We pulled up outside my house and I ran straight in, not even waiting for Perrie. I nearly ran straight into Alfie, stood pacing in the hallway with his phone to his ear.
"Hello babe." He said. "Jakob's back. Yeah."
Alfie held his phone out to me. "Lauren."
"Has she seen her yet?"
Alfie shook his head, and I took the phone. Perrie came in and closed the door.
"Lauren, what's going on?"
"Hiya Jakers... not a lot. I'm on the way back now. I've been all over the place, not seen any sign of her. Sorry."
"Okay, see you in a few minutes." I said, hanging up before I started silently crying. "Alfie, where's dad?"
"Front room."
My dad was stood at the window in darkness. He looked terrible.
"Dad?"
"Hi son."
"Hey... where's Ellie?"
"She went to a couple of girls houses to see if Maddie's there."
"I thought you'd rang all her friends."
"We did, all the ones we know. Ellie knows a couple of other girls from her college, so she's gone to try there."
"Right. I'm gonna keep trying her phone, I'm gonna go out now and drive around."
"Lauren's been doing that for hours kiddo, she's not seen her."
"I know, but we might now." I said feebly.
My dad turned to me and I could tell before he said anything that he didn't have a clue what to do. We'd never been in this situation before. I knew what he was going to say before he said it.
"Do you think we need to call the police?"
"No. Not yet. If... if she's not back here by the morning, then I'll do it myself. But not yet, let me try and find her... why don't you get some sleep?"
Dad just shook his head and went back to looking out of the window.
I slowly backed out of the room and followed the sound of voices into the kitchen. Perrie was in there with Alfie, and Lauren was back.
"When did you last try her phone?" I asked.
"About ten minutes ago."
I instantly went for my phone and tried Maddie's number, but once again it went straight to answerphone.
"Jesus... Lauren, whereabouts have you been?"
"All over the area, near her college, around the park..."
"Alfie, see if Ellie's heard anything."
"She said she'd ring me."
"Right, I'm going out."
"Hang on a minute." Lauren said. "Where are you gonna go?"
"I don't know, but I can't stay here can I?!" I snapped.
"Would she have gone into town?" Perrie suggested quietly. "Babe, we'll drive into town and look for her there."
"I don't know... I dunno why she would."
"She's been seeing someone, though hasn't she?" Alfie said. "I know nobody wants to say it, but she's been asking you and Dad for bus money for weeks now-"
"I kept teasing her about having a boyfriend and she got really tetchy-"
"You know what? She probably is with this secret boyfriend; she just missed the last bus home or something." Lauren said.
"Then why didn't she call one of us? She's never done this, something's wrong?"
"Don't let dad hear you say that."
"Right, we're not getting very far in here." Perrie said before I could answer. "Bear, come on... me and you are going into town."
"Me and Alfie can drive round the area again."
"Wait, I don't want to leave dad on his own." I said as we all piled into the hallway. Even as I spoke, Ellie walked through the door.
She was in tears; she had always been closer to Maddie than she was to me or Alfie. She cried even harder when she saw me.
"None of them have heard from her, they don't know where she is, the only friend she has we've already spoken to-"
"We're going out again now... Ell, it's probably nothing." I said, even though I was on the verge of breaking down myself. "Look, I need you to stay with dad, will you?"
"Y-yeah... and I'll keep ringing Maddie."
"Thanks.... Come here." I opened my arms to give Ellie a quick hug before leaving behind the others.
**
Two hours later, we were no closer. Perrie and I were driving at snail's pace through the town, stopping to check down side streets and run quickly down the roads that we couldn't drive on.
"This is hopeless."
"No, It's not babe. There's still plenty of places."
"Perrie, it's nearly three in the morning, nobody's around. We're not gonna find her here."
I dialled Lauren's number and she answered straight awa. Our conversation was probably the shortest ever.
"Loz, any luck?"
"No hu, sorry."
"Right."
I turned to the window, trying to swallow past the tight lump in my throat. "Perrie, I don't know what to do."
"Neither do I babe." She admitted quietly.
