"I love you, Sensei!!!" Naruto yelled while leaping on to the man and hugging him.
You and the three idiots just got recommended to the chunin exams, and you were not having a good time.
Yeah, sure, your body was starting to not hurt, but you still felt funny in the joints. The stupid fucking goose demon finally decided to let you heal after feeling like killing yourself over the pain.
Yeah, apparently the reason why your body healed at a slow, human pace was because the goose was mad at you for not feeding it the bread you promised.
Of course, you still couldn't die for whatever reason, but the goose could in fact take away the ability to regenerate at a fast rate.
Stupid fish eating bitch.
That bitch smelled like fish.
How are you supposed to bring bread to the spirit realm or whatever place you and that goose were at?
"Hey, (Y/n)..."
You were brought out of your thoughts and focused on Kakashi, who stared back at you.
"Hey, if you can't take the Chunin exams, you don't have to. I would completely understa-"
"I'll do it." You snatched the paper out of his hand and tucked it into your hoodie pocket.
The man lifted an eyebrow at you before shrugging and letting you four go off.
The next day, you guys kinda did your own thing. You got up early to go on a walk and hopefully find something to kill yourself with.
The forest was pretty lively that day, especially with all of the insects and snakes.
A snake just about struck a baby rabbit before a hand shot out and grabbed it.
It hissed and turned it's head to you but didn't do anything. You let it slither in your hands for a bit before stuffing it in your hoodie and digging inside the dirt.
The scaley animal settled inside your hood, only moving it's head every once in a while.
You held grabbed a large centipede and a scorpion and played with them for a bit, seeing if you could get a reaction out of them. They only attacked each other but refused to touch you.
When the scorpion's tail accidentally missed the Centipede, however, it's stinger dug into your flesh.
What came after was silence.
The birds immediately stopped singing and the bugs in your hands stopped squirming. The scorpion looked as though it was trying to shrink as its tail laid beside it in a docile manner.
Even the snake inside your hoodie no longer moved.
You blinked a few times before sighing and placing the bugs down.
Your ear twitched when hearing feet approaching you from behind but opted to just try and ignore them.
Iruka could feel his heart plummet to his stomach for some reason.
The once lively forest just... silenced itself.
The birds that sat near him on a branch looked to be frozen in time as they stared in your general direction.
A fox that was crossing his path also stopped to stare at your hunched form.
This wasn't normal.
When he saw you shift to put something down, the animals silently looked away, going back to their own thing but this time in silence.
Iruka hesitated before deciding to make his appearance as a genin from another village.
"So, you really believe you can become a Chunin?" The voice said in a mocking tone behind you.
It was then that you finally realized that someone was talking to you.
"Oh, hi Iruka." You said while standing up and stretching out your limbs after poking at a scorpion.
The man paused, shocked that you saw through his disguise but didn't say a word as he approached you.
You watched him before nodding at him. No. Not at him, but someone else.
It was then that something was dropped on his shoulder.
He heard the hiss before he looked and gasped while throwing the snake off.
Unfortunately, there were more things dropped on him like spiders, centipedes, and all kinds of dangerous insects.
He ran off, throwing off parts of his clothes while shouting, leaving you alone with the bugs and animals.
You pulled the snake out of your hoodie and began petting its head like a villain petting a fluffy white cat while your shadow clones dropped from the trees.
One of your clones blew bubbles out of a smoke pipe, wearing a detective hat while the other two looked relatively normal.
You would later learn the names of these clones as Shit Sherlock, Queen, and meeseeks.
And everyone of you wanted to die.
It had gotten dark, and you were fucking lost.
While your clones were useless in helping you out of the forest, you were also at fault as you were the one who was lost.
You scanned the dark forest while walking with your talkative group of clones and you felt as though you weren't alone.
I mean, duh. You have clones, of course you're not alo-
Something sharp shot out and imbedded itself into the shoulder of your bubble blowing clone before making it poof.
"No! Shit Sherlock!!!" You yelled as your clone died- disappeared.
"I was starting to actually like myself!" You said in disappointment before turning to see who murdered you in cold blood.
Before you stood three familiar characters, one of them you immediately recognized the name of.
"Oh shit! It's rock Lee, ninenine, and mean blind guy!"
The three stared at you, unsure of how they should react.
