Music Track:
Like A Virgin ~ Madonna
****
David's POV
Have you ever had a really bad ice cream headache? One that makes you stop dead in your tracks on the hot sidewalk as you grit your teeth while your brain floods with the static that follows soon after the initial icy stabs of pain infect the blood vessels in your skull? Yeah?
Now imagine, in that moment, the world's flipped channels on you. One moment you're standing there, wincing, knowing full well that Heavenly Hash is running all over your hand and about to drip onto your spotless white jeans and you are powerless to stop it from happening because you've just been unmanned by a frozen dairy product. And as the pain recedes, you slowly open your eyes to: another reality. Only now instead of holding onto an ice cream cone, you wield in your hand a broken bottle of gin with glass jagged edges poised toward another human being in battle. I'm talking of course about metaphoric bottle-battle. Or a metaphysical one.
That's what crossing over feels like: The Worst Ice Cream Headache Ever.
One moment I'm staring at clippings of a half-drawn sunflower seed pattern and the next moment: I'm standing on the freaking freeway. That's right! THE FREEWAY!
With CARS and SHIT!
Fortunately for me, the traffic is as bad in this reality as L.A.'s so that all the cars were standing at a full dead stop.
But still. This was pretty much ballz.
"BALLZ!" I screamed and threw my hands up at the hot Los Angeles sun and kicked the air like a spaz.
I had been so close! I was IN HER APARTMENT! She NEEDED ME! I had been invited to stay the night! IN HER APARTMENT!
I cursed and kicked the air again. "Goddamn it!" I seethed.
A horn beeped, and I could feel the car behind me inch menacingly close toward the back of my knees reminding me once again I was in the middle of a freaking highway. As if I needed a reminder with the sun broiling overhead, and tar bubbles and a gas can at my feet.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, buddy," I yelled over my shoulder, "I wouldn't want to stand in your way of occupying a precious four feet behind the next car blocking you..." The honking resumed as I mopped my brow.
Wait. Gas can?
What was I doing in the middle of the freeway anyways? I quickly checked my pockets for a set of keys, and was surprised to find myself all dressed in white cotton suit – the type euro trash villains in Humphrey Bogart movies would wear. In my back pocket was a set of keys to a: Hyundai.
BALLZ!
I was as unsuccessful in this life as my own.
I started to walk in the direction I was facing on the hunt for a sore ass Hyandai in a standstill on the road. But since all the cars on the road were in a standstill and this was North Hollywood after all (by all appearances), that chore was a like trying to find a needle in a haystack full of needles. So I kept walking, drenched in my own sweat in my colonial cotton suit, and sucking up exhaust fumes.
After walking under the scorching sun long enough to likely give me skin cancer, there it finally was at the bottom of the steep incline at the bottom of the 405. A small white Accent in the lead, parting the Red Sea of traffic by its immobility as other cars fought to drive around it. The closer I neared the car, gas can in hand, the more the stranded drivers demonstrated their displeasure at me until the congested freeway thrummed in a deafening blaze of horns and curse words. Obviously this world wasn't all slaphappy as Mayan Prophecy town. And then I got that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach that reminded me of middle school gym class shower-time anxiety because I knew deep down that I was as much a loser in this life as I was in all the others.
But at least I had wheels. And gas. So first stop on my list would be to go back to Emma's apartment. I quickened my pace in excitement at the thought. There was a chance she still might live there. Right? I thought, putting my hand on the roof of the car and stopping to open the gas cap. The universe wouldn't be so unkind as to set me on a wild—
I stopped mid-thought as my brain felt whacked in the back of the head with a two-by-four as static images flooded in: The first was of me talking to a sweet redhead I had never seen before dressed in white and leaning against my car -- my arm brushing up against hers as she tossed her head towards me with a secret smile; and then another image intruded – this time with another chick -- a brunette, sighing beside me on the backseat of the car on its hot vinyl seats as my fingers traced up her leg, hitching her white lace skirt up slightly; and then suddenly, and entirely different image again, with me kneeling on the ground beside the back tire of the Accent, my eyes lowered as I kissed the ostentatious gold ring of a man in a bright baby blue suit.
I staggered back with a wince and pinched the bridge of my nose to stop the pain, but the moment my palm left the hot body of the car, the images stopped penetrating my mind.
"Whoah!" I whispered to myself. What the hell was that?
