My life was supposed to be over. I had blissfully accepted my end. If my death would ensure the safety of Ethan and Joshua, along with their packs, then I had already welcomed it. I am surprised to see light again.
I wake up in the same hospital room. I wiggle my fingers. They are so stiff. I look around; there is no Ethan or Joshua near sight. Did they finally get tired of my crap?
I get up on my elbows slowly to get a better visual of my room. I feel someone move next to me. Crystal is sleeping, her head on my bed. She looks so tired. Although she is sleeping, I notice the worry lines on her face.
I try my best to sit up without waking Crystal up. I know Crystal is going to go off on me, within reason. I lift myself up as slowly as I could.
As I imagined, Crystal begins to wake up. Crystal lifts her head and looks at me with her eyes still halfway closed.
Crystal rubs her eyes, she mumbles, "Lilly?"
I reach for her hand, giving it a squeeze. Crystal makes the biggest gasp. In an instant, I become trap in her arms. Crystal's embrace is so warm and cozy. This is what I needed now. My tears started falling instantly.
I needed Crystal more than I had thought. Crystal has been my rock for so long that I felt lost when I wasn't able to discuss with Crystal my current problems.
Crystal lets go of me, and grabs me by the shoulders firmly.
Her eyes show frustration yet happiness at once.
Crystal begins, "what the hell were you thinking...no, you didn't think. Not in your mom. Not in me or Josh, and what about Ethan? Huh?! Ethan would be lost without you. You have no idea how painful losing a mate is said to be."
"I'm sorry. There was just so much in my mind. You guys said I can only have one mate, that everyone out there only has one perfect match. That's a lie. It turns out I have two. I can't be with one without hurting the other," I explain.
Crystal gets up and paces around, throwing her arms all over the place. Crystal is big in using hand gestures.
Crystal yells, "oh, yeah, so obviously killing yourself would stop you from having to choose. That sounds like the best choice," sarcasm spilling with each word.
I try to explain, "I did not try to kill myself because I didn't want to choose. They are saying I'm some type of moon goddess chick. I can control them. Do you know how dangerous that is? Someone can use me to hurt them or your pack. I could not risk it."
Crystal takes a deep breath in and calmly says, "Lilly, you would never harm us. If you need more proof, then think about what you were capable of doing. You were going to give up your life out of fear of putting us in danger. If the times comes, I know that you would rather die than betray us."
Crystal always has the right words to get me to see the bigger picture. I know Crystal is right. I will never harm them willingly.
I wipe my tears.
"There's more. I didn't tell Ethan or Joshua when they came to visit. I'll tell you but you can't tell anyone. Not even Josh. I don't think he will be capable of hiding it from Ethan," I say.
Crystal looks at me intrigued. Crystal loves secrets.
"It will be hard keeping it from Josh, but I'll manage. What is it?"
I tell Crystal everything. I tell Crystal when I was unconscious, after healing Ethan and Joshua, I had a dream. In my dream, my reflection told me that I could be happy. However, the dream also said that I was going to have them both only temporary, that I would only be able to save one of them. It was a cryptic dream.
I end the summary with, "now you see why I did what I did. First, I had a dream telling me to be careful, that I would only be able to save one of them. I had no freaking idea as to why I would be in that predicament. Then, they come in here and tell me that I'm some type of moon goddess that can control them. You don't think I'm able to put two in two together. My dream was obviously warning me. If anyone gets a hold of me or forces me to control them, then I could put everyone in danger."
I take a deep breath. I feel like I rambled on forever.
Crystal is in deep thought.
"I understand. I don't think you were talking to yourself. You said that your reflection felt different from you. Perhaps, she could be your past self leaving you a message."
I reply, "who cares, it's still a crappy as message."
She throws her hands up in the air. I can tell I have missed something important.
"No, you don't get it. What if there is a way you can try and contact your past self again?"
I am curious. I never thought about the possibility.
I question, "how would I do that?"
Crystal gives her signature confused face, shrugging, "I don't know, but the important part is that we can try. Me and you will figure out a way to trigger the dream again, and you can ask yourself more questions."
I am still confused as to Crystal's main point.
"Questions....like what," I ask.
She thumbs my forehead and sighs.
She says, "Lilly, you can ask her more questions about what is going to happen, like why would you have to save them. Then, we can figure out a plan to avoid that situation."
Bing. Light bulb.
Crystal is right. I need to figure out a way to contact my past self again. I will get more answers which will ensure everyone's safety.
I am so excited for the breakthrough.
I exclaim, "you're a genius."
Crystal squeals and jumps onto my bed. I close my eyes waiting for the pain the jump is going to cause. To my surprise, I feel nothing. I look at myself and notice that I am no longer bandaged. My wounds have healed. How is this possible?
I ask Crystal how long I was out, and Crystal informs me that I was out for two weeks.
Holy crap that is a long time.
I continue checking myself to confirm that I am indeed all healed up. As I touch myself, my hands found my neck.
Two prominent marks, one on each side of my neck. I recall the real issue at hand. I do not want to hurt either one of them. However, it's amazing what a mark can do.
Even though I am nowhere near Ethan, I feel him just as strongly as I feel Joshua. What the hell am I going to do?
