⚠︎︎TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of alcohol abuse, drug use, angst.⚠︎︎
ꨄSMUT WARNING: Dom!Y/n, Sub!Spencer, praise kink, mommy kink, punishment and reward kink, hand job. ꨄ
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꧁𝑺𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗꧂
𝙵𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝟸𝚗𝚍 𝙰𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝟸𝟶𝟷𝟶
𝟷𝟻:𝟹𝟶𝚙𝚖
𝙲𝚘𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜, 𝚆𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚝𝚘𝚗 𝙳𝙲, 𝚅𝚒𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚊
"How is she?" Hotch asked stepping into Y/ns apartment. Technically it was mine and Y/ns apartment, considering I've been staying with her for the past 3 months. Hotch thought it was a good idea.
"She's the same as she has been for the last 3 months" I mumbled closing the door behind him.
"She's drinking too much, sleeping all the time, and... Well I don't know, there's something different about her but I guess that's not too surprising" I responded.
"Different?" Hotch questioned.
"Sometimes when she's not drunk, she-- she seems kind of zombie-like if that makes sense. I-It's like she doesn't really acknowledge anything around her, but I think it's dissociation. It's hard to tell right now" I stated.
"How often is she like that?" Hotch asked
"Not too often, it's usually when we don't have any alcohol" I mumbled.
That was mostly true, the only bit I missed out on was the part where she was either a zombie or extremely active, and when I say active, I mean sexually active.
"Are you able to keep down her alcohol consumption?" Hotch questioned
"uh- Yeah recently I managed to, now she just sleeps all the time" I sighed.
When I say I managed to keep her alcohol consumption down, I mean, I'm having more sex with her, to help her get her mind off it. No wonder she's more exhausted, even I'm exhausted.
"What's going on?" Y/n asked as she stumbled into the living room.
"Hotch is here," I said softly.
"Oh... hi" she murmured stumbling over to the couch.
"How are you feeling Y/n?" Hotch asked taking a seat opposite her.
"Tired" she whispered resting her head on the pillow.
"Any news on my parents?"
"All we know is that they're either in or around New York. We checked your old home, and they're not there..." Hotch replied
"Y/n, if you're ready, we'd like you to come back to work, with Spencer. The teams already stretched without you both." Hotch continued.
"Do you think that's wise?" She asked.
"If you were with the team then you'd be safe" Hotch responded.
"That's not what I meant" she retorted.
"You're very good at masking, you've never let your mental state affect your work before, besides I wouldn't want you to jump into the field straight away..." Hotch stated.
"I personally think it would be a good idea to get you out the house." He added and Milo came and sat by his feet.
"Yeah, whatever" Y/n murmured
"That does mean that you need to cut down your drinking considerably, I would like Spencer to stay with you in this apartment when we're not working. I'd also like you to stay with someone while we're on cases. That doesn't have to be Spencer" Hotch explained.
"Will, I ever get complete freedom again?" She asked.
"You can't make Spencer stay with me forever-"
"I-I don't mind" I cut in.
"You're also forgetting that Spencer is also in danger" Hotch pointed out.
"Just let me know when you're ready" He stood up, patted Milo's head, and walked towards the door.
"I'll be in on Wednesday, let me just sort myself out before then," Y/n said as she sat up and looked over at Hotch.
"Of course, I'll see you both bright and early on Wednesday. Also, you'll have to be accompanied to and from work" Hotch stated.
"Yes sir" She replied.
"Good, till then get some proper rest and look after yourself properly" Hotch ordered before leaving the apartment.
"Ugh, I need a drink" Y/n mumbled pushing herself up off the couch and walking into the kitchen.
"Nope" I murmured running after her and stepping in front of the cupboard.
"Please Spence, I just need a drink" She whispered.
"If you need a drink that suggests we've got a big problem" I replied.
"I don't mean it like that, I'm not an alcoholic" She sighed.
"Good, then you don't need a drink. In fact, if you're not an alcoholic, then you won't mind if I do this" I turned around, took the only bottle of whiskey out of the cupboard, unscrewed the lid, and began pouring it into the sink.
"You asshole" Y/n snapped.
"But you don't need it right?" I questioned.
"I-- No, I just-- That's fucking expensive"
"You have a lot of money" I retorted.
"You're starting to get on my nerves, I'm beginning to find you more fucking annoying than usual" She mumbled grumpily, then she stormed out of the room.
"Oh yeah?" I called stopping her in her tracks.
"And what are you going to do about it?"
Y/n turned to me, I could see a small smirk pulling on the corners of her lips. As of recently, Y/n has preferred being in control, and all though I like the control, I don't mind losing it from time to time.
