/məˈmenˌtō/
noun
an object that you keep to remember a person, place or event.
I
Jinyoung
He finally plops his body down on the couch which he's thankful is soft enough to break his fall. Finally, Jinyoung allows himself to rest after breathing in the new environment he's now in.
Today is his first day in his new home if he may call it. He finally moved in after a series of insisting and convincing his bestfriend- Jaebeom, that he can handle living alone. They've known each other since forever; okay, maybe not since forever but since grade school but hey, it's more than twenty years of their life already. So as he was saying, It had taken a full week before Jinyoung was successfully able to convince Jaebeom that he could live alone, instead of staying with the older at his place. It's not that bad of an idea, and it could've been an okay one if not for the fact that Jaebeom shares his space with his boyfriend for five years- Jackson. It's not because he doesn't want to live with the couple. It's just that he doesn't think it would be right? A twenty-eight-year-old guy sharing an apartment with a couple. Although, Jaebeom is his bestfriend.. still.
Just then, he received a text message from the very said guy. After helping him out with moving his stuffs, he had sent Jaebeom back home already. It's almost dinner time and unlike him, someone will be waiting for his bestfriend. He clicked the message open.
Jaebeom: I just got back home. See? I told you Jackson would be home late. He's still at the office. I should've stayed there longer.
Him: Well at least you'll have time to cook dinner for you and your boyfriend.. wouldn't that be nice?
Jaebeom: Well, I guess..
Jaebeom: Anyway, what are you doing right now? I hope you're taking a rest
Him: I will.. a bit later
Jaebeom: Wdym later?
He took a picture of the boxes still sitting next to his empty shelf and sent it to Jaebeom.
Him: still have a few more boxes to unbox..
Jaebeom: I thought we already unboxed everything?
Him: Except my books... I kinda forgot, hehe
Him: But this will be easy as pie! You don't need to worry too much okay, beom-ah?
Jaebeom: How will I not worry? The doctor said you need rest. It's not even two weeks since you got discharged, jinyoung
Him: I know... but I'm being careful! :)
Jaebeom: No. You know what.. stop what you're doing and just rest okay?
Jaebeom: Don't you dare fill up those shelves without my help. I'll go there this weekend. Your books could wait. Alright?
His over protective bestfriend had spoken. With a defeated sigh, Jinyoung just replied with a short okay with a sad face. He glanced at his empty shelves and the box he hadn't opened yet. Pushing them beside the shelf, Jinyoung says in a small voice... "I guess you could wait."
II
Jinyoung
He wakes up in a jolt.
The first thing he did is to take as much air as he can. He feels his cold sweat, and his hands were almost shaking. His hand flew to his chest. It's as if something inside it is aching but he doesn't know for sure.. and he isn't sure why.
He reaches for his phone which is on the bedside table. He checked the time. It's ten past pm. He glanced ta the glass window and saw the dark night sky. Why is this happening to him again? He clicked his inbox open and searched for Jaebeom's name. But in the middle of composing a text message to the latter, Jinyoung stopped.
Should he bother him again for this same thing? Jinyoung shakes his head and long pressed the back space. Why am I crying over something I couldn't even remember? When will I overcome this? He thinks to himself, hoping these could be answered.
He tried to get back to sleep again. But it's of no use. Fifteen minutes after and he's still lying awake. So he gets up from bed. No matter how many times he toss and turn, he can't shut his eyes back to sleep. His heart is still aching for a reason not known to him. It's probably because of what he's dreamt but fuck it 'cause he can't even remember what it was.
He walks towards the bathroom where his medicine cabinet was. He scanned the plastic bottles and grabbed the one he needs. This isn't prescribed by his doctor and Jaebeom has always been against this but what could he do? He needs this.
He shook the bottle until one pill drops on his palm. He put it inside his mouth and swallowed it. Glancing at his own reflection and doubting that a single pill could do the work, Jinyoung thought of taking a few more. But right as he was about to, he heard consecutive knocks on his door. He wondered who that could be and put the bottle back inside the cabinet before walking towards the main door to see who it was.
"Excuse me but... could I use your bathroom?"
A guy with blonde hair, wearing a white baggy shirt and black sweatpants is standing outside his door asking him this. Jinyoung stared in pure surprise at the guy's question, and next comes the confusion as to who this guy is and why of all rooms here in this floor, did he decide to knock on his door at this hour.
"Uhm-"
"You see I live next door and my toilet there is clogged. I really need to do some important business and it'll be really bad if I can't use the toilet right now, so...?"
Jinyoung blinked, still in confusion but understood how in need this guy is. "Uh, well.. o-okay." He was just opening the door a bit wider to let the guy in when the blonde did walk inside with urgency and was almost running past him along the entry way, saying a quick thanks.
"The bathroom is on your-" Jinyoung says aloud so the blonde could hear but the guy was already heading to the right direction. "-left."
