This flash drive.
This stupid fucking flash drive.
You wanted to throw it against the wall, maybe flush it down the toilet. That dumb little piece of plastic was supposed to change your life.
You spent a few hours going through all of the information. It held fake documents on it, things like your new birth certificate and driver's license. There was a long list of facts about your new identity, where you grew up, previous job experience with references, your made-up parent's names...It was all so overwhelming.
All of these important facts were going in one ear and out of the other. You decided you wouldn't need to absorb any of it...
You'd never use it. You were going to get Kylo back.
You didn't need this new identity. You wanted yours.
You were sitting in a chair next to the window, staring at the way the wind was blowing through the trees, the way an occasional car would roll by on the quiet street across from the motel.
A night had passed since talking to Luke. The call was supposed to reassure you but it just made you feel emptier than before. You could hardly sleep, your mind was too preoccupied with all of the new information you were given. It didn't help that Ushar and Vicrul had been snoring loudly in your ears the entire time, insisting on staying in bed with you again.
You were on edge, thinking through all of the ways that you could get back home. It wouldn't be easy.
Glancing over your shoulder, you noticed the way that Ushar was drinking a beer, watching some basketball game on TV, occasionally shouting when a good or bad play was made. Vicrul was laying back in bed, flipping through a magazine, grunting every time Ushar yelled too loud and pulled him out of his concentration.
The two men were upset by this situation, they didn't like seeing you so sad and they didn't want to say goodbye to you either. It didn't help that they knew how insufferable Kylo would be when they returned. If their boss was in a bad mood, it wasn't good news for them, to say the least. He was going to be such an ass to them from now on without you by his side to keep him stable.
Vicrul was trying to spend his time distracting himself. But it really didn't stop him from worrying about you. You swore he asked you if you were okay over 50 times since you woke up that morning. You weren't sure if you had ever seen him even read anything before but every time that there was a moment of silence, he was flipping through a newspaper or a magazine, materials he picked up from the drug store down the street. He hated thinking about you leaving.
Meanwhile, Ushar was trying to make himself feel better by drinking and deflecting with humor. You didn't blame him.
"How's it going?" Vicrul asked you, glancing over at you, eyes darting between you and the page he had open, in the process of flipping it over.
You didn't tear your eyes away from the window. "Fine." You answered. The same way you answered him for the past couple of hours. You weren't fine. You weren't sure what you felt. Your mind was only focused on one thing: a way out.
Vicrul made a noise to let you know he heard you, even if he didn't verbally respond. There was nothing he could say to you. He knew it wasn't fine but how would he be able to help? He couldn't.
Kylo told you so many times, in so many ways, that you needed to listen to his plan. It was clear that he didn't want you to come back to him, he didn't want you to fuck up all of the schemes he spent so much time putting together.
In the back of your mind, you knew you should listen to him.
But you couldn't. You couldn't just lay down and take this. Kylo himself was the main reason why you were so headstrong, it was something he always encouraged, even if it didn't work in his favor. You had never been so determined in your beliefs before you met him.
So much of who Kylo was rubbed off on you. You had so many traits of his personality embedded into yours.
A memory popped into your mind, from around a month ago:
You and Kylo had been sitting in a private room in the back of an exclusive, upscale restaurant. Although you were adjusting to this lifestyle, it was still mind-blowing to see how eagerly everyone around you and Kylo waited on you hand and foot. The place was gorgeous and it was like the waiters were begging to help the two of you, doting on you.
The attention meant nothing to Kylo. Just another dinner. The steak was a little too done for his taste but his drink was alright. Overall, nothing special. He was almost oblivious to all of the ways you felt like a mini-celebrity. It was just how life was for him.
"I don't like him. He's an ass." You muttered about one of the waiters who was walking away from your table. You noticed that he kept ordering the other workers around, pointing out their mistakes rudely in front of you and Kylo.
"Is he?" Kylo mumbled, uninterested, taking a bite of his food. It wasn't that he didn't care what you had to say. He always hung on your every word. He would just rather talk about all the ways he was going to make you scream his name when you got home or how good you looked in that dress, instead of the douchebag waiter.
"Yeah." You frowned, keeping your eyes on said waiter as you took a long sip from the glass of wine in front of you.
There was a beat of silence from you and it caused Kylo to look over in concern to see what had you so quiet.
"Princess," Kylo said in a warning tone, watching the way your eyes were narrowing at the worker. You ignored him and it caused Kylo to sigh, glancing over his shoulder to see what exactly you had been glaring at.
The waiter who you weren't happy with, was scolding a waitress who accidentally spilled some water on your table when she had refilled your glass. It hadn't been a big deal, barely a few drops and it had only gotten on the tablecloth. But the asshole waiter was taking it very seriously.
"Drop it, okay? It's not your responsibility." Kylo said to you as he watched the gears turn in your head. You said nothing in response and he reached his hand over to yours on the table. It easily covered yours, much bigger than you. "I would love to have a calm, pleasant dinner with you, for once. Can you do that for me?"