"Shut. The fuck. Up! You fucking pussy" She said sternly.
"Or what?" I questioned jokily.
Y/n bit her bottom lip and walked towards me, she grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me into her, crashing her lips into mine.
I chuckled into the kiss and wrapped my arms around Y/ns waist. She smiled and wrapped her hand around my neck, pushing me against the wall.
"Call me mommy" She whispered softly.
"Mommy" I whispered back.
"I like it when you call me mommy" She giggled.
"I know you do, the only problem is, is that you're not in charge" I stated, twisting Y/n around and slamming her against the wall, crashing my lips against hers once more.
"You sure about that pretty boy?" She asked pushing me out the room and into the living room, shoving me onto the couch then climbing on top of me.
She pulled her shirt off then leaned down and kissed me passionately. I felt my member harden from under her, she smirked, I guess she could feel it too.
"Yeah I'm sure" I chuckled picked her up and carrying her into the bedroom.
"You're not going to win this baby boy" Y/n whispered as she began unbuckling my belt.
"Are you sure about that princess? How about you stop being a bratty little whore, and submit to me already"
"I'll never submit to you when I'm angry at you" She giggled, pushing me onto my back and slipping my jeans off.
"I never meant to upset you angel" I murmured into the kiss.
"But I think you did. You like upsetting mommy don't you?" She asked pushing my fringe out my face.
"You'll thank me one day" I mumbled.
"I'm sure I will" She whispered pulling off her shorts and panties.
"Arms up" she commanded.
I smiled and complied, resting my wrists on her backboard, she grabbed one of my ties and tied my wrists to the bed.
"You're being such a good boy, mommy likes that very much" She giggled
"Will you reward me?... mommy?" I asked softly
"Mhm, but first you must be punished for making mommy angry. Do you understand?" She asked squeezing some lube onto her hand. I nodded.
"Words pretty boy"
"Yes ma'am"
"Good boy" she murmured, her hand softly ran down my body, landing on my hard dick, I inhaled sharply and gulped as she wrapped her delicate fingers around it.
She began moving her hand up and down my member very slowly, so slowly it hurt.
"F-Faster p-please" I begged.
"Nah ah, pretty boy, you've been a bad boy" She teased.
"Pl-please, I'll be good"
"I think I enjoy seeing you whimper" she giggled biting her bottom lip. She continued to move her hand up and down my dick at a very slow pace until she decided to speed up.
I cocked my head back and sighed with relief.
"Do you like this?" she asked
"Fuck yeah" I breathed out.
"Aww you're so cute." she cooed.
"That's too bad"
She took her hand away from my dick, picked up a tissue from her bedside table, and wiped her hand on it.
"W-What are you doing?" I asked weakly.
"Well wanking you off is just no fun" she sighed reaching over me, pulling open her drawer, and taking out a hot pink vibrator.
"I'm going to pleasure myself, you can watch"
She turned the vibrator on and put it on her pussy. I watched her legs twitch with pleasure, I heard her beautiful, sexy moans.
"Fuck" she moaned.
"Princess, I can make you feel so much better," I told her.
"Yeah, but that means you get rewarded" She retorted
"Have I not been compliant?" I asked gently.
"Please?"
Y/n thought for a moment before agreeing. I sighed with relief as she turned the vibrator off, climbed onto me, and let me enter her. She moaned as my dick went inside her, I could tell she loved that feeling.
She thrusted aggressively and left sloppy kisses on my neck and chest.
"Fuck this is good" I breathed out.
"Yeah, you like this?" Y/n asked kissing my jawline.
"Mhm, you're so beautiful princess," I asked breathlessly.
"So are you... Pretty boy" she teased.
"P-Princess--I-I'm g-gonna c-cum" I groaned pleasurably.
"Cum for me pretty boy" She commanded, I exhaled and released myself inside of her. She moaned loudly and dug her nails into my chest as she orgasmed.
Her legs began to shake as she lifted herself out of me and fell onto my chest.
"Are you ok princess?" I asked.
"Mhm," she hummed lifting up her arms and untying me.
"Thanks" I mumbled as she rolled off me.
"Thanks for letting me do that" She breathed out.
"That's ok" I replied sitting up and throwing my legs over the side of the bed.
"Come on" I snuck my arms under her legs and lower back, then lifted her off the bed.
I took her to the toilet, then to the shower. I cleaned myself and her up, got dressed, and relaxed with her on the couch until it was time for bed.
We snuggled up together in her bed until we fell asleep...
꧁𝒀/𝒏𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒗꧂
I waited till Spencer fell asleep then I quietly climbed out of bed, and crept into my bathroom.
