Chapter Forty-Three : you pay attention to me?
Paige
~ Three Weeks Later ~
Parker and I were at his locker, his bruises have healed but he just has been having a hard time with his broken ribs.
"Hey what if we go on a hike?" Malcolm asked looking more at the two of us.
"A hike?" I looked at Malcolm like he asked the dumbest question, "did you not realize that Parker has two broken ribs and you think a hike is a good idea?"
"I'm not asking him to hike a mountain, but like I know you like hikes," he commented and that I did like. Hiking was usually something I did to clear my mind though.
"Right but Parker is still healing from his ribs," I said again like he didn't understand it the first time.
"I'm okay, I'm just sore," Parker said and I looked at him like he had lost his damn mind.
"No," I shook my head, "you're not," I sighed frustrated, "you're not going on a hike."
"If it gets hard I'll tell you," he looked down at me and pushed some hair behind my ear while looking at me like he was in love with me and for a second I almost believed it.
"It better be the easiest trail there is," I looked at Malcolm and he nodded.
"It will be, oh and I invited Noah and Haylee to join, also gave Connor the option too. With you me, Parker and Madi," he smiled before darting in the opposite direction.
I looked at Parker and he knew the first thought that came to my mind, "No," he shook his head, "just think at least Kayla wasn't invited."
"You're pushing me down those stairs so I can break something," I mumbled, grabbing his hand as Noah hit Parker's back for the fifth time since we've come back to school.
Parker winced a little and I smack Noah, "I'll fuck you up," I glared at him, since Parker has gotten hurt and I blame myself for all of the damage and the amount of rage that is inside of me now that I know both of Parker's parents hate my guts, I have been showing my anger towards others who hurt him.
"Shit, I keep forgetting he's hurt," Noah commented, "so I heard we're going on a hike?"
"Something like that," Parker said and he tried to put his book bag on his back but I took it from him.
"Are we going to smoke?" Noah asked.
"You came over here for a reason, what is it?" I hated Noah, with a passion, my trust in him was broken in more pieces than one.
"Paige," Parker tried to calm me down, he knew how angry I had been, my temper had been short. I've surrounded myself around him for the past three weeks when I could. I took care of him when his mom was working but the second his mom pulled in the driveway I left. I'm paying off the hospital bill and his mom knows I am and she argued about it with me for a while but finally gave in. If Parker knew though he'd be really mad at me.
"I want to apologize for," he started and I just rolled my eyes.
"This is the third time this week for apologizing to try to get with me, you do realize if I let you fuck me you wouldn't be apologizing to Parker because techincally I'd be your bitch like Haylee is."
"It's not just Parker I'm trying to apologize to Paige," Noah said like he was actually being sincere.
"You can apologize a thousand times and you'll still get the same reaction, I don't care. I'll start to forgive you when I see a change but to me you're the same guy that you were at the party. Desperate."
"How do you not know I haven't changed?" Noah questioned as Parker closed his locker door.
"I watch you, every day go to that corner and make out with Tessa Connell while fucking around with her best friend Kelsey, they talk. It's the actions that speak louder than words," I looked at him and he smiled.
"You pay attention to me?" he looked at me surprised.
"When Parker and I are walking to class do you expect me to look at Parker the whole time with goo goo eyes? No and he pointed it out and now after fifth period it's like a thing now we look for and sure enough there you are, being a whore."
"We gotta go," Parker commented and I grabbed his hand while carrying his bookbag in my other hand.
Once we were a little farther away from Noah, Parker spoke up, "he likes the chase, you not being interested makes him want you more. He's used to easy and suddenly seeing a challenge makes him want to win, even in football Noah is competitive and that's good in football. I play it because I love the sport and to Noah women are a sport, they're the ball and getting laid is the touchdown. You're going to be the biggest game he's had to play. When you told him that you noticed him in Tessa and Kelsy he put in his mind that you look at him, you watch for him. He now thinks he has you where he wants you. I know him inside and out. Noah talks about his girls like they are candy, once he's tired he throws you out."
