"How's Vegas?" I asked my mother sullenly over the phone. I had gotten back from Jacksons 10 minutes ago and had been beyond relieved to find the apartment empty, void of all intruders for a little while. Especially since I hadn't been able to stop crying since I left. Even now, tears still stung my eyes, as I leaned against the wall, listening to my mom lie about how much she missed me.
"Oh, sweetie, it's wonderful here, I really will have to take you someday," She's been saying that for years. I never believed her, and so far, I had been right. Mom was a fan of empty promises. We both knew she never meant what she said, but neither of us would ever say that out loud. It would be a waste of breath for either of us."How are things there? Excited for Christmas?"
I wasn't even sure why she brought it up. Maybe she thought the holiday would be easier since she didn't have to see me. I couldn't care less either way.
"Ma, the boys are here," I said, ignoring her question. I had no reason not to tell her. Although, I truly had no idea how she felt about my brothers this year. It seemed to change as often as the seasons. She could be over the moon that they were here, or she could be livid that they'd show up. There was no telling with Mom. "You mean-" I could practically feel the drop in the uncharacteristically cheery mood she always wore when she called me from wherever she ended up. I think she tried to pretend it was normal, while she was away. Like she was like other moms, just going on a business trip or something, not abandoning me for a month. Like another empty promise, she liked to pretend she had fulfilled.
"You mean my sons? They're there?"
I sighed, trying to gauge what her reaction was. I couldn't tell if it was quiet joy or bubbling anger. "Yeah. Well, four of them are. The other two are coming soon." She hummed through the receiver. I inhaled a breath of the cigarette as I waited. This was the fourth I had smoked today alone. I was smoking a lot more these days. The more stressful life became, the more my body craved release from it all. And smoking was a good way to get it.
"They're all there, huh? After fucking years of nothing."
I hummed. "Hey, did you know Emmett was married?" I asked quickly.
Mom didn't say anything for a second. "Yeah. Yeah, I knew. He didn't fucking invite us to the wedding, but yeah, I knew he was getting married. His wife's a bitch from what I've heard. And whore, if what people say about her is true." I heard Mom take a swig of something over the line. I didn't have to guess to know what it was. Vodka, without a doubt. It was 1 Pm after all.
"Yeah well, I don't know if Emmett's bringing his whore wife with him, but I do know him and Jules are coming soon."
Mom hummed again, and I could tell she was losing touch with me a little. Whether that was from the alcohol or emotion, I couldn't tell.
"Hey, Mom, is there any way you can come home sooner? Like before Christmas?" I asked softly.
"Why?"
I hesitated momentarily, sucking in a painful cloud of smoke. "Emil. He's a- he's making me come stay with him in San Diego until you come home," I wasn't sure what I expected her to say. But nothing I received wasn't very reassuring. "I don't want to go with him, and I figured, if you come, he won't make me. So a- can you?" Despite all the reasons Jackson had given me to go, I knew I had to stay. I couldn't leave him. I couldn't leave Mom. And if I left LA, I was sure one of them would be dead by the time I got back. A week is a long time for someone like Mom or Jackson to be alone, both for different reasons. And I couldn't help the sinking feeling in me that it would be longer than just a week if I left now.
But if Mom came, and acted right for a few days, I wouldn't have to leave. I could stay here and keep my life, and everyone I love in order.
"You want me to come?"
I could see where her confusion came in. I wasn't exactly the warmest person, especially to my Mom, but I hardly thought I was to blame for that. She was responsible for her actions, and I'm responsible for my reactions. "Only so I don't have to leave," I added as if remembering who I was. I didn't care if she came for Christmas. I just needed her here before Saturday, when Emil declared we were leaving for San Diego.
"I can try, honey. I'll be there before Friday." I sighed softly, relief flooding through my body.
"Okay," I said, moving back over to the counter so I could put the phone down. "Bye Mom, see you then." She hummed again through the receiver.
"Bye, Sweetie, I love you."
I put down the phone without saying another word.
-FLICK-
I heard them before I saw them. The creaking floorboards, the obnoxiously cheery voices, the sound of family gathering outside my door while I hid in my room, turning up my music as loud as I could to try and drown it out. I had come into my bedroom shortly after I got off the phone with Mom. Noel came in, and to hide how emotionally drained I was from talking to Mom, I left as soon as I saw him. It wasn't even the worst conversation we've ever had. It was rather normal and calm compared to most of the time we talk.
But sometimes, it was just hearing her voice that made me feel so sad and hurt. She wasn't a mom. Not really. And there were times, even ones that don't make any sense, that I was reminded of that. And talking to her from LA to Vegas, begging her to come home so I didn't have to go to San Diego with my absentee brother, was a time that reminded me of just how fucked up my relationship with her was. I had been trying not to think about her since this afternoon. I had been failing not to think of her since this afternoon. It's hard to ignore things that hurt so much.
My mother, and the chaos of the intruders outside. I turned up my music another decibel when I heard laughing. They were so happy. How dare they be so happy after all the shit they put me through? It wasn't right, or fair. But no one ever said this world was fair. I wish I could call Jackson right now. He told me I could if I needed him, but I knew he had his shit to deal with today, so I was reluctant to bring him further into the mine. We all have our shit, and we all have to figure it out ourselves sometimes. I vaguely heard a knock on my door.