Well, okay. Jinyoung thought. He just let a stranger inside his place. A good way to end his first night at his new place, isn't it?
While he was waiting for the blonde to get back from his bathroom, Jinyoung thought of texting Jaebeom, so he did.
Hey Jaebeom? Quick question...
How safe is it to let a complete stranger (although he claims to live right next-door) inside your place at this hour of the night?
Because I just did...
And I would like to know if I'm in probable danger or... something...?
But he didn't receive any reply. Maybe the guy is already sleeping. Jinyoung contemplated on what is best to do. Should he arm himself? Lock the blonde inside the bathroom and call for the staff downstairs?
But isn't he over reacting here? Who even plans murder or theft while in the toilet?
When he heard the flushing of the toilet, and the sound of the water from the faucet, Jinyoung still got a little tensed up. A few seconds more, the blonde did emerge from the bathroom, looking a lot more relieved than how he initially looked when he was standing outside his door a couple of minutes ago.
Jinyoung was sitting on one of the stools by the kitchen counter. "So... you're all good now?" he opted to ask.
The blonde nodded. "Yeah. How about you?" Jinyoung creased his brows at the unexpected question. Why is the blonde even asking this? "Uhm... I mean... you must be surprised having a stranger knock on your door at this hour of the night, asking if he could use your bathroom."
Jinyoung almost nodded in agreement but thank god he didn't. He doesn't want the blonde to know how much he got weird out by him just a few moments ago. Erasing all his suspicions, Jinyoung decides that the blonde seem to be a nice guy.
"By the way... thank you for letting me in. I hope I didn't disturb your sleep or something.."
Jinyoung decides to just shake his head. In a way, he's not even lying. He's having trouble sleeping before the stranger knocked on his door, right?
"Nah! I was just about to sleep, actually."
The blonde nods. "Okay. Thanks again. I'll go out now."
Jinyoung walks him to the door and when the blonde stepped out, only then did he say something again. "You should report this to the staff downstairs." The blonde gave him a puzzled look so Jinyoung continued. "They should do something about your clogged toilet."
That's when Jinyoung saw him smile. "Will do. Have a good night sleep."
"You too." and Jinyoung watched as the blonde turned to a corner where his unit is.
III
Jinyoung
The next morning, Jinyoung woke up to a bunch of text messages all from Jaebeom.
As expected, since he had texted his bestfriend last night when his blonde neighbor asked if he could use his bathroom, Jaebeom had reacted, although late, but still greatly. Jaebeom was almost panicking when Jinyoung didn't answer his phone but in his defense, his phone died after Jaebeom's last missed call. After charging, only then was Jinyoung able to respond to his bestfriend's messages.
After scolding him for letting a stranger inside his unit, Jaebeom did calm down, but still making Jinyoung promise that he'd never do that again. As usual, Jaebeom gave him reminders, ending his long list with call me if anything happens. Jinyoung loves his bestfriend. How could he not? He only ordered a buddy but also got a protective mom for free!
For the rest of the day, Jinyoung decided to just read some books which he got from the box he has still yet to unbox, given that Jaebeom is there to help him out.
He wakes up again, breathing hard.
Cold sweat and shaking hands. Jinyoung sat up, hand flying to his aching chest as tears formed in his eyes.
It's the same dream again. The same dream he keeps on forgetting the moment he wakes up.
The pain is much more clearer now, much more definite. yet, the reason behind it is still unknown. He reached for his phone and saw that it's almost 9:30 pm. His heart is still not calming down. He can't deal with this anymore. This needs to stop.
Wearing his slippers, Jinyoung gets up and was about to head to the bathroom when he passed by the entry way and heard consecutive knocks on his door. This again?
Jinyoung walks towards his door, hoping he's wrong but only confirmed his assumption when he was faced with the blonde yet again, standing outside. Jinyoung's brows are probably furrowed as he stared at his neighbor.
"I was wondering what coffee you're drinking..?"
Okay. This is seriously strange. Jinyoung thinks. "Pardon?"
He watched the blonde rub his thumb over his wrist as he answers. "I ran out of coffee. And I'm in desperate need of it."
Jinyoung stands there, utterly confused as to why this blonde guy had an idea that he could be a helping hand in times of need. Just... why? But the blonde didn't leave and just stood there. And for a stranger reason, Jinyoung can't find it in himself to shoo the blonde away and send him back to his unit. He could still very well remember Jaebeom's reminder of not letting a stranger inside his unit again but... isn't this the second time he encountered the guy? So technically, the blonde isn't a stranger anymore... right?
Heaving a sigh, Jinyoung responds. "Dark roast coffee." He says, catching the blonde's attention. This time, he's being stared at by surprised eyes. Jinyoung continues. "That's the only coffee I have. If it isn't your type then-"
"No! I actually like dark roast coffee. Can I have some?"
Jinyoung finds this absurd. But heck, he still opens his door wide enough to let the blonde in again.. for the second time.