"Why didn't you tell me to shut up then?" I looked at him when we stopped at his class.
"Paige first of all I'd never tell you to shut up, secondly I didn't know what you were going to say," he kissed my cheek and I looked up at him.
"Noah hit you pretty hard, are you okay?"
"I'm okay, stop worrying," he took his bag out of my hand and I watched his expressions carefully. He wasn't used to being taken care of. In the beginning when I was there at his house he fought me with things he didn't want me doing and now I think he's accepted that I'm just as stubborn as he is.
Once he was inside his room I headed towards my class and thought long and hard, Malcolm might think he's doing the right thing about having us all hang out but in my eyes this was a bad idea all around. I was worried about Parker and now four out of the six people I have problems with. What the hell was Malcolm thinking? In what ways was this a good idea? Also why wasn't Mateo invited? Was Malcolm secretly setting up a counselling session is he trying to fix a problem that's not his to fix?
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We were all standing at the start of the path and Malcolm was passing out some water, "I'm not slowing down for anyone," he was mostly eyeing Parker, "so if you can't keep up just go back to the car. Alright, let's go," Malcolm clapped his hands and started to walk. I grabbed Parker's hand to force him to slow down. I know him, he would push himself even if he was in a lot of pain. You learn a thing or two throughout the years.
"God Paige, you baby him," Haylee rolled her eyes and I smiled.
"At least it shows I care, Haylee, did you ever? Let me be more specific, did you ever care when climbing into bed with Noah?"
"Oh shut up Paige, we all can't be perfect. But wait didn't Kayla tell us you were waiting until marriage?" Haylee looked over at Kayla who invited herself and Parker squeezed my hand to make me stop talking all together, he knew it's escalate. He wanted to be able to have a peaceful time around everyone but I couldn't. Not with both Haylee and Kayla here.
But Kayla was right, I wanted to wait until marriage. It was something both my mom and dad did. I wanted to be able to give someone my all but I couldn't anymore. Instead I gave Parker my all and I knew I'd never regret that because I knew in that drunken moment, Parker meant more to me than anyone ever has.
"And you're his sloppy seconds, I was his first, a virgin mary doesn't make a good partner in bed," Haylee smiled.
"She's not my sloppy seconds Haylee," Parker said and I smiled but part of me knew in a way I was, I only existed to help him forget that she took control. At the time I was okay with being the help but now, things are different, I'm different.
"So she's not the second girl you slept with?" Haylee smiled.
"I'm saying Paige isn't leftovers, she's replaced you all together," Parker's words hurt her, and he looked so believable saying what he did.
Haylee was done with the conversation because her pace quickened and caught up with Noah who was with Malcolm and Madi but Kayla and Connor stayed close.
"You really mean that?" Kayla asked and Parker nodded.
"I do."
"Porter women are just built differently," Connor commented and Parker just shook his head.
"That's why you went for both then, right?"
Connor suddenly got quiet before trying to deny any such thing, "Man I never tried to go for your girl, I have that voicemail if you wanna hear it," he started to pull out his phone.
"Nah man I heard it and yet you wanted an explanation, why?" Parker asked, "you could tell she was drunk, slurring all her words and she even mentioned it in the voicemail so why did you expect a reason behind the madness to a sober Paige who probably couldn't remember calling you."
"I was confused," Connor then said.
"Were you? Or did you see it as a perfect opportunity to get your needs met? I know you went over there to talk it out and you got on top of her, I was there. Nora can't fucking stand you so don't try to play it as if three people are lying," Parker looked at Connor with disgust.
"I wasn't in the right mind space, Kayla and I broke up and in my mind Paige was coming onto me, she contacted me."
"And yet when she said no you came onto her, right because not being in the right mind space is a good excuse to act like a horny bastard."
I looked at Parker and I knew how angry he was with Connor. Connor was caught in a lie and he's paying for the backlash.
