I had just finished on the phone with my dad and was trying to push myself off the sofa when Perrie came back in, clearing her throat loudly.
"And what do you think you're doing?"
"...Standing up?"
"You know you can't. I said I'd come get you. You're not supposed to be straining yourself."
"I'm standing up Perrie, not lifting cars."
"Come here, hold on to me. Your bath is done."
"I'm far more excited for this than I should be."
"Good! Try and appreciate the cheesiness okay?" Perrie said as we went upstairs and she pushed open the bathroom door, standing back and nodding for me to go in first.
The bathroom light was dim, and music was playing quietly from the speakers on the window ledge.
"What's this in aid of?" I said hoarsely.
"Nothing really. I just felt like it... call it repayment for all those massages. You gonna get in or what?"
"You gonna get in with me?"
"No, I'll hurt you babe."
"No you won't, not if you get in first... go on, you've done all the hard work, you might as well enjoy it too."
Perrie pursed her lips, then smiled. "Alright." She said, whipping her top off. She stopped me as I went to do the same. "Lemme help you."
I just nodded, unable to take my eyes off hers as she unzipped my zip up hoodie then gripped the bottom of my top.
"Arms up babe."
"This is so weird." I laughed, holding my breath, and stiffening at the pain that shot through my body as I stretched.
Perrie let my top fall to the floor and tenderly placed her hands on the bruises decorating my sides, looking close to tears.
"Don't look like that babe, it's okay."
"Can I ask you something really random?"
"Yeah?"
"When this happened to you in school... was it worse or not as bad?"
"It was a lot worse." I muttered. "There were six of them and nobody around to stop them."
"Six?!"
I shook my head, indicating that I didn't want to talk about it. I never had, apart from to Lauren at the time.
"You need to stop with that face." I said, lifting Perrie's head to tear her gaze from the bruises.
"What face?"
"The 'I feel sorry for you' face."
"I don't, that's not what I meant to look like. It just makes me sad."
"It was nearly ten years ago now... come on, since when did bath time get so heavy? We gonna get in before it gets cold or what?"
**
I leaned back against Perrie into the bubbles, closing my eyes as she slid her arms around and kissed my neck.
"Am I too heavy?"
"No way, don't you dare move." She murmured. "Listen... I swear I'll drop it after this but, I'll never hurt you like that. You know that don't you?"
"Of course I do, what are you on about?!"
"I'm just saying. I can't promise we'll never argue, or I won't piss you off now and again, but I'll never ever physically hurt you."
"Pez... you're adorable but you talk some crap." I grinned, turning my head to look at her. "I know you wouldn't, you daft sod."
"Good."
"This is lovely by the way."
"Yeah, not bad if I say so myself. Do you wanna watch a film in bed after or something?"
"Yeah, okay. I'm gonna ring Lauren first though, don't want her to think I've forgotten her."
"See if she'll come round tomorrow if you want."
"Really?"
"Why not? We're not doing anything else."
"Okay, great. Are you sure you don't mind?"
"Nah, not at all. She's awesome, I like her... even though she's crackers."
"Truth. Anyway, what did you want to tell me?"
"Erm... hang on..." Perrie paused. Lifting her head as if listening. I waited as she hummed along to the Beyonce track floating through the room. "Two more songs."
"I don't get it."
"While you were out today... I recorded something in the music room. I wrote it ages ago and I was thinking about running it past the girls, maybe it could be thrown as an added extra on the tour... but only if you like it."
"But why do you need my approval?"
"Do you remember the night I first told you I loved you?"
"I try to block most of it out... but yes." I said, kissing her hand. "Of course I remember."
"Well, I wrote the song that night... after you left." She said, her tone apologetic. "I went back to it today and... well, we'll see what you think."
"You better not make me cry." I warned.
"I hope not! No, it's not like that, it's not sad. And depending on what you think depends on whether I need to ask you something else."
"You're confusing me so much, can you just put it straight on?"
"Nah, I'll get cold if I get out now." She giggled, kissing my shoulder. "It's the song after the next anyway."
"Fine... keeping me waiting again."
"I know how we can pass the time." Perrie said.
She turned my head and placed her lips on mine, sliding her tongue straight in and tightening her arms around my shoulders. I raised my hand, caressing her face while stroking her thigh up and down.
