There it is. Spring 2016 I got my just desserts. Charlie ripped my heart out and served it to me on a platter. Haley started to grow distant from me as well, and so...this next part in my life was very hard. I had never dealt with the type of emotional damage that I just did. I had used and mistreated everyone who came into my life and I couldn't take being the one on the receiving end. I started to drink. I stopped sleeping. I stopped eating. I stopped going to class. I stopped caring about anything that had to do with remotely anything. I tried for years to get Charlie back. Literal fucking years, and it was pathetic. I became so dependent on alcohol that when I did go to class, I was drinking. When I played basketball with my roommates, I was drinking. When my roommates were drinking, I was drinking twice as much as them. If a hand was free, I was drinking. Haley and I occasionally had sex. That stopped too though because she knew that I was just using her, and I didn't even care. I was just trying to kill time when I wasn't trying to kill myself.
The semester ended and I went running home to my mother, but there was no comfort waiting for me there. That year I ran into Marie again. And true to our nature around one another, we had sex a lot. We'd go to motel rooms where she could cheat on her boyfriend and I would forget about Charlie. We stopped meeting up when I went back to school though and it was probably because I left that nothing else happened between us. Summer 2016 was when Damien and his now wife Aaliyah decided that enough was enough. They were going to break me from my depression the only way they knew how.
With a challenge.
Oh man, I was in no state of mind for the type of challenges that a ten year younger me would have jumped at. Still, I went along with it. Like I said, Haley and I weren't talking as much anymore and so I needed someone new to take her place.
Enter Juliet.
This is a girl that I should have met either before Lena, or before Charlie. Definitely not after both. Juliet was a self-proclaimed lesbian who didn't date men. However, the truth was that she's actually Bi. She just knew that in the gay community admitting your Bi is looked down upon. (I don't know how true that is, but she was adamant that it is.) Anyway, Damien and Aaliyah believed that Juliet, with her witty sarcasm, her gorgeous looks, and the fact that she was a red head which is like one of my kryptonite, that she would be a good match for me. So, I did what I did best. I belittled her in ways that kept her coming back for more. I engaged with her in ways that made her think she was smarter than I was. I let her think she was in control.
We know she wasn't.
When I met her, the smile on her face was instantaneous. For a lesbian, she sure was eager to meet me. It was the first time I saw her in person. Sure, I had seen her on Instagram, but those pictures are never the real person. In her pictures she looked like Scar Jo. Nice, full lips. Slim body with nice assets. Beautiful. And she was smart, not as smart as she thought she was, but smarter than I expected. It turned out that Juliet was Annette's friend. If you remember Annette was my play thing. At least to me she was. In Annette's mind, we were in love. We were not. She felt uncomfortable with the idea that her friend and her one-time love were getting close. Never mind that Annette cheated on me back in high school and, again, I never gave her any reason to believe that we were anything more than master and servant. That first meeting between Juliet and me though, we kissed. And then she ran away. She fled because she felt guilty that her dear friend Annette was hurting at the idea that she would get to experience the full ride. Not just some kiddie coaster. I told Annette off. In front of her husband. As usual, I was bitter and angry. This time was different though. I wasn't bitter and angry because I was running from some childhood trauma and I was taking it out on the world.
No. I was bitter and angry because I wanted to forget Charlie and move on with my life and Annette had the nerve to stand in my way. More so, she was making it seem like we shared this amazing romance. I had to remind her that we didn't. That it was a decade ago, and that even if it wasn't, the moment she cheated on me, she lost all rights to interfere with my life. I left. Not wanting to look at her anymore. On my walk home, I messaged Juliet on Instagram. I told her how I wanted to see her again. How it didn't matter what Annette said because fuck her that's why. Funny enough, Juliet had asked Aaliyah for my snapchat and she messaged me on there...the complete opposite of what I wrote.
What was I to do? I couldn't get a new play thing if she was reluctant to do anything because of meddling Annette. So, I turned to my matchmakers and they were more than happy to help me. They would 'accidently' invite Juliet to their home and then invite me. Forget to tell us that the other was coming and if Annette found out then it was just an accident that Damien invited his friend, and Aaliyah invited hers. Juliet and I started to hang out all the time. We talked all the time. It got to the point where there were no more accidents, there was just us meeting up at our friend's place. I remember watching 28 Days later with Juliet in my lap. Damien and Aaliyah were on their bed, and in the darkness of the room, Juliet and I would kiss one another. Slowly. Quietly. It was fun to think that maybe Damien and Aaliyah would be against us, so we snuck around them too. I fell asleep during the movie though. I'd seen it a dozen times already and was tired of it. Not to mention I had drunk a lot that day before going to see them. Despite me enjoying my time with Juliet...I still couldn't forget Charlie.
When the movie was over, Juliet woke me up and pointed out that Damien and Aaliyah also fell asleep. The two of us made our way to the living room where we sat for a while. Talking, making out. Taking pictures. That night I touched Juliet. She probably would have had sex with me right then and there. But I froze. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept thinking about Charlie. I kept hearing her voice in my head "I don't love you anymore" the last words she spoke to my face were...are the only words I ever hear now when I think about her.
