⚠︎︎TRIGGER WARNING: Alcohol abuse, mention of Spencers past with drugs, General case stuff and violence.⚠︎︎
ꨄSMUT WARNING: Bondage, Dom and Sub.ꨄ
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꧁𝒀/𝒏𝒔 𝑷𝒐𝒗꧂
𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝟹𝟷𝚜𝚝 𝙰𝚞𝚐𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝟸𝟶𝟶𝟾
𝟸𝟸:𝟹𝟶𝚙𝚖
𝙷𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚕 𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎 𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚎, 𝚁𝚎𝚗𝚘, 𝙽𝚎𝚟𝚊𝚍𝚊
"What do you want?" Spencer asked as he opened the door.
"I--uh-- I want to apologise... I know the way I acted was horrible... a-and I didn't mean to treat you like that" I mumbled partly avoiding eye contact.
"You need help Y/n... You can't keep living the way you're living" Spencer stated, I couldn't tell if he had accepted my apology or not, his tone sounded somewhat frustrated. I wouldn't be surprised if he was angry at me, he had shown me nothing but kindness, and in return I kicked him out, and treated him like a piece of shit on the bottom of my shoe.
"I know... And I will... I am... I spoke to Hotch on the jet, a-and I'll cut down on my drinking" My voice sounded so high pitch and innocent, I couldn't help it. I didn't like it either, it sounded broken, and I didn't like showing that vulnerability!
"I--I just wanted to say sorry, I treat you like shit and you don't deserve it"
"I don't get you Y/n... And it drives me insane" Spencer told me, folding his arms and leaning against the door frame.
"You won't open up to me, a-and you don't have to but from what I can see you don't open up to anyone"
"It's not just that I don't want to tell you why... It's also that... That I just... I-I can't... It's like this mental block" I mumbled
"Can you just try?" Spencer asked
"You don't have to give me details, but tell me why you block us out"
"I-- I-I guess... C-Can I come in?" I asked softly
"I don't want to talk in the corridor" Spencer pushed the door open more, and moved to the side. I walked into his hotel room, and sat down on a little couch in the corner of his room.
Spencer sat opposite me on his bed and leaned forwards.
"I want you to know that whatever you tell me is between us"
"Ok... So... Say you had this... this 'friend'... a-and they were dangerous, and they were so dangerous in fact that you h-had to get away from them... A-And you haven't done the best job hiding, and you know th-that i-if your 'friend' decided to try find you, th-they... They might hurt other people c-close to you to g-get to you... A-And you know this, because th-they've done it before..." I explained timidly, slowing the forming lump in my throat and blinking away the tears filling my blue eyes.
"This 'friend' has got to be really dangerous, to scare you... What've you got yourself involved in?" Spencer questioned
"I-I didn't get involved in a-anything... I-It j-just happened... I-I can't h-help it" I murmured quickly wiping my cheeks then standing up from my seat.
"Anyway... That's why I'm the way I am... I'm sorry if I hurt you... I'll try better" my voice trailed off towards the end, as I quickly stood up and turned away toward the door, in attempt to leave the room.
Suddenly I felt Spencer grab my arm and pull me back towards him, he spun me around till I was facing him then kissed me. I practically melted into the kiss, my arms wrapped round his neck, Spencer picked me up and carried me to his bed.
"Before I lead you on, I'm not looking for a relationship" I breathed out, pulling away from him.
"Fine with me" Spencer stated throwing me onto the bed. I giggled as he began kissing down my neck.
"This... Is... A... Really bad... Idea" I gasped, my hands wandering down to the button on Spencers pants and undoing it, then the zip.
"People... might... hear"
"Then be quiet" Spencer whispered seductively, I threw my T-shirt off excitedly and unhooked my bra clasp slipping my bra off my person. Spencer pulled his belt off and turned it into wrist restraints.
"Give me your hands princess"
With an innocent smile on my face, I held my hands out in front of him, and giggled as he put them through the two holes. He then hooked the makeshift cuffs around the bed post, so that my arms were up behind my head.
"Is this ok?" He asked
"Always" I mumbled, Spencer chuckled and pulled down my pants and panties.
"Now if you're good you'll be rewarded, understand?" Spencer asked authoritatively.
"And if I'm bad?" I asked smirking at him.
"I'm sure you can figure it out, princess" Spencer chuckled pulling his pants down.
