September 9th, 1995
Saturday 8AM
Waking up on Saturday mornings, Lauren expected to hear Bolero on a loud radio coming from downstairs that indicated her mother was in between cleaning and cooking breakfast; she expected the bathroom to be held up by either her father or sister for way longer than humanly acceptable; she expected her little brother Chris to be hogging the television remote, giving nobody the chance to watch something they might like for a change. These were routine expectations and she was fine with that—life continued unfolding the way she expected it to up until she met Karla. Now? Lauren had no idea what to expect and this morning possessed a disruptance to it.
Her first thought upon her eyes flying open was what the time must be, as she panicked Karla was already outside and she had slept late again. What would she wear to impress her? Should she even have breakfast when feeling this anxious? Lauren did have the tendency of losing her lunch on a full stomach ridden with knots, butterflies plus a palpitating heart but screw it. She flew out of bed and wandered rampantly around her dark room, rummaging through her junk and flipping over already worn clothes, searching through pockets for a lighter and a clip from the weed she smoked last night. One quick glance at her alarm clock and she was washed over with relief that she still had time to hit the joint, find a decent outfit and have a quick breakfast.
Yawning and rubbing her eyes, unlit join between her lips, Lauren sifted through her crates of vinyls and lifted Nirvana's "Incesticide", put it on the record player then went to smoke out the window as Dive played at a volume high enough to meet her mother's tolerance level.
'Pick me, pick me, yeah
Live alone lone single.
At least, at least, yeah
Everyone is hollow.
Pick me, pick me, yeah
Everyone is waitin....'
"Paiiiin, dive! Dive! Dive! Dive with mee," she sung in gritty whispers in between pulls. Lauren rocked her head to the beat as she watched a flock of birds soar across a bright blue clear sky. Her neighbours were out either mowing the lawn, setting up to wash their car in the driveway or enjoying a sorry breeze and humid air on their front porch. She smirked when Mrs. Bernstein's nose crinkled at the stench of skunk, located the source and scowled; the middle aged woman loathed Lauren and marijuana. The teenager revelled in her misery and waved, smirking. "Good morning, Mrs. Bernstein! Wake and bake with me, I'm in the mood for some pie!"
"You're a crying shame, young lady! You know I can call the cops, right?" the woman planted her wrinkled hands on her hips and sat in her hip like the typical 'white lady getting off on potential snitching' does. "That is illegal!"
"So was coke in the seventies but that didn't stop you, did it? I know at least one of those sugar bowls is still loaded with the stuff!" Lauren blew out more smoke and chuckled at how quickly Mrs. Bernstein got offended enough to drop her agenda. "Enjoy your day, Mrs. Bernstein!"
"Kiss this, kiss that, yeah!" Marilyn's singing startled Lauren as she waltzed right in then closed the door behind her. The smell of weed summoned her, as did Kurt Cobain. Marilyn bobbed her head and danced her way to the window. "Live alone lone single! At least at least yeah, you can be my hero!"
"Your voice is horrible," Lauren rolled her eyes when Marilyn reached her and stole the joint away.
"Then it's a good thing I don't want a career in music," she retorted and took a long drag. "Move over, I wanna sit."
Lauren scooted to one end of the window sill. "You do have a career in music, remember?"
"No?"
"Your job is to follow the bands and make sure they get laid, duh."
Marilyn shoved her sister's shoulder then gave her the finger, waiting until the smoke was gone from her lips to respond, "Just remember that you won't get paid for waking up and choosing to be an asshole every morning."
"My heart's broken," Lauren sighed.
"Why are you up so early? It's Saturday. You got somewhere you wanna be?"
Shit. Lauren took one more hit then abandoned the window to go search for a decent outfit to wear. "I do actually. Camila's coming by, we're gonna spend all day out together."
"Camila?" Marilyn cocked her head, proudly showing her disapproval. "Doing what? Why Camila?"
"I don't know yet. It's her way of making up for standing me up and I accepted."
"But the whole day, Lauren? That's weird. Does she even know how to have the kind of fun that requires staying out 'til sundown? I bet the best she can do is take you out on a walk, talk your ass off about her brain damaged boyfriend, show you her church then make you buy her an ice cream cone at the park."
"You make her sound like an unbearable child, Mare, she's not like what you're assuming. And you have no room to make assumptions or judge me anyway, not when you're seeing a guy like August Love," Lauren glanced over her shoulder and caught Marilyn rolling her eyes. She held a red long sleeve crop top with a black and white 'WANTED' label over her body and kinked an eyebrow. "What do you think? With my blue jeans. Yes?"
Marilyn threw the finished joint out the window then approached her sister, keeping five feet away from her as she looked her up and down. "No. Better with black jeans if you're gonna wear your Docs. Straighten your hair and go with that cross necklace I stole the other day. It'll look good."
"You think so?" Lauren beamed.
