WARNING: SUICIDE, DEATH AND SELF HARM WERE MENTIONED IN THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Requested by: _chillandnetflix_
I know you know what I'm going through everyday, yet you just look at me from afar and stay silent. I understand it. You don't want me to feel pressured because once you asked me personally, I'll panicked and either just stay silent or excuse myself...
Nothing matters.
For you, nothing really matters in this world. You may have the perfect and lovely family beside you, at the end of the day things that you often think will visit you, making you doubt your existence.
Even your worth.
It hurts. You have to admit that. It hurts you because when you finally did what you want to do all this time you may hurt the important and precious people that surrounds you.
Especially your Dad.
He sees you every night crying silently while holding your blanket tightly holding your soft whines by biting your lower lips hard enough to bleed.
Yet he didn't asked you. He wants you to tell him what's going on your mind, what's bothering you for you to cry that hard at night but seeing you always do that, not saying anything while seeing you crying makes it even harder for him.
So that's why he made sure that he make it up to you every single day because he knows how hard it is to deal with depression everyday so he did what he can to at least make you happy.
We all know it's hard so that's why you're trying your best to defeat this burden laying on your shoulder for your family who loves you dearly.
"... Are you sure you don't want to go sweetie?" Amane asked you, making sure if you don't really want to go with them to the little celebration for Senjuro's birthday whose now turning 18.
Senjuro's one of your precious friends but you thougt that you might just wreck the party and mess it all up so you just stay in your house, probably lay down in your own bed and overthink things over and over again.
"I don't want to mother, please just send my regards for his birthday."
She hold your little brother and sister on both sides after they wave their hand at you, ready to take their leave inthe mansion.
"Okay sweetie, you can go outside if you want but don't go too far okay?" You just nod and after they turn their back on you, sadness and unknown feelings crept up to your chest making you frown your face all of a sudden.
You really want to have fun with them but your mind being too optimistic and let you think the negative thoughts before considering your actions.
That is the only reason why you always prohibited yourself to be you when you're surrounded by your friends, strangers and even your loved ones and you deeply loathe yourself for that.
As your sight became blurry, the tears already falling down on your face while you clutched your chest as hard as you can.
You don't know why you're feeling this everyday. You can't even answer yourself why, why is this became a thing to you, and to everyone else who just want to have fun on their lives and to just leave peacefully.
You're always like this, crying your heart out when no one's in the house like it's a normal thing when they're not around, like you're not tired from bawling your eyes out from crying every single day and night.
Oh how you wish that this'll come for an end, but you can't just do it because of the others who looks up and love you...
... You can't just leave them like that.
I'm so sorry for not telling you all about what I'm going through, I'm sorry that you can't talk to me properly about this. Even though I'm in pain, I really want you all to know what my problem reallg is but... i don't even know where to start, or what was the reason behind this sadness, this so called 'depression' i had all this time...
"(Y/N), can you please open the door for me?"
You were startled when someone just knocked at your door while you're in the bathroom, obviously about to do something your parents doesn't want you to do.
Especially that the person who knocked was Ubuyashiki, your father.
"W-wait a minute!" You hid the blade inside your pocket while you wipe the blood coming out of your right wrist with the water, as your father's patiently waiting but his worryness is slowly rising every second you stay in your own room.
He knew something was up everytime he hear your shaky voice. This is not the first time he heard it...
As soon as the bleeding stops, you hide the cut with the hem of your sleeves before rushing to the door. Only to see your father's face with a reassuring smile, raising his two hands up to his chest for you to see the bag he's holding.
"I got you something. Can I come in for a second?" You open the door widely to him... only for him to see that your room is a mess, bed's not neatly done while the papers scarttered on the floor, and evem some of your dirty clothes are on the floor.
"I'm sorry for the mess father, you just wait therr and I'll clean it for you!" The panic in your voice seems to increase, thinking that he will scold at you if you didn't clean these mess but in reality, he understands it why your room is a mess.
It only grew his sympathy for you like a bag full of rocks, carrying it while walking in the middle of nowhere.
Instead of waiting for you to clean this room alone, he helped you by picking up the papers on the floor until he picked up the one that has a lot of words inside of it like a long paragraph so he thinks that he might as well see what her daughter's doing when she locks herself in her room.
As he's about to open the crumbled paper, you quickly snatched it from his hands. Your eyes are wide open as your chest pumping up and down so fast like you just run a mile non-stop.
"..."
"(Y/N),"
You don't know what to say so you just hold the paper while your hands are balling into a fist one, scared to see your father may know what was the letter inside the paper you just took from him. It might ruin the situation you're into right now.
"Please just sit on my bed and let me handle this father. I know you're tired from the meeting with the Demon Slayer Corps."
Though you told him what to do, he just looks at you with those shocked eyes but it was replaced with the sad ones before pulling up a force smile in front of you.
He knows you're hiding something, and you know he'll know it soon so you need to be more careful around him.
He knows you too well since he really loves you as his daughter, he wouldn't let anything to get in his way to save you in tough situations like this.
