Y/n POV
You thought it'd never come. You thought something would have happened to prevent it from arriving. Maybe you would have died or maybe you would have run away or something. But no. Nothing remarkable happened to stop this impending day from approaching faster than you ever could have imagined. And here it was. The day of the choosing ceremony. The day you would make a decision that would change your future.
Your mind briefly mulled over the idea of destiny. Was your future already planned out for you? Did the universe already know which man you would pick to marry? If destiny were real, it would give you comfort in knowing that your fate was already decided. But if not, does that mean that you have a different future with every man at your fingertips? What if you chose the wrong one? And if you did would there be an alternate universe—a different dimension where you had picked the right one? All you wanted was to be happy. When it came down to it, you didn't really care about who was the handsomest, or the most charming, or even who loved you most. You just wanted to be happy.
You also thought about the night before. You felt numb, honestly. No more hatred, no more sadness. Just nothing. Remembering what had happened would have made you cry in the past, but that morning it just made you sigh and roll onto your back.
You laid in bed, eyes on the celling. Those ceilings that hung so high. Anxiety already made a home in your bones, but the mere height of the celling managed to push you over the edge. Your stomach churned and twisted a little tighter than usual aches would. You knew what was about to happen. You stumbled out of your bed and ran over to a wash bucket filled with cool water. You skid to the floor, your dress causing you to slide just the right amount to align your face with the rim of the bucket. Your dinner from the night before emptied itself from your stomach into the bucket.
You coughed, pushing your hair over your shoulder. You heaved, tears pricking at the sides of your eyes. You had nothing left to give the wash bucket, but your body still rejected itself, causing you to dryly cough and gag on your own anxiety.
You heard movement from behind you. Your door being gently pushed open. You turned your head slightly, embarrassed that anyone would see you like this. But when you felt warm hands touch the back of your neck and pull back your hair, the face that accompanied them was more than welcomed.
It was Esther. You felt like you hadn't seen her in so long. Too long for sisters to be apart. You coughed some more, not quite steady enough to give her a proper greeting. She didn't seem to mind, though. She just hushed in your ear and stroked the hair she held in her palms.
Finally, after a few minutes, the storm inside you calmed, and you felt well enough to pull back from the bucket. Esther sat down on the ground in front of you, her hands folded in her lap. You wiped the sides of your mouth, just to be sure that nothing remained.
"Do you feel better now?" She asked softly, looking down at her crossed legs. You nodded and licked your now dry lips. "You're nervous, aren't you? That's why you got sick?"
You nodded again, her big, young eyes flicking up to meet yours. There was a moment of silence while she considered your answer. "I'm sorry we haven't had time to see each other. I just got so caught up in everything... It was hard to pull myself out of it," you apologized.
She smiled without her eyes, so you knew It was a smile of understanding, not happiness. "It's okay. I'm glad that you got to spend all the time you could with them. You should know the man you're going to marry, after all."
You didn't answer, but she continued. "You do know him, right?"
"I know them all."
"But... do you know which one? Which one you're going to choose?" Once again silence seemed like the easiest answer. "You don't." She shifted, coming to her conclusion. You shook your head slightly. She waited a minute to speak again. "You're smart, y/n. One of the smartest people I know. Even if you don't know now, even if you don't know in an hour, even if you don't know five minutes before, you'll know when it's time."
Her words gave you comfort. Her presence in general gave you ease and soothed the rampant worry within your body. You stayed quiet, and she did too. You hoped that she wouldn't take your silence as a wish for her to leave. But after all the years, she knew what it meant. She understood you. You wished you had realized that sooner.
You wished you could have spent these passed years being with her more. You had spent your life loving her, and she had loved you in return, but she still felt like such a stranger. Despite all that, her soft breaths in that echoey room that morning still brought much needed peace to your mind.
You stood and held out your hands to her. She reached up and grabbed them, pulling herself off the floor. "You'll be there, right? When I have to choose?" Your question laced with the tone of a plea.
She smiled, this time with sympathy. She was so young. So small in so many ways. "I'll be there. Always." You nodded, not quite able to muster a smile for her. "You've overslept. You've got to get ready. There's a big day in front of you."
"Thank you, Esther."
She grinned, this time with real happiness. "Good luck, y/n," she said as she walked towards the door. "Oh, and if you really can't decide when the time comes. Just choose the one with the prettiest eyes." You furrowed your eyebrows. She was already walking out the door but said something that you would think about the entire time you were being bathed and dressed up like a rag doll. "Eyes are one of the only things that don't change over time. People grow old, but eyes stay young forever."
Then she was gone. You were glad she had come but scared to be alone once again. You only had time to worry for a few minutes before your room was invaded by attendants and maids and the royal dressmaker.
People fluttered around you, getting you ready. Ladies whispered kind things into your ear like "congratulations" and "you're so lucky", but everything went in one ear and out the other.
You had heard the dressmaker had been working on something special for your choosing ceremony, but only now did you get to see what it was. Ida brought it forward, draped over her forearm with care. It was lavender and covered in intricate lace designs. You glanced up at her excited eyes and it was enough to make you lift the sides of your lips in a smile. "It's beautiful," you said with an exhale.
"A beautiful dress for a beautiful girl."