"How do you know my name?" Rock Lee asked in surprise.
"Duh, everyone knows you. you're, like, the simp king but awesome." Your long nailed clone answered for you.
"Yeah, you make the bowl cut look good and you work under gay!" The other clone enthusiastically said.
"It's pronounced guy." You said while petting your snake.
Blind asshole was glaring at you in suspicion and what appeared to be hate.
'Honestly, this guy just hates everybody.' You thought.
The girl of the group stepped forward and introduced/corrected you while Rock Lee still introduced himself despite you already knowing his name.
"So, what's your name?" You asked Neji.
The boy scoffed and turned from you.
"As if I should tell you." He said.
"Fine, blind asshole it is." You shrugged.
The kid looked at you, clearly not enjoying the name you gave him.
"...It's Hyūga Neji." He said.
"Now was that so hard???" You said to him in a jokingly condescending voice.
Boy if looks can kill...
"So anyways, I'm lost. Can you point me towards the village?" You asked the other two.
So, the three Genin and you walked through the forest as you told your little life story that started from the day you got reincarnated.
"Really!? That must have been tough!" Rock Lee said in surprise.
"Can you really not die?" TenTen asked in a way that told you she didn't believe a word you said.
"Yeah, I can prove it too." You said before grabbing a kunai and stabbing it into the side of your head.
Immediately, the TenTen and Rock Lee shrieked in horror while Neji stared back at you with wide eyes.
You pulled the knife out of your head and let the blood squirt out before the wound healed itself.
"W-W-W-What the hell!?" TenTen squeaked out.
"How are you alive!?" Rock Lee exclaimed while checking out where the wound should have been.
"What was that? A ninjutsu? A genjutsu?" Neji demanded from you.
"Um... immortality?" You answered with a question.
The kid only scowled before turning away from you and walking away.
"Damn. What's his deal?" You asked.
"That's just how he is." TenTen shrugged, still shooken up.
"Eh." You said before following the blind asshole.
"You know, you guys remind me of some people I know..." you said while narrowing your eyes at Neji.
'He's like Sasuke, that edge lord.'
"Oh? Who?" TenTen cocked her head.
"...you'll... meet them soon." You said.
"Whoever these people are, I cannot wait time meet them!" Rock Lee exclaimed.
The rest of the night was just you talking with the two genin while Neji took the lead. When you four finally made it to the village, you all went your separate ways, but not without a hug from TenTen.
Today was the Chunin exams.
After Naruto dragged you out of bed, you finally left with your team to the exams.
When you got there, you were met with two guys that stood in the way of your new friends Rock Lee, blind asshole, and TenTen, pushing Rock Lee back and Punching TenTen.
You walked forward and then stood between them. The two assholes looked down at you in amusement before you started making hand gestures they hadn't seen before.
"Fuck my ass-jutsu" you said as you made up gestures on the spot before getting on one knee and rearing your fists back.
Before the two could react, you jabbed your fists forward, landing on their intended targets: their ball sacks.
The two wheezed before falling to their knees and clutching their privates while you stood up and looked down on them like they looked down on you.
"Pathetic." You said before turning to the rest of the stunned crowd.
"This is the second floor. Not the third." You said while pointing up to the sign next to the door, which changed to 301 to 201.
"...d-damn brat!" One of the guys you punched in the dick muttered before groaning when his privates throbbed in pain.
Yeah... you may or may not have used some of the demon goose powers to curse their balls with pain for like an hour...
And this time, you didn't need to pay back in bread, the goose demon wanted you to deck them in the balls because it wants to see suffering.
I know, it's that evil.
One of the two gay lovers- I mean assholes got up and tried attacking you, only for Sasuke to step in and save your short gremlin ass. The two duked it out a bit before Lee stepped in and blocked their attacks.
After that, the two assholes disappeared to lord knows where to do god knows what. You don't know, your memory is hazy on the whole thing.
"You really showed them, (Y/n)-san!" Naruto said, mildly impressed and scared.
You could tell he was by him pressing his legs together and shaking like a newborn sheep.
"You kidding me? Lee's the one who stopped the fight completely." You said while shrugging.
"Tch, you idiot. That's not a real jutsu." Sasuke said.
"Whatever Sauce-gay, go back to sucking Naruto's di-" before you finished, duck butt forced his knuckles into your head and dig into your scalp.
