CHAPTER THIRTY:
breaking points.
At the white-clothed table by the last window, sat Eren, Floch, Armin, and his ex-girlfriend, the first two barely sitting down.
"Sit, sit!" Pieck said happily, oblivious of your shock, gesturing to the seats that weren't taken. "Why didn't you respond to my text, though? We were starting to think you guys weren't coming."
Your eyes were wide as you made eye contact with the blonde woman next to Floch, her piercing blue eyes barely looking you over. By the look of her stare, she was just as surprised as you were.
"Y/N? Hello?" Klaus called in a sing-song voice, waving his hands around before playing with a stray black curl that hung in front of his eyes. "Anybody in there? Ha."
You watched as Annie poked Armin in the arm as she looked at you once again, but he didn't glance up from his phone until Eren pulled a small, leathery book with a (F/C) spine from his jacket, sliding it over the table to where the former couple sat.
Armin curiously picked it up from the table, running his fingers over the cover. He said something to Eren, who only tapped his index finger on the colored spine and shrugged.
Your breath hitched as you saw him open the cover, but Floch snatched it from his hands before he could flip a page.
"Y/N!" Marco said softly, following your line of sight to the other group and frowning.
"What is it?" Reiner said, glancing around.
"Right, right, er- sorry. It's nothing." You said as shook your head, trying to ignore the cold pit in your stomach - the anxious feeling of fear and sadness that scared the shit out of you. "Um- what's up?"
"What's up with you?" Zeke said pleasantly, smiling slightly.
"Nothing." You shook your head, debating on whether or not you should go and take your journal from Floch.
There were only lyrics to angry love songs you would never publish, and tidbits of your friends' problems; you weren't dumb enough to keep it as a diary, because otherwise there would be much more panic in you.
It wasn't like you could go spy on them anymore, anyway - although it would be a miracle if Marco could manage to drop his phone near them without them noticing.
"Well then," Pieck said brightly. "Sit down! We've been waiting for you all so we could eat!"
"We didn't even know you'd invited us to dinner," Mikasa muttered, sitting down beside Zeke. You faltered slightly as Jean and Marco day down together, leaving you the singular spot in between Porco and Reiner, right across from Klaus.
Your manager towered over his drink while you mumbled something about not knowing, either. You looked at Marco and shared a simultaneous expression of silent panic. Jean side-eyed you and furrowed his brows in confusion.
"Why are you all looking at each other like that?" Klaus said loudly, head going back and forth as Zeke chuckled. "Something happen? Are you going to let your dear manager in on it?" He smirked, putting an arm around your shoulder, which you promptly slapped off. He hissed in annoyment. "Someone's angry today."
You shook your head and blankly replied, "Someone's begging to be fired."
Porco snorted, licking his lips as the ghost of a laugh slowly trickled off of his face, his voice breathy and light. "Watch out, Hidton."
"Someone's being a prick!" Klaus huffed in retaliation, white teeth glittering as he cracked a smug grin.
You raised your chin, staring at him through the corner of your (E/C) eyes as you put a hand on your thigh, trying to keep it from jumping up and down from restlessness. "Really? I think I'm the entire cactus, at least to you right now."
Pieck raised a brow, visibly noticing the edge in your tone as she slightly leaned forward. "Are you alright?"
You stayed silent throughout the first half of your group's small dinner, keeping quiet as Marco discreetly pointed out your journal to Jean, hushed as Porco and Pieck took low-quality pictures of their food, and even more mute when Zeke and Klaus started talking about their favorite 5-in-1 shampoos.
"I'm going to go to the restroom," Mikasa announced, standing up from her seat and flattening her dress against her body, setting off in the direction of Eren's table, even though the restroom was the other way.
"The restroom's to the left," Porco said in confusion, stopping in the middle of his passive aggressive conversation with Reiner. "Where are you going?"
"The restroom," Mikasa said matter-of-factly, not looking back as she walked.