"You're putting more effort into your style than you do whenever Danny takes you out, you know."
"So? What are you implying? Can I not want to look good? I'm hanging out with a prep today, I don't exactly wanna look like trash," Lauren grumbled and began changing clothes.
Marilyn ran over tongue over the front of her teeth then bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes flickering to the ceiling with the slightest shake of her head. "You never do, sis," she folded her arms over her chest then plopped down on her twin's messy bed. "What was that last night? We all noticed she acts a certain way. Does she get close like that with everybody she talks to?"
Lauren clenched her teeth and consciously chose to not take the defensive route. "The girl is like a golden retriever, she's close to everybody and has little to no concept of personal space once you show her that you're friendly. You'd know that if you stopped being a mega bitch around her."
Marilyn laughed. "Yeah, okay."
Lauren dropped down next to her to pull on her socks. She huffed, "You know, I would love it if you stopped interrogating me every time I mention Camila's name or that I'll be hanging out with her. Even better if you stopped making subtle implications that there is something more than a friendship going on. Maybe you don't realise it but you're making me feel exactly how Mani, Carlie and the rest of them do about Molly. I don't like that."
"I'm sorry," Marilyn's bushy eyebrows drew together as she fixated on her hands resting over her lap. Then she stared at Lauren, all smugness and amusement gone from her face. "That wasn't my intention, Lo. I just feel very protective over you and suspicious of any outsider wanting to kick it with you if they're all buddy buddy with those bitches. You can understand that right?"
"Yeah but we don't have to keep talking about it. I'm a big girl with a big brain, I can handle myself."
"Yeah, no doubt. No doubt," Marilyn nodded. "So you won't be coming back until late?"
"Most likely."
"Then what will I do all day?"
"Hang with the boys."
"Without you? No way, that's too much testosterone for me. At least come back early, we'll have time to do something fun together. I'd call up August and hang out but he's going fishing with his dad today. That, like, totally blows, right? Ditching me for a boy, you might as well be gay."
Lauren squinted and slowly turned her head to scold her sister. "Marilyn, that's his father. How does that make any sense?"
She merely shrugged then got up. "Listen, I'm gonna grab a bowl of cereal. If you wanted a bowl of Pops, too bad, there's only a little bit left and I'm claiming all of it. The necklace is on my dresser by my hairspray, by the way."
//
Skipping down the steps and rounding the corner into the living room, Lauren glanced at the TV and caught a couple of seconds of The Mask: The Animated Series. Chris, per usual, was sat on the couch with his feet tucked beneath his butt, bowl of Cocoa Puffs held by his chin as he quickly feed himself in between amused chuckles. Lauren crept up behind him and flicked the back of his head for the hell of it but got agitated when he had the right mind to shout and fling a hand at her face. They bickered until Clara put a stop to it and requested Lauren's presence in the kitchen.
The teenage girl slipped her little brother the finger before turning into the innocent daughter when approaching her mother stirring soup in a big metal pot with a wooden spoon.
"What's up?" Lauren jumped up and sat on the counter.
"Ah—excuse you, young lady!" Clara waved the wooden spoon in a mock threat, getting a giggling Lauren to hop back down and lean against it instead. "And that is a polite 'good morning' to you, I am not one of your friends from school. Speaking of, how are classes going so far? Have you spoken to the softball coach yet?"
"Classes are going well, we get our report cards soon. And no, given that softball season is not 'til next year. Why?"
"Oh, well your father and I wanted to get you out on the fields to practice so you have a head start. You get lazy when you don't play the sport for too long. How do you feel about today at two-thirty?"
"Can't, mom. I'll be out all day hanging out with a friend. You remember Camila, right?" Lauren busied herself with searching for a cake of some sort in her cabinets.
Clara stopped dropping the vegetables into the pot and dropped her spoon to set one hand on the counter, the other on her hip as she watched her daughter. "The shy girl you had over some days ago? Too afraid to shake my hand?"
Lauren chuckled while ripping open the wrapper to a Honey Bun, nodding. "Yeah, her. She was just very nervous because you came in all Godzilla."
"Cabello, right?" Clara checked and Lauren confirmed. "I go to church with her family. Sweet little family. But she's not your typical crowd, why are you hanging with her?"
"Because I want to. I won't be back until late so I'm sorry but we'll have to do the Softball thing another time," she said with her mouth full.
"Okay. Just be careful. She's a nice girl, don't go doing anything stupid and rubbing off on her. I let you slide because I was a teenager too, once, and you stay on top of your school work. Her parents? I can't say the same. They're very...square," Clara resumed spicing up the pot of soup. "Last thing I need is trouble and to be questioned on whether or not I know what my children are up to."
"I'm not a bad influence, mom. And Camila can't be peer pressured either. You don't have to worry and neither do her parents I haven't met yet nor plan on meeting today," Lauren pat her shoulder then walked out the kitchen upon hearing a knock on the door.
