Watashi No Ai
CHAPTER 13
I stopped walking right here on the hallway of our canteen when I saw Yeji all alone, but this time she has her earphones on because her Dad gifted her phone on her 10th birthday. When will my Mom even do that? I'm sick of that kiddie phone with annoying sound.
I casually walks in the canteen. It's already 2 pm so it's probably her vacant class that's why she's here.
Surprising her from behind, I sat beside her. Her gaze quickly drew to me and she automatically closed the book she's reading that I didn't notice earlier.
"W-What are you doing here?" she asked, stuttering that made me confused.
"I'm skipping class because Lip and Yena were absent." I stated before resting my head on the table. I tilted my head and looks at her, "what are you reading, Yeddeong-ah?" I curiously asked.
Yeji's eyes became shaky that made me more confused. I tried touching the book she's holding but she kept it away from me by moving it on the side where my hand couldn't reach.
"That's nothing.." she murmured.
Is she...
Is Yeji reading a book with two person kissing in bed???
Wow...she's too young for this. Can I ask her that? I'm afraid she might get shy tho...
She's probably reading that kind of thing that's why she looks embarrassed now.
"Is that a fairytale book?" I asked while looking at her. I eventually placed my head on top of my forearm to keep myself comfortable.
"Y-Yeah...about vampires..." Yeji stated.
"What's wrong then? You don't look so comfortable about that." I mumbled.
"Uhm...it's because..." Yeji paused by looking down.
Hah! I knew it. She's reading that kind of book.
"It's because the protagonist was in love with a girl..." she said that's why my inner me screamed.
Why would I even think about the kissing thing?
"Because the protagonist is male?" I asked.
"N-No, she's a female and she's in love with a woman too.." she almost whispered.
"Wow...you can read that kind of book? You like that kind of book?" I curiously asked. I wanted Mom to buy me story books wherein a princess marries a princess too but she said it doesn't exist. Mommy's liar.
"When me and my Mom went shopping last time, she told me to get any books I want and this book caught my attention." she said and this time she's smiling already. Maybe she felt relieved.
"What's the title?"
Even if I know the title I couldn't buy it anyway. I don't have money for it and I don't like reading novels because it's so long...if I spend my time reading novels then I couldn't play around all day. Besides I just wanna ask her questions so we can talk more.
"The Immortals," Yeji answered.
"What's the name of protagonist? She must be lovely like Ariel...or Belle.." I murmured.
"She's Joanne and she fell in love with Lucy halfway of the story but Lucy was part of a clan that haunts those immortals which is the so called vampires..." I keep my eyes staring at her as she continues her story. She really seemed to enjoy what she's reading to the point that she's being talkative already, "well I still got a lot of chapters to read and I don't know what will happen if Joanne finds out that Lucy was part of that clan tho..."
"But they will live happily ever after, right? Because fairy tales always ends up like that." I stated. She just looked at me and pouted.
"You can continue reading your book, Yeddeong-ah. I'll just stay here and close my eyes." I uttered.
"Why would you close your eyes?" Yeji asked with a chuckle.
"So Yejiddeong won't feel uncomfortable while reading?"
She just chuckled. I saw how her hand reached for my forehead to pat it before I could even shut my eyes.
I like playing...but most of the time I just wanna sit beside Yeddeong and listen to deafening silence.
I was about to lift my head up when something touched my ear but then I realized it's Yeji that's why I stayed still.
As I catch you🎶
Fallin' into me🎶
Fallin' into you🎶
I smiled while listening to the song...
I hope Mom buys phone for me too...so Yeji and I could exchange messages.
But I can see your thoughts in the stardust🎶
I slowly opened my eyes, only to see her looking at me that's why I smiled at her. She quickly withdraw her gaze and focused on the book she's reading.
"Why are you staring at me Yejiddeong?" I asked while playfully pinching her elbow.
"Nothing...do you know that my english name is Lucy?"
"Yeah.." I mumbled.