"You're a moron." He said simply.
"Yeah, and you have a shriveled up cock." You said, earning a scowl from the boy.
Before he could do anything to you, Sakura dragged you away, scolding you for doing something so reckless.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Rock Lee followed after you four to kick Sasuke's ass through the roof. And he would have if it wasn't for that meddling turtle.
Yeah, don't ask, it went by too fast for you to process.
It was like having a fever dream all over again.
But you definitely were paying closer attention when Guy-sensei appeared.
The dude was the master of bushy eyebrows and the yee-yee ass haircut. I mean, the dude literally made that shit look good!
Not to mention he was manly both physically and mentally... wink wonk- oop.
He just punched Lee.
You smiled in a stupid way while Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke look on in horror.
And then shit got weird.
The two yee-yee ass haircut guys started balling their eyes out, becoming super dramatic.
You began laughing like a maniac, earning looks from your teammates.
Guy appeared behind you four with a smile and spoke of his wins and losses against Kakashi and basically flexed on all of you. You were unfazed by this, staring blankly up at the man.
"I suddenly have the desire for dick milk." You said, earning looks of horror from your teammates.
The man gaped at you before clearing his throat.
"Ahem, well, you give must get to class soon. The exams won't wait for anyone! Good luck, Rock Lee!" He man exclaimed before disappearing.
Naruto looked over to you with a weirded out look.
"What is with you and dicks?" He asked.
"I like em." You said, deciding to fuck with him.
"Ehhhhh!!! Can you stop! You're a kid!" Sakura squealed in embarrassment.
"I'm a year older than you. Also, a person can dream." You said with an amused smile.
"Tch, stop making inappropriate jokes or we'll tell Kakashi." Sasuke said.
"You fucking snitch." You growled before turning away from him.
"I see, so you both came too, Sakura, (Y/n)."
The three of your teammates stared back in surprise upon seeing Kakashi while you dug into your ear for ear wax.
"Now you can formally register
for the Chunin Exam." He finished.
"What do you mean?" Sakura asked in surprise.
"Actually, from the start, only three man squads could apply and take the exams." Kakashi answered.
You looked at your finger before slowly wiping it on the symbol on Sasuke's back. He grunted and looked at you in confusion and suspicion when you looked away, whistling a tune.
"But Sensei, you said that the decision to take the exams was up to the individual." Sakura said.
"Yes... I did say that."
"Were you lying?"
"Yes... I was." Kakashi said and paused before continuing.
"If I said that, Sasuke and Naruto would probably forcefully convince you both to take it. Even if you didn't have the will to apply, if Sasuke asks you, you would attempt to take
the exams half heartedly. For Sasuke's sake and, well, Naruto's." He said.
"Then, if... it had only been Sasuke and Naruto who had come here..." Sakura trailed off.
"I would've stopped the Exam here. I wouldn't have felt like letting them go beyond this point. But... you guys came here on your own will." He finished off.
You suddenly remembered something and quickly interrupted the two with excitement.
"Oh, Kakashi! I punched two Jonin's in the dicks!!!" You said with a proud smile.
The man did a sort of double take and stared you down before rubbing the back of his neck.
"Ehh... ooohhhh..." he said.
Your teammates looked your way with different expressions of their own ranging from confusion to blank stares. Kakashi cleared his throat to grab all of your attention.
"Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, and (Y/n). I'm glad you came. You're a team I'm proud of. Now then, go on!" Kakashi said before walking out of the way.
The four of you walked in with new found confidence... only for that said confidence to dwindle once see all the applicants.
A lot of them looked older than you four, and all of them looked pretty damn strong and intimidating, especially when they were all looking over to you four.
It was obvious that your teammates were uncomfortable as hell, and you couldn't blame them. It was like walking into a den of hungry lions.
Being the idiot troll you were, you decided to embarrass your comrades like how a parent embarrasses their children.
"Ayyye!!! what's up, my crackers!?" You yelled happily, grabbing more of the room's attention.
Your teammates looked at you in horror as you started approaching some of the people.
"Nice to meet ya! I'm (Y/n), but you may call me brat, bitch, insect, weakling or whatever your heart desires!" You said to a group of ninjas, who were a little put off by your words.
