IRELAND
"My daughter has told me about the horrors of the Wizarding War over the past few years. I want you to tell me about your experience during and after the war."
Sage stared at Mrs. Silvers emptily, thinking more about how she had to pick Harry up from Petunia's that evening, after her appointment. The last thing on her mind was answering the therapist's psychoanalytical questions.
"Sage. I asked you something."
She sighed. "The war is over. I've spent the past, I dunno, four years, in fight-or-flight mode. I couldn't let my guard down, for even a second. But now it's over, and I'm technically safe, but I don't feel safe." She admitted.
Nodding, Mrs. Silvers replied, "Always looking over your shoulder, correct? It's hard to trust the people around you, the people that you love and who would do anything to protect you, isn't it?"
The words that Mrs. Silvers said were so true and accurate to what Sage had been feeling in the months since Lily and James's death that she went quiet for a moment, lips parted in shock.
"I didn't realize how little I'd lived during the war. I mean, I hung out with my friends, I went to amazing places and was able to build a life with by boyfriend. But every good memory is tainted by a bad one. I can't remember my twenty-first birthday without thinking about how Charlotte and Marlene were murdered that same day.
"I can't remember our vacation to Italy without knowing that I went on my first actual mission the day after I got back, and I murdered people—people that I knew. Not very well, but still. I have so much blood on my hands that the years that were supposed to be the best of my life are gone and I can't get them back." Sage rambled, fingers drifting over the sleeve of her cardigan, one that hid her Dark Mark, even on a warm autumn afternoon.
Mrs. Silvers nodded, writing down several short sentences on her notepad. "Where do you hold the most tension, Sage? From what you've told me in the months we've been meeting, you seem to be a very tense, anxious person that hides those feelings under a cold, hard exterior." She paused and looked Sage directly in the eye. "So where do you hold your tension? Shoulders, back, neck, head?"
Sage's eyebrows furrowed. "What does it matter?"
"I understand that you are quite the rational person, but maybe a bit of spirituality would do you some good. Rowan swears by meditation. Says it clears her chakras." Mrs. Silvers said optimistically, a small smile spreading across her face. "Talk to Rowan. She'd be more than happy to help you meditate."
"I don't think I'm much of a meditation person, unfortunately." Sage said with a shrug.
Mrs. Silvers chuckled. "It wouldn't hurt to try, dear. But if you're looking for a different type of stress release, may I suggest writing letters to those you miss, or have unresolved anger towards?"
Sage hesitated. She'd wanted to write a letter to Sirius since the day he'd left, to curse him out and tell him everything he'd missed—all of Harry's milestones, the fact that she'd finally gone to therapy, the promotion she'd gotten at work, even though she was beginning to hate her job. She'd also wanted to write letters to Lily and James and Charlotte, but she hadn't had the strength to do it.
"Alright, Sage. I want you to write letters as homework for our next meeting. You don't have to bring them in or show me them at all, but I want you to really reflect." Mrs. Silvers said, folding her hands in her lap. "You've lost a lot...far more than my other clients that are around your age. And from what I've gathered from our sessions, you haven't come to terms with all of the loss in your life. I think writing these letters to those who aren't in your life anymore will really help you."
prep for a double update besties