"I don't know where else to look. I don't even know who she's seeing, or I'd go and find him."
"What if we go back... we could check her room for some kind of idea-"
"Ellie already did that."
Perrie fell silent and just kept driving. My phone started to ring, and my heart flipped when I didn't recognise the number flashing up; it could be Maddie, if her mobile were off...
"Maddie?"
"Hello, Jakob?"
"What? Er, yeah, who's this?"
"... Hi love. It's... it's your mum."
I sat up straight, staring at Perrie. She quickly stopped the car, frowning back.
"What?" She mouthed.
"How did you get my number? Oh my god." I shouted, "Is she with you? Is Maddie there?"
"Yes, she's here."
I pushed back all the questions that came into my head then; I wanted to know how on earth they were with each other, how Maddie knew about her, all of it. But not yet.
"Let me speak to her."
"You can love, I just need to-"
"Let me talk to her!"
"Just let me explain what-"
"What the hell have you done? What's she doing with you at three in the morning? She better be alright-"
"She's fine! Just let me explain."
"Wait... just wait." I turned to Perrie and said. "We need to go to my mums."
Perrie's mouth dropped open. "Oh my god... Okay. Where is it?"
I told her the address, remembering easily, then spoke into the phone again. "You've got until I get to your house to explain yourself."
"Maddie's fine, she's here with me now. But – we went out today, me and Maddie together. We... had a little accident."
I stopped breathing. Just for a second, it was like someone had plunged my heart into a bucket of ice. Next to me, I was dimly aware of Perrie on the phone to Lauren, telling her where we were going.
"What little accident?"
"A car accident. We've been in hospital since early this evening. My husband picked us up a little while ago and brought us ho- back to my house."
"What the hell happened?! You fucking idiot, what the hell have you done-"
"Calm down love, she-"
"I'm not your love! Put Maddie on the phone. Now."
"Just one more thing."
"No, let me speak to her."
"Please Jakob. Maddie's very upset, I don't want you to be angry with her, this is my fault."
"I know it is. Let me speak to my sister now."
There was a beat of silence, then my sisters' timid, sniffling voice. "Jakob?"
"Oh my god, Maddie... are you okay?"
"Yeah... I'm really sorry, please don't hate me."
"I don't, you idiot. I've been worried to death about you. I'm coming to pick you up now, I'm almost there."
"I w-was gonna ring you, I really was. They didn't give me my phone back until we were leaving, and it'd died by then and it was really late, and I thought you'd be really angry-"
"Maddie, I'm not angry with you. I promise, look I'm almost there. I'll deal with this when I get there, okay?"
"You're not gonna go mad at mum, are you? It wasn't her fault. The truck came out of nowhere-"
"Truck?!" I shouted. "What truck?!"
Maddie went quiet.
"Put her back on?" I shouted once more.
"Don't shout..."
"I'm way past shouting Maddison, put her back on please. I'll see you in a minute."
"Okay."
"Hello."
"You failed to mention you'd been hit by a fucking truck! I swear to god..."
"It's not as bad as it sounds! We were very lucky."
Every word she said, I was getting angrier. "You think so? What the hell is wrong with you? Why didn't you contact my dad as soon as this happened? Instead you've been sat around in hospital letting us lose our minds. Do you realise how worried we've been? Of course you don't. You've never worried about any of your children, have you-"
"Jakob." Perrie interrupted. "We're here babe."
"Never mind." I spat down the phone. "We're here now."
I hung up and leapt out of the car.
"Babe, d'you-"
"Will you wait here please?" I asked Perrie. "I'm gonna send Maddie out here to you, I need to talk to my lovely mother."
"Babe, don't go in there while you're so angry-"
"I'm not angry, I'm fucking livid!"
I slammed the car door and turned around at the sound of a beep; Lauren's car pulled up behind Perrie's and she and Alfie stepped out.
"Jakers, what's going on?"
"What's she doing with her?" Alfie said.
"I'm gonna find out now, will you please wait here? Please just let me handle it."