You moved your eyes away from the workers at that statement and raised an eyebrow at him. "First off, it's always your fault that our dinners go wrong." You said as you thought about it. "Second, I honestly can't have a calm, pleasant time when I know that's going on." You motioned towards the corner of the room, where various waiters and bartenders were hanging around in case you needed something.
The asshole waiter was now openly reprimanding the waitress and even from your distance from them, you could see the way she was beginning to cry.
Kylo watched you and how you were folding your napkin up from your lap and setting it on the table, making a move to stand. "Don't." He reminded you, squeezing your hand that wasn't fiddling around with your napkin.
You barely glanced at him, smoothing your dress down as you scooted away from the table.
"Be a good girl for me, hm? Stay at the table and talk to daddy." Kylo tried to convince you, voice velvety smooth.
He continued, "We can make some plans for when we get home. What cute little outfit are you gonna put on for me? I was thinking maybe that red one, with the lace-" His rambling was cut off because of the way you were standing from your seat and moving your hand out from under his.
Kylo rolled his eyes, letting out a frustrated grunt as he watched you make your way towards the corner of the room where everyone was hanging around, waiting for either of you to need something.
Seeing you make your way over to them was the only thing that stopped the waiter from reprimanding the poor waitress. "Mrs. Ren," He grinned, putting on a charming face, "Did you need something? Please, sit down, we'll make sure-"
You cut him off, choosing to ignore the name he called you. Why did everyone always think you and Kylo were married when you were out together? "It wasn't a big deal." You said to him, motioning towards the girl who was wiping her eyes.
"Excuse me?" He asked, flustered.
Kylo watched you from his seat, unable to stop the glint in his eye. A warm feeling of affection for you spread throughout his stomach.
"Watching you make her feel like shit for a tiny accident is making it extremely difficult to eat my food. I don't think that Mr. Ren would be very happy if I wasn't able to eat the nice things he bought for me." You said, knowing exactly what needed to be said to make him squirm.
"O-oh. I um. I am so sorry." He told you, stumbling over his words, face beat red as he glanced between you and Kylo back at the table.
The waitress was clearly uncomfortable but you could tell she was grateful, a small smile on her face.
"Don't apologize to me. Apologize to her." You said, motioning towards the waitress.
He faltered, eyes widening. He couldn't say no to you, not while Kylo was watching. "I am...Well, I'm sorry." He said hesitantly, turning back towards the waitress.
"Thanks." You told him sarcastically. "You can let us know if he bothers you again." You told her, giving her a gentle smile.
She quickly returned the grin, telling you 'thank you'. She rushed away, probably wanting to gossip about what just happened with her co-workers in the next room.
"Oh, and I'll take another glass of wine." You said to the waiter before turning on your high heel and walking back to the table.
Kylo shook his head at you, a slow smirk making its way onto his face as you approached him. "You're such a fucking brat. I told you not to."
"I know." You sighed, taking your seat again, fixing your hair. "Sorry."
"Don't be," Kylo said instantly.
He was so used to everyone around him listening to his every wish and command. The amount of money and power he had let him get everything he wanted. You weren't so easy. You argued with him and had your own independent thoughts. It kept him interested but he also admired you for your stubbornness, it was cute.
You raised an eyebrow, surprised.
"I love it." Kylo decided to say. That was definitely the shortened version of his feelings. Really, he was so in love with you for your determination.
Kylo was always so proud of you. His little mob boss.
A slow and sad smile formed on your face as you thought back on it.
You'd give anything to be back in that moment.
In the past, Kylo enjoyed it when you went against his wishes and did what you believed in. But confronting a shitty person at dinner was different from what you were planning to do. Very different. This was a matter of life and death.
The way Kylo looked at you, the way he spoke to you...the way he made you feel...You couldn't lose that. You didn't care if he made the choice for you. It was your life. And you wanted to be a part of his.
But what was the plan?
The plane was coming to get you tomorrow morning. Vicrul and Ushar were supposed to fly to your destination with you and stay on the plane so that it could take them back home once you exited and met up with Ben's uncle Luke.
You'd have to figure out something by then. It was your only chance.
It was clear to you that Luke wouldn't let you go back home once you got to where he was living. Plus, the longer that you waited, the bigger risk it would pose for Hux and Snoke to react when you came back eventually.
You glanced back at Vicrul and Ushar, bringing your knees up to your chest in your seat. You noticed almost six empty bottles in the trash in front of Ushar. He was tipsy. Vicrul was completely sober, foot tapping against the bed anxiously.
If you were going to try and get someone on your side to break the rules...It was definitely not Vicrul. He was too worried about everything going according to plan, making sure that you were safe and following the directions given to you.
Your eyes narrowed on Ushar, studying him. He was eating the bag of chips in his lap loudly, watching the tv intently in front of him. He could've been sitting in his living room, without a care in the world, if you wouldn't have known better.
