You'd think that living on the run, never knowing what were around each corner would be exhilarating. But that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I knew it'd be hard, I knew we'd be tested. But I thought that being with my best friends would, at the very least, provide a little contentment. But no.
Our hunt was less than fruitful. So terrible in fact that all we'd done was bicker. An entire week straight, we barely said a word to one another. No longer working together, just coexisting.
I sit around our lamp each evening, watching the dancing flame, imagining it were Draco and I. "I've done what he did to me" I spoke glumly, hardly expecting a reply. "What Iz?" Hermione's voice was worrisome.
"I've left Draco, when he needed me the most. I've left him with the death eaters.. he must be miserable" I sighed, resting my head on my scrawny wrist.
"He's done far worse to you" Harry scoffed, he almost sounded like Draco these days. He must have realised the sharp tone in his voice, as he quickly changed it afterwards. "You're a far better person than Malfoy, Iz. I assure you he'll not think any bad of you."
"I suppose you're right. He'll benefit from Tom's death too, Lucius might look him in the eyes then" I shook my head, imagining Draco having a daily exchange with his dreadful father whilst I'm gone.
"I think he'd sooner go blind" Ron added, we all laughed. We glanced at one another, apologetically.. "Hagrid grew up here, did you know that?" Hermione added, clearly grateful for my conversation starter.
"I came here once, on a camping trip with my parents. The Forest of Dean it's called, if you aren't aware" she became more cheery as she carried on, I was captivated by everything she'd ever said.
"We're in Gloucestershire, by the way. Have any of you been before?" She prompted for a reply, I shook my head. "Yes Hermione, I came here on one of my many holidays with the Dursley's" Harry said, sarcastically, poking fun at her. That made Ron split his sides.
Harry sat on a camp bed, prodding at the golden snitch Dumbledore had given him. "I can't believe he left you two something and not me" Ron groaned, studying him.
What he didn't know, was that he'd left me something too. Something I hadn't found an appropriate time, or place, to leave for Harry to find. Which made this whole mess a whole lot more annoying for me.
Knowing everything we needed was right in my pocket, but I couldn't let Harry know I'd given it to him..
"Have you still not figured it out Harry?" I asked, already knowing the answer, but I just wanted him to speak again. "Did you hear that?" Hermione interrupted, jumping to her feet.
"Hear what?" Ron furrowed his eyebrows at her shocking display. I heard it too, a crunching of leaves, and a muffled voice outside of our tent. "That!" She squealed.
"I heard it too" I admitted. "Belle?" I heard the unmistakable sound of Draco's cries. "Oh goodness Hermione, let him in please. I'm begging" I wailed, almost reduced to tears at the sound of his voice.
She'd set a number of enchantments around the tent, to conceal us to eye and ear of any death eaters, or followers of Tom. "It won't be him. It'll be a trap" Harry hissed, overly paranoid.
I didn't listen, I knew it were him straight away. No one else called me Belle. I ran out of the tent, before they could convince me otherwise. I broke the enchantment, putting us at risk of being seen for a moment, just long enough to pull Draco inside, and resealing us into nothingness.
"Oh Draco!" I cried, clutching his face in mine. He wasn't happy to see me, he looked devastated. "You left me" he choked, he looked broken. I felt sick to my stomach, he looked so gaunt, despite how little time had passed since I'd last seen him, beyond the windows of 12 Grimmauld Place.
"Iz. Get away from him" I turned to see Harry, Hermione and Ron approaching slowly, wands at the ready. Draco pushed me to the side, holding his hands in the air. "How do we know you're actually Malfoy?" He spat.
Ron pulled me by my arm, dragging me out of arms reach of Draco. "Potter, of course I'm Malfoy" he shook his head, outraged by the accusation. "Ask me anything, go on!"
"What did Moody turn you into?" Asked Ron.
"A ferret" Draco huffed.
"That's far too easy. Where did you kiss Iz for the first time?" Hermione shot.
"Forbidden forest" he sneered back, proudly.
"Too broad.. what colour dress did Iz wear for the ball?" Harry joined in.
"Red." He said without a second thought, smirking at the memory.
"I always wear red. What animal do you say we are?" I teased, deciding to have a little fun with this. His nostrils flared as he stared me down.
"Belle, shut up. It's obviously me" he threw his arms in the air.