"You're not handling anything; you're shaking." Lauren pointed out.
I ignored her and stormed towards my mother's house. She opened the door before I got to it, light flooding outside.
I barely looked at her, simply sparing her a glance and registering with fury that she didn't appear to have a mark on her, before storming straight inside. I heard her close the door and call my name but strode right through the unfamiliar house, throwing open the first door I came across.
Maddie was sat in an armchair, the man I recognised from my previous encounter with my mother sat on the opposite couch.
Maddie had her left arm in a thick cast and a sling, and several little cuts decorating her left cheek. Her eye looked slightly more closed than the other and she had a large white plaster on her chin. Tears slid down her face when she saw me.
"I'm sorry Jakob." She cried.
"It looks worse than it is." A voice said behind me, and I had to bite my tongue; I had never wanted to physically attack someone before.
"Is your arm broken?"
Maddie nodded. "Please don't be angry."
"I'm not angry with you. Will you do me a favour? Perrie's outside-"
"Perrie? Why?"
"We've been looking for you all night. Alfie's outside with Lauren too."
"Is he mad at me?"
"No... Maddison, please will you go and wait with Perrie in her car. I'll be there in two minutes."
"Why?"
"Please, I'm asking you... I'll be two minutes that's it, then we'll go home."
"Promise?"
"Yes, I promise, Will you tell Alfie to ring dad as well? Tell him to say I'll explain when we get home, he just needs to know you're alright."
Maddie got up and left without a word to our mother. I waited until I heard the front door close before I rounded on her.
"So which part of 'stay away from my family' didn't you understand?"
"She has a right to see her daughter, just because you weren't interested, doesn't mean she shouldn't try with Maddie."
I stared at her husband; I couldn't remember his name, but suddenly I didn't care about what he did and didn't know.
"How much has she told you exactly?"
"Jakob, don't." She said behind me.
"Why? What more do I need to know?"
"I don't know, maybe about her second daughter and second son she abandoned sixteen years ago?"
He stood up, staring at his wife. "What? What does he mean?"
"You can have your domestic later." I snapped. I didn't care what story she had fed to him, about her lies. "I told you to stay away, what the hell were you doing with Maddie?"
"I... the photo you gave me. I still have it; I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just... went to her college one afternoon."
"You did what?!"
"I found her on Facebook and saw where she went to college, so I waited for her one day. We went for a walk."
"You have absolutely no right-"
"Says who?"
"Said you, when you walked out before she even knew who you were!" I yelled. "And says me, you're never going near her again after tonight. What even happened tonight? Have you seen the state of her?"
"She's alright, they wouldn't have let her out if she wasn't okay-"
"She actually looks okay to you?!"
"It wasn't my fault! If I hadn't been looking the right way, we'd both be dead."
"D'you expect me to be grateful? She still ended up in hospital because of you-"
"I said it wasn't my fault!"
"She'd be fine if you'd just stayed away from her! You've managed alright her whole life, what's changed?! And what the hell stopped you from calling me? Or my dad? We've been going out of our minds all night!"
"Maddie's phone ran out of cha-"
"What about yours?!" I yelled. I was aware I was shouting loud enough to wake the street, but I didn't care one bit. "Or since you're so wadded these days, why was it too much trouble to use a phone box?"
"I didn't think-"
"No, you never do. You haven't given us a second thought for sixteen years, have you? Why should I think you'd start now? You make me sick. I'm taking my sister home, and don't ever try and speak to her again."
"That's not for you to decide!" She shouted as I stormed to the front door. "Maddison's old enough to know what she wants; she can see me whenever she please."
I opened the door before I turned around again. "Not a chance. I don't know what you think gives you the right to show up and decide you're her mother all of a sudden. You're not destroying my family again, stay away from her. All of us."
She followed me to the door, grabbing it before I could slam it. "You can-t-" She stopped and gasped, looking over my shoulder. I followed her gaze to where Alfie was stood with Lauren. "Is that – that's-"
"Your other son." I supplied.
"And... Ellie?"
