one of the most overcrowded prisons here- but an American official managed to negotiate her transfer to one of ours.
The prisons in the United States are way less crowded nowadays, since the laws were changed. Nowadays, prison time is only for violent offenses. Nearly every member of congress came to an agreement that imprisoning somebody for drug possession was unconstitutional, so it didn't take long to change.
Mei yang was only supposed to be held for a few days- two to be specific, so we could make arrangements for her to get back to her husband and kids on the opposite side of the country.
She was sexually assaulted and beaten to death by a prison guard before she had the chance.
"Okay." I clear my throat, finally responding. "I'll...arrange a FaceTime call for...before we go back."
Tao nods, satisfied with my response. Mei yang is an individual who immediately draws emotion out of people, whether they're sensitive or not- because it's just so sad. It'd been years since the last hate crime. Her death rocked the entire world, and we all became more cautious for a while- since nobody saw that coming.
Justice For Mei protests erupted in every state and every country's biggest and smallest cities across the world. The prison guard got life, and the family got seven million dollars- though most thought it wasn't enough and I agree with them. You can't replace a human with money. Sure, you can try- but her children were all under ten years old at the time.
Imagine having to explain to your kids that mom's death changed the world- and then multiply it times ten. I remember the dad trying to keep them away from the trial, and then them getting constantly bombarded with it at school.
Life really fucking sucks.
"Thank you." Tao interrupts my thoughts. "We'll...have time on the plane."
He finally leaves. I grab my purse, ready to head downstairs. When I open my door, I come face to face with Ethan. Lilith's standing across the hallway, stationed to stare at anybody who comes in.
"Hey..." My voice trials off. I'm suddenly hit with what a mistake last night was. I mean fuck- the public would scream "power play" if they ever found out, though he started it.
"Hey.." he says. "Look I...I'm..."
"Don't you dare say you're sorry." I shake my head. "We were both willing participants but..."
"We both agree it can't happen again?"
I finally look him in the eyes. He's kind, genuine.
"Yeah- it can't."
——-
This couldn't be any more awkward if we tried to make it so. Tao, Ethan and I are sitting in Air Force one's meeting room, waiting on the house speaker to pick up. We have nothing to talk about, with the thing of importance needing to be discussed with her.
This has a similar vibe to waiting on the results of the election- just more serious. Somebody's safety is on the line here, something we don't want to risk. If a pre-approved list of investigators are all that has access to him, the possibility of something going wrong is minimized.
I can hear a voice in my head telling me he deserves anything that happens to him. Then the other, more humane part says nobody deserves to die.
He was attempting to perform a worldwide electrical blackout. That is not not a death sentence- but it would have been for hundreds of thousands of people.
My phone rings with a text notification. At the same time, Ethan nudges my shoulder.
"Are you just not gonna talk to me at all?"
What? Two hours ago he said it would be best that we never do what we did again. It's going to take a few days for me to be able to look at him normally. Last night was amazing....it was just uncalled for.
"Isn't that what you wanted?" I quickly type out. Beside me, he swallows and nearly drops his phone. I watch as he tries to choose his next words carefully.
"We work together. We can't avoid each other forever, Madam President."
He's not wrong. Still, it rubs me the wrong way. He only called me madam president in the beginning, when I'd just hired him. Now- it feels like he's intentionally being disrespectful.
"I guess not."
Instead of angrily texting him again, I go to stand up- gesturing with my eyes for him to follow me, but then the house speaker finally answers our FaceTime call. I plop back down immediately. There are more urgent matters than my personal relationships.
"Madam president-" She says. "Forgive me for taking so long to answer. I'm in the middle of a family emergency."
"Don't worry about it." I say. "And I'm sorry, then. We'll be quick. The Chinese government has decided that they will relinquish all access to the suspect if we increase the budget for that humanitarian aide package."
She pauses for a second, looking sleep deprived to the point that it takes her a few extra seconds to process what I said. "I...yeah...I'll pass it along to the... Caucuses."
"Madam speaker...are you okay?" I raise an eyebrow. She's not herself. Normally, she can come back with a full response in seconds that sounds like she's been planning it for weeks. The way her brain works is so crazy that I'd be surprised if she doesn't run one day.
"Yeah umm....my daughter's been really sick for a few days. She'll be fine but...I just need a while."
"Of course- take all the time you need. Should we pass the message on for you?"
"No it's just a phone call- I can manage." She insists. "Goodbye, Madam President."
Well that was odd- but we succeeded in what we needed to do. Now, the rest will be up to Congress and we can take our hands out of it.
I sit back, exhausted from last night- from this morning and the day before. On top of that I'll have to deal with the press as soon as the plane lands- because of freedom of press. While the constitution is an amazing thing, that's the one part that's annoying when I'm tired.
Ethan thinks he's off the hook until I remember I was about to yell at him, and tug him out of the meeting room anyways. I step in front of the bathroom door, blocking his exit.
"What the hell was that about-"
"I didn't feel like it was... appropriate to discuss what happened in front of everybody else."