"Women, right? Can never figure out directions," Jean said jokily, forcing out a laugh. "That's why I'm engaged to a man."
"Really?" Zeke raised a brow, peering at Jean over his gold-rimmed glasses. "Only for that?"
You took notice of Mikasa's rapid steps, holding back the urge to yell for her to stop, because you knew exactly what she was doing, and you were sure that it wouldn't end well.
"Wh- he's joking," Marco said awkwardly, shifting his vegetables to the side of his plate, like he always did when he wasn't in the mood for eating. "I'm sure that he's engaged to me because he couldn't turn me and my immeasurable charm down."
Zeke frowned.
"Hey, Y/N. Let's take a picture together, yeah?" Klaus said, popping his lips and taking a sip of his drink. It probably contained some random ingredients that he thought were fancy. He had a sort of fascination with that type of thing.
"No thank you," You said, face dropping in shock as you saw Mikasa's outstretched hand grasp your journal and snatch in from Armin's hands, causing him to yelp in surprise as she ran out of the dining room altogether, her boots creating a frenzied pattern of escape.
"Meet me outside, Y/N!" Mikasa called, jogging past your table.
Armin's eyes followed her to you as you half-stood, prepared to make a run for it, quite literally on the edge of your seat.
Nobody in the dining room made a single sound.
For a moment, you felt like the ground could open up, swallow you whole, and you wouldn't complain about it.
Everyone's attention was on you.
Thanks a lot, Mikasa.
He didn't break eye contact, and you swallowed thickly as you finally tore away from his confused blue hues. You felt the stares of everyone at your table and if looks could kill, you practically got murdered by Floch and Annie's glares while you opened your mouth to speak, your voice stammering for Jean to pay Musicorum's food with your card.
You bit the inside of your cheek as you rushed outside of the glassy doors, weaving through close tables and avoiding people that asked for a picture. The night air outside was still chilly, and like unprepared people in fancy clothing made for heat do, you shivered slightly, keeping your eyes peeled for Mikasa and water-filled holes in the cement parking lot.
Although there were street lights on, it was nearly impossible to see or look for anyone, much less someone dressed in dark colored clothing, who probably already caught a taxi or something.
You found the car you and your friends arrived in and realized you didn't have the keys. You were about to leave, but saw a flicker of movement inside.
"Mikasa?" You called, knocking on the rental car window as you saw her scrolling through her phone in the backseat.
She leaned over and opened the door. "Hey."
"What the hell was that?!"
"I got your journal back," She said, blinking as she held up your journal, a stain of sauce on the front cover.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
"You didn't have to-!"
"I wanted to. For you."
"I- thank you, but-"
"Shut up and take the random act of kindness. I'm going to sleep now." Mikasa leaned over again, this time slamming the gray car door closed - which meant you now had no way to get inside.
"What?" You whispered, frowning in absolute puzzlement. She waved slightly and yawned.
You let yourself yawn, too, leaning against the car.
Sighing as you heaved yourself onto the trunk instead, you twiddled with the neat hem of your black skirt, occasionally glancing into the car.
She was fully asleep by the fourth time you checked.
After the events of that last hour, you were left with more questions than answers.
For example, 1) What is Floch and Eren's relationship? 2) Why was Annie back there when she had a job in Stohess? 3) What the heck was Armin doing with all of them?
You swung your legs back and forth, mentally replaying the entire dinner and trying to remember whether or not Armin read your journal.
"Oi. Is that you?" Porco called, walking towards you with hesitation, his figure barely recognizable in the glow of the dim streetlights.
"It depends on who you're looking for," You replied, already letting yourself half-hope that he would leave after making sure it was you.
"I'm looking for an idiot called Y/N," He started, sitting down next to you as he pulled out a box of cigarettes from the inside of his jacket. "They're really confusing me and left everyone worried."
"Oh. Sorry."
He snorted. "What happened?"
"Nothing."
