Once I got back to London I was pleasantly surprised to find out that my room assignment was much better than I thought it would be. I was given a great spot at Marley House, a smallish flat that I would share with three others at UEL, but we'd each get our own rooms instead which meant I was going to have privacy.
Thank God.
And I was actually starting to look forward to uni a bit more now that I was finally there moving all my stuff in, and I was even more ecstatic that Nick was attending the same university as me. I don't think my mum was too keen on it though, especially since Nick liked to go out a lot and he tended not to always be the best influence on me.
But I was going to try my best to be good.
When I got inside the large, brick building there were students everywhere inside the halls just dragging in their pillows and blankets and suitcases filled with clothes, boxes, bags, the usual things, just busy and buzzing around with their family's help. My mum was also behind me wheeling in one of my suitcases inside of the elevator as I talked on the phone to Nick, reaching out to push the third floor button.
"So after you get settled in why don't we meet at the student hub and decide what we're going to do for fresher's week," I suggested.
"Right, will do. I heard there's something happenin at The Underground Bar tomorrow night, like a DJ or a band playing I think," Nick replied. "We could check that out, yeah?"
"Yes, let's do that," I confirmed as my mum subtly rolled her eyes at me.
"Mum...it's literally the first day of school. We haven't even started classes yet...chill," I commented on the side as the elevator doors opened and we started walking down the hall towards 3B.
"So I hear that Anne's already on your ass, huh?" Nick chuckled on the other end. "Better behave then, Harold. No funny business."
I snorted under my breath at Nick as I placed the key into the lock of my suite door. "So how far away are the West Halls from here?"
"Oh I forgot to tell you that my housing assignment was changed last minute," Nick responded as I turned the key and opened the door.
And I nearly dropped my phone right on the ground when I saw that Nick was standing there in the flat's kitchen donning his lavender slacks and Madonna t-shirt, grinning at me like a jack-o-lantern.
"What the hell is this," I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief as a small smile crept onto my face.
"Happy to see me, sweet cheeks?" he leered, doing a bit of a shimmy as I strolled in and dropped my bags on the carpet of the living area.
"No fucking way...how did you manage to get into the same flat as me?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow skeptically. "What did you do...?"
"Well, I found out that your third room mate was supposed to be this bloke named Jacob that I used to fu...erm...hang out with, shall we say," he stated, realizing then that my mum was still in the room. "You remember Jacob, right?"
"The one with the corvette?"
"No, that's Robert."
"The one with the pony tail?"
"No, that's Nathan."
"The one who said it's not gay if you're on top?"
"What does that mean?" my mum commented on the side while Nick's eyes widened at me for being too blunt in front of her.
Oops. We ignored her.
"No...that's Bennett."
"Okay then I don't remember who Jacob is."
"Anyway...he's still obsessed with me so I used it to my advantage. Got him to trade room assignments," Nick replied, still grinning excitedly as he spoke. "Isn't this your lucky day? Oh and nice to see you, Anne. You look ravishing, as always."
"Thank you Nick..." my mum replied hesitantly. "So I'm assuming this empty room to the left is Harry's then?"
"Sure is."
I'm sure my mum was even more thrilled that I was going to be living with Nick in addition to attending the same school as him, but I was secretly wicked excited about having my best mate with me. I ushered inside the barren room that had one big window, a droll curtain, sporting a full sized bed, dresser, night table, small closet and desk. It was fairly small, but at least it was all mine.
Nick stood in the doorway of my new room, leaning lazily against the frame. "So our other flat mate's name is Tyler. He just stepped out to get some groceries for the kitchen. I gave him a list. He seems alright. Quiet, but he smells really good."
I chuckled in response, unzipping my suitcase and started to pull out some of my clothes from inside while my mum went back out to the car to collect another bag of mine for me. Nick then stepped towards me and squeezed onto my shoulder, a curious look on his face.
"So have you spoken to Zayn yet today?"
"Not yet," I said, pulling out his holy grey t-shirt from my bag. I brought it up to my face and took a small whiff of that Gucci by Gucci cologne he wore; it still smelled just like him.
"You've got it bad," he commented, snatching the t-shirt from my hands and throwing it down on the bed. "You're smelling his clothes and everything."
"Shh," I countered defensively.