"Avoidance of the question, exactly what someone who wasn't Draco would do" I shook my head, revelling in his embarrassment.
"Fine, we're fucking rats. If you're a rat I'm a rat, happy?" He smiled falsely, the others erupted into laughter. "Oh wow. That's bloody pathetic" Ron cried, slapping his knee.
"I've been better" I ran to him, picking up where we'd left off. "Don't touch me Belle, you left me. You left me to the surrender of the death eaters" he pulled away.
I sulked "Draco I'm doing this for us."
"No you're not, you're doing this for yourself. You couldn't give a shit what was happening to me whilst you were gone. You've not even wrote a letter.." he looked torn up, it was clear my absence was eating away at him.
"I couldn't. It was too risky" I sighed, ashamed I hadn't found a way to let him know I was alright. "You were probably far too busy in bed with Fred Weasley."
"Draco, don't be so stupid." I groaned, I knew he'd have been brewing over the thought of me being within a mile radius of Fred. "If I'd had the chance to contact you, I would have. But I haven't."
"Yet here I am, I came to find you" he looked to the floor, stomping the toes of his shoes into the crunchy leaves.
"How did you find us?" Harry asked. Draco pulled an emerald green lighter from his pocket. We all stared blankly, as he offered no explanation. "Is that a deluminator?" Hermione asked, of course she knew.
"Yes, Granger" he pointed it towards her, flicking off the end to produce a steady beam of light. "Why are you all looking at me like that?" He snarled, confusion spread across his face.
"You called her Granger.. not mudblood" I spoke, wide-eyed. "I suppose I did, I'm not sure I'll do it again" he looked me up and down. "What does it do?" I asked, hoping he'd forget his annoyance towards me.
"I'm not sure. Dumbledore left it to me, in his will" he spoke coolly, as though that wasn't strange at all. "You're fucking joking!" Ron gasped, running his hands through his hair "he left something to you? Harry and Hermione I can understand, but fucking Malfoy!"
"I'll try not to be offended" Draco chuckled at Ron's outburst. "I kept hearing your voice babe, after you'd gone. I didn't realise it at first, but it was this little thing, mimicking you."
"I picked it up, flicked off the top, and a ball of light flew right out of the top. I know it sounds silly, you probably all think I'm mad, but it brought me to you. The light, it flew into me, right into my chest. It brought me here" he shrugged, seemingly calmer than when he'd turned up.
"Have I passed your tests now? Completed the initiation to your dreadful club? Am I allowed in the tent?" Draco strode towards the little white tent. "No, no. You have to go. You'll attract them to us" Harry panicked, rubbing the locket that sat around his neck, between his thumb and forefinger.
"I came alone, dimwit. I said I'd come looking for Belle, that I wouldn't rest until I found her. They'll kill me if I return alone, and I'm sure you'd hate to see me die Potter" Draco beamed, proud of his inability to be dismissed. He'd definitely planned this whole thing out, can't say I don't admire the perseverance.
"Fine, but you can't stay for ages" Ron huffed, marching back into our temporary home. The warmth inside was easily distinguishable, after standing outside in the below freezing air.
"You live like this?" Draco judged. "Yes, you're free to leave if you don't like it" Hermione shot back.
"We'll leave in the morning, I'll take you home" his gaze bore deep into mine. I could tell he hadn't forgotten his hostility toward me, he was pushing it aside in front of the others. I felt sick with nerves..
"Shall we go outside for a moment? We'll talk alone" I smiled at him, silently begging for him to say yes. "Why do you need to speak alone?" Harry questioned, his paranoia getting the better of him.
"None of your fucking business Potter" Draco spat. "I only need to grovel Harry, for leaving him, nothing that concerns you. I assure you" I smiled, he returned it. But I could tell something was on his mind.
"You know Malfoy, you've done far worse to Iz than she's done to you. You've been quite vile actually, rather frequently."
"Thanks for the relationship advice, I'll choose not to take it though. Considering you're the one shagging your best mates little sister" Draco marched straight out of the tent, allowing his words to sink in.
Ron made a violent wretching noise, I couldn't help but to laugh. "Oh shut up Ron" Harry shook his head "she's my girlfriend" he rolled his eyes.
"She's my sister I didn't want to know you'd ever slept with her ever. I already have nightmares about seeing you kiss at your wedding" he yapped, it was rather hilarious.
