As sunny as the weather has been lately, Iwaizumi feels like layering even more than he did in the passing winter. It's not that the air feels cold, rather he feels cold and a 30 degree change in the weather isn't solving his problems.
It's been weeks, maybe, since he's really thought about himself, about Oikawa, about Makki, Mattsun, the team, his mom - his life in general. In those weeks he's stayed the same, following a routine he's set to keep the temperature decent while spring comes.
But now he's in a pit, because of some dumb song Oikawa had quoted. Oikawa'd been complaining about the lack of progress on his serve despite his hours of practice set to perfecting it, and when Iwaizumi was a good friend there to offer moral support, he'd quoted a line from 'Painkiller' by Ruel.
"Iwa-chan," he'd said, "You really are my painkiller, haha."
Iwaizumi had skeptically glanced at him, feeding his curiosity over his friend's unusual phrasing.
Oikawa sighed, "It's a song, Iwa-chan. It's like, 'you're my painkiller, when my brain gets bitter.' and I was just laughing cause you're my painkiller."
My, Iwaizumi recalled bitterly, I'm as much yours as you are mine, which it's your fault we're far from.
His fingers curled tightly around his phone, staring at the unsent messages to Oikawa.
Kawa? He'd sent, just below their previous conversation. After a few minutes, he'd sent again, Oikawa?
The little red dot made him scowl. Oikawa was supposed to be out with Makki and Mattsun, both of which were not answering either and it'd been far past 5 hours they'd been gone.
Please, He sent more desperately. He didn't know why - was he blocked? Did something happen, did they lose service?
Oikawa, miles away, also wasn't doing so peachy - his hands were bound to his knees to comfort himself as he sobbed from searing pain in his knee. His phone was next to him, broken, and papers were scattered around in a mess.
He'd been practicing, really, not out with his friends. They'd promised to cover for him so he could practice as Oikawa had guilted them into it just for a little time.
A little time turned to hours and he'd strained himself more than he needed to. The gym was silent apart from his whimpers and constant slaps to his knee trying to add pressure and alleviate the pain.
He groaned, upset, as he stared at the wall in front of him. I miss you but I'd rather be alone.
Melodies played through his head stubbornly as they had the past few hours. Someone told him once that you could hear the music your soulmate was listening to - how funny, maybe if he could consider them soulmates Iwaizumi was tuning in to the same song.
I'm looking for heartbreaks, headaches. The doctor says I'm diagnosed with shit days, mistakes, but I'll be fine.
But I'll be fine.
Iwaizumi sighed, annoyed, but more worried as he clicked off his phone. "But I'll be fine," he reminded himself, "but Oikawa is fine. He's probably fine."
Iwaizumi sank into his chair, groggily glaring at the piles of homework that've been piling up over the last few days. It's been hectic, busy, and he's been ignoring it but now maybe he needs an escape.
His brain blanked at the sight however, the words on the page making no sense as he reread them. "Scale...factor....a'?"
Nevermind, he thought, I'll do geometry another time.
Oikawa had always been the better one with numbers, passing all previous classes with ease and barely spending any time on homework. He'd normally send Iwaizumi his study cards, but considering no text of Iwaizumi's went through he'd figured Oikawa wouldn't be helping him with math anytime soon.
Teenage cynical, the song looped in the background, and I don't really know.
Yeah, cynical, he grimaced, sounds about right.
Oikawa's earlier words rang in his head momentarily. "You really are my painkiller."
Iwaizumi groaned and hid his face in his palms. Did Oikawa mean to do this - to loop him up in the feelings he's been ignoring for years just to play with him? To spill a meaning he couldn't quite read between the two of them, in such a harsh way?
I'm his painkiller. It was hard for him to grasp - Oikawa tended to jest, and normally Iwaizumi didn't pay much mind to his antics but it bothered him to the point he felt his appetite drain and his arms numb.
"Were you joking?" He asks, seemingly towards the empty space, "Were you?"
A soft light fills the dark room and Iwaizumi nearly sprints to check his phone.
Sorry, Iwa-chan, Oikawa had written, I broke my phone. I'm on my chromebook right now.
Okay, Iwaizumi simply replied.
Okay? Oikawa had typed back, okay?
Yeah okay. Glad you're safe.
That's it?