"Someone's knocking!! We got company!" Chris sprang out of the couch and eagerly waited for it to be answered so he can see who had come over so early.
"Not for you, loser. Go sit back down," Lauren shoved his head, almost succeeding in knocking him over.
"Hey! Mommm, did you see that?? You're raising an abuser, I can call the cops, you know!?" Chris whined.
"You'll be okay," Clara dismissed with her back turned.
Lauren was shaking like a Chihuahua as she came close to the door, hand reaching for the knob then retracting to fix misplaced strands of flattened hair. Why was she so nervous to see her? There was another knock that startled her into swinging the door wide open with unnecessary force, she cursed herself and apologised to the door and then to Karla who stared questioningly and giggled. Lauren smacked her forehead with her palm and apologised for apologising to an inanimate object in front of her.
"Gosh, that was lame. Sorry. Hi," Lauren cheesed and reached out to shake Karla's hand for whatever fucking reason.
Karla stared at her hand, laughed again, then took a step forward for a brief warm hug. "You don't have your wits about you at all this morning, do you?"
"I'm just high," Lauren found the perfect bullshit excuse as they stepped away from each other. "Sorry. It's what I do before I start any day."
"You apologise too much, Jauregui," the brunette cooed. Lauren blinked and remembered Karla had called her by her first name last night. Were they back to this again? "You look very pretty. I've never seen your hair like that before."
"Thanks," she blushed and subconsciously ran her fingers through her silky mane. She admired Karla's appearance and pointed. "Wow, you too. You always look so nice," Lauren played with her hands and did her best to avoid Karla's unmoving stare. The younger girl had her hair styled in loose curls with a pastel pink headband near the middle, the lightest touch of makeup, a white sundress and white and pink squeaky clean sneakers to match.
"Only when you're around to see it," she confidently stated. "So you ready to go or do you want me to go in and say hello to your family? I wouldn't want to be impolite."
"Fuck that, we can go. I'm ready. Are you?" Lauren stepped out and shut the door behind her.
Karla smirked. "I wouldn't have left the house if I wasn't. Come on. My bike's on your lawn, I'll wait until you grab yours," she spun on her heel and went to fetch her yellow bike embellished with a woven basket in front.
"Right," Lauren muttered to herself. This girl was the epitome of sunshine—which was exactly why Lauren thought she was dangerous to look at for longer than split second glances. She almost backed out last minute and made the excuse that she suddenly felt sick just so she could climb back in bed and throw a fit over the way Karla made her feel...
Every way Danny most likely felt when he first laid eyes on her.
*
12:10pm
"Whaddaya mean Lauren's not comin'? She knows I have band practice today, she said she'd be there to keep me on point and critique my drumming," Danny moaned and made it a point to drop his sticks, finding practice useless all of a sudden.
Marilyn stopped opening all of his cabinets and gave up hope on something edible and delicious magically appearing. She turned her back on the kitchen and skipped all the way to the couch to flip over the cushions, determined to find some spare change for a quick trip to the corner store down the street. "You don't need my sister to get you to give it your best shot and be a kickass drummer, Danny. If anything, your attitude reeks of desperation and she's not one to stick around and put up with the stench."
"What are you saying?" Danny asked from the chair across from the couch Marilyn just finished raiding with little luck.
"Do you have fifty cents? I think I can get me an icy and all of us a big bag of potato chips. Maybe some dip if I flirt with the guy and offer him a date," she brainstormed, panting from the sweat she worked up.
Julian chuckled, his eyes squinting and wrinkling as he responded, "You're whoring yourself to some loser for a jar of dip?"
"No, I'm using my power as a woman to finesse my way into getting what I want."
"Same shit, just worded differently."
"You guys!" Danny commanded the attention back to him.
Miles huffed in annoyance and tossed the toy Dinosaur he found in the basement away from him then leaned forward, elbows on his knees and an open hand shaking firmly in the air as he lectured his friend. "Listen, man, rockstars don't act the way you do. They don't beg for chicks to show up to their practice or even their shows, it's the other way around. You come off as way too needy and for all anyone knows, it's making Lauren sick. You need her too much. How about you try backing off for a bit and let her need you for a change?"
"He's right. Grow some balls, don't be so hurt over this. The world isn't ending and thank God that scenario doesn't depend on your trivial fucking problems, yeah?" Julian finished sealing the paper joint then wagged it. "Lunch is ready. Who wants to be served first?"
"Let's eat actual food first. Or consider buying some groceries for this place 'cause I'm sick of there never being anything," Marilyn went for the door and swung it open.
"You're telling me," Danny scoffed, considering he was the poorest teenager with a roof over his head in town. He gave some deep thought to what Miles and Julian were saying and concluded it made sense. Still, he felt pretty lousy. "You know what, guys, you're right. Consider Lauren being around me all day no longer a necessity. Forget about it."