Perrie's hands began to wander, and I let out an accidental low moan into her mouth, seconds before she pulled away.
"It's coming on now."
"Tease."
Perrie just winked, kissing my nose. "The night's still young babe. There's no music with it yet and it's just me. So-"
"So shush, I don't wanna miss any." I said.
Perrie nodded and we waited. A couple of seconds passed before an intake of breath came through the speakers, followed by Perrie's voice, deep and smooth.
"When you think, when you think, when you think you're alo-o-one
I'll be-be-be like a ghost behind you
When you're down, when you're down
When you're down and you can't find the things to say
You know I'll give my words to you-you
When the sea, when the seasons change
And the sun shines on-on your face
Yeah, I-I-I'll be there with you, you, you, you, you
You're a part, you're a part of me now
Ju-ju-ju-just as mu-mu-much as I'm a part of you
I find peace in every story you told
I think of you, I'll never be alone
It's true, true, true
You know I do, do, do
Oh, I need you more than words can say
Oh, you save me in ways that I can't explain
Always been there for me, now I'll do the same
Oh, I need you more than words can say
Won't forget, won't forget
Won't forget when he bro-o-oke my heart
Ho-o-o-ow you helped me through
You turned, you turned, you turned a disaster into a dream
Gave me the power, made my life brand ne-e-w
(When the world try to break us, we found magic
And we grew stronger, through every line, line, l-line, line, line)
Every night, every night, every night
I stand and sing the truth
Now-now they know that they gon' be alright, alright
I find peace in every story you told
I think of you, I'll never be alone
It's true, true, true
You know I do, do, do
Oh, I need you more than words can say
Oh, you save me in ways that I can't explain (Oh-woah-oh)
Always been there for me, now I'll do the same
Oh, I need you more than words can say
Oh-woah-oh, yeah
I find peace in every story you told
I think of you, I'll never be alone
Oh, it's true
You know I do, yeah
Oh, I need you more than words can say (More than words can say)
Oh, you save me in ways that I can't explain (Ways that I can't explain, baby)
Always been there for me, now I'll do the same
(Always been there for me, now I'll do it the same)
Oh, I need you more than words can say
Oh, I need you more than words can say"
The room fell silent, and I took a deep breath in, as if remembering how to do so. I was gripping Perrie's hand painfully tight, and I quickly let go.
"Jake?"
"Y-you wrote that the night you told me you loved me?"
"Yeah...half of it. The other half I went back and finished earlier." Perrie said apprehensively. "What... what d'you think then?"
"I think we should get out now, we're going all pruney." I muttered. Perrie held tight onto me as I climbed shakily out of the bath and I grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my waist before holding one out for her. Perrie stared at me the whole time, looking quite scared.
Before she could react, I pulled her into my arms, biting my lip at the pain of the pressure against my ribs but right then I didn't care.
"I'm so sorry."
"What?! Jake-"
"I'm so sorry about that night, I never should've run off."
"God, I didn't think it was that bad!" Perrie laughed. "Babe come on... it's not meant to be sad!"
"But I can picture you, just... you were upset, and I just left you-"
"D'you think I care about that anymore?" Perrie sighed, smiling at me as if she was actually amused. "You came back, didn't you?"
"I shouldn't have gone in the first place. I'm so sorry."
"I don't want you to be sorry, you lemon! That's not what this was about at all, please don't be upset. You know what? That night was nowhere near as bad for us as you think."
"What do you mean?"
"Well I'm not gonna lie, it wasn't a barrel of laughs. I was scared I'd gone too fast, but I knew you'd come back. Even then I knew we were meant to be... I really feel we were meant to be together."
"I can't understand what I did to deserve you."
Perrie's forehead creased cutely. "Don't say that."
"I love you so much." I whispered, suddenly wanting to cry with how much I felt it just then.
"I love you too. Don't be upset."
"I'm not. I'm just sorry."
"I don't want you to be sorry either. I'm just glad you came back." She winked.
"So am I. I don't know what I ever did without you."
Perrie softly kissed my lips and brushed a drop of water from my cheek. "Let's go and get dry yeah?"
"Wait... the song's beautiful. It's really beautiful. If you don't perform it with the girls on tour, I'll never forgive you."