Must be the heat, I decided. I quickly gassed up the car, jumped in, and jerked the shit piece of metal forward into drive.
"What took you so long," a voice startled me from behind so I screamed like a girl and slammed on the brakes – eliciting another round of bleating horns.
I whipped around to see Emma, drenched in sweat, lurch forward in her seat towards me with the sudden stop of the vehicle.
"Holy Mackinaw!" Emma cried and then flopped herself back in the back seat. "What's got into you?" she asked while putting on her seatbelt and glaring at me. Like me, she was dressed all in white cotton, but in a dress that seemed something out of the fifties with the flare skirt and wasp waist and petite bodice. Her hair was tied back in an extreme ponytail pulling the skin around the edges of her eyes back and slanting them slightly. Her face had a red crease on it from what looked like napping on the vinyl seat.
Thank you, Universe. Thank you, Universe. Thank you, Universe!
"Um..." I answered while shifting the car in gear again, "I was not expecting to find you back there." Ahaha, oh boy wasn't I. This was getting as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. I was giddy with excitement, and unsure where I was going, but little did it matter as long as I was going wherever with her.
"Really?" she said suspiciously, and I realized my error as she accused with sharp eyes: "What did you expect? For me to walk the freeway myself...unchaperoned? What kind of girl do you take me for anyway, Brother David?"
"Um..." I stammered, trying to think of an excuse. Brother? I sorely hoped we weren'trelated in this life. "Sorry, I'm not feeling myself...It's just this damn heat—"
Emma gasped and I touched the breaks.
"What! What is it?" I said scanning the road for danger or crisis.
"I can't believe you would blaspheme like that!" Emma said, and through the mirror I could see her mouth gaping open in shock that could only possibly be feigned. She was kidding...right?
"Because I said...damn?" I cried, turning my head back to only witness her throw her hands over her ears.
I turned back to face the road. "Holy Shit," I muttered to myself, then regretted immediately when I heard her protest with a small cry. "Fuck!" I cursed myself for swearing. "Double Fuck! Shut up, David! I mean...I'm sorry, Emma...I'm not used to this not swearing...thing."
Emma was already throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. You're blowing it man! Keep it together...
She crossed her arms and then looked out the window with a pained look. I kept my eyes on the road while my mind raced trying to get my bearings with the rules of this 'verse. So...swearing was off the menu....which meant...
"Would you at least turn on the air conditioner," Emma said in an acidic hoarse whisper.
Of course! Air conditioning! I flipped it on and blasts of chill air soon started to caress my face. I stole a glance of myself in the rear view mirror and realized my hair was a blunt cut and my face was clean shaven. Oh boy.
I looked back at Emma, languishing there with the cotton clinging to the sweat of her body.
"Wouldn't you be more comfortable in the front seat?" I asked. "I could pull over..."
Emma's face scrunched up with incredulity. "I cannot believe you just asked me to sit beside you IN A CAR!"
"Wait. Whut?" I asked with a dry nervous cough. "Why can't we sit next to each other?"
"Oh you knowwwww why," Emma accused with an offended and knowing look like I had just solicited her.
For sex.
And then it all became crystal clear.
"Jesus Fucking Christ!" I cried in protest at the dirty underhanded trick the universe just played on me by practically landing me in Emma's lap but only if our laps were never allowed to touch.
But then I regretted it the moment I saw her face redden and her eyes turn to large glassy welts in abject mortification.
"Emma...I'm soooo fuuhhhh...lling sorry," I managed to catch myself. Badly.
"Just get me to the temple. The sooner we can get the ceremony over the better," Emma spat my direction, wiping hot tears from the edge of her eyes with the back of her hand, but without looking at me.
Uh...Ceremony?
I kept my eyes on the road after that. I had no idea where we were going. What temple? We weren't dressed like any religionites that I knew of. But this was L.A. and perhaps white was for special occasions.
"Emma," I asked gently. "We aren't...like...getting married.... Are we?"
"What?" she winced like it was even painful for her to acknowledge my presence.
"Never mind," I said. "Bad joke."
"Clearly," Emma said with disdain. And then it was my turn to wince in pain.
"I'm just surprised that...you would be in a car alone at all with a man...you weren't engaged to," I prodded.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked with burning bewildered eyes. "You're going to miss the turn off," she shouted, and I followed her pointed finger quickly into the right lane.