"Well good thing we've got private rooms then. Now when he pops in for a visit you can shag in peace," Nick chortled.
"If he even pops in for a visit," I corrected him.
In addition to being several hours away, I also knew that Zayn was taking on eight courses at once and he was also an honors student. He wasn't the type to slack off on his school work or skip a day of classes just to take a train into London and see me, and I wouldn't expect him to do that, either. And I honestly wasn't even sure if he would make it to see any of my games, especially since quite a few of them were taking place during the week.
"Well then you can have phone sex," Nick suggested.
"Phone sex? Is that weird?" I questioned, not having thought about it.
"No. I've done it loads of times. You just tell him things like what you're wearing and what you want to do to him. Get creative and have a wank on the other end. Guys love that sort of stuff. Bet Zayn would be into it, too."
"Yeah...maybe," I replied as I took out the rest of my clothes, my mum now appearing back in my room with the rest of my things.
"So Nick you're going to make sure Harry does his homework, right? Both of you will stay in and focus, not going out all hours of the night getting wasted at parties," my mum spoke to Nick in this forbidding tone that she often had when she was being dead serious.
"Of course, Anne. I'll keep an eye on him for you don't worry."
But she did not seem to believe one word of what he said. "Right then...well, Harry's going to come home at the end of the semester with proper good marks, aren't you Harry?"
"Mhm...sure will," I replied, hoping that I'd at least do better than I did at Regent.
"Alright well I'm going to get going for now. Call me if you need anything, okay? Love you," she said, drawing me in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Once my mum left I finished unpacking my belongings with Nick's occasional help and we chatted a bit about what sort of things we could get up to for fresher's week. They always had events and things for the first year uni students and since classes hadn't started yet, I figured I'd take advantage of them and have some fun.
I knew school was a priority, but I was certainly not going to sit in my room all day and be boring, that was for sure.
I then heard the front door open to our flat and peeked around my door, observing our third room mate, Tyler, walk in with bags of groceries in his hands. Straight away I shuffled out of my room, now grabbing one of the bags he was holding as we made our way to our small, black and white galley kitchen.
Tyler was pretty cute, a bit shorter than me with dark, curly black hair and skin the color of chocolate. He had on this cream colored Flaming Lips t-shirt and olive green corduroy pants, which I liked. He had a cool, vintage style. And Nick was right; he did smell good, like a combination between warm vanilla sugar and sweet coconut.
"Thanks. You must be Harry, right?" he greeted me. "I've heard a little bit about you."
"Really? What have you heard?" I quipped back, a little curious to know how he even knew me.
"Just that you played football at Regent, that you were a really good player. One of the best, and pretty wicked."
I smiled a little, pleased to hear that it was something good being said about me through the grapevine. It was important for me to have a good reputation of being likable. "Who did you hear that from?"
"My cousin Leo, his ex boyfriend went there. He was year ahead of you, though."
"Oh yeah? Who's your cousin's ex boyfriend?"
"Silas Falcone."
And then I heard Nick start screaming in the background.
* * * * *
Silas Falcone was undeniably and unanimously voted to be the hottest guy to ever grace the halls of Regent; not to mention that he was Nick's lifelong crush. Silas was known for being effortlessly charming and respected by literally everyone who knew him. And even I had thought that he was the most attractive man I'd ever seen in person, up until Zayn, that is.
And apparently he was also gay.
I had no idea that Silas was into men through our school years, but come to think of it, I had never seen him date any girls either. I also had no clue as to why he had talked about me to people I didn't know, considering that he and I only ever spoke a handful of times as it was. And most of the time it was because we had a few classes together and he was pretty smart, so he answered a lot of my questions about maths.
Other than that we ran with different crowds. Silas took part in student council, modeled on the side, wrote for the Regent Journal newspaper, and was an academic scholar.
Whereas I played football, had a lowlife con for a dad, barely had any money, got shit marks, goofed off a ton, and definitely did not fit in with the more elite crowd like Silas and his friends.
Once I settled in Nick and I went off to grab some lunch at Origins on the Docklands campus shortly afterward, now strolling down the concrete sidewalk, passing by the the soothing, picturesque riverfront of East London where the commercial docks used to operate, enjoying the crisp, late summer day.