"Are you sure you like it?"
"It's incredible."
"Well... whether or not we perform it on tour kinda depends on you."
"Huh?"
"Go and get dry. I'll be with you in a moment." Perrie smiled.
"You keeping me waiting again?"
"For like two minutes, go before you catch a cold!"
Perrie came in the bedroom dragging her barely used guitar behind her.
"You shouldn't carry that thing like that, you'll damage it."
"Oh whatever." She said, sticking her tongue out and rummaging for pyjamas. "it's still practically brand new. I've never touched the thing."
"I should teach you."
Perrie grinned at me but didn't say anything until we were in bed, or rather on top of it since it was so warm.
"That's the plan."
"Sorry?"
Perrie sat on her knees facing me, looking excited. "I want you to teach me the guitar to that song so I can play it myself when we perform it on tour. When you're better of course. I think the fans would love it. What do you say?"
"Are you kidding? That would be so cool!"
"So, yes?"
"Yeah, absolutely!"
"Yaayy!!" Perrie started bouncing on the bed then quickly stopped with a gasp. "Sorry. Sorry, I forgot."
"It's okay, I keep forgetting as well." I grimaced, one hand on my ribs.
"Wait here, I'll be one second."
"Awh, don't leave me." I whined playfully.
"I'll be right back." Perrie kissed me before backing out of the room. "Lie down yeah?"
"Why?"
"Can you not just trust me and do it?" She laughed.
"Fine, bossy!"
**
Perrie came back in with her hands behind her back. "Shut your eyes."
"Why? What are you doing?"
"You'll know in a minute, please?" Perrie said, kneeling back on the bed.
"This is really unnerving." I said with an uncomfortable laugh, closing my eyes. I felt really self-conscious all of a sudden, my heart beating very hard and fast.
Perrie slowly lifted my tee up and I gasped as something very cold touched my bruised skin.
"Perrie, what the hell?!"
"It's only ice babe." She giggled. I opened my eyes, and she was on her front, leaning up on her elbows with one hand holding ice wrapped in a dishtowel against me.
"That's actually really nice."
"I promised I'd take care of my baby, didn't I?" She murmured, smiling as she leaned in to kiss me. I gripped the back of her neck as she leaned away and pulled her back.
"Where you going madam?"
"Nowhere at all."
"Tonight's been lovely, thank you."
"Ah, you're welcome. Don't let me forget to get your tablets yeah?"
"Damn, I was hoping you had forgot actually."
"You need them babe, sorry. I'll go down for them-"
"Not yet." I said, sliding one hand up and down the warm skin of her back and pulling her back against my lips.
"I wish you knew how much I love you."
Perrie sat up a little and tilted her head. "I know you do."
"No, I wish you knew how much. I wish I was better at expressing myself and I could tell you... you deserve it."
"You're doing just fine babe... Do you think I've forgot about that song you wrote me? I'll tell you now... I don't think I've ever felt more loved."
"But that was ages ago."
"So what? It'll still be one of the most special moments of my life even if you ask me again in fifty years."
"You're mad you are."
"So are you... Bear I know you love me. I don't need grand gestures all the time. I just need you."
"You've got me."
We started to kiss slowly again, until I started chuckling.
"What's funny?"
"Sorry... there's water running down my stomach, it tickles."
Perrie laughed too and put the ice down on the table. She slid down the bed and ran her tongue along my skin, collecting the drops of water dotted across the shades of purple and blue.
"That feels so good." I sighed.
Perrie kept going, her lips and tongue making patterns across my half-toned abs. I realised I was breathing much faster; I couldn't believe the effect she had on me just by doing that.
"Perrie..."
She sat up and rubbed our noses together, brushing her lips across mine teasingly then kissing down my throat and across my Adam's apple, caressing the skin there with her tongue as well.
"Are you a bit worked up babe?"
"I'll give you one guess!"
Perrie laughed softly, shuffling back down the bed, her eyes glaring into mine. "keep still."
She kissed lower and lower down my barely-there abs, more slowly than I thought was possible.
"Keep. Still." She ordered again as I squirmed.
"I can't. You're killing me here."
"You're gonna hurt yourself, stay still." Perrie giggled. She pulled down my boxers and I gasped before holding my breath.