Feeling the pressure of someone watching him, Ushar glanced over at you. He gave you an odd look, wondering why you were interested in what he was doing. "Need a beer or something, little girl?" He asked the only thing he could think of you wanting that he could give you.
"Sure." You agreed, wanting to go along with whatever would keep him the least suspicious. You got out of your seat and made your way over to the edge of the bed where he was sitting, joining him.
Vicrul watched you from his spot against the headboard, flicking the magazine page in front of him. It was the first time he saw you do anything besides numbly stare out of the window. Interesting.
You put a hand on Ushar's knee, taking the bottle from his hands that he had just opened for you. "Who's winning?" You asked, playing dumb as if you couldn't read the numbers on the screen of the basketball game.
Ushar grinned widely, thrilled to have your attention and that you were interacting with one of them instead of staying quiet by yourself. He leaned towards you, telling you the team that had more points, pointing and showing you their jersey colors as he did so. Way closer to you than he needed to be.
Vicrul watched the two of you from his position behind you, raising an eyebrow. He wasn't going to voice his concerns. If you were going to attempt to not be so miserable, he didn't have the heart to ruin that.
"I'm hungry." You informed the two of them after a while, only sort of lying. You just needed an excuse to get Ushar on his own.
Vicrul sat up, eager that you were taking a step in a healthy direction. He had been forcing you to eat this entire time. "You are? What do you want?"
"Um..." You pretended to think about it. "There's that restaurant down the street? I don't know. One of you might have to walk there to pick it up. I'd feel bad asking you to do that."
"That's okay, honey. I don't mind doing that for you." Vicrul said to you softly, just thrilled that you were communicating what you needed and that you were wanting to take care of yourself instead of wallowing in your sadness.
"Are you sure?" You asked, looking back at him, feeling guilty. He was so sweet.
"I'll take a cheeseburger," Ushar said, eager to take advantage of this situation.
Ushar was sweet too, just in a different way. A useful way for you right now.
You knew you needed to get him alone.
Kylo stared at his reflection in the mirror across from him as he scrubbed the red away from his hands. Blood.
His blood. Maybe a few others. He wasn't exactly sure.
Honestly, Kylo could hardly keep track of how many people he'd killed since he woke up yesterday morning.
It had been a few years since he'd gone out and done all of this bitch work himself. Due to his high title in the organization, he was usually the one ordering around the lower-ranking men to do risky things such as murdering and stealing. It was too dangerous to go out and do it himself. He had too much of a target on his back to be in threatening situations like that. But that didn't matter to him anymore.
Kylo had just needed a release. A way to get his emotions out now that you weren't there to calm him down.
He glanced at his reflection. A deep cut on his temple, the dried blood on his skin, his scar seemed so much more apparent in relation to all of the other injuries he'd gotten earlier.
It was dark outside now, nighttime. Your apartment had been cleared out that morning and he had spent his entire day away from the building as the movers took everything out, not wanting to be around to witness that.
He distracted himself in extremely violent ways, clearly.
It took a lot to get him as feral as he'd been all day. Kylo went out of his way to check on business deals that he knew would fall through. Usually, he'd threaten them first, give them a chance to get him back the money they owed. But today, that wasn't the case at all. The blood on his hands was evidence of that.
Kylo vaguely recognized the way his phone buzzed on the countertop beside him. Cardo's number on the screen; a text message.
His damp hand ran across the alert, unlocking his phone and opening it. The text was an address.
It took him a few moments, thoughts racing in a million different directions. But then the reasoning behind the message dawned on him.
Tomorrow was New Year's Eve and the knights wanted him to go to a party with them. They told him that he needed to get his mind off of things, and wanted to cheer him up.
They didn't understand how much he loved you. It wasn't that easy for him to snap out of, he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to.
He briefly remembered the last time he was sent an address. When you had been kidnapped and he was sent where to come to find you...
Kylo whipped the towel that was in his hand against the mirror in front of him, growling under his breath.
The plane was coming to get you tomorrow. It would be taking you away and bringing you to Luke. It would all be over. He knew that the second you stepped off of the plane at your new destination, there was no turning back. That would be your life now.
Without him.
Vicrul had just left, on a hunt to go get you the food you requested and to get Ushar his cheeseburger. The restaurant wasn't far at all, only a few buildings down from the motel. Wherever the three of you were staying, was a small town. There was a gas station where Vicrul had been able to get himself some magazines, Ushar some beer. But that was about it. In the middle of nowhere, really.
You were still sitting on the edge of the bed with Ushar. You were trying to be casual, watching the game with him. But really, your heart was pounding. You felt like this was your only chance to make something happen.
You grabbed the remote and muted the TV, wanting it quiet when you talked to him. You ignored the way Ushar made a noise of disapproval, reaching over you to grab at the remote that was in your hand to turn the volume back on himself.
He attempted to wrestle it out of your grip, setting his drink down so that he could pin you against the mattress. Ushar was grinning, laughing, thinking that this was all a game. "Knock it off, turn it back up."
You weren't laughing, instead, you were trying to move away, squirming underneath him.