"Right on," Miles got up from his chair and followed Marilyn out the door. Julian and Danny went after them.
"But can you at least tell me where she's at or what she's doing? You keep dancing around that," Danny continued bothering Marilyn who dropped her shoulders and spun around to walk backwards.
"Jesus, Dan, I'm not CNN. All right? I'm not gonna give you constant updates."
"Well what's the big idea?" he badgered. "Don't tell me she's hanging out with that new chick."
Marilyn spun around again and continued forward, soaking up the sun, nonchalant about heading into the topic. "She is. They're gonna spend the whole day together, don't know what they're gonna do though. And it's none of my business just as long as Karla doesn't try anything funny with Lo."
Danny gasped and halted in his tracks, the clean sidewalk holding his jaw for him. Julian randomly took his backwards cap off his head, put it on his, then smiled mockingly with the joint between his lips. "Remember, big boy. Keep it casual, don't flip out."
"Lauren sold out," Miles remarked. Ditching the gang for some preppy girl who might have an ulterior motive against her? Plain stupid. He gave a hard pat on Danny's back before walking past him to catch up to Marilyn.
"She did not. She's allowed to have other friends, you know," Marilyn rolled her eyes.
"Friends that don't pose as a potential threat! Camila's new, for all we know she can be a slimy son of a bitch who's only using Lauren to finish what Molly couldn't!" Danny argued as they rounded the corner to cross the street for the store.
"Jesus, now I'm starting to understand her losing it every time that bitch's name leaves anyone's mouth. We all talk about her too much, why don't we just leave it alone? I am, right? And that's saying a lot."
"So you trust the new girl?" asked Julian, holding open the door for them.
Marilyn glanced over her bare shoulder then shrugged. She skimmed over the shelves holding different brands of chips and hummed, "I don't trust her but I trust my sister. And if things go south, well then I finally have an excuse to go to town on a prep bitch. We'll keep an eye out for Camila, don't worry."
"Excuse me, you can't have that in here," the clerk said to Julian who totally forgot to hide away his joint. "Are you out of your mind?"
"No, sir, unfortunately I am in it. This little stick of heaven is my only chance of getting out of it. Have you tried it before?" he was all calm and cool about it as he tucked it behind his ear and approached the counter. Unless the person he was talking to was a cop, Julian didn't care to steer clear from the topic of weed. He believed everybody should be getting high every single day so that nobody would give him crap for not taking anything so seriously. 'Life's easier when the masses are stoned', he'd say.
"Considering I don't plan on getting arrested or losing my life and family, no. You kids and those funny cigarettes are what's wrong with this country today. You put that away so I don't see it or I'm calling the cops," the older man warned sternly. Julian held up his hands and walked away. "And you, young man, if you touch that magazine you buy it," he pointed to Miles reaching for a Playboy magazine.
The boy snickered and picked it up anyway. "What? You sell to minors now? Shit, I got the money. How much?"
"I don't sell to minors—"
"Well then I guess that means I can touch it all I want. Relax, man."
After Marilyn snatched a big bag of crinkle cut potato chips and tucked it between her arm, she whistled and slowly sauntered down the aisle, taking advantage of her friends pissing off the grumpy clerk by swiping a few cakes and cookies to hide in the spacious pockets of her mom jeans. She was out of the clerk's sight and by the freezer doors when she was startled by Danny and nearly screamed loud enough to give him a heart attack.
"Jesus Christ!" she exclaimed, her hand flying over her racing heart. "Don't do that, asshole!"
"I'm sorry," he laughed then apologised again. "I just have one more question to ask."
"Uh-huh. I should develop the sense to charge you per question now. Ask it," she pulled open one of the doors and grabbed a small twenty-five cent barrel of juice.
Danny got close to her and leaned against the closed freezer door. "Do you think Camila is a lesbian?"
"You're asking me that question with the knowledge that she's currently going out with Eli Martin?" Marilyn grinned. "Danny boy, you really are as dumb as they say."
"Maybe she's just hiding behind him. I just get the feeling, y'know? Don't say you don't get it too. You saw the way she acted when she showed up last night after The Subways gig."
"I mean, sure, she's a little sus but I heard she's like that with everybody. Your best bet would be that she's a closeted slut or is harbouring some serious boundary issues," Marilyn waved for him to follow her to the counter so they could pay. She stopped midway, causing Danny to crash into her but she paid no mind and whispered to him, "Oh, wait, grab the jar of ranch and shove it in your jacket pocket. Say you're gonna wait outside but don't make it obvious that you have something."
"Aw, come on, I get nervous doing things like that. Tell Miles to do it."
"Why? Because he's black?" Marilyn deadpanned.
"What? No! No, that's not—"
"Stop being a pussy and go!" she growled as she shoved him back.
