The familiar, dark-haired figure sits on top of a hill, looking out into the distance. The little spot sits behind a clump of trees and a clearing.
I know he hears me approach but he doesn't turn.
I sit down in the grass beside him. My eyes focus on the woods down beneath us. The woods in which we sat together, just like this, only a few days ago.
"Jack..." I want to ask if he's okay, but think better of it.
He turns to look at me and I see that his beautiful eyes aren't how I thought they would be. They aren't sarcastic or amused, but they aren't sad or hopeless either.
He just looks tired.
"How did you find me?" He asks me.
"Footprints."
"No."
The grass is cold and slightly dewey under my hands.
"What do you mean?"
He doesn't answer.
His dark hair looks unkempt as usual, and I sit on my fingers so they don't reach up to touch it like they want to. Not the time or place, Audrey.
We are quiet. I brace myself, because with the two of us, the most important moments come from the quiet. The two of us.
The two of us?
Maybe one day we'll be able to tell each other exactly what's on our minds instead of hiding it, waiting for the perfect time.
His eyes catch mine and don't let go. My heart stops.
Jack repeats what he said earlier, except this time I can tell he doesn't mean it the same way. "How did you find me?" When I move to speak, he says, somewhat angrily, "You can't see anything."
"I just..."
"No. Every time, I looked at you and waited for you to notice that I was seeing you, the real you, but it was like you couldn't even comprehend what I was trying to show you. Guess how many other girls I've taken to my house to watch movies and cuddle on the couch? None. Guess how many other times I've comforted someone with a fucking food fight, in the middle of the night, because they're going through a breakup? None. Guess how many other people I've confessed my undying fucking love for?"
His voice cracks as he continues. "Because I can't think of any, okay? I tried to make it obvious, Audrey."
The sound of my real name from his mouth stings even more than the other words.
"So what I'm asking," he continues, "is how exactly you found me here when you never even opened your eyes."
The silence is ringing in my ears, demanding an answer I don't know if I have.
Jack closes his eyes and sinks back into the grass, rubbing his face with his hands. He looks tired, nervous, stressed, and everything I don't think of when I think of Jack. He lets out a deep sigh.
So I don't think.
I lean down over him so that our faces are inches apart. He feels my breath and opens his eyes wide. They look shocked and slightly hopeful.
I lean my mouth towards his and whisper, "Jack... You're a great person. You make me laugh, even when I'm upset. You get me. And you're the sweetest guy I know."
"A?"
"Yeah?"
"I get it if you don't feel the same way I do." He pulls back and looks down at his hands, avoiding eye contact. I'm confused. Does he seriously think I don't care about him?
"You don't have to love me. You really don't. We can just be friends, or you could stop talking to me entirely. I get it. It would kill me, I'm not going to lie to you, but we can pretend none of the past few days ever happened if you want."
If I hadn't made a decision previously, I know exactly what I want now. Jack is genuinely willing to give up on his feelings for me if it causes me any sort of discomfort at all. I have trouble believing somebody would do something so selfless for anyone, much less for me.
I pause for a second. Then I grab his face and try to kiss him. I hope my lips communicate the things my voice can't say. But before I can, he moves away from me when I lean in.
I pull back quickly, remembering that my hands are streaked with dirt and grass (and now his face is, too), and he finally opens his chocolate eyes. His face is dirty from where I touched him but he's not smiling. I can't read his face.
"Sorry- I didn't mean- I got your face all dirty, I'm so- I'm sorry," I ramble.
"What are you doing?" He doesn't sound like someone he loves just tried to kiss him. He sounds almost annoyed.
"I thought you wanted-"
"Didn't you just hear me? I don't want you. Not if it's going to be like this. I can't- I can't have it just be physical, or out of pity."
"It's not-"
"Yeah, it is. You're trying to make me feel better. You're just trying to kiss me because you feel bad for me. You obviously haven't made up your mind about me, and that's fine, but don't play with my head like this. I can't take it."