He was tickling you now though and it was difficult to stop yourself from getting carried away, giggling at the way his hands were moving against your sides.
You two wrestled on the bed, you keeping the remote over your head and away from him. Somehow (maybe he put you there), you ended up on top of him, straddling his waist, holding the remote high up and away from his arm that was reaching up at you.
It would be easy for him to sit up and grab it from you. He was so much stronger than you. But that wasn't the point. You were having fun for the first time in days. He'd let you have this.
You stared down at him, your smile quickly faltering into a serious expression.You didn't have much time to tell him what you needed. You weren't sure how long Vicrul would be gone.
Ushar's expression mirrored yours, serious. Not because he was secretly plotting something like you were. But because just then, he realized that you were on top of him, your thighs on either side of his hips. It was as if all of the air left his chest. He'd never been this close to you before, despite all of the ways he had fantasized about it.
"I have to talk to you." You told him, tossing the remote beside you on the bed.
"Mhm. Sure." Ushar muttered, distracted, not caring at all about the remote now. His eyes were running up and down your body, hips moving on their own accord, grinding up against you just slightly. "Whatever you want."
You frowned, feeling the way he was growing hard beneath you. You went to move away from him. "But you have to listen."
Ushar instinctively grabbed your hips, in an attempt to hold you in place against him.
Even if you weren't ever going to see his boss again, Ushar knew you belonged to Kylo. He couldn't do anything serious with you...But, if you were going to straddle him like this, what was he supposed to do? Push you away? He was definitely going to enjoy it, at least.
You were about to move away from him, feeling guilty about how suggestive this was regardless of the circumstance. But then you watched the way Ushar's pupils were dilated in lust, chest rising and falling quickly, all of his attention on you. And you realized you could use this to your advantage.
Your hands went to his chest, feeling his strong muscles underneath the thin material of his shirt. "Ushar..." You said to him in a soft voice. You watched the way his eyebrows raised up, a slow grin on his face at the way his name sounded on your lips. "You know you're my favorite knight, right?"
Ushar put his arms behind his head, crossing them to prop his neck up and get a better look at you. He practically had hearts for eyes, looking at you in an excited daze. "Hmm?" He hummed, tongue running over his lower lip as he stared at you. "Why's that?"
You pretended to consider the reasons, hands trailing up and down his broad chest. "Well, you're so funny." You complimented him, fingertips running along his skin peeking out from the collar of his t-shirt. He made a noise of approval at the feeling.
"You're so handsome." You continued hands now in his hair, pushing it away from his face, watching the way he met your touch with his cheek, wanting more contact. He was desperate for you already, oblivious to the way you were just toying with him.
You bent down closer to him, lips near his ear. Even though he knew he shouldn't, Ushar couldn't help the way that his hands went your hips, your back arched upwards to be in the position you were currently in. Heaven.
"And you're such a badass, so brave." You complimented him, fingertips digging into his strong chest. "You aren't afraid to take a risk, right? You have the biggest balls out of all of the knights." Your lips brushed against his ear as you spoke.
"Say balls again," Ushar smirked with a low chuckle, gripping the flesh of your hips tightly.
You rolled your eyes. 'God damnit, please don't' make this difficult', you thought.
You ignored his request, knowing he was just joking anyway. Your hand went to the side of his cheek, moving upwards slightly so that you could look down at him. "I need your help, Ushar. I trust you with this... I need something from you."
His eyes narrowed, confused. His stare danced over your expression, trying to read you.
"No," Ushar said suddenly, interrupting you. He knew what was going on now. "No way, princess." He told you, sitting up from his lying position "I'm not helping you. I can't. Even if I wanted to."
Ushar pushed you away from his lap, causing you to land on your side beside him on the bed with an 'oof'.
You sighed, a small groan of frustration. You knew this wasn't going to be easy but you didn't expect to be shut down so quickly. "You didn't let me finish."
"I don't need to," Ushar told you, a look of disappointment on his face. "I don't want you to even say it out loud, whatever you want me to do for you...I can't do it, okay? There's no way I can go against Kylo's instructions."
You were silent, frowning, thoughts racing. You were going to have to do this differently...and now Ushar was going to be suspicious.
"I should've known you were fucking with me when you said I was your favorite." He chuckled, standing up from the bed. "We all know you like Vicrul the best."
You wanted to laugh at that. It was true. But you were still thinking of ways to convince him. You just needed him on your side, it would be so much easier to get home if that was the case.
You scooted over to the edge of the bed and stood on your feet. You moved close to Ushar, against him so that he slowly backed into the wall behind him. His eyebrows were raised, looking down at you in surprise.
"Don't you want to be my favorite? I thought you'd be excited at the opportunity to make me happy. I'd owe you a huge favor if you did. Anything you wanted." You said to him in a slow, enticing voice. You batted your eyelashes up at him, pleading.
Ushar considered it, you could tell on his face. His breathing picked up, skin tinting pink. But then he quickly snapped out of it, Kylo's face popping into his brain, reminding him of who you were.