You didn't change into the gown then, deciding to sneak a quick lunch with Noor and Isabella before. The three of you once again avoided the topic of the events taking place later that night and kept things lighthearted and easy. You also decided not to mention what had happened the night before. Memories of tears spilling over your eyes as you cried for Yoongi flashed in your mind, but you shook them away. They didn't need to know. And honestly you would feel pathetic retelling it.
Isabella talked about her and Taehyung's talk after dinner last night. She was so excited as she spoke, all somber feelings about her and Tae splitting up gone from her expression and tone. She explained that Taehyung promised to never leave her side. He said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and even hinted at marriage.
You believed every word she said. Taehyung is the kind of man that would follow his true love to the ends of the earth. He would live and breathe and die for her, and he would do it without hesitation. That's just who he was.
It was nice to get your mind off of everything, but right after you finished eating, it was back to preparations. Once again you watched as the dark circles under your eyes were wiped away with a few strokes of a brush, and color was brought back to your pale cheeks with a dab of a pad on your face.
It felt nice to have your hair done. Noor had been braiding it into complicated hair styles for the past week, but she had disciplined hands that got the job done quickly, not worried about pulling a few of your hairs in the process. It was meaningful when Noor did your hair, but as your attendant brushed through your curls, it was softer and calmer than when your friend did it.
Soon, it was time to step into your dress. It slipped on with ease, but the dressmaker had known your measurements for years, and they were taken again only last week. The sleeves were long and tight, running down to your wrists. Although they were long, they were not meant to provide warmth as they were made of sheer laces, elegant and swirling designs flowing up your arm, stopping where the dress became opaque at your chest. Similar designs were etched into the bottom of the dress that flowed outward. The gown was fitted at your waist, but below that spread out in a flare of fabric.
It was a breathtaking dress, and when you looked in the mirror after you were all finished, the familiar feeling of not recognizing yourself washed over you again. The girl in the mirror was gorgeous. Her hair long and soft looking, curling down her back. Her eyes bright and accentuated, accompanied by sharpened cheek bones and rouged lips.
The girl in the mirror was bewitching. You almost couldn't tell it was you. As you stared in the mirror, the women that filled your room filed out. All one by one, until the door was shut behind the last one and you were alone once again. Your eyes did not leave your reflection, though. You thought about how all the boys would react to your appearance.
Jimin would marvel at the dress. Jin would grin wide and proudly. Jungkook would blush at your beauty. Namjoon would keep his eyes locked with yours, seeming desperate not to look away. Yoongi would—
You stopped yourself.
You shouldn't think about Yoongi.
But you hesitated before moving on. What would Yoongi do?
You thought about it for a moment, cursing yourself for do so but continuing.
You came to a conclusion. Yoongi would scan you with his dark eyes, then he would touch you. He would memorize you through physical connection and embrace your beauty through affection. He would run his hands along your arms and down to your waist. He would glide his fingers over your thighs. He would trace your lips with his thumb.
Stop, your mind hissed at you. And you stopped. You swung your head to the side, dismissing anymore thoughts of him.
Your room was quiet and empty, but a small knock on the door changed that. It was your friends, both their soft faces making you forget about the thoughts you just had. Isabella told you the two of them were there to take you to another room. There, you would wait to be called upon and enter the ballroom where you would announce your decision. You took Noor and Isabella's hands, the walk silent but heavy. There were no sly jokes or high-pitched giggles. Just the weight of what you all knew you were walking towards.
When the three of you arrived to the room, it wasn't much bigger than a bedroom, but contained no bed. Just the familiar layout of a lounge with couches and a fireplace that emitted cracking flames. It was dim, lit by only the fire and a few candles around the room. "Will you stay with me?" You asked unsurely as you drifted into the room.
You turned back to Noor and Isabella who shifted slightly. "We were told to bring you here and go wait with the rest of the crowd in the ballroom," Noor replied.
You looked to them with pleading eyes. They both recognized the fear you expressed. "Don't be nervous, y/n. Everything will be fine. I promise," Isabella murmured as she pulled you in for a hug.
Noor joined your hug and your trio stayed intertwined for a few moments before they stepped back, leaving the room with one last look of encouragement. Alone again.
You blinked hard and strolled over to the windows on the side of the room, gown trailing behind you softly. They were similar to the windows in your own chambers, also looking out onto the wild sea. You pushed one open, letting in a cold and bitter winter's breeze. The sun was setting, bringing in the coldest hours of the night.
Darkness raced through the sky, pressing and fighting the sun down into the ocean. Your gown clung to your sides as the wind blew more. The time was coming soon. Soon you would stand in front of a crowd and choose a husband. You remembered fighting against the idea so much when the plan of your suitors was first presented. It felt dehumanizing at the moment, but there, in that window looking out on the last few rays of light being defeated by the night, the choice felt more human than any decision you'd ever made. It was a true choice of love—what some say to be the purest human emotion to exist. It sobered you in every way possible.
The choice was humanizing, but the cold air made you feel alive. Before you could remind yourself to appreciate it, the sunset was gone. All that remained was the lighter shade of blue on the horizon, soon to also be overtaken. Night had come, and so had your time.
The sunset of your youth had just plunged deep into the sea.
Now began the long, long night.
A/N
OMG okay the way that shit is about to GO DOWN and I'm literally scared to even start writing it LMAOOOOO!! But I will do whats gotta be done😈
PREPARE YOURSELVES, BESTIES
(also remember to vote and comment ily❤️😘✌🏼)