"What are the rules?" I asked innocently
"Do what I say, and you'll be fine" Spencer told me.
"If you want me to stop, give me the magic word"
"Which is?" I questioned
"Rouge (red)" Spencer whispered quickly crashing his lips into mine.
"D'accord docteur (Ok doctor)" I said into the kiss feeling his hard dick enter me.
"Bonne fille (Good girl)" Spencer chuckled as he began to thrust aggressively. A loud moan escaped my lips, Spencer covered my mouth and chuckled.
"Sweetie we've only just begun" he laughed.
"You keep being that loud and people will definitely hear"
"Je suis désolé docteur (I'm sorry doctor)" I moaned innocently and quietly.
"You're cute, keep talking to me like that and I'll give you anything you want" Spencer said leaning down to kiss me, as he kissed me, he took my bottom lip between his teeth and smirked... Meanwhile his dick seemed to be hitting my G-spot every time, Spencer liked my moans, every time one escaped my lips he would pick up the pace.
The game changer was when Spencer brought his hand in to the mix, while fucking me he also fingered me, and planted sloppy kisses all over my chest and neck, I tried to keep my moaning to a minimal but I just couldn't, not with all the pleasurable sensations buzzing around my body.
Sooner Spencers pace became sloppier, and he began to groan more and more, he was close and so was I. I clenched my walls around his dick, arched my back and moaned as my orgasm vibrated through me, Spencer was so close, he removed his hand from my clit and rested it against the wall. His other hand wrapped around my neck and squeezed as he orgasmed and came into me.
Spencer is so much quieter than me. He groaned then pulled out, tiredly falling onto the bed next to me.
"Fuck... How are you so good at that?" I asked tiredly
"I went through a dark period in my life" Spencer replied staring up at the ceiling with one hand behind his head and the other settling on his stomach.
"Care to share? I mean I did tell you my stuff" I pointed out, Spencer sighed and turned on his side to look at me.
"Ok, but same rules apply, it's between us"
"My lips are sealed" I promised, turning on my side to look at him.
"Well... Y'know how you profiled my... A-Addiction p-problems?" Spencer asked, I nodded
"Well to cut a very long story short, that happened because I was kidnapped, tortured and drugged... I became dependent on that drug... Anyway during that dependency I felt a lot more... Confident... I guess... So I decided to try things, and I slept with a-a lot of people... Consensually of course"
"People? You didn't specify the gender" I pointed out automatically.
"Yeah... People"
"Spencer Reid, you're full of surprises" I teased.
"Anyway, when I got sober, I--I needed to find something to ground me during the first month or so a-and... well... God this is embarrassing-"
"You found sex keeps your mind off drugs" I cut in helping him.
"Yeah... So... That's my story I guess" Spencer mumbled looking ashamed of himself.
"Sorry that you had to go through that" I whispered kissing him on the cheek and stumbling out of bed. My legs were pretty fucked but I managed to make my way to the bathroom, pee and join Spencer again.
"I should probably go to sleep" I whispered
"Y/n?" Spencer spoke up
"What is this between us?"
"I told you, I'm not looking for a relationship" I told him
"I know, but I-I mean we've had sex twice, s-so what is this?" Spencer asked
"Colleagues with benefits... You need me as a distraction I'll be there, if I think about drinking an entire bottle of whiskey all to myself, I'll call you" I explained
"Sound good?"
"Y-Yeah definitely-- I-I mean c-cool" Spencer stuttered awkwardly
"Alright hot-shot" I giggled, walking towards the door.
"Good night" I said before leaving the room and going back to mine.
𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝟹𝚛𝚍 𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟶𝟶𝟾
𝟷𝟸:𝟹𝟶𝚙𝚖
𝙰 𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, 𝚁𝚎𝚗𝚘, 𝙽𝚎𝚟𝚊𝚍𝚊
"Ok, guys so I think our unsub is Greg Haywood, 58, he volunteers for the local boy's soccer club, which both victims went to, he didn't turn up to last practice"
Garcia said over the phone, the 2 boys had been missing for 4 days and so finding them soon was vital.