Perrie licked her lips and kissed me hard on my erected member.
"Perrie, oh my god-"
She laughed softly and did it again, this time opening her mouth and letting my erection inside.
Biting my lip hard, I tried not to make any sound. I knew it wasn't the manliest thing for me to start moaning at the arousal, but she was making it very difficult for me to contain myself.
A minute later, I was defeated. I moaned out her name lowly.
It took me a while for me to breathe normally after I reached an orgasm. I finally opened my eyes again. Perrie was casually lying next to me with her arms tucked behind her head.
"Hey." I whispered.
"Yes dear?"
"You're amazing."
"Why thank you. I aim to please."
"I'd love to know what I did to deserve you."
"Stop saying that." Perrie pouted. "I don't want you to think like that."
"Come on, haven't you thought that about a situation before?"
Perrie didn't answer, just staring at the ceiling. The look on her face had changed and I couldn't read her expression.
"Pez?"
"Hmm... Do you want a brew? I'll go and make a brew. You said you were gonna phone Lauren, right?"
I watched bewildered as Perrie struggled off the bed and grabbed her silk gown. "Tea or coffee?"
"Pez."
"What?"
"That's inside out."
Perrie looked down on herself. "Oh yeah."
"What's wrong? Come back here."
"Nothing-"
"Don't bullshit me." I snapped. I sat up slowly and held my hand out. Perrie took it and sat back down but with her back to me, so I shuffled up against her back, putting my arm around her waist and resting my chin on her shoulder. "Come on babe, what's with the dramatic mood change? What did I say?"
"It's alright."
"Tell me."
"I don't wanna upset you."
"If I said that to you, would you still push me to talk to you? I think so. Spill."
"It's just, I used to think... when I was going through my last break up. I used to think what I did to deserve all that. I was convinced I was a horrible person, and it must be all my fault."
"You- what?! You don't still think that do you?!"
Perrie shrugged.
"Why?"
"Because I never got a reason, so... I must've been a crap girlfriend." She laughed softly.
"Look at me."
Perrie turned her big sad blue eyes on me, and I raised my hand to her face.
"I know I can't speak for that prick... but d'you really think anyone would believe you were a crap girlfriend? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I've never felt so loved in my whole life. I've never met anyone like you in my whole life either... so listen up. None of that was your fault at all. Just because you never got a reason for his bloody stupidity, doesn't mean you're to blame for it. You're beautiful, loving, passionate... there's nothing about you that'd make anyone want to cheat unless they had a fucking screw loose."
Perrie giggled softly as I kissed her shoulder.
"Sorry babe."
"Don't be daft, you've no need to be sorry."
"You know what though? Since I've been with you, I care less and less. Honestly, I- I'm actually glad. For a long time I was just – stuck. I couldn't move on at all but since I met you, I don't care. If he showed up now and said, 'I'll tell you why', I'd tell him to get lost. I really meant it when I said you saved me. I was a mess. I dunno where I'd be now if I hadn't met you."
Perrie pulled me against her lips. I leaned over her more, ignoring the pressure on my ribs as I stretched to deepen the kiss.
We broke apart and I buried my face in her neck again. "I'll never hurt you the way he did." I murmured.
"That's what he said."
I looked up to see Perrie's face; she looked a bit shocked by her own words. "I didn't mean that, forget I said anything."
"Well I mean it. You'd have to drive a samurai sword through my brain for me to even consider being unfaithful to you as a good idea. I could never, ever do that to you. I couldn't live with myself. You never have to worry about that with me, I promise."
"I know that babe, I trust you."
"Good, because I love you way too much."
"I love you too... thank you, Bear. Sorry I got all weird."
"I'm the master of getting weird. Don't worry about it."
"That's true! D'you want a cuppa then?"
"Yeah, go on then. I better ring Lauren actually, I said I would..."
"Okay babe. Tea or coffee?"
"Tea please."
**
"Jakeeerrrrsss!! How are you hun? You any better?"
"Hi, I'm alright yeah, you?"
"I'm good! Perrie taking care of you?"
"Of course. Actually we were wondering if you wanted to come round tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I can do that, I- argh, fuck!"
"What was that?"