"By the way, would you kind gentlemen like to spare some dick milk?" You said in a happy, casual tone, earning looks of confusion and shock from the men.
Sakura immediately pulled you away by the collar of your shirt, choking you while dragging you.
"Can't Wait to fuck y'all in the ass-" you called back to them before earning a smack from the back of your head by Sakura herself.
When Sakura returned to the group, she immediately lost her shit upon seeing Ino with her arms wrapped around Sasuke's neck. The pink hair dropped you to get at Ino, leaving you cold and alone on the floor...
As the two started acting like basic bitches, you looked up at the two in confusion.
"Y'know, I never got why y'all go after Sasuke so much." You said.
Sakura glared down at you.
"Because he's amazing!!!" Her and Ino said at the same time.
You snorted before sitting up from the floor.
"He doesn't even want to date anyone because one: he's a kid.
And two: he has a goal that does not involve love."
"Oh yeah? Well who else are we supposed to dream about???" Sakura asked, forgetting that Sasuke is even there.
"Woman, we have the finest hoes this empire has ever seen! We got Choji with his thickness, Shikamaru with his chill, And Kiba! Do you have any fucking clue how many bitches want some wolf guy fucking them right in the pussy!?!?" You exclaimed.
The two girls gawked at you while Choji, Shikamaru, Kiba, Shino, and Hinata, who just arrived, turned red as a tomato.
"There are those dudes from sandy land, the bug guy, Shino, Rock Lee the mighty, Naruto's Foxy ass and not to mention the ladies! Have you seen Kiba's sensei!? She definitely a mommy dom! And Hinata!!!" You exclaimed before growing more irritated.
"You got all these fine bitches but you go for a guy with a duck butt for his hair????"
Naruto started snickering while Sasuke glared at you.
"S-shut up, (Y/n)!" Sakura stuttered.
By now, you were surrounded by familiar faces. Sasuke and Kiba were already challenging each other and Naruto was getting jealous of his lover, Sasuke.
You walked over to Shino and tugged on his sleeve, making him look down at your short stature.
"Got any poisonous bugs?" You asked, to which he shook his head.
"Awwwwwww...." you muttered in disappointment.
"Hey, (Y/n)! It's been a while." Kiba said while Akamaru barked in agreement.
You turned to him and hummed in thought.
"Yeah... it has been... hows it been?" You said while pulling some berries out of your hoodie and eating them.
The boy was about to respond before a scent caught his attention.
"Hey... aren't those 'insanity berries'?" He asked while pointing at the deadly berries in your hand.
Before you could answer, another voice called out to your group.
"You should be a little quieter. You guys are the "rookie nine"... fresh out of the academy, right?" The teen asked.
"Carrying on like that with cute faces... Man. This isn't a field trip."
Wait. That's no teen!
"It's kombucha!!!" You exclaimed, spraying berries all over the floor.
'Kombucha' looked over at you with an unreadable expression before Ino yelled at him.
"Who're you? Acting all haughty!"
"I'm Kabuto Yakushi. Anyway, take a good look around you. Behind you... They're from the Rain Village. They're hot tempered. Everyone's tense before the Exam. I thought I'd warn you guys before you get your butts whipped... I guess it can't be helped. You're rookies who don't know left from right..."
As everyone looked around to stare at the people around them, you stared into the eyes of Kabuto before deciding to fuck with the guy by saying one word.
"Orochimaru."
His body visibly tensed, his eyes widening as his eyes locked onto yours. You flashed him the peace sign while everyone was distracted before they turned back to him.
"Aight, I'm gonna see if there's a snack bar, maybe some booze." You said before walking past the silver haired guy.
You lightly brushed past him, giving him a knowing glance before completely walking away.
"(Y-Y/n)! Come back!" Sakura whisper/yelled to you.
But... you disappeared amongst the crowd.
It didn't even take a minute before Naruto made enemies with the entire room.
"My name's Naruto Uzumaki! I won't lose to any of you! Got it?!"
You could feel the blood just rolling off everyone and smiled like an idiot.
"E-Everyone, that was a joke. This guy's quite an idiot, you see... After all, he says idiotic, spazzy, scatterbrained things and gets carried away, so please don't concern yourself with him." Sakura stuttered out.
Being the biggest of trolls, you decided to rile them up more.