He moved away from the wall, grabbing your shoulders and moving you so that your back was against it instead. He shifted close to you, wedging you between him and the aged wallpaper behind you. "Stop it." He told you sternly.
You were surprised. It wasn't as if he was hurting you but it was the first time Ushar had ever been anything but nice to you.
Ushar's hand went to your face. He was gentle but firm as he held your cheek in his grip, holding your stare in place so that you were forced to look up at him. "Listen. I know this is a shitty situation and you're trying to find a way out of it. But I want you to understand that there's no way out. This is it, it's what he decided, it's what we're doing."
You blinked up at him, nodding in his grip. Dammit.
"I wish I could help you, okay? I would love to take you back home with us. But Kylo told us not to." His hold on your face loosened, his tone of voice was softer. Ushar felt bad for you, he really did.
You nodded, looking away from him now that he wasn't holding you so securely in place. "I'm sure Kylo told you not to touch me either but you didn't push me away when I crawled on top of you." You challenged him.
"It was a moment of weakness. I let myself enjoy it for a few minutes but I would never willingly go behind Kylo's back and betray his trust." Ushar explained to you.
You made no indication of it on your face but your ears perked up, a lightbulb going off in your head.
Willingly.
Interesting.
It was clear now. Ushar couldn't be on your side, not willingly. But if you gave him no choice...
Your plotting was interrupted when the door of the motel opened and Vicrul walked inside of it. He paused in the doorway, eyebrows raised with the bags of food in his hands. From his perspective, this didn't look good.
Ushar had you pressed against the wall still and his hand was lingering on your face, thumbs on your skin. It looked like the two of you had just been caught in a moment, right before a kiss even.
"What the fuck?" Vicrul asked, shutting the door behind him with a backward kick of his foot. He set the bags of food down and made his way over to the two of you, eyebrows furrowed in a straight line. "I leave you two alone for not even thirty minutes."
You were nervous now. If Ushar told Vicrul that you had tried to convince him to help you, it could ruin any potential plan you were forming. Vicrul would want to watch you like a hawk.
Ushar smirked and backed away from you, turning his attention on Vicrul. "Not what it looks like. She was being a brat, stole my last beer. I was just giving her some shit for it." He ruffled your hair, messing it up as he sat back down on the edge of the bed.
Ushar sent you a knowing look as if to say 'don't worry about it.' He knew you were going through it right now. He wasn't going to mention your conversation with him to Vicrul. It would just make the last moments the two men spent with you uncomfortable. He couldn't do that.
"You sure?" Vicrul asked, his eyes were on you even though he was talking to Ushar. Vicrul was protective over you, especially now that Kylo wasn't around. He felt like it was his personal job to make sure you were okay for the time being.
"It's true." You agreed, assuring him, relieved.
Vicrul stared at you for a few moments before nodding, turning his attention to the bags in front of him. He began getting the to-go containers out from it, ignoring the way his stomach had dropped.
Not only had your position with Ushar taken him by surprise but a part of him felt...jealous? He couldn't place the feeling. He always prided himself in knowing that out of all of Kylo's men, he was the one who knew you the best, the one that had spent the most time alone with you. He didn't like seeing you so close to Ushar.
As he took out the plastic silverware from the bag, he realized that it didn't really matter. You were leaving tomorrow. Who cared how close the two of you were? It somehow made it worse, another reminder that he was never going to see you again after tomorrow morning.
"Here," Vicrul told you in a faraway voice, handing you the container of food you requested.
You could tell that he was distracted, upset maybe. You were too. "Thanks. You were so nice to get this for me." You told him, standing on your toes to kiss his cheek before setting back down on your feet so that you could sit at the edge of the bed, the container in your lap.
Vicrul swallowed hard, his cheek was burning from the contact. "I don't mind at all. You know that."
You looked up at him, nodding. He was so sweet.
It was a shame you had to betray him in the way you were going to.
Kylo was on his third glass of whiskey when a knock echoed on his front door. He raised an eyebrow. He hadn't been expecting anyone.
"Who is it?" Kylo called out, voice raspy and deep.
No response but he heard some noises, murmurs, and giggles, maybe. It was hard to tell. Didn't seem like a threat at least.
He took his time standing from the couch, being extremely careful as he shut the sketchbook that he'd been flipping through.
Your sketchbook, one of the several he took from your apartment. He stared at each page, dissecting all of the ways your pencil had moved across the paper. He could see eraser marks, sometimes you'd leave yourself little notes about which paint color you wanted to use or plans for the next time you picked up the sketch to continue it.
Kylo wished he would have watched you do your art more often. Sometimes he would ask you to sit in between his legs, your back against his chest. He'd wrap his arms around you and rest his chin on your shoulder and watch you draw or paint. But not enough. He should have done it more.
Kylo wished he could have done so much more with you.
He thought about how long it took him to finally tell you that he loved you. All of the times that he withheld his affection towards you because he'd been scared to get too close. It was useless. You were gone and he wasted so much time.
