Khloe
We drove to school in an awkward silence. Chase and Dean sat in the front with Dean driving. They chatted amongst themselves a bit, but they didn't say anything to the rest of us.
I couldn't help, but notice that Dean wouldn't even so much as look at me. I was sat at the very back of the car with Jake, Charlie and Tommy in the row in front of
me, but they talked to each other, probably assuming it was best to pretend I wasn't there.
I hadn't said anything since our argument. I didn't want to. The thing was, there was so much they didn't know. There was so much I wanted to yell at them for and there was a lot I hated myself for. I know it better than anyone, I was a bitch. They didn't even see the half of it.
I could feel Maddie creeping back into my life, too. She was texting me almost everyday now and I knew it was because she missed me and I missed her too, but part of me still wasn't letting her back in. Our friendship was the product of a shit situation and although my family are trying to make my situation improve, Maddie's situation will never improve and she will always be a reminder of who I was and a part of me that still is like that.
I don't know if she's good for me.
The car pulled up in the school parking lot and I grabbed my bag, walking away from my brothers as quickly as possible. I needed some space now and that was something they weren't giving me. The problem was they didn't know how to try to not ignore me without suffocating me. I wasn't a child. I just wanted to be understood.
I headed into the school hallway and went straight to my locker. I didn't even bother to look out for my friends. I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I had enough to think about without making small talk.
The bell went and I shut my locker. I turned away and saw Jake, Chase and Dean walking down the hallway. Whilst Jake offered me a small smile, the other two just looked at me like they wanted to scowl or glare at me, but didn't let themselves do it. They couldn't bring themselves to smile, though. It seemed just looking at me was hard enough.
I could tell they didn't know how to handle me now.
That's the thing, though. They should have known this when I moved schools. They should have asked me if I was okay, not just expect me to be okay, but they didn't.
It scares me to think what would have happened if I had opened up to them then. I don't know how they would have tried to handle me then seeing as though they hardly even knew me.
If I had come clean then and if they had made fun of me or isolated me or even told my Dad, I don't know what I would have done. The thing was, I was always looking for a distraction. I needed to be distracted, no matter the cost.
I walked to English alone and sat in an empty chair at the back of the class. My teacher didn't seem to notice I wasn't sat in my usual seat and I was glad as I didn't have the energy to have that conversation with her.
I sat and stared out the window, not listening to anything that was said. I was tired and drained and all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and fall asleep and never wake up again. That way, everything would be easier. The lights would be out and would never get turned on.
After first period, I walked to my next class and did the same thing. I sat in silence, grabbed an empty seat and stared out at the pictures on the wall, which were far more interesting than whatever my teacher was going on about.
My page wasn't dated and no title was written down. No notes were taken and I didn't listen or attempt to answer a single question. I just wasn't there.
Third period was the hardest. I had my science lesson with Charlie's friends. I wasn't able to find an empty seat where I could disappear into the faces of my classmates. The class was full. The only seat there was my usual seat. I had no choice, but to sit down in it.
"Look who it is." Jack or Dylan said as I took my usual seat.
If I felt like it, I would have told him to fuck off or just done something, but I didn't. I let him make his comment, whilst I attempted to ignore the way my heart rate was increasing ever so slightly, telling me that my blood sugar was low.
"I see the cut Charlie gave you's gone. Have you two managed to actually get on?" Dylan asked me, raising his eyebrows at me slightly. He wanted in on the drama that was going on in the Lakewood household , but seeing as though the drama was about me, he wasn't getting an exclusive.
I switched the arm I was using to rest on to my other, ignoring him and turning to look out the window. I didn't have time for this.
"Have you revised much?" Logan whispered to me.
I hardly shrugged and he seemed to get the message that I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I could feel them watching me, but their thoughts didn't interest me. I was just thinking.
After third period, It was lunch. Lunch wasn't a problem. I didn't even bother to head to the cafeteria. I headed outside to the bleachers and sat down and watched the groups of high schoolers, laughing and chatting.
I went by unnoticed and I realised it was where I was most comfortable. I liked attention when the spotlight was showing what I wanted people to see, but since being at this school, I was feeling like everyone was starting to see beyond my curtain. This realisation was unnerving.
After a while, my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I didn't look at what or who it was. All i knew is whoever it was, wouldn't leave me alone. So I turned it off, and turned my attention to the clouds, watching them float through the sky.
It was only later that I realised I was the only one out here. There were no more teenagers. It was just me. I didn't even notice them leave or hear the bell, which must have whisked them away to class. It meant I was late.
I forced myself to stand up and climbed down the steps of the bleachers, but as I got to the bottom, a sickening feeling made itself at home in my stomach and I stopped in my tracks. For a moment I felt like I was going to throw up, but then black dots splattered through my vision, obscuring the football field.
Then everything went black.
******
Hey!! I hope you liked the chapter!!!
It's a pretty sad one for Khloe :// she doesn't seem to be doing well here.
Anyone put the pieces together and realised what's happened?
Thanks for reading!