"Nah, he's right! Your ass is grass and he's gonna mow it." You said with a cheeky grin.
Immediately, the people around you turned to you with murderous intent.
The next thing you know, kunai were thrown your way and imbedded itself into your shoulder.
Unknown to both you and the genin, however, this pissed off the goose inside.
The sound of a honk nearly deafened the ears of everyone, and nobody knew where it came from. The Genin who attacked you soon found themself pinned to the ceiling with blade like feathers appearing from nowhere.
The feathers pierced their clothing and left some scratches on their body, but otherwise, the genin was left relatively unharmed.
You pulled out the kunai from your arm and stuffed them inside your pocket without looking up, knowing that everyone was looking at you.
You began whistling a tune and walked through the parting crowd, leaving them dazed and confused.
It wasn't long before the teacher guy with scars all over his face came in, calling everyone degenerates.
He then scolded the sound village Shinobi as well as the guy pinned to the ceiling. He then had all of you sit your asses down for the paper test.
When you finally sat down, the red head boy next to you flinched and turned to you with wide eyes.
You looked over and cocked your head before muttering a confused hello.
Meanwhile, inside Gaara, the beast was screaming in ways he never could have imagined the thing to scream. Usually when Shukaku was irritated and wanted to fight, he would want to force himself to come out, but for whatever reason, he wanted nothing more than to hide and disappear into Gaara's body.
Gaara would have been relieved it wasn't for the fact that the monster that tormented him for years was suddenly reduced to a scared child.
If something scared the beast, then he should definitely be afraid...
"Hey, Trash panda, you alright?"
He grunted in surprise and embarrassment when he noticed that he had been staring at you for quite some time.
"Is that fat bitch inside of you bothering you or something?" You asked.
"...Huh?"
"The ugly sand dog rat thing."
...were you talking about the monster? Gaara gripped his pencil. What was he supposed to do, you weren't supposed to know about this, what the hell are you?
You poked him in the middle of the forehead, making him freeze in shock.
"Hey man, you're starting to shake, whatever Vietnam flashback your having is making you more stressed." You said while keeping the tip of your finger on his forehead.
"...who are you..." he muttered.
"I'm (Y/n), the depressed one in this story, and the only one that gets to kill themself. So no self harm, only I self harm." You said before pulling your finger away and turning to your paper.
You bit into your hand and made a small puddle of blood in your palm before dipping your finger in. You started painting penises on the page along with boobs.
He stared at you, eyebrows furrowed in concern before turning to his own paper.
"...you have two pencils, you know." He muttered while placing his pencil down.
You paused and processed what he said before face palming with a 'Splat!' allowing blood from your hand to splatter all over your forehead.
"I'm fucking stupid. Thanks panda daddy." You said and took the pencil next to you paper and began drawing more dicks.
~~~~~~~~~~
Demon goose: Aren't out tired of being nice?
(Y/n): yes-
Demon goose: Ḓ̵͉̿̏̏́o̴̡͉̘͐n̴̢̢̪̒̂̚'̶̼̪̲̼́̏̀t̴̛́͊͝ͅ ̵̨͉̯̰̑͑͐y̶̨̝͉̮͋̓͝ǫ̶̛̼̥̌u̶̪̬͂̊̚ ̷͖͓͐͘j̴̢͇̎̿̑u̷̯͌̃͗s̸̞̈̌͛̅ẗ̸̤̤̯͊́͘ͅ ̶͕̱̲̥͑͐̋̓ẁ̷̡̳a̸̞͛͗̑n̴͇̳̩̺͂͑̍͑n̴̥͇̠͋ā̸̪̱̘̾͑͘ ̷͉̰͆̂́̕g̸̨͍͛̈́̏ǫ̷͙̺̠͗̕ ̵̨̻̍͘a̴̲̓̀̂͘p̴̮̮̥̉̾ē̴̡̘͔͗̐͝ ̵̧̥͓̔s̶̭̊h̵̛̹͓̀̚ḯ̷͓͖̬͈t̶̢̟̥͛͜t̶̟̬̀̌̾̈́?̶̟͒̾̍̌?̶̺̗̆̌͐͑?̶͙̪͕͋
Hoped you enjoyed this long ass chapter.
Also, demon goose is gonna be involving itself with fights more and more.