He ran a hand through his messy hair, dirty with sweat and dried blood. He hadn't attempted to shower earlier, just washed his hands and changed his clothes. Being depressed isn't exactly pretty, at times. This was one of them.
Kylo's eye went to the peephole, looking out.
He made an audible noise of confusion when he saw who had knocked on his door.
Three women, strangers. All of them drop-dead gorgeous, giggling and whispering to each other.
Kylo slowly opened the door, the chain lock restricting it from opening fully. He said nothing to the women, wordlessly raising his eyebrows as if to ask them who they were and what they wanted.
"Hi!" One of them gushed, red embarrassment spreading over her skin as she did so.
"Hi?" Kylo replied, unamused.
The three of them faltered, glancing over at each other and sharing a look of confusion. He wasn't excited to see them? That was new.
"Oh, u-um." The woman on the left started explaining. "Appy sent us? We didn't realize we were a surprise...He didn't tell you?"
Appy? Kylo's frown only deepened further, not understanding. His hand went to the pocket of his sweatpants, pulling his phone out. Ap'lek had sent him a text about thirty minutes ago: 'Enjoy'.
It was no secret that Ap'lek had a thing for having as many women as possible around him at all times. Escorts were often flanked by his side whether at home or in public. He must've thought that sending a few Kylo's way would cheer him up.
In any other circumstance, maybe Kylo would've enjoyed it. He probably would've even laughed at the nickname that these girls had for his knight. But right now... Not quite. Not at all.
"Sorry that you took the time to come out here. But I'm not interested." Kylo said to them, giving them the politest smile that he could manage even if it pained him to do so before he began shutting the door.
"Wait." One of them said, holding a hand out in his direction.
Kylo paused.
"Are you sure? He already paid us." She asked, a smirk on her face as she parted her coat open. Underneath was a set of lingerie, small and revealing, fitting her body perfectly. The other women did the same, revealing the tiny outfits they had on underneath their winter jackets.
Kylo gulped, looking them over. He wasn't sure if he physically had it in him to have sex with these strangers, regardless of how attractive they were. He glanced behind him, at the empty couch with your art in front of it. He also didn't enjoy the idea of sitting there alone for the next several hours, wallowing.
He looked them over one more time before his hand went to the lock, pulling the chain so that he could open the door and let them inside. Maybe a distraction would help.
The three girls tittered inside, excited energy pouring off of them. He barely even looked at them as he closed the door, sliding the lock back in place. He used to never lock it but ever since you were gone he realized how careless he was. He'd been foolish.
The giddiness from the women fluctuated for a moment as they took in the state of him and his apartment.
When Ap'lek asked them to stop by Kylo Ren's apartment, they had a very specific image in mind. A fancy, upscale apartment in the heart of the city. Kylo perhaps in his expensive suit or equally luxurious lounge clothes. Intoxicating cologne and gold jewelry. Everyone knew of him and the only glimpses they were able to get of him were when he was at his best. They were so excited, feeling so lucky that they would be able to experience that.
The handsome powerful mob boss.
Right now, Kylo was far from that.
His apartment was trashed. Remnants of his various tantrums were littered on the floor, broken items, and trash. Empty bottles of liquor and dirty dishes all over the kitchen countertops. Kylo himself didn't look much better. He was wearing the same pajamas he'd had on for days. He was dirty looking, dried blood and overall grime of the day on his skin. There were dark circles under his eyes, more facial hair on his face than usual.
The man in front of these women was far from the sexy criminal that everyone in the city gossiped about. It was shocking.
"Sit down." He offered them, motioning towards the couch.
They glanced at each other, wordlessly communicating with each other as if to say 'yikes' as they made their way to sit, removing their coats and setting them on the back of the couch, trying to put them somewhere that wasn't already trashed.
"You should sit too." One of them smiled, pitying him. "Appy told us you weren't feeling good. We want to take care of you. Let us."
Kylo took a deep shaky breath as he listened to her, taking a seat in one of his leather seats. His hands instinctively gripped at the arms of it, uncomfortable and nervous for some reason. He forgot how to do this, he didn't know if he wanted to.
The same girl made her way over to him while the other girls behind her scooted close to each other on the couch. Kylo watched as they ran their hands up and down the other's body, kissing each other's neck and giggling at the feeling.
She straddled his waist, breasts near his face as she stared down at him. She made a move to brush some hair away from his eyes but pulled her hand away when she saw the red blood that was dried on the strands. She tried to hide her disgust as she looked him over. He was still so handsome but he smelled like whiskey and sweat, it was clear he needed to shower.
Kylo wasn't an idiot. He could feel her cautiousness. It was humiliating. He blinked, looking away from her, exhaling slowly. "Don't worry about it. You don't have to do anything." He said softly, ashamed.
Her heart sped up in sympathy. She felt bad. "No, honey. You're fine. I promise." She assured him, not really meaning it. She bent over and pressed her lips to his neck in a way similar to what the women behind her on the couch were doing to each other.