I barely supressed a snort of laughter. "No, that's his girlfriend. Nice attempt at Spot the Abandoned Child though. Goodbye, mother."
I grabbed the door and slammed it while she was still staring past me, dumbstruck, at Alfie.
Perrie got out of the car as I approached. "Babe?"
"It's alright. Can we go?"
"Yeah... Maddie's in the back."
Alfie approached nervously and I tried to smile at him.
"Did you call dad?"
"Yeah. He's not impressed J. He's relieved obviously but he wants to know what's going on."
"I'll tell him when we get back, let's just go home."
Alfie and Lauren went back to Lauren's car without another word, and I got in the back of Perrie's, where Maddie was waiting, staring at me.
Without a word, I shuffled next to her and pulled her into my arms, squeezing my eyes shut so I wouldn't cry.
"Is dad okay Jake?"
"He's fine now he knows you're alright, I'll explain everything to him when we get back."
Maddie sniffed and laid her head on my shoulder. "Mu- she said you've been to see her before. Why didn't you tell us?"
"It's complicated, let's just wait until we get home."
"But why didn't you say anything? You- you knew how much I wanted to know about her."
"It's not like that... let's just wait until we get home, I'll tell you all together. Please."
"... Okay."
**
I left everyone go inside without me when we get back, standing outside with Perrie. I noticed Alfie and Lauren holding hands and I couldn't help but smile.
"Babe... I think I better go?" Perrie said, her arms around my middle.
"What?"
"I think I should go home, let you deal with this, yeah?"
"But-"
"Babe, it's nothing to do with me, I don't want to intrude-"
"Don't leave me." I said pathetically. "They're gonna be really mad at me when I tell them. Please?"
"Of course, if you're sure-"
"I need you." I muttered.
Perrie clutched my hand and gave me a tug towards the house. "Come on, it's alright. They'll understand."
Everybody was stood, silent and waiting, right there in the hall when we went inside. Staring at me.
"I'm gonna go." Lauren said quietly to Alfie.
"You don't have to, you can stay, it's late."
"It's a family thing, I don't-"
"You are family." I said to Lauren. She didn't reply, just glanced from one person to the other nervously.
"Jakob?" Dad said. "What's this about – your mother? Have you been in contact with her?"
"It wasn't like that. It was a complete accident; she came into work."
"And ended up putting your sister in hospital?"
"It's a long story. Can we go and sit down?"
**
By the time I had explained everything, including the night I had spoken to my mother after she had waited at work for me and everything she had said, Maddie was crying incoherently into my dad's shoulder about how she had lied to her. Everybody else was silent; Perrie hadn't let go of my hand once.
"Maddie?" I said timidly. "What do you mean... what did she say to you?"
"She just lied about everything... I don't care. It doesn't matter. I'm going to bed."
Dad stood up with Maddie, keeping his arm around her. They left the room without a word, leaving me with Ellie looking daggers at me.
"How come you never said anything?"
"What was he supposed to say?" Alfie said defensively/ "He could hardly come home and go 'by the way you lot, I saw mum, she didn't recognise me, could barely remember the rest of you and left us because she didn't like having no money'. What was the point in saying anything?"
"Still would've been nice to be in the loop, we might've realised sooner to look for Maddie there!"
"No we wouldn't." I sighed. "We all thought Maddie had some secret boyfriend, didn't we?"
"Have you really told her to keep away?"
"Of course I have!" I snapped. "What the hell do we want her around for?!"
Ellie shrugged uncomfortably. "I wouldn't mind speaking to her."
"Before, outside her house, she thought Lauren was you." I said harshly. "She wouldn't know you if she tripped over you. She didn't have a clue who I was. She's a waste of space, we're better off without her."
"He's right Ell." Alfie yawned. "We're going to bed... see you tomorrow."
Again, I smiled as he stood up with Lauren, still holding her hand. "Keep it down yeah?" I said in attempt to lighten the mood.
"Oi! You can talk, remember when I rang-"
"Lauren!" I said warningly, sharing a grin with her. "Go to bed."
"Night Jakers."