"H-How did you know?" Yeji unbelievably asked.
"Because you just told me?"
"Aish..." her lips puckered that made me chuckle.
"Your english name is Lucy? Then Joanne is in love with you." I stated, "but how did you know that your english name is Lucy?" I lifted my elbow as well as my head to stare at her more comfortably.
"I searched it on my phone last night because I was intrigued." Yeji answered.
"I'll ask Mom for a phone too so I could know my english name."
"You want me to search it for you right now?" she asked which made my eyes sparkle in excitement.
"Can you? For real???" I went closer to her as she brought out her phone. The picture on the screen is a dog, it's probably her dog.
"Is that your dog?" I curiously asked while she's scrolling sideward.
"No, I downloaded this wallpaper because I love dogs." Yeji said before clicking a Google? It's a Google.
I focuses my eyes on the screen while she's typing my name.
Ryujin english name🔍
"The internet is pretty bad here so let's wait." Yeji said. I watch as how the blue line load on top of the search bar.
"Hey Yeji.."
I turned at my back to see who called Yeji and there I saw an unfamiliar face, she's holding a book and she has glasses.
She looked uneasy when she saw me.
"Hi Hyewon-ah, have a seat in front of me. This is Ryujin, my friend from lower grade." she introduced, "let's just find out about your english name the other time, okay? Hyewon and I would study about mathematics." Yeji pressed the back of her phone and removed the pair of earphone from her ear before handing it to me, "listen to songs if you want to, Ryujin-ah."
I just nodded while looking at the person in front of us. She's just looking at Yeji while smiling, flipping pages of her book while biting her pencil.
"Polynomials is kinda hard for me, Kwangbae. Can you teach me this first?"
Polynomials? Is it addition? Like 1+1 equals window!
What if I became math wizard and help Yeji about mathematics instead?
———
I rested my head on the headrest of the swivel chair after updating my story. I'm sure Yeji would be happy reading that. Too bad I was too young to realize back then that we were really destined for each other.
Reading a book with both of your english names in it wasn't a coincidence after all.
I grabbed my phone from the table and dialed Yeji's number. It's ringing but she's not answering the call. She's probably busy in her office right now since it's still 5 pm.
chiwon
wouldn't you mind other ppl finding out your true identity, author-nim? i knew a hyewonie but idk if she's that kwangbae in your story
madpotato
nah she said she wouldn't mind didn't you check her wall?
ijwannaread
don't be shy ask that hyewonie about authornim's surname
hauhau
don't be shy share your knowledge
dumbdumberdumbest
don't be shy give me more information
madpotato
calm your butt guys we don't invade our favorite author's privacy
nosananolife
don't be shy tell us more @chiwon
chiwon
lmao @sssniperwolf grab your armies
I stopped scrolling when I heard the door open. I turned to see Yeji with a smile on my face but it quickly faded soon as I saw her gloomy eyes.
"Pretty, you fine?" I got up to meet her. I'm almost 2 steps closer but she still hasn't responded.
"You looked exhausted, baby.." I mumbled. It's too early, I wonder why she went home already. "Yeji—" I tried holding her bag but she tossed it in front of me.
"I'm so tired." Yeji mumbled.
"Then have a rest, Yeddeong-ah..." I murmured, "oh wait— I'll fix the bed." I stated when I noticed that my things were laying on the bed.
"I'm so tired of this shit."
"What's your problem? Did something happen?" I asked, stacking the pile of clothes that I haven't hang inside the closet.
"Dad just declined one of my proposal." she said, still standing in front of the doorway.
"Because you can't win all the time, baby—"
"You don't understand! I worked hard for it, Ryujin-ah! And I'm his daughter why can't he acknowledge my work at least?!"
I breathed heavily and put the pile of clothes on the chair before walking towards her, "calm down...I know you're doing your best." I uttered.
"Is that all you got, Ryujin? You can talk like that because you can't understand what I feel! What do you even do?! You can't even fix the bed— look at the floor! Look on top of the PC! Everywhere I look it's all messy!" she exclaimed.