"Why do you think it's him Garcia?" Hotch asked
"Well you mentioned that you didn't think his motive was sexual, and so I did digging on Mr Haywoods life and 2 years ago he lost his two sons in a car accident. It's really sad, anyway his sons were the ages of the victims and they look pretty similar, also guess the day the accident took place"
"I'll take a guess and say the 31st of August?" I speculated
"Ding! Ding! Ding! 10 points to wino"
"Wino?" I questioned
"Cos you're an alcoholic"
"I deserve that one, thank you Garcia, but if you ever call me a wino again, I will destroy all your cuddly toys"
"Sorry General, anyway I sent his address to your phones"
The lines disconnect and we all hurried out the building, Spencer sat next to me in the SUV while Hotch drove. I was hoping with everything I had that the boys would be there, I just wanted to go home and drink.
Yes I know, I said I'd cut down, and I will but I'm not going to stop, alcohol has literally never affected my job, until before, which can I just point out was not my fault, had I ever come into work drunk. I had this mind set that when working cases I would never drink unless everyone else was drinking and so I didn't.
See with my mindset how could people think I'm an alcoholic, I'm in control, or at least I think... If I am an alcoholic I'm functioning, so there's not really a problem is there?... Don't answer that... I fucking mean it! Don't answer that, it's better that I don't know.
"Reid, Fox take the downstairs" Hotch ordered, we nodded and after Derek kicked down the door we all entered. Spencer checked the lounge, I checked the kitchen and downstairs bathroom but no one was there. Then in the corner of my eye I saw a door, half hidden behind a space behind the dining table.
"Reid, I think I've got something" I said through the radio, then I patched through to Hotch who was upstairs.
"Sir, there's a door in the kitchen that might lead to a cellar"
"We're just finishing upstairs, you and Reid go in" Hotch ordered through the radio as Reid ran into the room.
"Come on then" You sighed, pulling the door open, and proceeding down the dodgy oak stairs.
"Greg Haywood? FBI" I shouted as I approached the last step. The room was pitch black, I shone my torch around the room as Spencer looked for a light switch. I looked left, then right, suddenly coming face to face with cricket bat.
It smashed into me knocking me to the floor, Spencer pointed his gun at Greg but it was so hard to do with a flash torch in one hand. Despite the loud ring in my ears, I managed to get to my feet and push Greg to the wall. He pulled a gun out from the back of his pants and tried to point it at me, I wrestled with him, finding my head injury making me feel much weaker than usual. Greg was strong too and I could see myself losing the fight, suddenly a gun shot rang throughout the house, blood appeared on Gregs shirt. He let go of his gun and dropped to the floor.
At this point everyone hurried down to the cellar, Derek found the light switch which lit up the room. Hotch hurried to Greg to stop the bleeding, Spencer ran over to me, his eyes scanning the huge cut on my temple.
"That's going to need stitching, and you have a concussion" Spencer mused focusing on my head.
"Is it bleeding?" I asked tiredly
"Yeah, can you not feel the blood dripping down your face?" Spencer asked
"M'no My face feels... kinda n'mb" I mumbled clearly more concussion than I thought.
"Reid take her to get checked out" Hotch ordered, as medics entered the room to take Greg away.
"Wait the kids... They h've t'be here" I slurred looking around the room. I looked at the floor and noticed a little hand poke out from under the bed.
"'nder Under the bed!"
Rossi and Emily checked and found both boys, terrified and hiding. They careful picked both boys up and took them out the room.
"Can we go now?" Spencer asked becoming increasingly more concerned about my head, I nodded and slowly with help from Spencer and Derek left the house.
"Reid, Morgan go with her" Hotch commanded as we got to the ambulance.
"Am I really that m'ch of a handful boss?" I asked
"Yes" Hotch replied flatly.
"Ugh how rude" I sighed climbing into the back on the ambulance with Derek and Spencer.
"How you feeling blue eyes?" Derek asked sitting opposite me.
"Weird... Do you think they'll give me pain meds?... They're like alcohol but better"
"Y/n stop making jokes" Spencer ordered somewhat impatiently
"Oh right... Sorry... My brain hurts, and I don't think it's working properly" I stated
"I agree, it's very amusing" Derek chuckled.
"Can I... Can I lie down?" I asked lying down on the bed before even getting an answer. I'm sure the medic hated me, she was trying to stop the bleeding from my head and I kept moving, but to be fair I was out of it.
"Why do I have to go to the hospital?" gently closing my eyes hoping I would fall asleep soon.
"Because you need stitches and head injuries could be serious. You could die" Spencer stated.