"If I'm not back in an hour, Draco's killed me" I shook, as an incredible chill danced up my spine. I gulped, walking out of the tent as slowly as possible.
"Hi" I smiled, Draco had taken refuge under a tree in our hidden campsite. He was staring blankly, straight at the opening of the tent, waiting for me. My palms were damp, and my chest felt tight.
I stood by his side, not wanting to sit on the frozen grass. "I'm sorry, I truly am." I blurted, I'd never felt so guilty. "Sit down" he demanded. "But it's wet" I moaned, knowing I'd sit in a puddle of piss if it meant he'd forgive me.
"Obviously get on my knee Belle" his face contorted, as though I was a dunce for not thinking he'd want me to sit in his lap. "Why would I tell you to sit on the grass, are you a garden gnome?"
I laughed at his abruptness, he was hilarious, whether he was joking or not. I did as I was told, sitting on his thighs, facing him. "Better" he leaned up, so our faces were closer together.
"Darling, don't leave me in the dark again. I've been sick with worry" he admitted. The skin around his eyes was almost purple, blue veins poking through the pale skin of his eyelids. They looked almost chapped at the corners, I was sure they'd seen many tears since I'd been gone.
"Spare me the details of Fred making advances at you, because if I hear a single thing about it I'll kill him" he asserted, something I was glad of. Fred had apologised for kissing me at the wedding anyway..
"I don't want to be apart from you again" I sighed, embarrassed of my separation anxiety. "You never will be, ever. I'm sorry for my temper it's just.. you don't understand how ill I feel without you around" his feelings matched my own, thankfully.
"How have things been?" I asked, placing my hands at the back of his neck, he gasped at the feel of my icy fingertips. "Dreadful, I'm afraid I have some awful news.."
"Oh Draco don't keep me waiting, my nerves can't take it" I pleaded, as his two second pause left me on a cliff hanger. He sighed deeply, I could tell the news was weighing heavily on him.
"It's Luna" I closed my eyes as he said her name, not Luna. "She's alive" he added, I punched him in the chest. My mouth had almost completely dried out at the thought of another of my friends being dead. "Don't fucking do that!" I hissed.
"She's in the dungeon, in the Manor. Dean Thomas too.. and Garrick Ollivander" it was clear on his face that he felt so powerless in the situation, torn on what to do. I wished everyone saw him like this.. I bet Luna hates him now. She'll think he's partially involved.
"Oh, that's.. awful" I stared past him, trying desperately not to cry. "We'll leave in the morning, I'll apparate us back" he nodded in agreement.
"We should go now" his eyes widened, sending me a subliminal message, but I had something I needed to do. I needed to make sure Harry found the sword. I had to do it tonight.
"I need to sleep babe, I promise we'll leave first thing" I smiled at him, closing the gap between us. He kissed me softly, taking his time and savouring the moment. There was no force behind it, just love.
He pulled away, cupping my face in his hands. His gaze darted across every inch of my face, as though checking it was definitely me. "You're so beautiful" it was almost as though it slipped out without him knowing.
I smiled wide "thanks, I think I look like shit" I laughed. "I've just told you, you don't" he scrunched his nose at me. Sitting with him like this, it felt as though barely any time had passed at all.
I'd felt so stuck in a rut, but just seeing Draco gave me hope that we'd get through this. I knew the others wanted time to move painfully slow before they'd have to face Tom, but I'd do it tomorrow if I could.
I wanted this out of the way, I wanted Tom and my Father dead.
I was done with the secrets, lies, false smiles, not being able to be my true self. I couldn't wait for it to just be Mother, Draco and I.
"Look at the stars" he said, he wasn't looking up though, he was looking at me. I did as he said, there they were. Still shining bright. "They're bright" I said dumbly, ready for him to laugh and utter a snarky comment.
"Because I'm with you" he licked his teeth, trying to disguise his eager smile. "They can sense it, they're watching us."
"If they're watching us, I dread to think what they think of me" I raised my eyebrows, playing with the zip on his coat. "Why?" He tilted his head, confused at my train of thought.
"Because I'm a terrible person" I slumped down, pouting my lips to stop myself from crying. "Belle, you fool. You're just about the best person I know. Do you know how easy it'd be to just go along with your Father? To let him kill your friend, the power you'd have."
I shook my head "no, I'd have no power. I'd be under the influence of my Father still, he'd probably force me into marrying Nott. I think he quite fancies him, himself."
