°°
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
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Harry Styles
Harlow had to rush home to feed her cat so unfortunately I couldn't spend the day with her like I'd have liked to. She seemed a little chirpier by the time she left so I felt a little better about her going home to spend the day on her own.
I was worried about her, I am worried about her but I listened to what she said and I'm sure me fussing over her is the last thing she needs. So I let her go home and promised to call her later because my Sunday was to be spent driving round the city with Liam.
Even doing that I'm still stuck thinking about Harlow and all the shit she's had to experience in her 24 years of life.
The part that really got me was hearing her talk about how badly she wanted to have a family and then her saying she'll pretty much never get the chance. That broke me a little.
I can't imagine how that feels. I mean as a man I don't really feel like I'll ever be able to understand but jesus, I've never really thought about having kids but if someone told me I'd never be able to I'd definitely be a little upset, I think anyone would. Hearing that she dreamt of having children really is heartbreaking though, it must be awful to come to terms with.
Imagine dreaming your whole life for something only to find out you'll never be given the chance to fulfil that dream.
When she told me that all I wanted to do was hug her, even then it didn't feel like it was enough. She's been through so much it's truly devastating, and the worst part is she always seems to blame herself.
"You're daydreaming again." Liams says, snapping his fingers in front of my face.
"Huh?"
"Dreaming about Harlow were you?" He chuckles.
"Piss of you dick." I shoot back, sitting myself up properly in his passenger seat.
I hate when Liam drives, but he got a new car so wanted to take me out in it. Fuck knows why he's not driving about with Josie right now but judging by the suffocating smell of girls perfume and the red thing in the back, I'm guessing they've already tested it out.
They better have kept it in the back because I swear to god if I'm sitting in the seat they did the hanky panky in I'll flip.
"No club tonight?" He asks.
"When have we ever gone out on a Sunday?" I bluntly respond.
It's weird how I always feel so happy and just like someone who isn't a gang leader in front of Harlow, because my default response to everything is being a dick, I can't help it. I used to be a dick to Harlow but something has made me change and now I'm like a completely different person around her, it's weird.
To be honest, my idea of being nice and hers are probably two different things. She probably still thinks I'm a massive twat, I'm not very good at this whole kindness thing.
I hope I did okay when she was sad this morning, I didn't even think about it so I hope she doesn't think I was a dick.
"Do you love Josie?" I ask out of curiosity.
Why the fuck is he listening to rap music? My ears are bleeding.
He's trying to be cool, trying to seem like the guy who only listens to music about sex and money. I've been on his phone plenty of times before, I've seen the Spice Girls and ABBA in his playlists.
"I do." He replies with a smile. "Yeah, I love her."
He looks happy, I'm actually glad to see it. Liams has been a good friend to me and I'm fully aware I never show it but I am actually very grateful for him, so I'm glad he's happy. As long as Josie doesn't get in my way or make him depressed then I'm fine.
"How did you know?" I ask again, shoving my hands into my pockets as he drives down some random road.
"She makes me happy and nervous at the same time because I don't want to let her down or disappoint her. It's like I can feel all her emotions too, like when she's happy I'm happy, when she's sad I'm sad, when she's angry I'm angry. I don't know, everything just feels easy so it's either love or I'm living in a dream." He tells me whilst smiling like a little school boy.
Interesting.
"How long did it take?"
He glances at me and raises one brow like I'm stupid. "Time means nothing Harry. I knew after a few weeks but it could take months, days, I don't know. Time doesn't matter when you know it's real."
Yeah well that was one long winded answer for a question he could've answered in six words but that's very interesting. I always read that it took months and you can't do big things like move in together until a year but I suppose Liams right. I mean why let old fashioned timings control modern day relationships?
"What's the difference between that and having feelings then?" I mutter back in response.
"Well erm...a crush is like an intense infatuation towards someone and love is similar to that but it doesn't go away. Love is more understanding the person and having feelings for them is more to do with attraction."
Hmm.
"Harry if you're trying to decide whether you love Harlow-"
"That's not what I'm doing smartarse, I'm asking about your relationship to show I'm interested in your life." I scoff, kicking my feet up on his dashboard with my arms folded.
The second my feet hit the surface Liam swatted them off and told me to get my 'manky feet off his new dashboard'. It's ironic because if I'm right in assuming he got up to something in here with Josie last night, my 'manky feet' should be the least of his worries.
Besides these shoes are pretty much new, I only started wearing them when I realised Harlow had the same pair. Only because I didn't realise they actually went with things I wore.
These sweatpants go great with these shoes if I do say so myself. So fuck Liam for ruining my 'looking cool' moment.
"Yeah, I'm sure that's why." He smirks.
I turn my head to him and stare with my brows raised "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, I'm just saying you sound awful curious for a man who's just showing interest and has also started spending time with a woman to do things other then sex."
"You're making me sound like a dick, Liam." I scowl back at him.
"Well..." he mumbles under his breath, almost as if I wasn't supposed to hear him but I can't be fucked arguing so I just let it slide.
I turn my head to face out the window, sitting up right in the passenger seat of his car trying to ignore the music that sounds like something only over 18s should be listening to. I hate this music so fucking much, it's killing me.
As Liams turns the corner down this street I've never been down before, I swear I catch a glimpse of someone familiar who is walking in the direction towards us. Still I'm unsure if my eyes deceive me or whether this is in fact the man whose head I'd gladly rip off right now.