"Go the fuck away." I didn't have a lock on my door, unfortunately, so I had to rely on the good nature of the intruders to respect my privacy. I had a bat under my bed ready to go. I saw the hall light beam against the wall I was staring at, but I didn't move to look at who it was. I just turned the volume higher and tried to pretend I was anywhere else right now. I jerked up into a sitting position when I felt a hand on my arm. "Get the fuck out!" I yelled, turning around. My expression didn't ease up when I saw Jules smirking at me.
"Hey kid," He said softly. I groaned at the stupid nickname sat up more, so I was facing him fully.
"Did you not hear me? Get the fuck out."
He tsked, and shook his head, putting his hands on his hips like a pageant queen. "That is no way to talk to your favorite big brother."
"I hate all of you," I said quickly. Jules didn't do or say anything for a moment. It seemed like he was considering all of his options, before he jumped on my bed, pinning me down and laughing while I struggled to get away from him.
"What the hell!" I gasped when I was finally free. He was still cackling like anything he just did was even remotely funny.
"Oh, c'mon, stop being such a loser. Come out and be with us, Emmet and Lily want to see you." My face burned with anger. But I just shook my head and slid through my open window to the fire escape. "Felicity, kiddo, c'mon be with us," He leaned on the window sill and poked my side as I reached into my pocket grabbing out my cigarettes. I was so tired. I was so sad. All I wanted was to be left alone in my own house without these assholes bothering me. This was my apartment, not theirs. They left, they shouldn't get to do this. I just had to make it till mom gets here, then I'll be home free. She'll tell them to leave, or at least keep Emil from taking me, and then, hopefully, I'll never have to see any of them again.
"Go away, Jules. I don't want to see you, or Emmet, or whatever his wife's name is." The idea of seeing Emmet made me the angriest. Mom had confirmed what I thought. He hadn't even invited us. I thought maybe mom hadn't told me out of bitterness, but now I know that just isn't true. He didn't want us there. He didn't want me, his little sister who's as much his family as any of the rest of them, at his wedding. It confirmed something I didn't know I wanted not to be true. That he didn't give a fuck. I was never anything to him. And that shit hurts. But I wouldn't keep torturing myself over it. I would just pretend he, and his stupid fucking wedding didn't happen. I took out a cigarette and lit it up without a second thought. Jules didn't leave. '
"Since when do you smoke cigarettes?" He asked, distaste dripping off his tone. I don't know why. He smokes too if I remember correctly.
"What the fuck does it matter? Can you just leave me alone?" He shook his head and climbed through the window so he was also on the fire escape.
"Give me the cigarette." He said sternly. I looked up at him with a try me expression
"Fuck you," I said, exhaling a long cloud of smoke in his direction. When I cleared, I could see how serious his face had turned.
"Give me the goddamn cigarette, Felicity."
I shook my head, standing my ground as best I could. I would admit, he was rather intimidating. The tallest of my brothers, and the strongest, I would be lying if I said my heart rate didn't pick up speed at the obvious anger he was showing.
"Fuck you, Jules," I said, moving up a step so I could put a bit of space between us.
"Felicity, you're fucking 12. You don't talk like that, and you smoke cigarettes. Give it to me and cut the shit." I stood up as he took another step.
"And what makes you think you get a say? You haven't seen me since I was 6, and no talking to me over the phone doesn't mean shit. So leave me the fuck alone, and go back to your little party with the rest of the assholes that have invaded my life." Slowly, he backed off a bit, looking at me with sad eyes. He didn't say anything for a moment. Just sat down on the bottom step and watched me as I turned my back on him, eyes glued to the city.
"I tried. You know I didn't mean to hurt you." I did. He hurt me the least. He got my hopes up the least. But somehow, that didn't make me feel any better.
"Yeah, well, you fucking did. All of you did. So don't come here and tell me what the fuck to do, when I haven't seen you in six hellish years."
He nodded slowly. I don't know Jules very well. I never did. By the time I was born, he was a teenager and had his shit going on. He didn't care about knowing me and never did. So when he left, it didn't hurt that bad. He was never home anyway, and when he was it was to sleep or bed Emmet or Emil for money and make some rude remark to one of the younger boys. I can't even remember ever having a conversation with him as a little kid. And when started calling a few times a year like he said he would, he usually talked to one of the boys.
I was too young to care then, and when it finally fell on me to answer those calls he continued to make every couple of months like an obligation he had, I didn't care enough to answer. He was in San Diego. I knew that now. And that made it so much worse that he and the rest were so close and still, I wasn't even a thought in their minds.
"Yeah," He whispered. "Yeah, we did,"
"Go away, Jules. I have nothing to say to you."
His eyes were filled with emotion I couldn't read. But he nodded again and stood up.
"You're more than welcome to come out and be with us. We'd all love to see you," I glared at him.
"It's my fucking house, I'll come out there when I want to." He made a face of disapproval, but I couldn't care less.
And then, finally, I was alone.
Alone with my thoughts, alone with my pain, and alone with the city I loved so much.
A/N-I cried today because I really want a cat. I'm cat sitting right now, and I love this cat and I want one so bad and the fact that I can't have a cat + my stressful school life made me cry today. I hope your day was better.
I hate this chapter. Nothing about it flows, nothing about it works, but I just needed to get something out so enjoy. So we've met Jules, and we will meet Emmett and Lily in the next chapter (Which will be quite the experience my loves) but what do we think so far. honestly, idk what to think about Jules even if I'm the one who's writing him. Tell me everything loves and thank you for 40k reads. I love you all.
Also there are still three more open accounts for Flick characters on Instagram and I would love if someone would be willing to fill them. DM me on instagram buddies, love you, drink some water, eat some food, and have a good day. Love, your wattpad mom-Eva