Draco's laugh vibrated against me, as we sat so close. "If he did I'd kill Nott" he was serious, "I know you would."
"Look at what you're doing, compared to anyone else. Nott's Father was murdered in front of him, and yet you're the one out here trying to right your Father's wrongs. I don't particularly like your choice of friends.. but I can't say I don't admire you all."
I smiled, as he relayed his true thoughts to me. I'd barely ever heard that someone was proud of me.. everything I ever did seemed to disgust people. It was nice to know that my efforts didn't go unnoticed by the person who's opinion I cared about the most..
"You're doing all you can. They're going to find the horcruxes, we're going to go home and we're going to do everything in our power to ensure they can finish their task."
"You want to help them?" I asked, overjoyed. "Of course I do, Isabelle, you're one of them." My heart fluttered, Draco was truly on our side. I knew he couldn't be swayed by the pressure of his Father..
I was sure I went to sleep with a smile on my face that night, laid across Draco's warm body, on a camp bed. I cursed the air, as I was awoken with a start.
I sat up with my eyes shut, I could see a bright light penetrating my eyelids, burning into my eyes through the thin layer of skin.
I knew it was a patronus, I'd have been stupid not to realise that. The question was.. who's was it? How did it know I was here? Was it even me it was looking for?
I opened my eyes in slow motion, hoping it was Luna's hare, to tell me she was alright. It was a doe, I didn't know anyone who had a doe as their patronus.. except for Harry's Mother. Was this Lily, was she trying to help?
Before I had a chance to rationalise Harry's Mother sending her patronus from beyond the grave, it'd ran out of the tent. I felt the burning need to follow it.. I had to see where it was going.
It was waiting for me just outside, it bowed its head towards me before starting to walk with me, into a part of our protected area I was yet to explore.
It halted as we came to the edge of a frozen lake. I stood frozen still, wondering what it wanted me to do.. I suddenly became afraid, what if I fell in?
The others would surely think I'd left, I'd only be found once the ice had completely melted. "Put the sword in there Isabelle, I'll lead him to it" the patronus spoke, I jumped backwards with shock.
It wasn't Lily at all, it was Snape.
His patronus was the same as Lily's? They were in the same year in school, be it in different houses.. but they must have known each other. He was friends with my Mother after all.
"Severus.. your patronus is the same as Lily's" the words spilled out of my mouth. The most irrelevant word vomit, conjured up by my scattered brain. The moment they left my lips I remembered Lupin's lesson, when he said they change when you're in love.
That's why Snape is secretly helping Harry, he was.. he is in love with his Mother. "Shut up, stupid girl" he averted, I couldn't help but find it highly amusing.
"Yours is the same as Fred Weasley's" he uttered, that certainly shut me up. I felt a wave of relief as I was accompanied by Snape, in a way. I'd seen far beyond his morbid exterior.
He was held to the same standard as Sirius and Remus in my estimations, I just loathed the fact that only Dumbledore and I knew what he were truly like. When Tom's gone I'll ensure everyone knows how great of a man Severus truly is.
"Put that damned sword in that lake right now, before someone sees you!" He repeated, showing some emotion in his voice for once. "Sorry, I was in my own world."
"Let's focus on saving this one first, Isabelle" I could picture the expression he was pulling quite clearly in my mind.
I stepped forward slowly, placing my foot on the ice to see if it would cave beneath my weight. I held my breath, terrified that if I fell in I'd never get out. I was sure if he had the ability to, Snape would have gotten his patronus to push me straight in.
"Hurry up!" He hissed. I stomped with all my strength, down onto the ice. It didn't budge. I exhaled slowly, readying myself to take the next step.
I held my arms out wide, as though they'd create enough wind resistance to aid if the ice broke. I was right on the edge, both feet planted onto the crisp surface. I knew it was probably less than a foot deep at this point, but it didn't make the task any less daunting.
"How am I going to get it inside?" I turned to face the doe, as though it would reply personally. "Use the sword" Snape spoke, I could tell he was fighting the urge to call me an idiot. Why didn't I think to use the sword?
I shuffled along the ice, further into the middle. I held out my arms wide, trying desperately to keep my balance. The pair of socks I'd been sleeping in provided no grip on the smooth surface, I cursed my decision to not put on any shoes before following the patronus in the first place.