Porco let out a long groan, stopping as he flicked his lighter for the fifth time. "You're always saying it's nothing."
"Because it is," You said, shrugging slightly as he ran his hands over his dirty blond hair in exasperation.
"Tell me what really happened." He lit his cigarette and held it up to his mouth, the orange tip burning a light in the darkness between you both.
"You know that's going to kill you someday, right?" You said, staring as the gray smoke rushed in the air.
"I only smoke once a month, it's fine. Usually whenever I'm stressed."
He crumpled the box in his hands.
You frowned, crossing your arms as you spoke, turning your head so you could watch a few birds peck at a single piece of toast. "And what's so stressful about this evening in July?"
"Y/N, it's the 31st. If I didn't do it tonight, I'd miss out on it."
"Right."
"Also, Reiner was being horrible today. Acting like my dead brother and shit."
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine, he died in a car crash. It wasn't like he could have prevented it."
A moment passed where neither of you said anything as he smoked.
"Oh, you're cold, aren't you?!" Porco said loudly, thrusting his cigarette into your hands as he shook off his jacket in a frenzy. "I thought that only happened in movies-!"
"Wh- people get cold in real life, too," You said in confusion, holding the cigarette with an outstretched hand away from your body as if it were a burning piece of paper. (Oh, wait.)
"No, I meant the 'offering your jacket to a cold pretty girl' part," Porco clarified, rolling his eyes as he messily threw his bomber jacket around your shoulders, pausing to adjust the collar around your neck.
You passed him his cigarette and wriggled your arms into the floppy sleeves. You traced the various patches, your finger stopping on the white nine-tipped star outlined with red, the Warrior Film Company's logo. "So.. sre you excited for tomorrow?"
"Not really." His face was clouded with a gray haze as he spoke. "I'm kind of accustomed to seeing my face on screen now. It used to be pretty cool, but now it's in the verge of lame . I assume it's the same hearing your songs on the radio?"
"Yeah..."
He laughed.
"Although Jean does enjoy hearing his own voice," You sighed, letting out a small chuckle. "Never stops playing our songs on repeat whenever we're cleaning the house."
"Hey, I have something to show you," He said, digging in the pockets of his pants. "Oh.." He swore quietly. "I think I left my phone inside."
You checked his pockets and shrugged. "It's not in here. I can go, though. I need to make sure that Jean doesn't drink too much."
Porco raised a brow. "Couldn't you or Marco drive? What about Mikasa?"
"We just hate driving at night with a car full of mostly-drunk people. It's like wrangling a bunch of toddlers, it's terrible. And I think Mikasa is tipsy, too," You said, peeking into the car where she lay on the backseat, your journal thrown into the passenger side.
"Oh."
You jumped off of the car. "Be right back, then."
You heard him call out a description of his phone and where exactly he left it (as though he sat in every single seat in the dining room), walking towards the dozen wooden steps of the restaurant.
Mr. Jill was there behind his desk once you walked in, already looking at you with amusement. "Decided to come back to your friends?" He put his chin in his hands as he gave you a playful smile.
You sighed and turned right back around, pushing open the glass doors again. Porco could go get his own phone. And hopefully Marco would keep Jean under wraps.
Not my job, not my prob.
But mostly you didn't want to talk to that guy - he gave you bad vibes, even with his excessive smiles and familiarity. In your opinion, anyone who seemed that happy was either drunk, high, or on drugs.
You took two steps at a time, and just as you were nearing the bottom, someone bumped into you, spilling a dark liquid all over the front of your white shirt. You swore loudly, feeling the liquid trickle underneath your shirt, the coldness trailing on your stomach.
"Sorry!" A familiar voice said, the person on the step below you as you attempted to rub off the liquid from your front. They looked up at you, the streetlights illuminating their face. "I'm sorr-" If it was possible for one's face to fall from more than a frown, they did it as soon as you met their eyes. "Y/N?!"
"Armin!" You panicked, tripping as you backed away from his paper towel, falling onto the step behind you, bottom first.