Juliet didn't complain that we stopped. If anything, I think she might have been glad. I mean we had only just met a few weeks before and here we were half naked, putting things in each other's mouth. We went home that night separately. Yet, it wasn't long after that night that Juliet showed up at Damien and Aaliyah's with an agenda. Damien and me have an unwritten rule between us. No matter where we are in life, if I am in his house or he is in mine, if one of us has the chance to sleep with a girl, the other won't interfere. So, when Juliet suggested we have a sleepover, Damien was quick to agree. Aaliyah too didn't hesitate, but Damien was on board before I even opened my mouth. We hung out all day that day and most of the night, but once it was late enough for us to sleep, Juliet was the first to say she was tired. Damien and Aaliyah said the same, though I'm still convinced they just wanted to get it on while the kids were away.
Juliet had curled up next to me in just her underwear, which was bold I thought considering what happened not more than a week ago when we were both fully dressed. I wasn't going to make a move though. I was still trapped in my own head. I was spiraling and I don't think anyone really noticed how badly I was gonna hit the ground. I think everyone was just trying to avoid it from happening. You can't stop a plane with no wings from crashing nose first though. Juliet must have realized that I wasn't going to make the first move because she did instead. She climbed on top of me and grinded on me until she got the desired reaction and then she had her way with me. Instructing me on how she wanted to be put, how she wanted me to do it. How hard. How fast. I don't really remember much from that night...but I remember feeling nothing. We had sex all night, and even then, I couldn't bring myself to just enjoy it. I couldn't bring myself to exist.
The next day, Juliet was awfully smiley. She was sending me pictures from the bathroom of her big butt, or teasing me with her perky breasts. It wasn't until Juliet had pushed me up against a wall and kissed me, shoving her tongue down my throat that I finally started to enjoy myself with her. It was familiar. It lit something in me because in my mind the connection was that Charlie had done something similar and I wanted Charlie. I didn't want someone else. But I couldn't have her. I settled for the girl in front of me. I was such a shadow of my former self that I completely gave up trying to be Juliet's master. I was okay with just being her lover. That is, until she tried to make a power play. She tried to make it seem like I was her servant, and she was my Domina. The little bastard Sebastian crawled out of his hole so fast that I completely forgot why he went away to begin with.
Juliet was ready to call it quits with me. Said that I wasn't interesting enough. Said that she felt like I wasn't really into it. So, I gave her a list of things I wanted from her. Up until that point she never went down on me. We would only have sex when she felt like it. And it was for how long she wanted it to be. That night, those things changed. We walked to the river near where I live. And we sat on a bench, watching the sun rise. I told her that if I seem so uninterested in her then maybe it's because she wasn't interesting enough for me. I said things that made her think that everything she thought was wrong with me, was actually the things wrong with her. We had sex on the bench, something she initiated, and when she couldn't take it anymore, she took me into her mouth until I finished. And she swallowed. Something that she had never done before.
Just like that. I had won. Again.
It was a hollow victory but I wasn't the one driving anymore, Sebastian was. It meant everything to the inner me to get a win...even if it meant nothing at all.
All through June and July she would invite me to her house where we would watch movies, we'd have dinner together, and then she'd very coyly ask me for me to fuck her. She would ask, just like that "Do you want to fuck me?" or "Will you fuck me?" I was now her master and she was now my servant. I would oblige. Giving her what she wanted, and every time she would finish me off with her mouth, and she wouldn't skip a beat. That continued for two months, and then at the end of July things went south.
She started to complain that I was distracting her from work. She would tell me things like she couldn't focus because she was always checking her phone to see if I messaged her. She was blaming me for her addiction to me. She was telling everyone that if she didn't text me back right away, I would be mad. That we would argue. That I would punish her. None of those things ever happened. In fact, I would constantly tell her things like "I'll talk to you when you get out of work" or "Hey, I'll be busy till later so hit me up when you're home safe." She would tell everyone how controlling, and psychotic I was, but she would still call me to her house so that we could have sex. So, that she could get her fill of me. I think the novelty of it wore off because eventually I stopped showing up, and she stopped calling.
I did try to find out what happened. Why was there such a sudden shift between her being around me and her being around everyone else, but she never gave me an answer. She bullshitted her way out of our tryst and I went back to living my life. Haley came back into my life sometime in mid-August before classes started, and she told me how she missed me and couldn't wait to see me. Even so, her words didn't matter to me. With Juliet gone, I was reminded fully of Charlie leaving as well. I started to spiral again. Drinking, smoking, not taking care of myself all over.
Juliet coming into my life so soon after Charlie breaking my heart is probably why I turned her into my servant. I think after losing control in my life to that degree, going back to my old ways was the only way for me to actually save myself for a bit. It was just a stopgap. It wasn't a permanent fix and I knew it. Juliet went around telling everyone that would listen that she wasn't into men. That's why she's-
The Lesbian One
Though I never met a lesbian who liked having sex with a man so much.