And Nick would not stop talking about this newfound information. "I can't believe Silas is gay. How did I not pick up on that? I'm usually dead right on the money with the vibe," Nick said in utter disbelief as we took a seat at the booth in Origins, a popular restaurant on campus.
"Well I guess you missed one," I commented, eyes glazing over the menu.
Nick shook his head to himself. "I'm so bloody annoyed. If I had known I would have actually tried to shoot my shot back then."
I snorted under my breath. "But do you really think you would have gotten it in with him, Nick?"
"Maybe," he muttered. "Okay, probably not. But I still would have made a solid attempt at it. But I do know that Silas is in second year here so maybe now is my grand opportunity. Plus, I've had a bit of a glow up."
"Wait, he goes here too?" I tossed back.
"Yeah, duh..." said Nick, as if I was a moron for not knowing this. "And what was with him saying that you're wicked? How does he even know that? Which you aren't," Nick joked, flashing a cheeky smile my way.
"Thanks," I replied sarcastically.
Nick continued to chuckle on as our waitress, Lily, came over to asked us for our orders. I went with sweet and sour chicken with a side of chips and Nick ordered a turkey club, plus two diet cokes. And after a few more minutes of random conversation Nick grabbed hold of my arm and silently motioned to our right with a rafter pointed head nod.
"Shit. Here's literally here," Nick whispered to me.
"Who?"
"Silas Falcone," he answered. "Oh my God what do I do? Should I go talk to him? No wait, maybe I should just play it smooth. Yeah, yeah I'll play it smooth. That's better, right?"
But right in the middle of Nick freaking out over his sudden presence at Origins, Silas had already spotted us at the booth talking back and forth to each other in hushed voices and swiftly got up from where he sat with a friend, now walking over toward us.
"Oh bloody hell he's coming over," said Nick, his face ridden with nerves.
"You need to calm down," I returned with a short laugh as Lily came back with our diet cokes.
Then Silas approached our table with a tight lipped smile. He was just as handsome as ever in his perfectly fitted jeans and a casual, blue sweater. His hair was a bit longer than I remembered it being before; a soft brown and slightly wavy on top with round blue eyes, full lips, a slight goatee and beard coming in. Tall, a fit body, a kind but perfectly sculpted face.
And he was looking right at me.
"Hello Harry," he greeted warmly. "Do you go here now?"
I nodded, taking a sip of my drink. "Mhm. First year, got in on a football scholarship."
"Good for you. Bet we'll actually win some games now," he replied with an honest smile.
Nick cleared his throat, obviously looking for attention.
"You know Nick, right?" I asked, giving him just that.
"Yeah, sure. You're the guy who was always the lead in the school plays," Silas said to Nick, who beamed over at him in return
"Yes! Yes that would be me! And that's my course of study as well, theater and performing arts. What's your program?"
"Psychology," he replied plainly before looking back at me. "So anyway, the reason I came over here is to actually invite you to a party tonight if you're interested. It's at my place."
"Yeah, maybe Nick and I will swing by then," I replied offhandedly.
"I hope so. Here, have my number and I'll text you the address if you decide to come," Silas went on as I took down his number in my phone.
Silas smiled at me again, then nodding to Nick before he returned back to his table. A quiet swept the table for a moment while Nick's mouth hung open in shock.
"You just got invited to his house. What the hell."
"We both did," I countered.
"Oh no, no Harold. You did. I was an after thought. He was totally just about you."
"No he wasn't."
"Yes he was. Why do I have to be best mates with someone so bloody good looking? Can you just be ugly for one day?" Nick spoke dramatically.
"You're being ridiculous."
"Yeah, sure. We'll see who's right later."
* * * * *
Zayn and I texted each other on my way to a football club meeting that evening.
Zayn: My room mate Matisse blasts classical music when he studies.. so this is going to be a long semester. Already going nuts from a lack of personal space.. ha
Me: Oh noooo! Make him wear head phones.
Zayn: Yea I'll have to. So how's your living situation?
Me: Pretty great actually. Sharing a flat with Nick. Should be fun.
Zayn: Cool..
It became increasingly apparent with time that Zayn and I weren't the best conversationalists via text message and I happened to prefer phone calls anyway. I thought that they were more intimate and traditional, so I made it a point to ring him once my meeting was over.
But he didn't answer me.
So I went back to my flat and got ready for Silas' party.