Armin froze, a blush clashing with his clothes as he made eye contact with you while you tried to get up. "My cousin works here, and Eren invited me - I didn't know you'd be at this restaurant, too, with the others-!"
You were at a loss for words as you looked down at Armin, who was still on the step below you. He averted his eyes, but ended up looking at the bare skin of your legs, and seemed to panic as he decided to just look at the sky.
"You look nice!" He said, obviously trying his best not to stutter.
"Thanks... thank you."
You turned around and started heading for the other way, where the car was parked off to the side. You just wanted the night to be over at that point.
"Let me walk you back!" He said, voice tinged with slight frustration, quickening his steps.
"Just to make sure - you're no longer mad at me for not potentially ruining your relationship on possibly false accusations?" You asked, tilting your head to the side as Armin cringed slightly.
"I wasn't mad!" Armin said, struggling to make his voice heard over the loud, roaring car that passed by, barely missing you both.
"You kind of acted like it," You said, brushing past him, your entire front dripping with god knows what, and your shoes now muddied with dirty water from carelessness. You zipped Porco's jacket up, shoving your hands into the worn pockets as you walked.
"Wait up!" Armin called desperately. "I was just thinking it over!"
"With Annie." You nodded, still walking. "And Floch. And my journal."
"Your journal-?" He faltered, his steps slowing slightly as he blinked in utter shock. "That was really yours? I didn't want to believe it..."
"No, it was Professor Ackerman's."
"Oh.. really?"
"Of course it was mine," You sighed. "And you and your 'best' friend, and his secret lover or something, and your ex-girlfriend were reading i-"
"Oh my god, please don't tell me you're still jealous about Annie!" Armin said, scoffing slightly as he cut you off. "You were letting Porco flirt with you, and you're wearing his jacket! I heard he was all over you those other days! What happened to our agreement?! What happened to waiting?!"
You whirled around. "I waited for you! Five years! It means nothing to you, obviously!"
"You kissed Eren!" He yelled back, eyebrows dipping down into a scowl as his eyes filled with tears, his cheeks now a scarlet red. Both of you were losing control at this point. "I read it all, you had your first kiss with Eren! You actually kissed the person who was my best friend!"
You clenched your fists, willing the tears forming in your eyes to vanish as you dug your nails into the palms of your hands - funnily enough, it worked. "I didn't do shit, and you know that. I didn't write about it either. You can't be telling me these things when you had your first everything with Annie Leonhart, Armin!"
"I only did that because I thought you didn't love me that way anymore," Armin said, voice a shaky, angry whisper as he faced you. "I felt so bad two years ago, Y/N. Imagine hearing - damn it, reading - that the first love of your life was with another person. Imagine it."
"I don't have to imagine it," You said, a bitter laugh escaping your pained throat. "I lived through it, and for what? An apology I still haven't received even though you have feelings for me? How do you think I felt, all those times you'd call me and gush about Annie? I had only Professor Ackerman to talk to after I took that job as an assistant - which ended up being 'assistant teacher,' by the way. Do you know how depressing it is to only have a deadpan, tea-loving, sarcastic, literature-hating, forty year old man to talk to?"
"I'm sorry!" He yelled, throwing his hands into the air.
"You're only late by three weeks."
He stayed silent, shaking his head in unreasonable anger.
Something came to you at that moment as you saw the scowl you'd seen so many times before - but never aimed at you.
You spoke, your voice barely piercing the stressing discord of the crickets and cars in the background. "We've never had an argument, Armin, did you ever notice that?"
You watched tears furiously spill from Armin's beautiful blue eyes, a gut-wrenching pain erupting throughout your stomach and throat as you, too, started to tear up. You never thought that your breaking point would come a mere day before you were to finally date Armin. It seemed like he was slowly deteriorating, too.
"N-no. But I guess.. I guess it's long overdue."
ʷᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ: ³⁰⁰⁷