Chapter 26
Not Over You
The next day, Micah came over again, not to start working but to hang out with me.
It had been Tommy's idea.
Micah and i hung out for a little bit. He was fun and nice, but not exactly the most talkative person. every time i looked into his eyes, i felt my heart melt.
I remembered when Ross had made me feel that way.
Thinking of Ross made my heart ache, and a tear slid down my cheek. I tried to wipe it away without Micah noticing, but it was too late.
"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.
"It's..." i was about to tell him about Ross, then decided not to right before i spoke. "It's nothing."
Micah gave me a worried look but didnt ask again.
We talked for a little while more, then decided to go downstairs to find something to eat.
In the kitchen i found Carly sitting at th table on her computer.
I looked over her shoulder and she immediately switched pages.
She smiled at me guiltily.
I put together a snack of Laughing Cow cheese spread on wheat thins for Micah and i (I'm not vey good with food...) then pulled up a chair next to Carly.
"Let me see it," i muttered.
She rolled her eyes and opened a page on Tiger Beat's website.
I gasped. "How did they get that?!"
There, right before my eyes, was a photo of Ross and my very first kiss. I was positive about it. All the other times we'd gone to the beach together, I'd been wearing my turquoise bikini, not my yellow one. Besides that one time when i went with the whole lynch family... But we hadn't kissed that time.
I skimmed the article.
"A photo we recently received of Rordan's very first kiss!" it said. "sources are saying that Rordan recently had a big fight, and that they are now broken up.
"What do you think happened? Sound off in the comments and on twitter! Do you think Ross and Jordan will get back together? Or will the blonde hottie be single this school year?"
Then there was a photo of Ross begging me to listen to him at the airport, Ross slumped at Rocky's feet...
I cupped my hand over my mouth. There was me, walking through security, my head down.
And another photo below it, of me looking back one last time, a tear rolling down my cheek.
Suddenly Micah said queitly from beside me, "Who's that?"
"My--" i stopped, not knowing how to answer. what was Ross to me now? According to Tiger Beat, we were broken up. I felt like we should be broken up.
But... We'd never officially broken up or anything. And... I still loved him. "My..." i buried my face in my hands. "I don't know."
A couple weeks later, Micah came again, but this time it was to work.
Afterwards, as they had been doing for the past three weeks that theyd started working for us, him and all the other helps, and Carly's brothers stomped into the kitchen.
I walked in and started going back upstairs, but my mom saw me and motioned for me to stay.
"But it smells like B.O. In here!!" i screamed inwardly.
Breathing out of my mouth, i slowly made my way over to my mom and Carly, who were standing on the other end of the kitchen.
I picked my way around everyone, trying not to bump into anyone for fear that their smelly odor would rub off on me.
When i passed Micah though, he didn't appear to smell. I walked by him more slowly, but sped up to reach my mom and Carly.
The three of us passed around cups of lemonade and coke, then everyone except Micah went home.
Micah stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen with his hands in his pockets of his board shorts, which he always wore instead of actual pants.
He frowned at me slightly, then motioned for me to go outside with him.
We walked along the long driveway until we were about half way to the road.
Micah stopped me and grabbed my hand. "Jordan..." he paused. "I know you're still getting over Ross Lynch, and i know he broke your heart. But... If i had you, i would never hurt you physically or mentally. What I'm saying is..." he stopped and kind of flopped around his hand that wasnt holding mine a bit.
Then he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.
I expected to feel butterflies like i had always felt with Ross, or tingling, or at least my heart feeling whole again.
But i didn't. "Maybe if i try harder," i thought.
I put my hands around Micah's neck and pulled myself closer to him.
I still didn't feel anything.
No. No. I had to love Micah. Micah. No. No. I tried harder, but still: nothing.
Slowly our eyes opened and i looked into his eyes.
"How could you?" someone whispered loudly from behind me.
I spun around to be face to face with someone who i had hoped that i would never see again. Or was it more like, hoped to spend the rest of my life with?
I choked. "Ross," i breathed.
Hurt shone in his eyes. "I thought you loved me."
Anger boiled up inside of me. "You? Love? Thought? Me? What?! Ross, you broke my HEART! Why did you think i wouldnt move on? I'd just come crawling back to you?!"
"No," he whispered. "No... Never. I never thought that. I just hoped..." a tear slid down his cheek as he looked down.
I felt my heart shatter again.
Why should i be feeling pity towards him? He broke my heart! He didn't care about me!
"Yes he does," a little voice said in the back of my mind. "Yes he does." it started echoing in my head. I clutched at my head and fell to the ground.