* * * * *
Silas lived in a posh, historic townhouse off campus with his friend, Julian. It was white in color with black iron window frames and a matte black front door that had an arch, the type of homes that people lived in who had good money. There were a few fancy looking shrubs in the front yard as well and flowers in the windowsill box in the front, along with the most beautiful wisteria crawling up the front to the third story windows.
I stood outside out of it wearing my tight, black skinny jeans, chelsea boots and a pink silk, button down shirt with the top few buttons undone; I always kept that dressing trait from Marco's influence. And of course, my gold cross necklace that I wore all the time now. I made it my mission to dress a bit better, foregoing all the plaid and backwards caps that Nick always mocked me for donning, and I felt pretty good about having some bolder choices in my wardrobe.
Beside me was Nick in his cream trousers and Burberry jumper, his mint green Prada backpack on with a pop of sheer lip gloss on his lips, holding a bottle of whiskey stuffed in a brown paper bag that he had been swigging the whole way there. And in his natural state of thought, Nick was already of the mindset that he would get some sort of action that night.
"Silas better be a top," Nick spoke as we walked up to the front door of his house.
"You've already planned your wedding to him by now haven't you?" I teased as I leaned forward and rang the doorbell.
"Course I have. He'll be in an all white Armani tux and I'll be in Vera Wang, the longest train on a dress you've ever seen," Nick replied with a grin.
I laughed wickedly as Silas opened the front door, a kind smile on his face, sporting a white button down dress-shirt and grey slacks with a pretty expensive looking watch on his wrist. He was dapper looking, the type of guy that seemed to have it all together.
"Hey! Glad you two could make it. Come in," he requested, motioning for us to step inside.
The party was not the rager that we had envisioned it being. There were quite a lot of people there, but it was much more sophisticated in setting. Everyone was dressed well and had glasses of neat liquor in their hands, murmuring amongst themselves as the sounds of indie band music choices like Modest Mouse and Rilo Kiley played on in the background.
"Can I get you guys a drink? I've got loads of options," Silas offered as we followed him into the bright, spacious kitchen; well designed, pops of orange color to contrast the modern finishes.
"Sure," I replied plainly, eying the racks of liquor bottles on the counter.
"I've brought my own poison," Nick said, holding up his bottle of whiskey. "But you can always craft me another beverage. I'm sure yours tastes better."
I tried not to laugh at his awful attempt at flirting, watching as Silas chuckled lightly to himself and poured us out two gin martinis with olives.
"Well aren't you classy," Nick commented as we both grabbed the glasses.
"So how do you like it here so far?" he asked us.
"I love it," Nick said quickly.
"It's alright," I answered with a shrug. "Haven't done much exploring yet."
"Well if you ever want someone to show you around campus just let me know," Silas replied to me with another warm smile.
"Thanks," I replied simply at his nice gesture.
"I would love a tour from you...personally," Nick drawled as he downed his martini.
Silas responded with a tight lipped smile, nodding a bit. "Yeah, alright."
I could already tell that Nick was coming on to Silas way too strong, as he always did, and I had a feeling that Nick wasn't going to be Silas' type, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that. I glanced over at the wall nearby then, a picture of a painted sunset hanging there and I smiled to myself because it reminded me of something Zayn would paint.
"You a fan of art?" Silas asked me suddenly, catching me off guard.
"What? Oh, yeah. Art is quite interesting," I replied. "Massive fan of sunsets as well."
"Me too. I saw the most incredible sunsets over the summer in Fiji. My parents have a timeshare out there. Ever been to a tropical island?"
I shook my head. "Nope, never. I'm sure it's beautiful, though."
"It really is. I love just taking the boat out onto the ocean and watching the sunset every evening. It's probably the best feeling in the world just being out to sea," Silas responded.
"Yeah...I know what you mean," I agreed quietly.
I watched as Nick took another hefty shot of whiskey next, now standing there awfully quiet amongst us and I realized that Silas wasn't really paying him much attention. I started to feel bad for Nick, so I quickly included him in on the conversation.
"So Nick is an incredible actor. He's going to be on Broadway one day, mark my words," I said, flashing him a grin, but he seemed not to care much for my compliment.
"Oh yeah? That's pretty cool. I'm a theater lover myself. I've been waiting for them to bring out a theatrical adaptation of The Notebook. I'd love to see that." He turned to Nick. "Maybe you can play Noah."