"So?... Who'd care?" I asked as I drifted off to sleep, Derek and Spencer shared concerned looks as they looked down at my sleeping figure.
𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝟹𝚛𝚍 𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟶𝟶𝟾
𝟸𝟶:𝟻𝟻𝚙𝚖
𝚁𝚎𝚗𝚘 𝙼𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚢 𝙷𝚘𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚕, 𝚁𝚎𝚗𝚘, 𝙽𝚎𝚟𝚊𝚍𝚊
"Did you sign the discharge papers?" Spencer asked parentally.
"Yes" I sighed
"I'm not a child y'know"
"You were acting like one earlier" Spencer pointed out as Derek joined us.
"I'll be honest I do not remember anything after we got the boys out" I replied combing my fingers through my hair.
"Yeah you were really out of it" Derek added.
"Oh well, I'm alive and I need a drink"
"I thought you said you were cutting down" Spencer pointed out
"Ugh, shit I forgot. And I have a psych eval" I whined
"Now I wish I got brain damage and died"
"You'll be fine" Spencer chuckled as we got into the SUV.
"Easy for you to say! It wasn't even my fault that I came into work drunk! It's Hotch's fault, when he called I specifically said 'I'm not in a good state right now' and he was like 'I don't care get here now' but clearly he does care" I ranted
"Why were you even day drinking in the first place?" Derek asked, I glanced at Spencer before shrugging.
"Felt like it"
"Get some help Fox" Derek sighed
"You get help" I retorted
"I don't need help, you do" Derek replied
"I hate all of you" I mumbled grumpily.
"And I'm tired"
"We can see that" Spencer chuckled
"You can sleep on the jet"
"Wait what time is it?" I asked suddenly completely unaware of anything.
"9pm, Hotch us to travel over night because he wants to be home by the morning." Spencer explained
"Thank you" I mumbled resting my head against the window.
"Thank you for staying with me"
"No problem" Spencer replied looking back at me as Derek started driving.
𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝟹𝚛𝚍 𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟶𝟶𝟾
𝟸𝟸:𝟹𝟶𝚙𝚖
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚓𝚎𝚝
"My office Friday morning, got it?" Hotch asked walking past me on the jet.
"Yes sir" I groaned bringing my feet up onto the couch and wrapping the small blue blanket around my body.
I didn't fall asleep straight away, my mind was too busy to let me rest it. This wasn't uncommon for me, I would worry about my family, I would think about the team, and ever since we started screwing Spencer.
I don't feel like myself, I feel wrong, I feel like I'm definitely losing control, but not of my little alcohol problem, but of my life. I've tried to shut people out and I'm failing, I've tried to make sure people take me seriously, yet here Penelope is calling me a wino, and Derek jokingly telling me to get help. I know it's hilarious to them, but once upon a time I would never have accepted it that way. Once upon a time I would've shouted at Penelope and taken control of the situation yet now I was acting like it didn't mean anything.
I know it sound ridiculous that this stuff bother me, but it does. Sometimes I like losing all control, like when I'm with Spencer, or I'm drinking, and a lot of the time I need to be in control, it's just how my life works.
𝚃𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝟺𝚝𝚑 𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟶𝟶𝟾
𝟹:𝟶𝟶𝚊𝚖
𝙲𝚘𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚘𝚝 𝙰𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜, 𝚆𝚊𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚝𝚘𝚗 𝙳𝙲, 𝚅𝚒𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚊
I barely slept on the jet, my thoughts and that constant irritating fucking buzzing kept me awake. When I got home, I changed into pyjamas and went to be but still I couldn't sleep, I wished I could shut my brain off but I couldn't. Tired and frustrated, I stormed into the kitchen grabbed a couple of beers and the half finished bottle of vodka from Saturday. I know I said I was going to cut down, and I will but right now it was the only way I knew would help me sleep. I began chugging down the liquids one by one as fast as I could, I discarded the empty bottles in the sink and wandered back into my bedroom.
Ok yeah, this isn't healthy.
Nor is it safe.
Nor are my actions, that of a functioning person, but I'll sort myself out.
I promise...
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A/N: Oof, Penelope should not be making jokes about Y/ns alcohol addiction, but I promise it's because she doesn't understand the true extent of it, you'll see how she feels about it later on in the story.
Anyway will Y/n be able to cut down, or will she need help who knows? Well I do, but shut up.
Love you all, from Arrow XxXx