Crystal sees me in deep thought with my hands around my neck.
Crystal winks at me and says, "uuuu...someone has a new love mark. I wonder who's it can be."
Crystal laughs it out. I throw a pillow at her. This is not a teasing moment.
"You know who's it is. Ethan bit me without asking," I say annoyed.
Crystal shrugs, "hey, everything is fair in love and war."
"Oh, yeah, well I think there should be rules. Can we talk about the big issue at hand?"
Crystal says, "I don't see an issue. I mean you have two mates, so what. What girl wouldn't want that? I say, get it girl. Now, if you really want to choose, then I vote for Ethan."
I laugh, "of course, you would. Seriously, I can't be with both. It is not fair. Plus, they are super possessive. They will start a fight when they see me with the other."
Crystal gets uncharacteristically quiet.
I pry, "hmmm...you know something. Spill."
Crystal gets up from the bed and walks. I call her name again.
She sighs, "I don't think that will be much of a problem. Lilly, you really scared them. They thought they were going to lose you. I truly feel like they would rather put up with each other and their jealousy than to lose you. It's not like you wanted this to happen. It's out of your control. I'm sure that is why they decided to combine the packs after all."
Crystal covers her mouth. She is bad with secrets.
I question, "they are combining the packs."
Crystal scoffs, "yeah, they wanted to make it easier on you. They didn't want to make you chose. Plus, if we are speaking logically, then having two alphas and double the number of troops benefit both packs. I think this has all been a blessing in disguise. Don't tell them I told you. They wanted to do it."
I can't believe they would go to that extent for me. To alter their lives and their packs' dynamic is such a big move.
I hesitantly ask, "I don't know if I can be with the two of them.... I mean to sleep with them both is kind of.... um."
I cannot even finish my sentence. I blush just recalling the moment me and Joshua had in the forest. It was wild and passionate. To think that I can have that with Ethan too, makes my insides all wet, but the thought of being with both is intimidating.
Crystal laughs, "I see. So, you get your cherry pop and that's all you can think of now. By the way, you have to give me details. I mean, I would have never thought Joshua would have convinced you. You never even had seen him before that night."
"It's complicated. It happened all too fast," I say before Crystal interrupts.
"Listen, before you say anything else. Don't you think you should give them the benefit of the doubt. They are making big moves for you. Shouldn't you at least try this weird dynamic? No one is telling you to sleep with either one of them. Start of slow. Only time can say what will happen," Crystal lectures.
I know Crystal is right once again. They are changing everything for me. The least I can do is take a leap of faith and try the situation out. I tell Crystal that I will try my best to be fair and equal with both, so that they never have to feel jealous of each other. I mean it. I want my relationship with them to work.
I really cannot be without either one of them. I want to run and let them know. I am sure they will be surprised by the fact that I am awake. I tell Crystal to take me to them. She helps me get ready.
They were on the way to the community area. Crystal tells me that Ethan and Joshua have just broken the news to the pack. They are in the middle of constructing new homes for the Blue Moon Pack.
As I get closer to them, my heart is raising out my chest. I can smell them. It's as if my powers have heightened my senses. Their smell is so intoxicating.
When I get near, I notice they are looking around. They can sense me too.
Joshua is the first one to notice me. His blue eyes never leave my gaze. I walk up to him. I want to take things slow but typical of Joshua to take control. He reels me in and kisses me passionately.
I do not want to pull away. I missed him. I can tell my body has too. We pull away to get some air and I feel truly happy. I know Joshua wants to keep going at it, but I need to greet Ethan as well. My body yearns for his too, especially with the new mark.
I slowly turn to face him and can't help but smile. He opens his arms, and I run to them. He twirls me around. I am so happy to be in his arms again. He puts me down and looks into my eyes. Our kiss is slow and so romantic. I love every bit of it. I am extremely happy.
As I am about to move away, Ethan pulls me in by my hair. He gently tugs at it and leads me to his lips again. He is hungry for more, and I don't want to stop him. I have never seen Ethan take the initiative like this. It is hot.
A growl stops us, and I know it is Joshua. However, I am not anxious this time around. I know that everything is going to be okay, that we are going to try to figure this situation together. I smile at Joshua and lead Ethan towards him.
Joshua quickly grabs a hold of me. I can see Ethan roll his eyes. I can't help giggle.
This is my life now.
These two men are going to be mine forever. It will be a constant struggle with their strong personalities.
However, there is something I keep forgetting. Something that I also discovered throughout my experience at the big green; I am also a bad ass. I can handle this situation.
I grab both of their hands, "I will have you both."
Joshua and Ethan look at me.
I continue, "if you have me, I would like to try my relationship with both of you. I can't choose. I just can't, but I promise I'll try to make both of you guys feel special because you are to me."
Silence is present for about a minute before Joshua ends it.
He begins, "yeah, well I can think of a few ways you can do that for me."
He lets out a wink and tries to grab me. I stop him and roll my eyes. I look at Ethan.
Ethan says, "well now that we are on the topic. If we want to be fair, then I believe we," he points at me, "have some business to attend to."
He smirks, grazing his mark.