I wasn't sure if he was joking or not, but Nick didn't seem amused.
Nick then turned his attention to me instead and stared. I felt my cheeks grow hot. Nick hated The Notebook, but he knew it was my favorite, and suddenly I felt very awkward as the three of us stood in the kitchen because it seemed as though Nick couldn't contribute much to the discussion because he and Silas didn't appear to have a lot in common.
"The Notebook is overrated. Harry loves it though. Maybe you two can have a philosophical discussion on it," Nick quipped back, now shuffling by me and exiting the kitchen.
Silas just stood there looking baffled and I offered him an apologetic smile before following behind Nick into the living room where he had plopped himself down in an arm chair.
"What's your deal?" I asked.
"Silas is so not into me," he replied glumly.
"It's been like ten minutes. You gave up too fast," I argued.
"I just know, Harry. It's fine. I didn't expect him to be. But he seems to be more focused on you, anyway. You should go for it then."
"What? No," I countered. "He hardly knows me."
"I'm not dumb," Nick said quietly. "Go talk to him."
"I don't want to," I returned defiantly. "We can leave if you'd rather do that. Go somewhere else. Find a gay club or something."
"No, we're not leaving. There are plenty of other fit lads here and I'm chatting someone up on Grindr. I'll get back on the horse again, but you should go talk to Silas since he's clearly interested."
I furrowed my brows at Nick, not even sure why he was so keen on that being the case. Plus, it didn't even matter. My heart wasn't available. It couldn't be. "Yeah, we can be mates maybe. But that's it," I clarified before walking back into the kitchen.
Silas was still standing there, now talking to his friend and room mate, Julian. He then looked over at me, a confused expression on his face.
"Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, don't worry about it. Nick's just...Nick."
He laughed lightly, taking a sip from a glass of gin. "Yeah. So...are you off to play professionally after university? Football, I mean. You should. You're really, really good. I went to all the games at Regent."
"Not sure," I answered. "I mean, it's a solid plan. I've been scouted before, but I just don't know if it's more of a hobby or a career. I might like to learn some other things and see where my passion lies, you know?"
Silas nodded knowingly as his friend Julian quietly walked away, leaving us alone.
"So you're studying psychology? What is it that made you go into that field?" I questioned.
"Well, my parents wanted me to go into law because that's what my dad does, but it's just not for me. I like the human mind. It's intriguing, you know? Figuring people out, analyze how their brains work. Maybe I'll go into counseling."
"Therapy," I chortled mid sip. "I probably need that."
Silas cocked a brow at me. "Why do you feel that way?"
"I don't understand anything about my emotions. I'm a mess."
"Everyone can be a mess sometimes," Silas reasoned, and we locked eyes for a moment. "But at least it makes you more interesting."
I just nodded slowly, finishing off the last bit of my martini.
I ended up chatting with Silas for a bit longer and learned that he was actually not the person that I thought he was. His family held extremely high expectations for him, which was why he was always so involved at Regent and seemed practically perfect, but he felt the pressure from them too often, and he didn't really want to be the person that they expected him to be.
He was looser, easier to talk to, and he had a lot of interesting opinions on politics and society, with a pretty big world view from being so involved in things. He sort of reminded me of Zayn in that way, being an intellectual but seemingly humble about it.
I liked it when guys were more than just a pretty face.
Later into the night we were all playing flip cup in the dining room, which was a pretty standard drinking game at university parties and I kept on winning against the opposing team, always beating Silas by the end of the rounds. And by then I was getting pretty drunk.
I was leaning up against the wall later on in the chic living room as Nick stood beside me, texting someone from Grindr. He glanced up at Silas, who was across the way with Julian once again and nudged me in the arm.
"He's been staring at you all night."
"You're being dramatic," I murmured obliviously.
"Yes he has! He's bloody into you. I told you so."
"Well nothing is going to come from it anyway...so it doesn't matter," I muttered, finishing off another drink and by then I realized I didn't need a refill because I was buzzing pretty hard.
"Harry...this is Silas Falcone," he urged, subtly rolling his eyes.
"And?"
"It's because of Zayn isn't it?" Nick asked and I grew quiet.