Every partner has a downside they say...and I can't blame her.
"I'm sorry I made a couple of chapters and forgot to clean the room." I stood up just steps away from her. I know I couldn't touch her. When she's angry everything is a bothersome. Everything is messed up.
And I felt bad because I can't do anything. I felt bad because I'm a bad partner.
"Have a rest for awhile." I said.
"Am I going to be with you for the rest of my life? Coz I don't think I could do that." Yeji stated and turned her back at me.
I quickly grasped her wrist to stop her, "you're just mad, baby...okay? Let's fix this, I'm sorry.."
"You can't understand it all! Ryujin, you don't understand it all!" Yeji yelled, "I'm tired of your apologies. You apologize because you can't do anything! You're still stuck right there! You're always sorry Yeddeong because I can't help, sorry Yeddeong I can only do this, sorry Yeddeong I forgot! Sorry! Sorry! Can't you at least try?!"
"Aren't my comforts always not enough for you, Yeji? What do you want me to do? When I give comfort you would always say that I don't understand the situation so where should I place myself in you when you're mad? You'd just end up venting your anger on me like right now." I stated.
"Comforts? By what? By saying that life goes thru ups and downs? That I can't always win? That life could be unfair sometimes?" Yeji looks at me and pointed her index finger on the mid air, "can't you do better than that? Can you lift me up even for once and not settle in between? You should be— you should be my partner...I'm just tired of this already. Can't you at least say 'let's work on it again, Yeji, maybe we can fix that' you can't even talk to my Dad." she continuously shake her head in disappointment.
"You know I'm ashamed."
"And you'll be ashamed of yourself forever?! You chose to dropped out in college! You chose this life! Will you forever be ashamed of yourself? Then what's the point of being together if you're just that coward dog who's full of sugar-coated words?!" Yeji exclaimed.
"Please...let's talk about this when you're calm, Yeji." I plead while looking at her. I'm waiting for Yeji to come back. The eyes that would tell me she loves me...
"I hate this, Ryu. I hate this so much!"
"Yeji, we're fine—"
"When will you stop pretending that we're perfectly fine?! When we're not! We stopped waking up at midnight to watch movies together, we stopped laughing out of the blue like we used to, we stopped listening to the same music— everything were just different... everything...it feels like we're just staying together because we don't wanna waste those years we've been together." I took one more step to hug her, "I'm keeping myself busy...because when I'm with you I... memories just...it just keeps on flashing back inside my head...Ryujin I don't wanna feel this way but I can't help it...and it's damn painful...I don't know...I don't know what to do with you to ease this pain...no matter how much I yell, how much I blame you with everything...how much I show you that I'm angry— nothing's happening. I'm still stuck in the past..." my heart's shattering hearing her sobs, hearing her speaking breathlessly with a crack on her voice...
From the start I knew that she's fragile. From the start I knew she keeps everything inside her and wouldn't speak up unless her heart is too full of pain...and I don't know how much she's been holding all of it.
You shouldn't ruin your partner's trust, they say. Because everything will be different after that and no matter how much you try to bring back the old relationship, you'll never have it back at all.
"It all started when I cheated, right?"
It's been years...I thought everything was back to normal after reuniting with her but I was wrong. Yeji became that paranoid partner, an overthinker...she gets angry easily with little things...she's a whole lot different person when she's mad and I know I caused her that.
I was a fool thinking that...that I could heal her easily...I was wrong...because you couldn't mend something that you broke.
"I still love you...like when we started dating. I think I love you even more and I couldn't picture myself with anyone else..." I murmured while hugging her tight.
"We're sting young, what if we're not meant for each other? Ryujin—"
"Shh...the only time we wouldn't be meant for each other anymore is when we fall out of love. If you fall out of love, tell me..." I gently kissed her head, "so I could rewrite our story's ending in my head."
—🍃