After you cleaned up your mess, you sat in front of him and you lowered your head to avoid his eyes that are piercing through you right now.
"I bought you something while me and your mother got outside earlier," He gave you a bracelet with an amazonite stone placed at the center of it amd you take it from him.
Even though you're not familiar with the stone, it was beautiful enough for you to stare at it. The different patterns, the shape and the way it shines when you move it in a certain way is mesmerizing you.
"And this, I picked it ust for you..." Your loving father handed you an Iris kanzashi hair clip while he smiled at you genuinely. Your parents know that you're not materialistic, that's why whenever they're giving you things like this, you know it's genuine.
You treasure it like it's a part of your personality and cherish it at the end of the day.
"Thank you father, I'll wear this daily." You smiled in front of him before moving closer to him and giving him a big hug he deserves. You may not express or say it to him but you love him so much that you can't even handle your emotions when he's in pain.
You two truly care for each other and no one can compare how he loves you with all he has. Being a father is a tough and blessing for him to see his daughter happy whenever you're with him.
"You're always welcome my princess. I love you,"
Your hug tighten as you tried not to be overwhelm by those words. Your feelings are light as a feather so whenever someone says something that can make you feel something, your feelings will overflow until it exploded by your actions and expressions you always make.
"I love you too..."
"I want to play that father! Come on!" You said it with excitement while Ubuyashiki just smiled at you as his eyes closed. It's festival today so Ubuyashiki thought that both of you will enjoy the day when you come with him today.
You were just came here but he sees that you're already enjoying it reliefs all the stress and worry in his chest. Like it just suddenly disappeared as soon as he heard the excitement and happiness in your voice as your smile wasn't forced anymore.
If this will be one of the reasons your depression fades, he'll do this with you often just to see your smile he surely miss.
You gave the man who owns the stall a money before you pick up the toy gun in the table and you looked at your father who's just watching you. "Let's make a deal. Whoever hit the highest can, the loser must treat the winner what he wants!"
"I'll make sure I'm going to win this one."
How can he turn down your offer? He's not a kill joy for his daughter so he picked up the gun beside you as you two tried to shoot the highest can as fast as you can.
As the time went on, your father won the game and you just kept on challenging him for every game stall you see. It sure was a tiring day but it was one of the best day of your life and same as Ubuyashiki.
Please father, don't blame yourself because of this. Mother, please don't isolate yourself alone because of this. It was not your fault...
It was me to begin with.
"(Y/N), PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR QUICKLY!"
"(Y/N)!!"
Amane and Kagaya was knocking on your door multiple times, but there was no response from you. They looked at you everywhere but you're nowhere to be found and this is the last place they know you'll lock yourself into.
Your mother was already crying, hoping that her daughter didn't do anything hafmful to herself. While your father, he can't help but be nervous and worried about you as his sweat were all pver his face while trying to open your door.
At first they think that you're just sleeping but minutes have already past and you should've open the door for them when you're just sleeping.
They are all nervous while your siblings are just watching in the corner as Mitsuri and Rengoku's with them refraining your siblings to get closer to their parents.
"Oh no it's already late! You guys need to sleep right now but before that, do you guys want to go outside to see how beautiful the moon is?" Your siblings were too young to understand how serious this situation is so they just followed the hashiras outside.
"Kagaya just open the door please! I need to see your daughter right now!" Without wasting anytime, Ubiyashiki used all of his remaining power to push the door that has been a struggle for them to see you. They badly want to see you in a good condition. They want to know if you're okay. They want to be right by your side when the pain's not tolerable anymore.
Your mind tricked you from telling that someone doesn't love you anymore no one truly cares for you, but your parents love you deeply. As deep as the wide blue ocean. As deep as you can imagine.
But all the hopes, positivities, the posibilities that you're okay, was slowly fade as soon as your father broke the door...
Just to see you lifeless, as your neck was bruised up from the rope you tied... they can clearly see how you're hanging from the ceiling with your dull lifeless eyes looking down the floor.
"(Y/N)!!!!!!!" Both of your parents screamed your name once they saw you in that state. The two of them started crying as their body shakes in fear.
The fear of losing you finally comes to an end. It really scares them that you did this because of the pain and struggles you're dealing with daily.
"Why... why did you do this (Y/N), WHY?!" They will never understand... they never will. Just like what you've mentioned before, you'll cherish and treasure the things they gave to you.
That's why you wore it up until now, the accesories that Ubuyashiki gave you as the thought of hope and love will save you from this pain you always felt...
Mother, Father, one day we'll meet up again. If my death gave you the greatest sorrow, please remember that it was never your fault. It was never our fault...
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At last, I'm finally back with this book! Thank you all so much for patiently waiting and requesting stories in this one. It may not be daily but I'm gonna make sure that I'll update this book to the best I can!
I'm sorry if this story wasn't that good but I hope you enjoyed this and if you encountered a grammatical errors please let me know and I'll fix it right away! Have a great day/night ahead!