Iwaizumi squinted at the message. 'That's it?' What more was there for there to be - what less was there to be? Annoyance settled in Iwaizumi's gut as he wondered what games Oikawa was up to now.
That's it.
So, Oikawa texted, then a moment later, whatcha need?
Nothing, just
He shut his phone off for a moment, letting his nerves ease and his breathing even. You.
Wanted to make sure you're okay.
His fingers typed out, unknowingly to him as he mindlessly sent the message. His phone flickered and Oikawa's bubble appeared with three tiny dots.
You were worried?
Yeah. Is that a bad thing?
His phone dimmed before displaying Oikawa's caller id. He stared at it, listening to it ring as a pleasantly horrid break from painkiller before remembering he had to accept the call.
"Hello?" A voice spoke from the other end, full of uncertainty and physical hurt that he'd failed to hide. "Iwa-chan?"
"Oikawa," Iwaizumi spoke slowly, "sorry, I've been spacing out recently."
"No problem. I just wanted to see how you're doing."
"I'm-" Iwaizumi was interrupted by his attention being brought to the bridge of painkiller. "I'm doing well. How are you?"
Discomfort fell in the silence following as Iwaizumi listened to the song. "I'm fine, Iwa-chan- Is that-" Oikawa paused for a second, "Painkiller?"
Iwaizumi's cheeks boomed with color as he raced to shut the song off. He bit his lip nervously in hopes he could play it off, even if he knew it would be futile. "No.You must be imagining things, 'Kawa."
"Right," Oikawa laughed, although it was dripping with sarcasm. "Silly me."
The following silence stretched comfortably this time, a peaceful blessing of time to think between the regular constant conversation. Head thrown against his desk, Iwaizumi closed his eyes as the tune seeped back into his memory.
"You have a nice singing voice," Oikawa spoke after a few minutes, "I don't think I've heard you sing before."
Iwaizumi's lips snapped shut and he frowned. "Singing?"
"Yeah," A smile was evident in Oikawa's voice, "It's pretty. You should sing more often."
"I wasn't singing."
Oikawa laughed calmly on the other side, and faint rustling could be heard. "You were. It was pretty though, don't worry. I liked it."
The call quited as Oikawa mentally recorded Iwaizumi's singing. "Hey Iwa-chan," he asked, voice laced with timidness, "do you love me?"
"Yeah," Iwaizumi whispered, "we're friends, right? That's what friends do."
"I don't love you," Oikawa paused, and Iwaizumi felt the room freeze and his world shatter. "Like that."
Iwaizumi breathing quickened as he felt tears well in his eyes. He hadn't meant Oikawa to see it as a confession but he was too busy, too wrong to be rejected right now and too unhopeful to place other meaning into the words. "Okay."
"Maybe to you," Oikawa smiled softly, "but I don't mean I don't love you, Iwa-chan. I just - not like that."
"Then like...?"
"Like-" Oikawa paused to think, "Like Kunimi loved Kindaichi."
Iwaizumi frowned, letting himself relax further into his chair as he bit his lip again. "You're in love with Kindaichi?"
The line died for one minute, two, and then Oikawa burst into laughter. Iwaizumi's heart melted and he smiled fondly, recalling all the times he'd heard the pleasant laughter before.
"No," Oikawa breathlessly laughed, calming down, "no. Like how mom loves dad, and grandma loves grandpa. You know."
"I don't," Iwaizumi confessed, tracing Oikawa's image on the screen idly, "I really don't."
"I- You're embarrassing, Iwa-chan. Don't make me say it."
"Say what?"
Oikawa stilled, his mind freezing and no other words came to him quick enough. "I want to marry you, someday." And in an attempt to continue, "Please never leave me cause I'm barely holding on, you give me a reason to keep on breathing-"
"No," Iwaizumi deadpanned, "try again and don't quote the same song twice within one day. That's weird and I will whack you."
With a sarcastic sigh, Oikawa continued, "What's the point of living if my heart gets broken-"
"You're impossible." Iwaizumi groaned.
"Impossibly yours, if you let me take you out Sunday."
Iwaizumi frowned. "That doesn't even make sense."
"It's a yes or no question, Iwa-chan."
"That wasn't even a question!"
Oikawa giddy laughed from the other side of the phone. "I'm still waiting for my answer!"
"It's a yes," Iwaizumi grinned, "if it's to tofu."
completed :)
its been a minute! i hope you're all doing well ♡