Kylo tried to focus on the show they were putting on for him, hands on each other's waist and breasts. His vision was blurred. From the alcohol, he had consumed and from the hot tears pricking the back of his eyes. All of this felt so wrong.
He grunted in surprise when he felt the woman's hand on the waistband of his sweatpants, attempting to palm him through the material of them. His entire body was stiff besides his cock, his mind stronger than the natural reaction of his body, he couldn't get hard right now even if he wanted to.
His mind, like always, wandered to you.
Kylo thought about all of the times the two of you spent together in his living room. The ways he kissed you and held you, among many other things, on the couch that these two unfamiliar women were currently making out on. He felt sick.
"Relax." The one currently on top of him whispered, assuming his disinterest was because of him being nervous, maybe even overwhelmed by his luck.
One of the women on the couch went to move on the other's lap. She wrapped an arm around the other's neck and swung her leg over to shift her body. As she did so, her shoe just very slightly brushed against your sketchbook that was sitting on the coffee table, nudging it against his glass of whiskey.
The whiskey didn't fall over, barely even jostled the liquid inside of the glass. But Kylo was already reacting, as if it spilled all over your art, fiercely protective over it.
He stood up from his seat, knocking the woman off of his lap as he did so. He ignored the way she made a noise of surprise as her ass hit the floor below. "Don't fucking touch that!" His deep voice bellowed, pointing to the sketchbook knocked astray.
They were all shocked at his outburst, staring up at him in fearful silence.
His chest was moving up and down at a quick pace, bottom lip trembling. He took in the scene around him. These three strange women looking up at him, eyes wide and afraid, the absolute mess that was his apartment, the pit of sadness in his stomach...He couldn't do this.
"Get out," Kylo said firmly. He stared down at the sketchbook, almost as if he were guarding it, pointing behind him at the door.
The women didn't move, staring at each other in surprise.
"Now!" Kylo added, his loud voice resonating throughout his apartment.
They scrambled from their spots on the couch and on the floor, grabbing their coats and rushing out of his door without another word. They knew better to argue with someone like him, especially in the state he had been in.
Kylo collapsed onto the ground in front of his coffee table, grabbing for your book and pulling it close to him. He opened up the pages, fingers desperately running along your pencil marks, trying to feel closer to you, needing you here right now.
A sob escaped his chest as he tried to imagine what you were doing. How were you holding up? He prayed it was nothing like he was feeling right now, he didn't want to imagine you as broken as him.
He flipped through the pages, staring at all of the drawings that he had already studied. You painted more than you drew but sometimes you'd pull this out when the two of you were relaxing. He remembered all the time you spent sketching away when you took care of him after he was shot. He'd sit there and stare at your concentrated, gorgeous face for hours.
Kylo's breath hitched when he got to a page that he hadn't looked over before. The drawing was finished, the most complete one out of the entire book so far.
It was him.
A portrait of Kylo. It was realistic, it looked exactly like him, all of the devastatingly attractive parts of his face. His full lips, prominent nose, black waves of hair.
You had drawn some flowers behind him, framing the portrait itself, delicate.
It was the first time that Kylo had ever truly seen himself depicted this way. Mostly when he saw photos of himself, it was his mugshot on the news or an article written about the latest crime he committed accompanied by a sneaky photo of him leaving a club or restaurant.
But you drew him in such a different manner. There was a lightness in his eyes, the pretty flowers surrounding him as if he actually deserved to be close to something so beautiful.
You just drew him the way you saw him. You always saw him that way. You loved him.
Kylo brought the drawing to his chest, holding it close as he cried.
It was becoming very clear to him how much needed you.
That night you slept in between Vicrul and Ushar, as you had over the last couple of nights.
It had been around two in the morning when you felt Vicrul shift beside you. You hadn't been able to fall asleep yet. Every time that you shut your eyes and felt yourself start to relax, you were reminded of what you were going to have to do tomorrow when you got on the plane.
You still weren't confident in your plan. You were nervous.
There was a lot of room for potential errors.
There were a few more movements and sounds of shifting. Your eyes widened as you felt Vicrul wrap an arm around your waist and pull your back against his chest. His chin rested in the crook of your neck, sighing softly in your ear as he settled in this new position.
"Vic?" You whispered, blinking. Was he asleep? Did he know what he was doing?
"Hm?" He asked you softly. He was fully aware of what he was doing.
"What are you..." You trailed off as he pulled you closer to him, squeezing you.
"I'm sorry," Vicrul said quietly, voice strained. "I know I shouldn't I just..." He didn't know what to say. "I'm just going to miss you." His voice broke off, lips brushing against your ear without meaning to.
Vicrul was embarrassed to hold you like this, he'd never touched you so blatantly without Kylo's permission and watchful eye. But he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that when you stepped off of the plane tomorrow, it would be the last time he ever saw you.
You swallowed hard. You felt so guilty. If you knew for a fact that you weren't going home tomorrow, you would be just as desperate to tell Vicrul goodbye. But in the back of your mind, you were convinced that you weren't going to actually leave. There was no need to actually tell him goodbye. But he didn't know this.