"Are you okay?" I asked Ellie as she too got up and stretched. She shrugged.
"I dunno what to think. I'm just glad Maddie's back. I'm going up... Night Perrie."
"Night hun."
Perrie briefly let go of my hand to get up and close the living room door after Ellie. "Bloody hell, that was tense."
"Too right."
"You okay?"
"I don't know. D'you think she'll leave us alone?"
"I hope so." Perrie said, putting her arms around me. "But you do know... Maddie might still want to see her. And if she does, there's not a lot you can do about it."
"Maddie doesn't need her, she never has." I said angrily.
"But she has needed her." Perrie whispered. "I know you don't like it babe, but everyone needs their mam."
"Not one like her."
"But that's not for you to say babe. Maddie might want her in her life. She's missed out."
"Don't say that! Me and Dad brought her up Perrie, you're making her sound deprived or something-"
"No, that's not what I mean. I'm just saying I hope she stays away but she also might not, and if that's what Maddie wants... like I said everyone needs their mam. Even you."
"No I do not." I laughed hollowly, pushing away from Perrie. She moved right against me, locking her arms around my shoulders.
"I know you'll never admit it but it's obvious. You wish she'd been there in your life."
"Well of course I do, but it doesn't mean I want her around now. Maddie might be old enough to decide what she wants but she's old enough to get her heart broken as well."
"But you don't know that'll happen-"
"Yes, I do. That's one thing I do know. If I let Maddie see her, she's just gonna leave her again. So forgive me for not wanting that to happen." I stood up as Perrie raised her hand to my face. "Maybe you should go home, if you're so Team Mother-"
"Woah. Hang on." Perrie stood up too, frowning at me, and quickly put her arms around me. "Don't start that."
"What?"
"Don't lash out at me babe. I know you're upset-"
"I'm not. I'm tired and angry, I'm not upset."
"A blind man could see it, don't lie to me." Perrie snapped. "I'm not going home; I'm staying with you."
She hugged me tightly, as if making sure I couldn't push her off. But I relaxed in her arms and gently hugged her back, noticing that she loosened her hold a little when I did so.
"That's better." She whispered. "It's weird seeing you all worked up babe... you were like a frightened mouse when I first met you."
"The quiet ones are always the worst." I chuckled. "Sorry."
"Doesn't matter."
"Shall we go to bed?"
"Yeah."
Perrie and I laid awake for a long time just looking at each other.
"You sure you're okay in here?" I checked for the tenth time.
"I'm okay anywhere with you." She smiled. "I'm perfect, don't worry."
"Thanks for... everything tonight. I owe you so much fuel money."
"Don't be daft." Perrie giggled. "I'm just glad it... well, wasn't really anything serious in the end."
"Yeah... it's nearly five, we need to sleep."
"We do. Goodnight babe." Perrie leaned into me to capture my lips briefly, but I didn't let her pull back.
We continued kissing heatedly for several minutes. Perrie worked her way on top of me, and my hands found their way into the back of the pyjama bottoms I had given her. I remembered the first time I had dared to make that move, and she had stopped me. Not this time.
Her mouth on mine and her hand stroking my barely-there abs, grazing lightly over my skin, spurred me on to hook my thumbs over Perrie's pyjama pants and start to pull them down.
"Babe..." She said breathlessly. "We can't do this here."
"You are joking me, right?" I grinned.
"People might still be awake... someone's gonna hear us."
"Then we'll be quiet. You can be quiet, can't you?" I added cheekily. Perrie pouted and I gently grabbed her chin and pulled her back to my mouth, kissing her pout. She started to laugh softly as my tongue parted her lips.
"Wow get you. When did you become such a sex maniac?"
"Since you. It's all your fault."
"Oh no..."
"Yep." I nodded, turning Perrie over so she was under me. "All. Your. Fault."
I lifted my tee over my head. I wasn't sure where my sudden blast of confidence had come from. I leaned back down and kissed her again. Perrie raked her fingers through my short hair, tilting my head and deepening the kiss, a low moan escaping her.