-
Somewhere in a neighbourhood Lauren has never visited before, the two girls steadily rode their bikes down the empty wide street (with the exception of a car cruising down occasionally) surrounded by greenery and houses spread apart with great distance. The air smelled of a mixture of horse stables and a general nature kind of musk; it wasn't particularly pleasant nor unbearable. The scenery was beautiful and triggered Lauren's curiosity about what sort of people lived here, what awaited beyond tall black gates and guarding palm trees, what Karla was up to and whether or not she passed through here often.
They had just finished leaving from a diner they shared breakfast at—suggested by Karla who informed that they would have a long day and cooked meals wouldn't be available until they each went home for supper. Karla paid for everything except for the brown bag of sour warheads and a mother load of honey buns nested in her brown basket, that was all Lauren. She said she'd explain the purchases later just like Karla countlessly told Lauren she'd explain what they were doing today later.
"Are you taking me to a spot where no one would find my body after you've killed me?" asked Lauren, pedaling a little faster as she and Karla swayed onto opposite sides of the road then switched again, enjoying the wind blowing in their hair and the breeze on their skin sticky from the humidity.
Karla glanced over to Lauren and smiled. "Ha ha. Very funny, Lauren. You're so impatient. We're almost there. Turn here," she did so first and led Lauren onto a grassy dirt trail.
Lauren sighed and made a left turn. She tailed the brunette as she picked up the pace, very eager herself to arrive at their destination. They didn't talk as much as they did while biking as they initially did on their way to the diner. Karla expressed that she hadn't slept much last night because the guilt of missing the show kept her up but also because she was so busy getting ready for their "hangout" tomorrow. She didn't tell Lauren that she was aiming for it to be more than a hangout. They found plenty things to talk about and effortlessly flowed into different topics in a frenzy, finding that they really could discuss anything without it feeling forced or the fear that the other may laugh the subject off and deem it "stupid". Nevertheless, the mostly silent journey at the moment was appreciated.
When Karla stopped her bike and swung her leg over the seat to land on the ground, carelessly letting her bike drop onto the grass, Lauren was confused. What stood before them was a decent sized barn that didn't look like much from the outside or that anybody even owned it. There wasn't a house close by or any sign of living except for the tiny creatures skittering through the grass and trees. Lauren laid her bike next to Karla's and slowly walked up beside her, staring at the place with a funny face.
"Why are we here? What is this place?"
Karla admired the rustic grey property and said with great pride, "This right here is a diamond in the rough. I found it a couple of days ago when I was just biking around, exploring different parts of this town, and discovered that not a single soul comes here or owns this place. It's, like, completely abandoned up until now."
"So you're turning it into a spot to, like, hang out and do stuff in? With your friends, perhaps?" Lauren took an off balanced step forward but caught herself and spun on her foot, facing Karla. She shoved her fists into her pockets and bounced her eyebrows though cringing inside as she asked, "Or with your boyfriend?"
Karla cringed at that as well but didn't outwardly show it. The cheerleader's face scrunched up and she shook her head. "Definitely none of the above. I mean—except for the hanging out part," she slowly moved closer to the green eyed girl, finishing with a delicate murmur, "with you."
God damn those butterflies. They now reached Lauren's throat and rendered her speechless. Her feet were glued in place briefly before the bright idea to turn around and follow Karla inside the barn dawned on her. Lauren stumbled inside and was instantly hit with dust floating around her face. She adjusted her eyes and gawked at the interior state of the barn; it wasn't disgusting or full of broken pieces or junk, cobwebs and no furniture like she had expected it to be. Admittedly there was work to be done but whatever Karla was currently doing with the place worked really well. The walls were a solid white and recently decorated with scattered posters, the wooden floorboards weren't exactly polished but at least it had been swept; heavy blankets and pillows covered the center of the small barn, on it was boxes of board games and some snacks, magazines; a radio plugged in with some tapes in a shoe box by another door, a thick swinging rope hanging from the high ceiling, a table, chairs, broken pots of plants and golden string lights hanging around the perimeter.
It definitely had the potential to be better with more personality and style. Lauren adored the effort Karla put into it and apparently it was visible on her face because Karla's nerves dissipated and was replaced with confidence. So worth sneaking out in the middle of the night to set this up. She watched as Lauren wandered around, inspecting every aspect of the barn with approval. Karla tucked some hair behind her ears and joined her hands behind her back.
"So you like it, right? You'd want to come here with me more?"
"Totally. There's so much to do. I love that it's isolated. Guess I'm just worried that some other curious punk might find this," Lauren leaned toward a wall to read one spot that had drawings and words written on it.
"I wouldn't be worried about that. No one's that adventurous, no one even comes to this area."
"Huh."