I knew that there was a good chance I'd be presented with opportunities at uni, but I was still preoccupied with Zayn in my mind. Everything reminded me of Zayn. The art on Silas' walls and even the songs that were playing on the speaker, the guy standing in the corner with a bunch of tattoos on his lower arm, the horse statue on the shelf. I just couldn't get away from the thought of him and I didn't want to.
"Of course it is," I responded lowly. "I care about him. I think about him constantly and it hasn't even been a full week yet."
Nick sighed. "So you mean to tell me if Silas wanted to get it in with you...you'd turn him down?"
"Yeah...yeah I'd say no."
"I thought you said you and Zayn weren't even committed?"
"We aren't."
"Then why are you on reserve for him? You can still enjoy yourself in the mean time," Nick commented. "No one said you had to fall in love with Silas. But who wouldn't want to have sex with him? Look at him, Harry. He's gorgeous. I can't even believe I'm giving you the green light on this because I'm insanely jealous, but like...it's Silas Falcone."
But I just shrugged it off. Nick had a tendency to get persuasive with me and I wasn't in the mood to make shit more confusing for myself, so I left him there and wandered around the house, waiting for Zayn to text me.
But still nothing. The longer I didn't hear from Zayn, the more paranoid I got. And I hated that I felt this way, because it stemmed from the fact that I still didn't trust him deep down.
So I found myself outside on the back deck later on into the night, a presence creeping up behind me as I leaned over the railings, just staring out into the darkness.
"So Harry, are you having fun?" Silas asked, slinking up beside me.
"Yeah definitely. You suck at flip cup, by the way."
"I let you win," Silas returned, smirking a bit.
"No you didn't. I definitely won fair and square every time."
"Okay you're right. You did win," Silas said with this amused look in his eyes.
"I did!" I insisted, laughing a little.
Silas laughed too. "That's the competitiveness in you. Makes you feel good about yourself when you win at something."
I raised an eyebrow. "Oh okay. I see now...you're going to psychoanalyze me on the low now aren't you?" I toyed.
"Not too much," he replied with another laugh, then changing the subject. "So...your friend Nick..."
"Yeah I'm sorry about him he's uh...a lot sometimes," I explained, trying my best to be kind about some of his excessive habits that made up his personality.
"No it's okay. I like him, he's fun."
"Yeah? Are you interested in him?" I questioned bluntly, wondering if maybe we had gotten it all wrong.
Silas shook his head slightly, then turned to me and we locked eyes again. "Not in that way, no. I mean...I am interested in someone, just not Nick."
I swallowed next, a lump in my throat now forming. Nick had been right, and now I didn't know what to do or say. He didn't come right out and say that it was me, but I could sort of tell that that's exactly what he was implying and I felt myself perspiring a bit with nerves. Then I felt my phone ringing.
I retrieved it from my pocket; it was Zayn.
"I..uh. I have to take this call," I replied quickly, and excused myself from the back deck, shuffling into his bathroom and closing the door behind me.
"Hey you," I answered.
"Hey. Sorry I didn't get back to you until now. There was an issue with my phone and it wasn't working, had to get it sorted. Ended up with a new one. Then I had this mandatory building meeting and just got back from some things. So how are you? How's your night going?"
I didn't know if that was the real truth, but I had no reason to believe that it wasn't. I just had to trust him. "It's okay. I'm good. I'm at this party right now."
"Yeah? A party already, huh?"
I laughed hesitantly. "Yeah...it's fresher's week so I just wanted to see what's up."
"That's cool. Well...I'll let you get back to your party then," he replied lowly.
"No, no," I responded quickly. "No don't go."
I could tell that he smiled on the other end. "Alright, then. So there was this guy playing guitar out on the quad earlier. This sick cover of Brain Damage by Pink Floyd. I thought of you."
I snorted with laughter. "Why? Because I have brain damage?"
"No," Zayn countered with a laugh of his own. "Because you're on the dark side of the moon, you lunatic. But then I thought about the rainbow bit from the cover when it shines out, and it inspired me to get a tattoo of that prism. Just got it done right afterward, actually."
I smiled. "I like that. I'd get that tattoo."
"You should," he insisted.
"Then I'd be copying you," I proclaimed, now sitting down on the top of the toilet seat.
"No. We'd just match," Zayn replied warmly. "I'll allow it."
I smiled again.
