"Why? I don't want to draw anything else."
. . .
You and June had been together for over a week already. Ocean was consistently becoming more sociable with the other patients, meaning he got permission to freely roam the hospital grounds. You often found him in the greenhouse, painting or writing in a hardcover, velvety notebook. The notebook was from June, who was trying to work with Ocean about his- as June said- 'obsession' with you. Every time, June came back looking defeated, saying he had made no progress at all, but always refused to let you interfere.
Today, though, June was unusually happy.
"Whatever's going on, it looks good on you," you chuckled as June sauntered into your office.
He did jazz hands, beaming, "We got into Penn Psychiatric!"
Penn Psychiatric Hospital was not as well-known as Forrest, but it was the only psychiatric institution in the country that could compete with Forrest. You didn't doubt that June could land a position seeing as he had already worked at Forrest for a while.
"Wait, 'we'? I thought you applied-"
"Alone, I know. But they weren't interested until I mentioned you," June explained apologetically.
Your brow furrowed in confusion. You couldn't understand why you would be someone Penn was interested in. Forrest hired you because you were just about the last option. "Me?"
"You're the youngest psychiatrist at Forrest," he reminded, pointing a finger at you. "They're offering you a paid trial."
You knew that you should've felt some excitement at the news, but you were almost disappointed. You liked Forrest, and you were getting comfortable being here. You didn't see why you would want to move hospitals when you hadn't even been at this one for a year yet. Still, you threw on a smile.
"That's amazing, um, wow," you blurted, conflicted about how to react. "But what about my patients here? Penn is so far away."
"There's other doctors here, and besides, Ocean's doing good. I know you're talking about him. It's time you let him go off on his own."
You paused, thinking. June wasn't wrong- Ocean had been improving, and it would help him become more independent if you left for a short while. It was only a trial period, after all. Then you realized that it might feel like you were abandoning him, and you weren't completely sure if he was emotionally strong enough yet to cope with it.
"What if you're wrong, and it resets all of the progress he's made?"
June frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. You knew what he was thinking. He never said it directly, but he had implied a few times that he still suspected you and Ocean were too close for a doctor and patient. Because of this, Ocean was one of the only topics that otherwise-carefree June was sensitive about.
"Y/N, the reason I applied for Penn was so that we can both get away from Ocean. This-" he made a gesture with his hands- "whatever you have with him isn't healthy."
"I'm his doctor June, I'm obligated to care about him," you shot back, not wanting to believe that June was so against the idea of staying at the same hospital as Ocean.
"Yeah, and you're just feeding his obsession-"
"It's not an obsession," you cut in sharply.
"That's exactly what it is! If you don't believe me, go read the journal I've been telling him to keep."
With that, June walked out abruptly, leaving you to simmer down. You sighed, slumping over on your desk. You decided to go do what June said to see for yourself.
Ocean was in his room, so you quickly stepped inside, closing the door behind you. Conveniently, he was writing in the notebook. Ocean was used to random visits from you by now, and he set down his pen to look at you.
"Hi, Y/N," he chirped, smiling brightly at you.
You couldn't help but smile back. You could always count on Ocean to lift your mood. "Hey, Ocean. June told me that you've been keeping a journal?"
"Mhm, but he said you wouldn't want to read it."
You tilted your head slightly, curious. "Can I?"
Ocean nodded and handed you the book. "Only a page or two."
You thanked him and opened it back up to the first page. In the top righthand corner, the date was written in black pen alongside 'Entry 1'.
Huh, I don't really know what I'm supposed to be writing.
Today marks one day that Y/N and June are together.
I know June is reading this. Why else would he want me to keep a diary? It doesn't matter. He's not my doctor, Y/N is.
Y/N Y/N Y/N. Such a pretty name. I think June wants me to stop thinking about Y/N. I can't do that because then I wouldn't have that much left to think about.
I haven't talked to Y/N yet today. I know Y/N comes to my room a lot, but I wish I could see her more. I hate the feeling of missing Y/N. Oh, I wonder if she ever misses me. Does Y/N think about me sometimes? I hope so.
You stopped, not seeing the point of reading any more. You already knew that Ocean was overly emotionally attached to you. It might have been a little unusual, but it was only natural. You looked at Ocean, who was shying away from you, anxiously awaiting your reaction. You couldn't bear the possibility of hurting him. You brushed away stray hair from his eyes gently, making his gaze shoot to yours.
"I do think about you Ocean, and I miss you, too."
"Really?"
"Really."
A warm smile broke out across his face and he pulled you into a tight hug. 'Feeding his obsession,' June's voice echoed in your head. As if on cue, a ding came from your phone, signaling a new text from June, asking to talk to you. When you found June outside, he immediately pulled you into an empty room.
"Do you know what I'm talking about now?"
"No, I'm sorry, June, I really don't," you answered, shaking your head.
A determined look flashed on June's face. "You didn't read it, did you?"
"I did."
"How much of it?"
"A page or two," you said, copying Ocean's words from earlier.
June sighed, pulling out his phone. You watched as he opened the pictures app and then a folder consisting of the pages out of Ocean's notebook. He tapped on one of them, the image filling the screen. The paper was covered from edge to edge with 'I love you' in Ocean's handwriting, but what caught your eye was 'she said her love was mine' written at the bottom. June swiped left. These entries weren't numbered anymore, but a couple of the dates read the day when June had his Penn interview. It was all about you, with poems and even one page having what you assumed to be a list of everything Ocean liked about you. Occasionally, hearts dotted the corners.
"He's just bored," you said dismissively. "You know, it's like doodling."
"Stop defending him, Y/N. I know you're desensitized to it, but I'm telling you, it needs to stop."
Before you could respond, Ocean's voice came from behind the two of you, making you jump.
"What are you talking about?"
June, much to your dismay, answered for you. "We're talking about how Y/N and I are planning to transfer to another hospital together."
"It's- it's just a possibility," you added quickly, shooting June a stern look.
"Y/N, you're not leaving me, are you?" Ocean asked, his voice hinted with franticness.
Again, June replied faster than you could. He wasn't too careful about upsetting Ocean now that Ocean wasn't violent anymore. "Look, Ocean, you can't keep clinging to Y/N. She's got her own life that doesn't include you, and you have to get over this relationship you think you have- this obsession of yours."
"June," you warned.
Ocean's face fell, unreadable, and then his eyes darkened. "Why don't we ask Y/N what she thinks?"