"I was sitting right there and you couldn't have just asked for a minute alone-"
"I would have but we had a call to take." He sighs. "Ally, you were the one avoiding me. Couldn't look me in the eyes when we were all boarding the plane? Did you expect that I would just... not want any friendly relationship at all because I was the one who brought up the fact that it could never happen again?"
I'm silent. The day has been so strange in more ways that one, and it's not even halfway over. I wouldn't have ever slept with an employee in the past. What changed last night?
Lilith'll probably come looking for me soon. I turn to leave, trying to end our conversation early- but he grabs my wrist.
"Ally-" He says. "I respect you and...your work too much. That's why we can't happen. You can see how badly it worked out for Marisol and Joe. Or... Lauren and Kyle."
I remember their divorce like it was yesterday. They were doomed from the start- him loving her, her only being with him so she could be with somebody. I think she may have loved him in the beginning, but she's not one to keep a relationship long term- not successfully at least.
It was more painful for him than her. I understand what he means now.
The Lauren and Kyle reference is a bit more confusing. Those two were undeniable soulmates, sticking together after everything they went through. I could see the love in both of their eyes, even during the time period that they separated again.
I smile. He sees the look on my face and shakes his head, trying to suppress his own. "That's not what I meant."
"I know." I shrug. The slip up was still funny, as is the changing color of his cheeks. "Friends?"
"Only if you agree to stop being so weird."
——
Take one step- then take another. It sounds simple enough. To most people it would be, but I have to worry about my posture because the doctors said so- and the way I walk because my public image specialist said so. Every aspect of my life is supposed to be perfect regardless of how I feel- because it projects a strong image to the rest of the world.
After all, a county with a weak leader should be easy to bomb, right?
That's why I focus on every little thing I do. My hand holds onto the rail just right, and I take each step slowly. When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I stand to wait on my staff. I don't have to- in fact most presidents do not.
It's something I decided I was going to do in the very beginning of the campaign, when we started going over my messages of kindness. Being kind to staff is the most important example I can put out there. I don't want to be ignorant and continue walking with them yards behind, so I wait until all of them have descended the steps to go myself.
Photographers capture everything. I'm sure each camera has at least a hundred photos backed up right now- only a few of which will make it into articles. They too, have standards.
The crowd of reporters waiting on our return is shouting questions, though we're still twenty-ish yards away. I put a smile on my face when we get close, picking a random one out of the crowd. I recognize her from Meg Haines's Instagram- a young reporter than she's training.
"One at a time, please." I say. The ones talking over her immediately shut up, desperate for the chance to get ten seconds with the president after her turn is up. "Sophia, was it?"
The young reporter looks star struck, surprised that I know her name. "Yes...yes Ma'm." She says. "Uhm...D-do.... are your able to tell us the specifics of your trip at this time?"
"Not yet, no." I reply. "But I would hold out for more details. We should be able to release them soon."
After that, I answer so many questions that it becomes an impromptu press briefing. I imagine Morgan watching this and screaming at me in her head, something along the lines of "that's my job."
When I finally get away from them, my facial muscles hurt. Staff members and I board the helicopter, grateful for the minute of peace after that disaster.
I'd take a nap if we had enough time, but we're landing on the south lawn before I've had a chance to lay my head back.
"All of you...go home and take the rest of the day off. You must be tired." I say.
"Thanks for the offer but I've got an assistant chief of staff to fire." Tao sighs.
"Uh oh-" I sit up, turning my head so cameras can't read my lips. "What'd he do this time?"
"Treated his job at the White House like a burden for the thousandth time without a proper excuse- the usual."
"Ahh-" I nod my head. "Isn't it, though?"
"Sometimes." Tao admits. "But he's ... I mean I took a chance on him and he just... hates it."
"Well then...it is well within your rights to fire him. Excuse me." I say, taking the hand of a secret service agent so I can get out safely.
This time, we don't take questions. Instead, we walk straight inside, Ethan included.
"You're not tired either?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Oh don't start-" he laughs. "And yeah, but I've got work to do. Director of defense's to yell at."
"Ethan."
"Oh don't worry- he and I have been friends for years." He replies.
"Still-"
"Seriously, don't worry about me. You need to go get some rest."
I nod. He's not wrong. I'm so close to passing out from exhaustion that Lilith's eyeing me, ready to jump in and catch me if necessary. Once I've dealt with all the "welcome back's", I retire to the residence. It smells like cleaning supplies, almost so overwhelming that I sneeze.
The whole place is spotless again, everything back in place, no evidence of my messiness from the past week.
I crash on the couch. I don't expect to be left alone for too long, but I'll savor the moment while it lasts. My dreams are calmer than usual, yet still so realistic that I question if I'm asleep or not. At one point, I get a near exact memory of last night.
I still can't justify what happened. In the dream- I stand across the room as he gets dressed. That part's different. I watch as he buttons the shirt up, and then I walk over to him.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"Are you?" He repeats my question.
"Yep." I shrug. "Do you...wanna go get coffee?"
I'm shook awake before I can see how it ends. In my groggy state, I groan and wave the figure standing over me off. She's relentless, not stopping when I put a pillow over my face.