I heard Silas speaking on the other side of the door to someone then, asking if they knew where I was. I shifted uncomfortably on top of the toilet, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed and anxious. I couldn't stay in the bathroom forever and talk to Zayn at this party all night long, but I didn't want to go back out there now and I also didn't want to stop hearing his voice in my ear.
"So...can I call you back in like, 20 minutes?"
"Yeah, okay"
"Alright, talk to you soon," I said, hanging up the phone.
And I immediately left Silas' party on drunken impulse without saying goodbye to anyone, not even Nick, and headed back to my flat.
* * * * *
It was empty back at my place, all the lights were off and Tyler wasn't home either. Perfect. I quickly strolled into my bedroom and shut the door behind me, locking it and then I flopped down onto my bed now wearing nothing but a pair of black briefs.
I knew what I wanted to do and just hoped that Zayn would be into it. I rang him up again.
"Hey, sorry. I'm back," I said quietly.
"Did you leave the party?" he asked.
"Mhm...needed to be alone for a second to talk to you."
"Why's that?"
"Because I just thought that..." I trailed off, shifting slightly as I laid back onto my bed, nearly naked. I bit down on my lip with a subtle case of nerves. "I thought that we could, um..."
I then heard shuffling in the background on Zayn's end and a door had shut before he responded to me next. "So tell me what you want, kitten."
He knew. I smirked, feeling grateful that he just got me. "I want you to help me come."
"Mhm...just as I thought. Touch yourself for me then."
I did as Zayn said right away and started to slowly creep my hands down the front of my briefs, palming at my cock through the fabric. I swallowed, rubbing a bit harder on my flaccid dick as I tried to get myself to harden up from my touch.
Zayn then kept talking to me through the phone in his low, whisper like voice that drove me wild.
"Does it feel good?"
"Yeah..." I breathed out, applying more force as I vigorously rubbed along my length. "Yeah it feels good, Zaddy. Wish it was you doing it to me."
"Pretend it is," he returned. "Remember how I touch you there, how I hold your cock and stroke along your head just right. Do that for me now."
"Okay," I responded, now lifting my semi erect dick out from the waist band of my briefs. "I'm rubbing my head now."
"Are you getting hard?"
"Mhm."
"Good boy. Keep doing that, then start stroking yourself until you drip."
I began moaning lowly now, tightening my first around my firm shaft and tugged hard several times, moving the skin of my dick up to my head and over it, squeezing lightly there as the pre-cum pooled out from my cock hole.
"Mm yeah, yeah I did it for you," I told Zayn in an airy voice.
"Now wipe it off and put your finger in your mouth. Suck on it. Taste it, remember the way that my tongue felt, the way that I licked your cum off of you."
I groaned inwardly with desire, my skin flushing with heat as I swiped the light pre-cum from my hole and slowly inserted it into my mouth, now sucking on my finger like he told me to.
"Mm, tastes good. Miss doing this for you, miss sucking on your cock, Zayn."
"Me too. My dick is so fucking hard right now. You did that to me...you always do that to me, kitten," he continued on.
"Yeah..." I breathed out, now stroking myself again and moving faster. "You gonna come with me?"
"Mmh, I'm thinking about the way that your tight little ass bounces on my cock, the way you grind on me nice and steady. The way that I bury it so deep inside you until you cry out. Think about that for me."
I moaned again, much louder now, as I kept pumping my cock through my fist. "Yeah, uhn. I ride you good don't I? Always take all of your dick."
"Mm, yeah. You always do it right, angel. You know just how to please me."
"Uhn...I, I wish I could feel it all now," I whimpered out as I continued to jerk off to the sound of his voice, and the things he was saying.
"Finger your hole for me then. Pretend it's me inside of you, stretching you out and making it feel really good," Zayn instructed.
I quickly put Zayn on speaker phone, hoping nobody came home soon, and I obeyed his request, sucking on my index finger next, and then hastily reached down to my ass with my legs spread wide, starting to insert it inside. I shuddered, picturing Zayn as I gaped open wider.
"Uhn yeah...yeah," I breathed as I pulled on my cock at the same time, my finger now sliding in and out of my eager hole. "I needed this, needed you...so badly," I went on, now picking up speed as I fucked into my hand.
"Baby I'm right here," he claimed.