"Come here, Jauregui. Come sit with me," Karla descended onto the thick brown blanket, one hand supporting her weight and bent knees against the floor, head tilted into her shoulder. She smiled when Lauren finally looked her way again and smiled even more when she quickly joined her on the blanket. "The plan for today is to just chill out here, talk and do whatever without being so paranoid like we are when hanging out in places our friends might catch us. I brought some games to play, music to listen to but I must warn you you might not like most of the selection—"
"We'll see," Lauren shrugged.
"There's a box of paints and tools we could use to give the place some spunk. I was hoping you'd be up to putting work into the barn with me but having fun with it, you know? Truly making this place our own getaway."
"Oh," Lauren blushed at her usage of 'our own getaway'. She wasn't complaining but this also wasn't what she had in mind nor was expecting with someone like Karla. This was something long time best friends did or just people who were really close with each other. Regardless, the gesture got Lauren to be more open and trusting of Karla. "Well all right. But you won't like what I plan on doing with the place. We have different styles."
"So what?" Karla followed Lauren's wandering eyes, committed to holding her gaze. She licked her lips and said, "I'm all for combining our worlds. What do you have in mind?"
"For starters..." Lauren hugged her knees to her chest and blew out her cheeks, looking up. "All the walls need to be painted red but also with a ton of sick art work that'd creep out anyone who'd wander in here and see it. Oh! And I wanna get a bed in here. A bunk bed that is big enough to fit at least ten people and you can just sit around. A mini fridge...a tire for that rope...a life size poster of Kurt Cobain...a couch maybe. What do you think?"
"I love whatever you want. Don't know how we'll get that stuff over here without a car but I'll figure something out," Karla's eyes flickered to Lauren's lips and she giggled. "You don't want a karaoke machine?"
Lauren cocked her head and sat with her hands behind her. "What makes you think I'd want that?"
"For starters, you have a really nice voice," Karla teased and Lauren cowered with shame, understanding what she was referencing to. "What? It's true! Why so shy now?"
"It's not my proudest moment," she hid her face in her hands.
"I wanna be YOUUR GIRLFRIEND!" Karla yelled in her face, furthering Lauren's shame. She cackled until it became a sigh. "Weirdo."
"Anyway!!" Lauren got up and surveyed the barn for that box of paints the cheerleader was talking about. "What are you thinking of doing with this place?"
"Ehhhh, I'm not sure. I kind of want one side of this place to be red for you and to split it with tape so I can neatly paint the other side purple," Karla got up off the floor, sauntering to Lauren's side. "I really like the idea of having a projector to watch a movie. Maybe I'll find a way to get my hands on that. I'd love to bring a video camera here and different costumes so I can practice my acting and create a portfolio for when I go off to an arts college in Los Angeles or something. You know what I mean?"
"I can dig it. So, wait, that's what you wanna do with your life? You wanna be a big star for real and head over to Hollywood after you graduate?"
"I do. It's always been my dream," Karla stared at the poster of Leonardo DiCaprio she ripped out from a magazine page and pictured herself doing a movie with him.
Lauren pursed her lips and nodded in silence. She had mixed feelings about that but knew it wasn't her place to express them or ruin even a shred of those dreams with her pessimism and selfishness. Above all she admired Karla's ambition...at least she had some.
"What about you?" Karla got down and pried open the box containing jugs of paint.
"What about me?"
"What do you wanna do after you graduate?"
Lauren snorted. "Be happy that high school is finally over."
Karla chuckled but hoped Lauren wasn't being too serious. "No really, what do you wanna do? Don't you have any dreams?"
"Honestly, no. I don't. I'm not even sure what I'm doing on this planet; I feel like I was just manufactured at a factory, shipped off, got screwed up along the way and was thrown into a society with other perfectly manufactured beings. Like everyone else is so perfect and I just can't stop malfunctioning," Lauren scratched her head, her tone solemn and her eyes downcast. "I don't want to do anything except live, doing shit that I enjoy doing then die doing exactly what I enjoyed. Nothing crazy."
Karla frowned and stopped lifting the jugs out of the box. Lauren took over and got the remaining of it out. "But isn't that boring? Isn't what makes life so great the challenges, new experiences and new places, being so passionate about something that you let it consume you? Stepping out of your comfort zone every once in a while?"
"I guess. But hey, life isn't meant to be lived that way for everyone. And if everyone on the planet had something they were passionate about, had the drive to do it, was successful and got lucky enough to not be stuck and so confused ninety-nine percent of the time then the world would be out of balance and what you're looking for wouldn't be that interesting at all. If everyone could have it, there'd be no appeal or such thing as ambition. The kind of person you are needs the kind of person I am for that shit. Right? I mean think about it."
Karla did think about it and was afraid that Lauren might be right. It was still a sad way of thinking and living though. She didn't want that for Lauren, the girl was capable of a lot of things that could be turned into something greater than herself and to see it all go to waste was beyond sad. It was shameful.
"How about we just paint and leave the heavy stuff for another time? Let's go nuts and not clean it up."