"Damn." She whispered, biting her lip when we parted for air. "Look what I've done to you!"
"I know. You're terrible."
"Yeah... what are you gonna do about it?"
I moved so I was kneeling in between Perrie's legs and pulled her pants slowly down, never taking my eyes off hers. She watched me with... amusement? Excitement? She just kept smiling at me, her teeth biting her bottom lip hard, turning it white.
I dropped the offending material to the floor and lay down slowly on top of her. Perrie let out a tiny groan. "God, Jakob..."
"I know. I was so innocent and sweet... you stole my virginity and turned me into a... sex maniac."
Perrie giggled, turning her head away from me.
I started pulling up the baggy t shirt I had given her, and she raised her arms willingly. Grinning, I let it lift over her head, then stopped before she could pull her arms out. I gave the material a tug and wrapped it around once, pulling her wrists together. I held the t shirt in my fist, holding her down easily with that one hand.
"Jeez... babe, I need you. Please."
"Are you sorry for ruining me?"
"Not at all." I gasped quietly, pretending to be shocked. Perrie winked.
"Oh you are so getting it now?"
"Oh yeah? What're you gonna do?"
I rest my full weight on Perrie and slipped my length inside of her. She pressed her lips firmly together, closing her eyes tight.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Fuck my brains out."
I kissed her neck, trying not to laugh. "Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
"Really sure?"
"Jakob, I'm about to scream, I'm serious." I latched my lips to hers, kissing her hungrily, and pushed inside her deeper.
My mouth was filled with Perrie's deep groans as she thrust her hips in rhythm with my own movements. I kept kissing her, knowing she would only get louder if she stopped.
"I'm gonna come." She gasped a few minutes later, throwing her head back. "Go faster."
"Shush." I whispered teasingly, and she looked at me a little angrily.
"Tell me to shush again and I'm gonna scream your name,"
Ignoring how turned on that made me, I kissed her again, letting go of her hands and gripping the back of her neck, making sure she couldn't pull away from me, and quickening my pace.
Seconds later, Perrie's back arched and she screamed into my mouth. I pulled out quickly just a second away from orgasm and a white sticky substance fell on her flat stomach. Perrie quickly fell back down to the bed, throwing her head back again.
"Jesus Jakob, fuck." She gasped.
I moved off her, before quickly pulling on my boxers and quietly retrieving some toilet paper from the bathroom and wiped Perrie down, before kissing down her belly and then lying on my side next to her, just watching her, eyes closed, still panting heavily, a glisten of perspiration along her forehead. Perrie clutched the shirt to her chest, her breathing returning to normal.
"Good god."
"Are you okay?" I said, unable to hide my smile.
"Three guesses!" Perrie hissed, grinning back. "Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you are?"
"Not as hot as you." I said, kissing her cheek. "You've got no clue how... fuckable you look right now."
Perrie giggled into her hand. "Who are you? And what did you do with the real Jakob?"
"We're the same person babe. Just the old one wasn't so crazy in love."
Perrie moved onto her side too and put her arm around me. I gave the quilt a tug, wrapping it over her shoulder.
"Are you cold? Do you want your pants back?"
"I'm good for now." She smirked. "You can keep me warm."
I opened my arms for her and Perrie placed her head on my chest with a sleepy sigh.
"That was amazing... you're amazing."
"You're amazing." I whispered back. "In every way."
"I was amazingly quiet, wasn't I?"
"Not bad for you." I agreed. "Time for sleep please."
Perrie tilted her head up and kissed my neck. "Love you."
"I love you too. Oh... I'm taking you somewhere tomorrow."
"What? Where?"
"You'll have to wait and see."
"Awh come on..."
"Nope, sorry. It's a surprise. We'll have to be up and about in... about five hours to make it in good time though."
"Awh Bear please, where are you taking me?"
"Not telling. Get some sleep."
"You're mean."
"I know. Go to sleep now and you won't have long to wait to find out, will you?"
"I suppose." Perrie giggled. "Night babe."
"Night sweetie."
"Sweetie?!"
"Oh shut it."