He leans back, not looking at me. "Audrey, look..."
"No," I interrupt. "You look. I may not be the best at showing it, but I'm definitely not doing any of this out of pity. Okay? I was just feeling a lot when you told me, and I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. I was stupid. I am stupid. But I almost kissed you because I wanted to. And I want to do it for real this time. I need you to understand that. I know exactly what I want, Jack. And it's the same thing you want."
He looks at me slowly with a growing smile, and I feel my cheeks warming up. Then he moves closer to me.
"You sure?"
"Positive."
So he reaches for me and kisses me and a million fireworks explode in my stomach.
The kiss is gentle and slow. He tastes like something good but I can't quite place it until I spot the apple core lying on the ground nearby. I smile against his mouth, probably confusing him. He must have gotten hungry up here all alone.
Jack's hands are light against me and he takes my hands from his hair to hold his own.
I pull away and lean back, watching the world go on below our hill, unaware of the two of us up here. We don't talk, not because it would be awkward, but because for once, there's nothing to say.
We understand each other completely.
Jack squeezes my hand and I look at him.
"Yeah?" I breathe.
"I love you, A."
I smile.
"I know."
"I actually hoped you'd say that."
"It's like Star Wars now."
"You're a nerd."
"So are you. Don't deny it," I say.
He shrugs. "Not denying it." He quickly swoops in and places a quick kiss on my temple.
I want to tell him he's adorable but I can't because he would never let that go.
Instead, I say, "I'd tell you that I love you too..."
"But what?" Jack asks, raising his eyebrows, leaning his head on my shoulder and looking up at me with puppy-dog eyes. He doesn't sound concerned. I think he knows me too well.
"But..." Oh god. The puppy eyes are working. Oh no. What was I saying? Chocolate...but Hershey's or Ghirardelli? ... NO!
Whoa. Wow. He looks so good in this lighting. Can someone so beautiful really, truly love me? But the way he's looking at me now makes me completely certain about his feelings.
Snap out of it, Audrey. I tell myself.
"But you're an idiot." I cross my arms, glad I managed to break the spell his gaze had me trapped in.
"Well, you're a bully." He's smiling.
"Well, you're a dick," I tell him, brushing my hand along his cheek.
"Actually, I'm not just a dick. I have a body and arms and legs and a head. But, by all means, focus on the best part. I'm not complaining."
I smack his arm lightly and playfully. "You're disgusting."
"You love me. Admit it."
"Meh."
"Not a good enough answer."
"It is too," I defend.
"A. You love me."
"I do not."
"You're lying."
"I'm not l-lying." My voice shakes slightly as he takes my face in his hands lightly, looking straight through all my defenses.
"I know damn well that you dream about me every night..."
"No, I don't."
"I know that you love it when I'm touching you..."
"One, that sounds really wrong and two, I tolerate you."
"I know that your heart speeds up when we're together..." He brushes my hair behind my ear and I lean in to his hand. "Mine does too, so you can admit it," he adds in a whisper.
"No it- I don't- it doesn't."
"I know that you want to rip my clothes off..."
"You wish," I say, my cheeks heating up.
"Oh, I definitely wish. Also, you think I'm perfect in every way..."
"Okay, that one definitely isn't true."
"So the others are?"
"I don't dream about you every night."
He presses our foreheads together.
"When are you getting to the good part, A?"
I bury my face in my hands, blushing. "You're so..."
Jack nudges my shoulder. "You love me, don't you?"
"Shut up already! Of course I love you. You're just trying to drag this out."
"Wasn't too hard to admit, was it?"
"I guess not," I whisper, tracing his lips with my fingertips.
"Now say it again," he requests. "Please."
I take a breath. "I love a lot of things, Jack. I love art and I love my friends and I love my dad and Genevieve. I love the tree house and I love Star Wars. And, yeah. I love you. I love you even more than I did a minute ago."
"Thank you," he says sincerely, looking straight at me, a familiar smile lighting up his face.
I don't even hesitate before kissing him this time.