//
[All Over You by Live plays]
"Mm!"
"Mm-mm!"
Karla's eyes squeezed tighter shut with her cheeks hollowed and lips puckered as she sucked on all four sour warheads in her mouth, squealing and sweating profusely. Lauren shook her hands and jumped up and down with five in her mouth, determined to last longer than Karla did. Karla opened her eyes and shook her head with slanted eyebrows, Lauren smirked at her. She didn't want to chew and swallow all that candy, she really didn't. Eventually Karla spat it all out and Lauren's hands shot in the air in victory; the green eyed girl shouted and bragged while Karla playfully shoved her and justified her loss.
"Okay, again, again. I want a rematch."
"Cabello, I'm running out of warheads."
"I said again! Loser has to swallow at least two warheads without chewing them, no water involved. Ready?"
The other girl nodded and dumped a handful of warhead packets in Karla's hands then took some for herself. The battle commenced one last time and last about six seconds, with a staring match, before Lauren unexpectedly coughed and dropped one. Karla clapped and jumped up high.
"Ah! Disqualified!! That's cheating!!"
"No, no, no—that doesn't count—"
'Our love is like water,
Pinned down and abused for being strange.
Our love is no other than me alone,
For me all day.
Our love is like water
Pinned down and abused.'
The teasing and provoking continued throughout the afternoon, mostly initiated by Karla who developed a knack for bothering Lauren. Lauren had a honeybun trapped between her teeth for a steady minute while she splashed green paint on the door of the barn, making quite the mess on top of blue and red. Blindsided by Karla's mischief, the cheerleader waltzed on by and smoothly swiped the bun from her mouth and took a bite, looking her in her face with superiority.
"Hey!" Lauren switched the jug of paint to the other hand and tried taking it back only to have Karla hold it farther away. "That's mine!"
"And now it's mine. Didn't look like you were enjoying it," she took another bite.
"My germs are all over that."
"Doesn't bother me."
"So you're really not gonna give it back?"
"Uh-uh. As I said, you weren't enjoying it."
"You look like you're not enjoying something yourself either," Lauren bit her lip and inched closer.
"And what's that?"
She picked up the still dripping wet paintbrush and flicked streaks of blue paint at Karla's face, ruining the honeybun and her clean state. It stunned her at first, proving Lauren's point for some seconds, but then she huffed with a smirk setting on her lips and ditched the honeybun. Lauren held her stomach and laughed hysterically.
"Jauregui, you have no idea what you've just done. Come here!"
'All over you, all over me
The sun, the fields, the sky.
I've often tried to hold the sea
The sun, the fields, the tide.
Pay me now
Lay me down.'
Karla chased her around the barn with a thick brush clutched in one hand and a bucket of yellow paint in the other. She got some streaks on her back and hair, Lauren retaliated with some more flicks and took some cover where she could, both girls panting and giggling. Lauren went one way but was blocked by Karla, went the other but was blocked again until it became a dance followed by a risky move to run away and get caught. Just when Karla thought she had won, Lauren glided the paintbrush up Karla's neck and dress, stopped at her chin then snatched her brush and tossed it aside.
"No, wait! Stay like that, I'm almost finished my masterpiece! You still need some more work done," she said animatedly. Karla didn't move a muscle. She surrendered and let Lauren work out what colours to chuck at her next.
"How about instead of doing it the way you are, you just come over here and grab smaller brushes and paint a picture anywhere you want on my body? It'd be more fun that way," she canted her head and swayed.
"For real?" Lauren lowered the paintbrush and bucket she had just picked up.
"Yeah."
"You're tricking me. You wanna get me back."
"No, I actually want to see what you come up with. Make me your canvas—you already started, don't stop now."
'Our love is like water
Pinned down and abused for being strange.
Our love is no other
Than me alone, for me all day.
Our love is like angels
Pinned down and abused...'
"Sit still," Lauren commanded, pausing to hold down Karla's exposed stomach and keep her hips in place. "I'm almost finished."
"I'm trying. I just always had a hard time sitting still," grumbled Karla.
This was true but she never struggled this hard. No, little miss slick just loved feeling Lauren's hands control her body movements and getting her frustrated just enough for more aggression to be added; her hands felt nice on her skin. The way she was acting wasn't given much thought or analysed, though she knew exactly what she was doing. Any excuse to get closer and spark a moment between them, Karla found it. Lauren displayed discomfort here and there and she was stuck trying to decipher that being because Lauren knew what she was doing, found it weird or she knew what she was doing but was afraid to show that she liked it.
There was resistance needing to be broken and curiosity needing to be fed.
"What, do you have ADHD?" Lauren glanced up then averted her eyes to the scary looking baby aliens painted on Karla's skin.