Turns out I'm not blind and it looks like me and Liam are going for a little adventure.
"Pull over." I tell him, unbuckling my seatbelt as Liam just looks confused, "Liam! Pull the fuck over!" I shout out of furiosity.
Liam pulls up immediately on the nearest kerb down this empty street, empty aside from my little friend I'm about to talk to. The second the car is stationary I reach into the glove compartment and grab the knife I know Liam always keeps in his car.
"Harry-"
I slammed the door shut, preventing Liam from even changing my mind like he'll try to do and speed walk towards none other than the piece of shit Harlow has to call her ex-boyfriend.
In other words the man that knew she was suffering and did nothing to help her.
Liams out his car now, I can hear him shouting my name but I'm not fucking stopping now, not that he's turned round and looked me in the eye with a smirk.
"You!" I shout, grabbing him by the collar on his worn out jacket and shoving him against the wall with so much force that it seemed to knock the wind out of him.
I've never been so angry over just the sight of somebody but fucking he'll my anger right now is gonna have smoke coming out my ears like in the cartoons. My teeth will probably all break with how hard I'm clenching them together but all this will be worth it when this son of a bitch pays for what he did.
Before I knew it I had the knife held up to his throat, one wrong miecement and it would pierce into his skin so for his own benefit, he better not fucking move.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Owen asks, panting like a pathetic dog and trying to pull himself away from the knife.
"Could ask you the same thing. You off to go and emotionally abuse another woman? Make sure she's in a dark place and continue to manipulate her? Do nothing to help the girl who you know needs it most?" I seethe, taunting him with the knife held across the throat.
I can tell he's nervous and it's only growing my confidence, practically daring me to test just how far I can hold this knife until he's not even breathing.
"Don't know what you're on about," he grumbles.
Bad move Owen, bad fucking move.
I swiftly move so my forearm is pinning him against the wall by the throat and I'm holding the knife above my head like I'm about to stab him. The second I did that he squinted in fear and desperately tried to crawl away but the poor boy isn't strong enough to get out of my grip.
I'd be mortified if I was him, I'm only using one arm.
"Don't act stupid. You're a piece of shit." I growled angrily. "Scared?"
He shakes his head with his eyes pinched shut, turning away from the kiddie I've got held ready to puncture his skins with. I can't even help but laugh, he's a fucking wimp.
"Harry..." I hear Liam's voice from behind me.
Not the time.
Not. The. Time.
I bring the knife down and draw a little line on Owen's forehead. It's not deep enough to be fatal or hurt too badly but it's enough to draw blood and have him whimpering in fear like the bitch he is.
"How about now?" I chuckle evilly, earning a pathetic nod from him.
"Harry enough. Not here." Liam shouts from behind me.
If not here then where?
I bring the knife back down to his throat, pressing dangerously hard against Owen's skin however not piercing it, yet.
Hearing Owen whimper and whine in terror is like music to my ears. It's blocking out everything Liams saying to try and turn me against what I'm debating doing right now. Liam knows me well, he knows me too well and he knows just as well as I do that I can be dangerous when I want to be.
"Daniel will...Daniel..."
"Daniel what? Daniels using you to get at Harlow you fool." I spit, watching his face form into a slight frown. "It's not nice being used is it?"
It's funny just how weak their whole gang is when it comes to fighting. Not once has Owen even tried to protest and hey, I'm not complaining. It makes my job a lot easier and at least the twat knows his place.
If he did protest I'm not sure just how much composure I'd have.
I slide the knife along his throat, creating nothing but a scratch yet Owens holding his breath because he's absolutely terrified. I can't help but laugh, you join a gang and you're shitting your pants the second someone acts violently towards you.
This ending fight should be fun for us...whenever it is.
Before I can even go further, the knife is snatched from my hands and stood next to me is Liam with a disappointment expression on his face "Styles you know better."
Fuck sake.
Why does he have to act so smart sometimes, I hate that he's right.
Owens still pressed against the wall so I slam my fist into his jaw and the crack that echoed as his head went flying was enough to make me feel somewhat satisfied with my actions today.
Now I have fucking blood on my rings, great.
Liam grabs the shoulder of my sweatshirt and drags me back to the car before doing any other damage "Come on, not in broad fucking daylight."
I shove Liam off, glancing over at Owen who's lying on the ground in pain before throwing myself back in the car. When Liam joins me he chucks the knife back in the glove compartment and speeds off like nothing happened.
Silence is all that's filling the air between us right now and I'm glad, because anymore shit music and Liam will be the one I'm killing.
"You were gonna kill him." States Liam, eyes focused on the road in front of him.
Nice observation jackass.
"He deserved it, you should've let me." I mumble back.
Killing him in that way would be letting him off easy. If I had my way kid have dragged his death out so long that he'd be begging for it but of course, Liam just had to get in the fucking way.
"Look I don't know what he did to Harlow but d'you think she'd see you as her hero for killing him?" He asks, raising his voice ever so slightly at me. "I stopped you because I know you care about her Harry, whatever he did isn't worth jeopardising what you and Harlow have. You're happy, don't go kissing that goodbye because you're angry at him."
Usually I'm the one having to drag my men away from fights so thank gif it was only Liam because anyone else and I'd never live it down. Especially since he figured out it was all because I want to protect Harlow.
He deserves to suffer.
He knew she was hurting, he knew she was unwell and he did nothing to help her.
"Harry...I think you're in love mate."