Micah and ross both caught me at the same time, but i wriggled out of their grip, letting myself fall to the ground.
I rolled over and put my forehead on the backs of my hands to keep it from getting scratched, then sobs shook my body.
Why? Why now?
I woke up the next morning in my bed, a shaft of bright light streaming in through my window.
Maybe it had all been a dream! An awful dream! Micah had never kissed me, I'd never not felt anything, and Ross had never shown up!
With this in mind i pranced happily downstairs.
When i turned the corner into the living room, i found pandemonium.
"What do you not understand about the phrase 'stay away from her'?!" Brandon shouted. "You hurt her!! You don't love her! You should've just stayed away!!"
I slowly walked in and saw Ross seated at the table wedged in between Carly and Brenda, with the boys all towering over him angrily.
I put my head in my hands and slid down the fridge door. No. It had all happened. I cried silently, then let out a loud gasp for air, turning everyone's attention on me.
I didn't care.
I cried louder. Suddenly i was enveloped in arms, and i opened my eyes to find all of Carly's brothers hugging me. Awkward?
I pushed them away and ran back up to my room crying.
I slammed my door shut and slid down the back of it, letting the tears slide down my cheeks.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
"Go away!" i shouted in between sobs.
"Jordan, please," it was Carly.
I slowly opened the door for her. She was with Ross.
I glared at him. "I don't want to see you!" i shouted, trying to close the door in their faces.
Carly propped her toes against the door so that it wouldn't budge. "Jordan... You have to settle this NOW." she pushed Ross into my room and ran back downstairs.
I glared at Ross again, then sat on the floor Indian style, wiping my eyes.
"Jordan," Ross plopped down in front of me, running his fingers through his hair and looking at the floor. "I.. I'm so sorry." he whispered, looking up at me.
"Is that all you have to say for yourself? Is that seriously what you flew all the way out here to tell me? Is that seriously all you've wanted to tell me since you cheated on me?!" i asked coldly, looking straight into his eyes.
"No," Ross said quietly. "I wanted to tell you what really happened that night."
I raised my eyebrows. "Hell with it," i thought. "Just hear him out Jordan."
"Go on," i said in a steely voice.
"Well... So.. We had just finished taping, and i was walking back to my dressing room. Then suddenly, this girl pops out from a closet... She looked me in the eye and said..." he choked. "'I still love you Rossy'." a tear slid down his cheek, but he quickly wiped it away. "Then... She started kissing me... I fought back, i did, but then i caught myself wondering if i still loved her or not. So i stopped fighting... For the minute. And that's when you came up..." he buried his face in his hands.
"You think that'll make me take you back?!" i asked.
"I truly don't know, Jordan. I just know that that's what happened, and you needed to know," he whispered, his face still in his hands.
It was too much at one time. "So you're saying you still love me?" i whispered; i wasnt meaning for Ross to actually hear me, but he nodded.
"Yes. I always did."
I felt my heart break. Somehow i knew that he was telling me the truth. "Any... Anything else you want to tell me?" i asked, trying to keep my voice neutral.
"Well... If you didn't guess, she was my ex who moved to Alaska. Um... And... I... I'm truly so sorry," his voice was barely audible.
"I... I... I believe you," i whispered. "But... I don't know if i trust you anymore."
I could tell Ross was silently crying into his hands. I scooted closer to him and tried to pull his fingers off of his face. I yanked harder and he let me have his hand. I played with his fingers for moment then whispered, "Ross..."
"Yes?" he looked up at me, his eyes and nose red.
"I... I..." i stopped. My heart hurt. I knew i loved him. "Should i tell him?" i thought. It was too late. I'd already started. "I love you," i whispered, my voice cracking.
Ross lay his head in my lap and cried into my skirt. I played with his hair a little bit, then he calmed down.
"I love you too," he whispered. "I love you too."
"But that doesn't mean I'm taking you back! You need to prove that you're trustworthy again..." i said. "Just because i still love you doesn't mean we're back together." well, now that sounded strange, now didn't it?
Ross seemed to understand. He nodded. "I'm staying here until I'm trustworthy again, then."
"You realize that'll be a long time?" i asked suddenly.
"It'll be worth it," he whispered.
We sat in silence for another hour.
After our talk, i felt inspired to tweet something.
"Trust: takes months to build, and seconds to break."
i never said it was going to be a happy tweet.
I thought about it for a second, then i tweeted Ross. "@RossR5 love hurts whether it's right or wrong." i turned off my phone and plopped onto my couch in my room, my mind swirling. I fell asleep, even though it wasn't even near lunch time yet.