"Nothing, I banged my elbow on my desk. Yeah, tomorrow's good."
"Okay... anyway I've got a bone to pick with you."
"What?"
"Apparently you knew about Lacey. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Ah, that. Well-"
"I'm only kidding. Perrie explained."
"We just didn't know how best to tell you or how you'd react... we thought we'd leave it up to Perrie."
"So you wimped out?"
"Basically yes. Sorry hun."
"It's okay, I was only joking. It doesn't matter now."
"So you're alright?"
"Yeah, I think I am. I don't care as long as I never see her again."
"She'll have to get through me first, I mean that."
"I know. So how are you anyway? I mean really? I've been all wrapped up in myself for ages, I haven't even-"
"Don't you worry about me, I'm great."
"Really?"
"Yes really."
"I'm not convinced." I said, frowning to myself.
"Well you're going to have to convince yourself, I'm serious. I'm alright now."
"I'll just ask you again tomorrow and I can see your face and see if you're lying to me."
"How very shrewd of you." Lauren laughed. All of a sudden, she let out a squeal and I heard a muffled thud.
"What's going on?!"
"I sneezed. Sorry. I've got to go anyway, things to do..."
"Hang on." I said, suddenly thinking of something.
"Yeah?"
"How did you know about Lacey's trial? Did you see my dad?"
Lauren was silent for a second. "Yeah. I bumped into him when I was on the way home from work. How else would I know? Anyway, early to bed early to rise and all that. What time do you want me tomorrow?"
"Anytime, just not too early."
"I'll ring you and see if you're ready for me about one-ish then?"
"Sounds fine."
"Okay dokey! Sweet dreams Jakers."
Night Lauren."
Lauren hung up and I sat there frowning until Perrie came back up, still wearing her inside-out gown.
"What's with the face?"
"Lauren's being weird again."
Perrie sat down, looking concerned as she handed me my mug. "Weird like she was last time?"
"No. Different weird. But she's definitely not telling me something."
"Hmm, looks like we've got some detective work to do tomorrow then." She winked. "Don't let it bother you too much babe, I'm sure she's fine."
"Yeah. I'm not worried about her... not really, I'm just... puzzled."
"You look so cute when you pull that face." Perrie giggled, and before I could answer a flash went off in front of me. She had picked up her phone and took a picture while I was staring into space.
"Perrie! What the hell? Give me that!"
"Nooooo, please don't delete it, it's so cute, look..."
"This is so unfair. I'm hardly gonna fight you for it am I?" I whined, slipping under the covers and folding my arms.
"Awh babe, I couldn't help it. You're too handsome." Perrie said, leaning closer and rubbing her nose against my face.
"Sod off, you're such a meanie."
"I'm not!"
"I'll get you back for that."
"Yeah, you've said that before." Perrie cackled. "Your tea's gonna get cold babe."
"Maybe I'll let it. That'll show you."
"Yeah right. Okay, what shall we watch?"
"Something scary." I grinned, snatching the remote as Perrie reached for it. "Nuh-uh, you can't. You might hurt me."
"Now that's unfair, mister!"
"Ooohh, look Chuckie's on Netflix!"
"No. No way. That's the worst of the lot, I'm serious Jakob. If you put that on, I'm sleeping in another room."
"All alone?" I grinned.
"Please, literally anything but that, genuinely anything but that thing, I hate it."
"Okay, aah don't look so upset! He's not real you know."
"Not the point. What else is on?"
"Erm, how about ... oh look Billy Elliot's on! This is like your life story!"
"How so?"
"Deprived Geordie hits the big time, right?"
"Deprived?! I'll tell my mam you said that!"
"I didn't mean it that way..."
"I know babe, yeah put it on. I like the soundtrack."
"You know these songs?"
"Yeah course. T-Rex, The Jam... my dad used to listen to them all. I know my old school brit rock babe!"
"At least that's one thing you know." I teased.
Perrie just pulled a face since this is where she would usually poke me in the ribs.
Halfway through the film, Perrie started giggling into her cup of tea.
"Something funny babe?"
"Yeah actually."
"Want to share?"
"Well... I was just thinking..."
"Yesss..."
"When you come on tour with us. And we go to Newcastle."
"What about it?"
"You're gonna have to meet my dad."