"It's not enough to save me
It's a race against the clock"
Vincent Hacker
~irl~
If this thing cries one more time i will go crazy. It's not letting me sleep, my dad already came to tell me to shut it up. As if i'm not trying to do just that.
Azeniah started crying at 3 am for God knows what. I was already in a bad mood because my father telling me shit is an everyday thing. I told him i was gonna visit my mom and he didn't like that so he tore some posters off my walls.
I didn't clean them because i just wanted to sleep so i woke up to the sight of them on the floor, i woke up to crying in my ear. This is the second time she cries throughout the night, the first time is when my father came in here.
She's not crying right now but it's hard for me to sleep since i was woken up by that. As if things couldn't get worse, i have two more days with this thing.
I can't wait for this assignment to be over. No Azzie means no Noelle which makes me slightly happy.
Having Azzie has meant i had to take her to work, i couldn't go see any girls for three days this week because of this. And i couldn't go to any party tonight because i didn't wanna show up with a toy.
I'm praying these next two- six weeks go by fast. In two weeks i won't have Azzie and in six weeks i won't have to be around Noelle. Thank God.
I grab my phone from next to Azeniah and just started playing a random game i have on my phone about sorting colors in tubes. This is normally what i do when i'm bored. When i can't sleep i usually sneak out through my window and meet up with someone or just skate at the local park.
But i obviously can't sneak out with a toy that cries for any little thing so i'm playing a game.
I feel like somehow my mom would figure out how to not let Azzie cry even if she's only a baby simulator. Mom's goated like that
I ended up scrolling on my instagram feed after getting bored of the game. When i was finally closing my eyes to sleep again that's when the stupid doll decides to cry.
I'm so over this
I groaned, grabbing the bottle and giving it to her but she kept crying so i picked her up and burped her however i could.
"Fuck just stop crying Azzie" I tried soothing her, "You're more annoying than your mom bro"
There's no way i actually referred to her as the mother of my fake baby. Gag
"You will literally drive me crazy Azeniah stop crying" I sighed, "Why the fuck am i talking to a doll"
I decided to check the diaper and change it which made her stop crying. I put her back on my bed with her blanket before laying back down.
-
"Hey let's go visit mom?" Reggie walked into my room dressed for the day.
"Yeah let me just shower and get dressed" He nodded, "Can you make sure that doesn't cry?" I pointed to the doll on my bed
"You want me to play with your toy?" He raised a brow, "That's so weird Vin"
"It's not my toy it's an assignment and i can't fail so please"
"Okay yeah go" I watched him pick Azzie up and walk out my room with her in his hands.
Finally some time away from that
I walked to grab my towel before making my way to the bathroom. After walking in i closed and locked the door, turning to the shower and turning the water to my usual setting.
I discard all my clothes in my hamper then walk into the shower, closing the glass door.
Sometimes i take short showers to just go on with my day but today i just feel so drained. So i'm standing under the water, staring at the wall in front of me.
If i fall in here and die i don't think anyone except mom and Reg would care. Dad would be happy he doesn't have to deal with me anymore, Lucille would be glad that there's no more arguing between her husband and his son, Fin would take the bigger room.
It'd be a win for everyone.
Id be free from all of this and take care of my family from up in the sky. Id watch over Sophia since i barely see her now. Id make sure she was always happy. Id make sure my mom is being treated as she should by my step dad.
Id protect Reg from my dad
Maybe i should just make everyone happier, maybe it's better for every-
"Vinnie where's the bottle?" Reggie's voice brought me out of my thoughts. "Your daughter is crying"
"Check my bed!" I yelled over the water. Instead of letting myself get deep in thought again i distracted myself by actually showering. When i finished i walked back to my bedroom, dressing myself in a casual outfit from my closet. "Ready?" I asked when i walked inside my brothers room
"Yeah here take Az" He gave me my project and grabbed his phone when he stood, walking past me out the room. I followed behind him with all of the dolls stuff in my hands along with the car keys.
The car is mine. My mom and stepdad bought it for me so i could drive myself and Reg around whenever we wanted to go somewhere. I'm only saying it's mine because they're planning on buying Reggie one once he gets his license so he can go wherever he wants.
We walked out of the house only saying bye to Fin and Lucille but i ignored my father, acting like i couldn't hear him.
"I'm not buckling her like and actual fucking child so just hold her for me please" Reggie nodded, taking the doll and her bag from me and leaving me to put the car seat in the back seat.
I drove off when we were both situated in the car.
"How long do you have her for?"
"Two more weeks" I responded dryly, "I give her to my partner on Monday and then get her back on Tuesday but she takes her home next weekend"
"Who's your partner?"
"Fin's friend, the one who brought her boyfriend over months ago"
"Oh, you mean Noelle?" I nodded, "Shes nice" I laughed at his comment, shaking my head
"Why does everyone keep saying that it's getting so annoying"
"Because she literally is nice" He states seriously, "Why are you so adamant on her not being a good person?"
"Because she isn't, she's a bitch and i feel like i'm the only person who sees that"
"You see what you wanna see"
"No i see what's actually there" I defended, "She's the fakest person in Washington and you won't see that because you only see the good in people"
Reggie sighed "You just need to actually get to know her Vinnie"
"I'll pass" The car got quiet afterwards except for whatever music was playing from my phone. When we got to our moms house she was outside with Sophia and Santiago. Santiago is my stepdad, the man who makes my mother happy and is an amazing father to my sister.
I parked the car and didn't get to even get off the car when Soph was running to me. Her little arms wrapped around me tightly. "Vinnie!" She yelled against me.
"Hey Soph i've missed you" I kissed the top of her head, getting off my seat while carrying her.
"I wanna say hi to Reggie" I put her down and watched her run to where Reggie was standing. I was now able to close the door and walk to my mom and Santi. "Oh a doll" I heard Soph say with a giggle.
"It's Vinnies" Reggie laughed with her.
"Why do you have a doll baby?" Mom asked as she hugged me.
"It's a project" I explained, "I don't play with dolls mom"
"Mhm" She laughed
"Hey Vin, was the drive bad?" I shook my head
"Nah there wasn't traffic" I replied, dapping him up then hugging him. "Were you waiting for your favorite guys to arrive?" I teased Santi who shook his head.
"Definitely not" He laughed, "Your mom made me come out here"
"I'm sure that's true" I responded
Santi is the father i never had. I can joke with him and he won't get bothered, i can really tell him anything and he won't judge. I'm more comfortable around him than with my actual father.
That's just sad to be honest