"I'm just...trying to understand our relationship." I said in exasperation, "I mean...what does this all mean. You and me. Together. In a car. Together."
"I'm confused. Is this part of the test?" Emma asked her eyes wide and open.
The test...?
"Yessss," I drawled, "This has been all part of the test. All of it. And I want to be sure you demonstrate a thorough understanding of the test, Emma, by first explaining to me...what the test is..." I sucked the wind through my teeth.
Emma rolled her eyes and then recited with acrimony as if this interrogation was beneath her: "All maiden acolytes must submit to thorough examination of their acceptability to Vestas before being accepted as priestess. A test of courage. A test of strength. A test of chastity."
"Ch-ch-chastity?" I cried. "How exactly are you tested for chastity?"
"By successfully carrying a sieve full of water across the altar without spilling a single drop," Emma explained to me like I was a small child.
"And then what?" I asked.
"And then what what? Then I'm declared a Vestal Virgin," Emma patronized.
Oh is that all! Fuck me! Only don't because you can't!
"Unless I fail," Emma continued with a dejected look.
"Oh yeah? What happens then?" I asked sitting up with hope.
"I am buried alive on the outskirts of the city," Emma answered sharply. Duh.
I let that wash over me for a moment.
"I don't know why you are putting me through this," Emma said solemnly. "I need to be thinking, now more than ever, pure thoughts...and you haven't been helping..."
I had an acute sense of hairs rising on the back of my neck... "Not helping? How so?" I croaked.
But she only answered by turning her head from mine and looking out the window again.
My mind raced. Carrying water in a sieve! What kinda fool's errand was this?
Maybe there was a reason I was brought to this world. Maybe I was supposed to save her...why else would the universe put me here in this car with her at this exact moment?
I pulled into the first drive I saw, and steered the car to turn around.
"What are you doing," Emma asked in alarm.
"I'm getting you the fuck out of here," I answered feeling full of heroism and bravado.
"What do you mean? You can't do that!" Emma cried.
"I'm not letting you risk your neck for such nonsense. There is no way you can take this test!"
"But I have to! Are you saying you are doubting me? I promise you Brother David, I am chaste! Never has an impure thought—" Emma started to protest.
"STOP SAYING THAT!" I shouted, gunning the car towards the way we had come. And then completely unexpectedly, she was over the shoulder of my car seat, fighting me for the wheel. I tried to shrug her off but you know how Emma can be. Some things will never change. No matter what world I'm in.
The car rolled to a stop with Emma twisted around the seat and under my arms, her elbows locked into the steering wheel from underneath. "I will pass this test!" she frothed with a red furious face.
"You mean...you want really want to take this test?" I asked with incredulity.
"Of course. It means everything to me!" she trembled, and had to keep from sliding further under the wheel.
"Why?" I asked in complete exasperation.
"Because it is an honour and a privilege to serve Vesta and act as Protectress of Los Angeles. I will be honoured among women. I will be allowed to vote. And drive a car. And own property," she continued, while trying to push herself up, "Just like a man." I helped her, and had to hold onto her waist to keep her steady as her legs slid down between the seats.
"Brother David," she said firmly while not looking in my direction, her face close to mine.
"Yes?" I said my head swimming in her the intoxicating scent of her, the heady scent of rose water and baby powder.
"Are your hands upon me part of the test as well?" she asked, and then glared at me with gritted teeth.
I instantly withdrew my hands and held them up in the air as she crawled back into the back. "No. Of course not," I said softly and feeling utterly defeated.
And then I did the only thing I could do and just drove in the direction she bid. But I could not help but notice, during a succession of stolen furtive glances back at her, that Emma held her hands to her bodice where mine had just been burning against her flesh.
///A/N
I'm BAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK in the saddle again!!! Oh man, I've missed you guys. Almost a month without comments from you on one of my chapters was KILLING ME!!!
I hope you liked it *waggles eyebrows.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!!! VOTE COMMENT FAN!!
hhhhmmmmm.....news....well, the script for the first series in our graphic novel is complete and the artist will be starting on it, ASAP! Of course we are using our phenomenal Hugo Arias.
Also, we are restructuring our website so that we can release blog content with updates on our latest news. That should be soonish!
You people are AMAZING!! 116k reads! <3 <3 <3
C
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