I continued to get myself off faster now, moaning loudly into the phone as Zayn did the same for me. My thighs shook as I moved in and out of my hole, getting it wetter with my own spit while Zayn kept me aroused on the other end, now bringing me to the place I had to be in for a sweet release.
"That's it my sweet boy, keep it up. So sexy. I'm picturing you on top of me while I jerk my cock for you, picturing the way that your body looks on top of mine when it drips with sweat. Picturing the way that your lips move on mine, my skin on your skin. The way your ass feels in my hand when I spread you open, when you claw at my back hard the way that you do. Mm, no better feeling in the world. Remember how I fuck you, Harry. I fuck you so good, so deep. Mm...don't I baby? Tell me."
I was going crazy by now, nearly on the edge of an orgasm as Zayn's words entered in my brain and lived there, possessing me in every way.
"Yeah, uhn...the best. I love the way you fuck me, Zayn. W-want it so bad, so fucking bad. Want you to fuck me in h-half," I sputtered out, my muscles now clenching.
"Mm yeah, you'll feel it all again babe. Come for me, come hard. I'm almost there too," Zayn replied next, and I heard his breathing start to quicken.
"I...I'm...so close," I moaned, my toes now curling.
"Yeah, yeah think about my warm cum in your mouth, think about how much you love drinking me in. Mm, let it out, baby."
The sensitivity heightened so fast, taking over my whole body as I felt the pressure build and build, my prostate now throbbing. "Ahh...shit, fuck I'm coming."
And then my cum poured out of me in waves of ecstasy, squirting everywhere and shooting all over my bare torso, all over my sheets. I heard Zayn let out that sexy, racious moan he did whenever he was coming too and my eyes rolled into the back of my head as it drifted through the phone and into my soul.
"God...that was amazing," I breathed out, now picking the phone back up to my ear.
"Mm, yeah. Yeah it was. Wish I didn't have to jerk off in the bathroom," he replied, which made me start to laugh.
"Wait, really? That's where you were this whole time?"
"Well yeah, I couldn't do it in my bed. I don't have my own room," he explained, chuckling. "Kind of sucks. So is this how you felt that day you woke up to me having an erection?"
I felt myself blushing, even still. "Are you ever going to let that go? My God, what else was I suppose to do? Your cock was right there beside me. I had no other choice."
He laughed again. "I never told you this but I had a pretty sexy dream about you that night, that's why I was hard in the morning."
"Yeah?" I grinned. "I like that. Was dream me just as good as real life me?"
"Real life you is way better," he returned softly. "I miss you, Harry."
"I miss you too, Zayn. When do I get to see you again?" I asked hopefully.
"I don't know. I'm still working on it."
"Alright."
Then I heard the sound of the front door to my flat open and Nick's voice now drunkenly giggling, followed by another male voice that I didn't recognize. Well, looked like he found someone there or his Grindr hookup worked out after all. I peeled myself out of bed next, searching for something to clean my mess up with and heard Zayn sigh softly on the other end of the phone.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'll be fine. I'm gonna get going though. I've got an early class."
"Yeah me too," I said quietly.
"Alright. Well, good luck. Sweet dreams."
"Thanks...you too. Goodnight, Zayn."
I hated this. I hated how we went from spending every day together, always being in each other's company, physically and mentally connecting on every level, and now we had to resort to a digital connection. I sighed deeply, dragging myself around to get ready for bed and thought more about how I was going to have to accept the changes in our lives.
But maybe me and Zayn would get through it like this. Maybe the circumstances of our separateness wouldn't change the way we felt about each other, and maybe we would be able to hold on. Maybe it would turn into something more one day.
I just hoped that I could keep my sanity in check in the mean time.
I heard the door to Nick's room slam shut and their voices carried far too loudly for my liking, which meant that I was going to have to fall asleep with my headphones on in order to drown out their sex noises, apparently. I groaned, situating myself back in bed after I cleaned up and tugged the covers up to my chest, trying to fall asleep as I played Pink Floyd through my iTunes.
The lunatic is in my head, the lunatic is in my head. You raise the blade, you make the change. You re-arrange me til I'm sane. You lock the door and throw away the key, there's someone in my head but it's not me. And if the cloud bursts thunder in your ear, you shout and no one seems to hear. And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.
I decided tomorrow I would get that same prism tattoo as Zayn.