"I don't know. In fact, I'd never know. My parents don't believe in that stuff so seeing a doctor is out of the question," Karla watched as Lauren shifted on her knees from beside her then reached over her body to dip her paintbrush into a can of red. She caught a whiff of her fruity perfume and smiled. "You smell good."
"I smell like outside," Lauren chuckled and resumed painting, creating a bloody environment.
"Can never take a compliment, can you?"
"Well, can you?"
"I can."
"Of course you can. You're used to getting them," Lauren concluded that conversation. She hummed to the music blasting, oblivious to Karla's chest now rising and falling at a faster rate as she got lower and straddled one leg.
"Hey," she murmured. Before Lauren could respond, she brushed all her hair back away from her face and smiled softly. "I wanna see you. You look good when you're concentrating."
Lauren's lips parted and her brows furrowed, all words and thoughts lost in a sea of confusion. The tension between them when Karla said nothing as she fixated on Lauren's lips and wet her own skyrocketed; it was becoming repetitive and more obvious now. She momentarily sat up and gently grabbed Lauren's unmoving hand, guided it to her navel then slowly lowered herself back down onto her forearms. Karla told her to continue but how the hell could she when things between them were beginning to shift into a territory Lauren was ridiculed and humiliated for? And the fact that she wanted to go there again—how Karla kept making it obvious that she was on the same page as Lauren (or rather a few pages ahead) was alarming.
"Lauren..." Karla cooed. "What's the matter?"
"I...um," her voice wavered and she shook her head. "I have to change the song. Sorry, hold on," Lauren scrambled to the radio several feet away as Karla huffed out a sigh and threw her head back. Of course she'd make that excuse again. Lauren actually turned off the music and stayed put, panicking. What was REALLY going on and WHY?
"Can we try something?" Karla asked, sitting up again to pull her dress down so that it covered the painting and her shorts underneath. Self conscious, she sat on her ankles and rubbed her arm, afraid of what Lauren might say.
"Try what?" Lauren did her best to sound normal.
"If we do it, it'll stay between us, I promise."
"What do you mean?" Lauren feigned oblivion. She had a clue and turned around but stayed put.
Karla rolled her eyes. "I think you know. And please don't make me say it."
"If you're afraid to say it then you should be equally afraid to try it. It's not a good idea," Lauren turned cold and defensive. "Why would you wanna try that anyway? I told you I'm not gay."
"Ok but neither am I. You can consider it as a foolish experiment and, like I said, I promise it'll stay between us, here in this barn and no one will know about it. You haven't kissed a girl before, have you?" Karla blurted out the question, unknowingly triggering Lauren. She had no knowledge that Lauren had tried with Molly, which clearly didn't end well.
Refusing to answer that, Lauren rose up and left all items she carried to drop anywhere on the ground. "It's getting late and I forgot I had something to do. We should start heading back."
Karla panicked and jumped up, desperate to keep her there. "If you weren't gay, you wouldn't be so afraid to, right? You'd know it's harmless and that you won't have anything to worry about. You could just do it and forget about it, we could never do it again or talk about it but at least you'd know what it's like."
She presented a very good argument. Lauren wanted to prove a point to herself and confirm her answer to the daunting question that plagued her mind twenty-four-seven: was she only attracted to girls? Of course not. It could just be her appreciating how attractive they were, just like boys, and that she simply felt more comfortable around them because they didn't behave in ways that made her uncomfortable just like boys typically did. It could very well just be a comfort thing.
But what if it wasn't? What would she do if she discovered that it wasn't and that kissing Karla was everything she dreamed about feeling when kissing another person? Wouldn't her reality come crashing down on her, ruining her life as she knew it? All of this overthinking was exactly why Lauren ended up making the choice she made.
"I'm sorry but I can't do this and I'm just not into girls, let alone would try anything with girls. It was nice hanging with you though. I'm gonna go home now, maybe I'll see you around or whatever," she awkwardly backed out of there, avoiding witnessing the look of hurt and embarrassment on Karla's face.
She closed the barn door, missing out on the other girl's tears and left there on her bike with a golf ball sized lump in her throat and her mind screaming at her to turn back. What if she dodged Cupid's arrow instead of the bullet she swore existed? What if she happened to change her mind and decided it was harmless to give it a try but it was too late, she'd never get that chance with her or any girl ever again?
If this mystery wasn't put to rest once and for all, then how could she sleep peacefully at night?
Lauren pedaled hard, all the way to the nearest payphone. Haphazardly tossing aside her bike, she rushed to pick up the phone and fumbled with her loose change as she shakily inserted the coins into the slit. Lauren dialed the number of the one person she needed to make all of this go away and "fix" her. She was lucky that they even picked up. The girl cradled the phone to her face, never more relieved to hear Danny's voice deliver a resounding 'hello'. She imagined his smile behind it.
"Baby? Hi, it's me. I'm out by myself in Palmetto Bay. Could you come get me...alone?"
***