"Ally-" I finally recognize Lilith's voice. "Come on, it's an emergency."
Her sense of urgency slowly snaps me out of it. Waking up takes me a minute, but I try to be quick as she rushes me. "What happened?" I mumble.
"Just... you're needed in the briefing room."
"Did somebody die again?" No response. That's when I fully snap out of it.
I now question who, and not if somebody is dead. Lilith's silent as she escorts me down the elevator, a worried look on her face.
"Why won't you just tell me what's going on?" I yawn.
"I don't have the authority to." She states. "The..death hasn't been pronounced yet but..."
Oh god. Please don't let it be who I think it is.
I run out of the elevator the second it opens. There's not many people in the meeting room, but more are coming in by the second.
I'm out of breath when I stand at the head of the table. "What the hell happened?"
The general physician looks in my direction as soon as he hears my voice. "Natalie had a heart attack in her sleep. We have doctors at her residence now trying to revive her but it's not looking too good."
"Christ- how long ago was this?" I ask.
"About ten minutes. Secret service immediately contacted EMT's and specialists when they noticed something was off." He utters all in the same breath. "We're waiting on-"
A notification pops up on the large screen- a phone call from what I'm assuming is a doctor at her house. I'm the first one to press accept. "Don't keep us waiting. What is her condition?"
There's less than a second of silence on the other end. "She's dead."
Everything comes to a stop. I know I've said this before, but politicians really have developed a habit of dying this past decade. Natalie is older- seventy nine to be exact, so I'm not surprised.
I just thought she'd be able to hang on a few more years, and that afterwards I'd be able to nominate an equally experienced person. I had no idea it would be this soon.
I remember the first time we spoke about her potential nomination. She was in excellent health- just like a few days ago. This is sudden. Nobody truly knows how to react, so I simply sit down.
At our first campaign stop, her speech was what pulled the few skeptics left to the Green Party.
"I know many of you have your doubts. After all- there have been two controlling parties for over a hundred years. People do not adjust well to change, yet we've done just that at an insane rate the past two decades. As somebody who's been in politics longer than Miss Feinstein has been alive, I couldn't have imagined someone like her getting this much support- until she did. Hell, I still remember a time when there weren't women's bathrooms at Harvard law- back when people had to pay for an education. We all know how fucked up that is- but let me tell you what else is fucked up. The opposite party, the democratic- still believes there are things more important than the only planet we have. Don't get me wrong- their primary issues are important and..they care about the environment too. Their failures lie in their inability to admit that they aren't always right. That none of their primary issues will matter if the planet is dead. And as fucked up as this also sounds, I can't help but think about how much the Ebola pandemic benefited our environment. Sue me- but that pandemic did more for it than our opponents ever have."
There aren't many people who dislike her. The very few that do have such strong opinions they won't shut up about- it really gets annoying. They hate her because she's as close to perfect as a person can get.
Now she's gone too. I go over the notable deaths of the past decades in my head.
Lauren, Kyle, both Prince Ahmad's, Princess Aliyah, Amber Garland, Minister Garland, David Miller, Ella Thornton..... Natalie Heath.
Good or bad, all of their lives meant something. When I die, mine will too. I can only hope that it's for my best moments and not the worst. At my best- I donated fifty million dollars to a children's research hospital and traveled across the world to promote the Green Party. At my worst, I tried to fuck a married woman.
The latter is easily forgotten by people. In fact they've grown to expect it out of politicians- though they don't know about my little indiscretion. It's eaten me up every day since, but now doesn't seem like the best time to come forward.
"Madam President? Did you hear me?" Morgan asks.
"Huh?"
"The press just caught wind. We should...get ahead of things by putting out a statement early." She repeats.
"Tell them... the White House is saddened by her passing and that her funeral will be held with full honors- if the family wants. We ask that the public give her family privacy to mourn." I utter.
"And one from you?" Morgan raises an eyebrow.
"Even though she was... twice my age I considered her a friend. Her short week in the White House will always be remembered." A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Excuse me."
I run out of the room, not paying attention to anything anybody says. I rarely cry- and I won't let them see me do it now. I hold it in so hard my throat hurts, and slide past an intern. I lock myself in an empty sitting room.
It's there that I stare myself down until the pain goes away. I shouldn't be here. I'm not presidential enough-
"Ally? Need someone to talk to?" Ethan knocks on the door. "I'm a good listener."
I've been working really hard on not pushing people away. I have no real reason to. My childhood wasn't traumatic, I haven't had anybody else close to me die....
I stand up and twist the doorknob open. When Ethan's just barely in, I shut it again.
"So? How are you feeling?"
"I....don't fucking know. One part of me thinks it's not a big deal but then the logical and emotional...parts of my brain take over."
He places a hand on my shoulder, making me look at him. "When was the last time you cried- I mean really cried?"
Years ago.
I was at the funeral of a cousin of mine- and she'd died from cancer because she refused treatment. The whole thing was depressing, but that alone wouldn't have done anything. My own mother crying is what triggered my tears that day.
So now, instead of fighting them- I let them flow.