The next thing I did will disappoint you all, because I know it sounds bad. I know it sounds like I'm going down a bad path, but I'm not, I'm in control.
I-I don't do it all the time, barely even once a-a week. I'm in complete control, it's just something to help me sleep.
I just want to sleep so badly... It's harder to sleep since Spencer made me cut down on my alcohol consumption.
I can go days without a proper night's sleep but it gets hard after 4th day. I can feel myself going insane and I just need something to send me to sleep.
I'm not addicted though, I'm just tired that's all. I'm in complete control, I promise I'm in control.
I opened the cupboard above the sink and took out an orange, plastic pill bottle. I had switched the oxycodone label with an anti-anxiety med label.
I made the label, I have in fact never been prescribed anti-anxiety meds, but I told Spencer I had after my ordeal with my family, he seemed none the wiser.
I had in fact been prescribed Oxycodone again which is why I have them. The only reason why I'm keeping it secret is because I know Spencer's had a past with Opioids before and he'll get worried, I mean he and Hotch already think I'm an alcoholic and I'm not!
I took half a pill, then walked back into my bedroom, climbed into bed, and curled my body around Spencers, then I finally managed to fall asleep.
𝚃𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝟷𝟹𝚝𝚑 𝙼𝚊𝚢 𝟸𝟶𝟷𝟶
𝟷𝟾:𝟸𝟻𝚙𝚖
𝙱.𝙰.𝚄, 𝙵𝙱𝙸 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚚𝚞𝚊𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜, 𝚀𝚞𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚘, 𝚅𝚒𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚊
I've been back at work for a month now, and it's been fine I guess... Maybe not... I feel different, I feel like everything is different.
I-uh-I know I have an ability to separate work life from my emotions, I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing.
But I think I'm slowly losing that ability. Maybe it's because there's nothing the team doesn't know about me anymore.
I mean they don't know every good and bad thing that has ever happened to me, but they know the bulk of it, and so I think I don't feel there's a point to hide anymore.
I don't really see a point to anything, I've had to slow down on my alcohol consumption, to one drink a night if I am even allowed to drink at night. I've even had to slow down my oxy consumption because I'm running out.
In all honesty, I'm running on empty at this point and everyone knows it. They can see the dark circles under my eyes, and they can see my face look slimmer.
I'm so tired that I've even stopped fucking Spencer, it's an on and off agreement, I know... I'm just so, so, so, tired.
"Fox, my office" Hotch called as I went to make myself another coffee.
"Coming" I mumbled dragging my feet to Hotch's office.
"You look tired," Hotch told me as I closed his office door and sat down in front of him.
"I am" I replied.
"I'm not surprised, after everything you've been through, I would be tired to" Hotch sighed.
"Are you sure you're not?" I asked.
"Personally I think you are, and you're just better than me at hiding it"
"I think we're tired for 2 different reasons" Hotch stated.
"And what are those reasons?" I questioned.
"I'm tired because I work myself too hard. I've got to work this job and go home to look after my son, and you are tired because you can't sleep, am I right?"
"Pretty spot on... It's not always nightmares, or the fucking buzzing, sometimes it's just because I can't shut my brain off" I sighed looking up at the ceiling to stop the tears.
"What do you think about?" Hotch asked.
"Louis... I think about Louis... I think about our childhood, and what he for me and Spence... I also think about his letter and what he admitted to me in that letter" I mumbled gulping down the lump in my throat.
"How do you feel about it?" Hotch asked leaning back in his chair.
"I don't know how to feel... because on the one hand, I'm mad at him because what happened to me in the middle east is not something that I will ever recover from properly... At the same time, I know how difficult it is to live with my parents, and the things they do..."
"I know how much Louis struggled, he was always second best to me, and my parents loved to remind him of that... So I get it, and I... I don't know, and this is what I spend hours thinking about every night" I explained.
"Do you think there's anything that I can do to help?" Hotch asked.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to properly rest until my parents are found and put away for life" I responded wiping a stray tear off my cheek.
"Good, Y/n I want you to work this case-"
"What case?" I cut in.
"Let me finish" Hotch replied.
"Right sorry, continue"
"I want you to work this case, but I need to know you're ready for it?" Hotch stated.
"Tell me the case, and I'll tell you if I'm ready"
Before Hotch said anything, he pulled out a small box from his drawer, and indicated for me to put my phone in it. I did and he did the same then he closed the box.
The box was there so that no one could listen to the conversation, although after me and Spencer were saved Penelope installed some kind of special software on our phone so that no one could hack them and listen to our conversations, this was an extra precaution.
"We've found your parents"...
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A/n: AHH cliffhanger cos I'm a dickhead.
I'm literally such a horrible human being.Also look at that, dom!Y/n!!!