"Paige, if Connor asked you to have sex with him would you have. Then not now," Kayla then proceeded to ask.
"No, you should know I wouldn't," I said.
"Well being in a relationship means having sex, so what were you expecting?" Kayla asked.
"Bullshit," Parker shot back, "being with someone means being there for them, loving them unconditionally, staying for the good and bad, it's not to get laid every goddamn night. I don't know who lacked the responsibility to teach you the meaning of a relationship but I sure as hell know your mom and dad didn't get together for the sex Kayla."
"No one loves like that Parker," Kayla looked at him, "I don't know what century your in but now a days good sex is important," Kayla crossed her arms.
"Not everyone wants a love like you do," Parker looked annoyed with Connor and Kayla, "so don't fucking try to give that bullshit reasoning. No one asked for your advice, or what advice you lack."
"Paige you're really going to let Parker talk to me like that? Isn't family approval important to you?" Kayla asked.
"It is, when said family member impacted my life for better," I looked at her with no remorse in my eyes. I hated her, I didn't want to, I wanted to fix the wounds she caused and yet time passed and my hope faded for repairs.
"What? I did make your life good!"
"When?"
"We had our good days, like that time at the zoo!"
"That was when Haylee went with us. You ditched me and left me looking for mom after saying you'd take Haylee and I to the reptiles. I trusted you and you disappeared. You made fun of me every day, called me names made me feel like I was nothing and yet you want to make it seem like you treated me fairly? Why do you think I keep you away from Nora? Why do you think that when you speak to me I don't give you my undivided attention to you? Being around you makes me hate you more, crying the constant poor me act. It's annoying and pathetic. You graduated and yet you still hang out with high schoolers. You try to get with Parker to make me feel incapable of keeping anyone. When I did like Connor I told you and you took him too. You manipulated me into thinking he liked me and that you were going to help me finally get the courage to tell him and then suddenly you had him. You try to take everything from me Kayla. So don't try to make everyone else believe that you were a good sister," I looked at her and she stopped walking.
"That time you almost drowned I asked if you were okay, I worried about you," Kayla looked at me.
"And then when we got in the car to go home, I heard you and Haylee talking saying that I knew how to swim that I was just seeking attention. You called me an attention whore."
"You only remember the bad!" she shot back.
"Because that's all there was!" I yelled and she shook her head trying not to believe it, "name a time then Kayla where you were there for me."
"When Kenzie passed away," her voice was small and she looked at me, "you were crying, I knew the death was hard on you, you Kenzie and Lillith were always close. I gave you that bear remember."
"And then you told me to stop crying," I said, "and that if I didn't I'd be right next to her. What made you lack compassion, empathy, being a human being?"
"I tried to make you strong," tears fell down her cheeks and Connor tried to comfort her.
"You made me grow up faster than I had to," I looked at her, "and yet you still treated me like a child when it comes to things that were too 'sensitive' for me."
"I was molested," she said it like it would change things, "why do you think we stopped going to uncle vincent's house? I said and did those things to you so you wouldn't be weak like I was. I had anger built up, I was releasing it on you but I thought I was doing you a favor. I'm sorry Paige," she wanted me to hug her, to feel the pain she felt but I was numb. I didn't want to give her pity because it didn't make it right, my pain in suffering for years didn't make it okay.
"I'm sorry for what happened," my voice had no pity, no guilt, no compassion. I still hated her, she knew what she was doing, hearing words come out of a manipulators mouth is hard to accept, "but I also hope that you know I still don't forgive you, I took years of being mentally abused so I'm sure you'd understand that because Vincent decided to abuse you that it was okay to do it to me."
"Paige please don't hate me, I'm sorry okay!" she came towards me and I stepped back and Parker held me in his arms.
"You can't force forgiveness," I looked at her and she must of seen the hatred I had for her and the self loathing that she created.
"You can't hate me," she wanted me to tell her I didn't and I couldn't because I did.