I sank down to my knees, placing both hands on the ice as I peered into the depths of the lake. It wasn't frozen solid, it was actually quite deep. I gulped as I pulled the sword from my pocket.
The moment it hit the cool air it reverted to its original size, I stared down at it as it glistened in the moonlight. "Isabelle, pierce the ice, throw it in, and be done with it" Snape encouraged, from the lakes edge.
I held it high above my head, I closed my eyes as I propelled it forward. I imagined it going straight into my Father's chest. I heard a loud crack, making my eyes shoot open in an instant.
The crack began to spread, right between my legs. I'd hit the ice so hard it'd cracked the entire sheet in two, like two tectonic plates colliding beneath the earths surface. I felt them begin to drift.
I scrambled to my feet, sliding in every which way. I threw the sword into the water, I heard the faint splash behind me as it sank beneath the surface.
My lack of shoes made it near impossible to move at the speed I needed to, I began to hyperventilate as I knew I was about to be submerged in the blue-green water.
I screamed out as I felt the wetness cover my feet, praying that someone would have heard me. I drew in the longest breath I could, squeezing my eyes shut as I felt the ice give way beneath my feet.
The icy plane I'd just been stood upon shifted, it was above my head. I couldn't see a thing in the darkness of the undergrowth, all I knew was that I couldn't break through the ice to come up for air.
I held my breath as long as I could, thrashing about to try and find an opening to allow me some of the night air. I begged to feel the crisp night on my skin, but I feared I'd never feel it again.
I pushed myself upside down, kicking at the ice with so much force. I was running out of energy quickly, the temperature of the water made it harder to move. So cold it felt as though my skin was burning.
My eyes began to close, I couldn't even keep them open to try and search for the sword to cut my way out. The skin of my head tightened, my brain was losing oxygen.
The water started to feel like it weighed a tonne, pushing so hard onto every inch of my skin. I felt like a piece of paper, being crumpled into a tiny ball.
I held my knees to my chest, hoping there was space above my head and I'd float to the top. I released the last bit of air from my lungs, as I felt a strong pair of arms dragging my body. I couldn't tell if they were dragging me upwards, or down further into the lake.
I felt immense relief as the cold air bit my skin, I coughed and spluttered, throwing up a concoction of my supper and swallowed lake water. I wasn't sure whether my saviour wasn't speaking, or whether my ears had stopped hearing sounds.
"Belle! Belle!" I felt Draco's calloused hands tapping lightly on my swollen cheeks. "Babe, please. Oh fuck, please no. No no no" he cried, I wished I could respond but my throat was burning so badly I couldn't even grunt to show him I was conscious.
My back arched as the last drop of water left my lungs, I drew in a breath so large I felt my stomach expand under the pressure. Draco was knelt down beside me, he pulled my head into his lap.
"What the fuck were you doing?!" He screamed, not caring whether our friends would wake up or not. He was trying to sound angry, but I could hear the panic in his voice.
I opened my eyes for a second, before they forced themselves shut again. "I.. I was just going for a walk, I fell in" the lie was pathetic, and I knew he'd see straight through it, but I couldn't think of anything better.
He brushed the rogue hairs off of my face, holding my face in his hands like it was made of glass. "Stop doing this to me, stop making me feel like I'm going to lose you" he wept softly, too distracted to care about my lie.
My lip began to quiver, he sounded so hurt. I hated what I'd put him through recently.. "I'm so sorry" I choked, my voice barely audible.
He carried me back to the tent, my limp body draped across both of his arms. My jaw ached from shivering so violently. He made a fire in the middle of the floor, placing me beside it.
He tore my soaked clothes off of my body, shielding it from the others, incase any of them were to wake up. He pulled off his own jumper, leaving himself to brace the cool air in just a t shirt he'd been sleeping in.
He pulled the blanket off of the bed we'd slept in, draping it over his shoulders and sitting behind me. I relaxed into his body, his limbs wrapping me up. I could almost feel my toes again.
I felt the unmistakable feeling of his lips against my skin. They felt like heaven after my date with death. I was thankful he'd turned up.. I dreaded to think what would've happened if he never came looking for me. The others were still sound asleep..
"You saved my life" I breathed, pulling my bottom lip out as I turned to see his face. I could see the flames reflecting in his enlarged pupils. A smile crept up to the corners, "you saved mine" he breathed.