"I know," You sighed, "Vicrul, I'm going to miss you too."
Vicrul made a nose of agreement, taking a deep breath. "So, let me..." He tried to think about how he wanted to word it. "Will you let me hold you tonight?" He decided on that.
Your mind instantly went to Kylo. You should say no. He'd hate this.
But you were so fucking lonely, so scared, and worried about the next day that it did comfort you to feel his arms around you. "Yeah." You agreed, "Okay." You added. You'd let him hold you.
Vicrul audibly sighed in relief, keeping his tight grip on you.
The both of you fell asleep instantly.
It was the first day since Kylo left you that the sun was shining.
It had been so rainy otherwise.
It was New Year's Eve and you couldn't stop thinking about something that Hux had told you months ago when he thought that you were on his side: "By New Years, Kylo Ren will be gone".
You wondered if that was still the case. Was Kylo prepared for that? You had no idea.
You were shaking as you made your way up the stairs on the ramp of the plane, grasping onto the railing to steady yourself. There was a lot that could go wrong here. And if it did go wrong... you didn't want to think about what that meant for you.
You had to get home.
You took a seat on one of the seats, knee-jiggling anxiously as you watched Vicrul and Ushar put your bags away in the correct places. "You want this out?" Vicrul asked you, holding up your bookbag, where you had things like notebooks and headphones inside.
"Yeah, sure," You told him. "Thanks."
Vicrul put it on the ground beside you, shutting the overhead compartment that held the rest of your luggage. "I'm gonna go check in with the pilot, make sure we're all good." He told you, taking his jacket off and setting it on the seat beside you.
"Good idea. I gotta piss already. That damn gas station coffee." Ushar grumbled before walking to the opposite end of the plane where the bathroom was.
With Ushar using the toilet and Vicrul in the cockpit with the pilot, you wasted no time now that you were alone.
This was your only chance. You had no idea if it would even work.
You rushed to the back of the plane where the bathroom was, where you could hear Ushar whistling as he peed from the other side of the door. Searching around, your eyes landed on a bar cart, one that would be filled with drinks and maybe even snacks if this had been more of a pleasurable trip.
You unlocked the wheels then scooted it so that it was wedged between the bathroom door and the wall opposite of it. There would be no way for Ushar to get out of the bathroom now, he was stuck inside because of the way that the cart was pressing against the door that needed to swing open.
"I'm so sorry." You whispered almost silently, feeling guilty that you were sticking him in that tiny stall for god knows how long, you didn't know how long you'd need him away.
Ushar was oblivious inside, still peeing, checking himself out in the mirror as he did so.
Then, after locking the wheels of the cart to hold it in place, you jogged back to your original spot. Your hands searched Vicrul's jacket, heart pounding, to find what you were looking for.
His gun.
You had your own, it was stored away in your luggage. But you wanted to make sure you had Vicrul's, just to reassure you that you had the only weapon that was currently on him so that you had the advantage.
Your grip was shaky as you adjusted the weapon in your hand, holding it securely.
Fuck, this was stupid.
When Vicrul came back into the main area of the plane where you were waiting, his eyes widened in shock.
You were pointing the gun at him, expression determined.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Vicrul asked you as he slowly raised his hands up in the air, confused by this and nervous that you were going to actually shoot him because of how unhinged you were currently behaving.
"Go tell the pilot we're going home. No stops to Luke. Just home, I'm coming with." You told him, pointing the barrel of the gun directly at him, threatening.
Vicrul took a deep breath, trying his best not to lose his temper. "Think about this, you don't want to do this. Put the gun down and we'll talk about it." He tried to soothe you, staring at you with wide eyes. Kylo would fucking kill him if he let you come home with them.
"I do want to do this." You told him, swallowing hard. Your hand was trembling. "I'm serious, go tell the pilot we're just going back, no other stops on the way."
Vicrul said nothing, frowning deeply. He didn't think you would shoot him, not really. You wouldn't kill him at least, that was for sure. But the fact that you were threatening it let him know how much this meant to you and how much you needed it.
He had the urge to give you what you wanted. He didn't want you leaving either.
Vicrul thought about it. Kylo would be mad when he found out but if he knew that Vicrul had a gun pointed at him the entire time...it wasn't really his fault then, was it? It was yours.
"What are you thinking? What's your plan? You're just going to go back to normal? Everyone thinks you're dead. You can't just show up." Vicrul tried to reason with you. "This is pointless."
This was something you'd thought about this entire time you'd been plotting. What were you going to do? You'd have to hide, that was for sure. But you also had an opportunity to take matters into your hands for once. No one could suspect you if they didn't know you were even alive.
Without meaning to, by sending you away on your own, Kylo had given you the most useful gift: You had nothing to lose.
How could you be blamed for your crimes if you were already dead?
"We're going back home." You told Vicrul, staring at him from over the weapon. "And I'm going to kill Hux."