When they walked towards the kitchen, Jinyoung noticed that the blonde doesn't have any mug with him. This guy... he went here to ask for some coffee but didn't bring his own mug? This guy's really strange. Yet.. Jinyoung is still making him coffee. Well self, you're even stranger.
"This is exactly how I like my coffee." The blonde says as he sips on the coffee he just made. "Are you a barista or something?"
"You don's need to flatter me. You already got what you came here for." Jinyoung tells the guy.
They're seated on the stools by the kitchen counter. There hasn't been anything close to a conversation from the time the blonde has entered his unit. The guy just sat on the stool and waited for the coffee he's making, patiently. Now that they're facing each other, Jinyoung had the chance to stare longer at the blonde.
"You just moved in here recently, right?" The blonde asked, looking around, eyes lingering on the boxes near the shelves, the ones Jinyoung hasn't unboxed yet since Jaebeom was firm with telling him not to to stock his books by himself.
"Only yesterday." He responds.
The blonde then turned back to him. "Alone or...?"
"You do realize that the way you're asking me that is bound to creep me out, considering that I don't even know you?" Jinyoung says.
Although he finds it stupid, saying that this is the only thing weirding or creeping him out and not the fact that this blonde has bothered him for two consecutive nights already. First with the bathroom and now with the coffee.
This guy is extremely weird.
But what's weirder is... if he'll be honest, he's not really weirded out by him. Curious, definitely. But not afraid, not even the slightest.
"Oh, right." The blonde says, drinking more of his coffee. "I'm Mark."
Now he finally has a name to call him.
"I'm Jinyoung." He says, not sure if he should lend his hand out since Mark didn't. In the end, he chose not to and just drank his coffee. He remembers Mark's question so he answered to that. "I do live alone but my bestfriend said he'll drop by every weekend."
"Only every weekend?"
"He has work. And a boyfriend. I can't expect him to live with me. And... to be honest, I'd rather not." Jinyoung stopped himself from sharing too much and just decided to ask the question back. "How about you? You live alone? No... someone?"
He saw a faint smile as Mark glanced at his coffee and stirred it,. When he stared back up, Mark shook his head. "Alone." He briefly answered.
By the time they had finished their coffees, it was already 10:30. Mark said he'll go ahead but before going out the door, asked if he could come back around same time. Jinyoung makes a face as a response but didn't say no. When he closed the door after Mark left, Jinyoung finds himself smiling while shaking his head.
IV
Jinyoung
The rest of the week passed quickly.
Each night, as Mark has asked and since Jinyoung failed to say no... the blonde made it a habit to drop by his unit at around 9:30 in the evening. They just drink coffee but instead of staying inside his unit, Mark had brought him to somewhere at the back of the building. They used the fire exit stairs to get there and as Mark promised, it was even better to stare at the night sky at this part of the building.
Jinyoung came to love the same view every night. Jaebeom knew about this because he has talked about it to his bestfriend and it only made the latter demand that he meets the blonde. Aside from that, Jaebeom didn't say anything about this habit him and Mark had become used to. His bestfriend knew that he already came to love staring at the night sky.
But what Jaebeom didn't know is that, as each night passed... it's not just the night sky he'd come to love staring at... but the person who was with him.
The rest of the week passed by swiftly and now it's Saturday again.
"I really am hoping for some good news, doc." Jaebeom says as they sat beside each other, across Dr. Yoon's table.
It is his weekly consultation with the doctor who has treated him since the accident. It was considered a miracle that he had woken up from a come after suffering greatly from his injuries. He was lucky, the doctors said. Considering... it's his third chance at life.
"It's good news. Jinyoung is continuing to show progress and his condition is getting better. Although..." the doctor's eyes lingered on him. "Can you still not recall anything before the accident?"
Jinyoung shakes his head, feeling a seemingly familiar emotion resurfacing. But the touch of Jaebeom's hand calmed him down. "It's not the most important thing right now, right doc? As long as Jinyoung recovers well, that's enough. In fact, better." Jaebeom says the last sentence in a quieter voice, yet Jinyoung heard him.
For the next twenty minutes, the doctor gave them the same reminders, only added a few before sending them off.
"Are you sure everything is okay with you, Jinyoung?" Dr. Yoon asks again and at that moment, Jinyoung thought about those dreams.. the dreams he can't remember.
They still occur every night, still waking him up from sleep, only to feel tears in his eyes and his heart aching. He stared at the doctor, about to say something but at the last second, decided not to. He had thought of Mark. Because although the dreams didn't stop... Mark was always able to calm him down.
Maybe he didn't need to tell this to anyone. Maybe... maybe he'll overcome this someday.
"Yes, Dr. Yoon. Everything is okay."
The doctor smiled at him and tapped his shoulder while Jaebeom squeezed his hand before gesturing for the door and walking with him out of the doctor's office.
"You're staying?" he asks Jaebeom as the latter rides the elevator with him, waiting for the shaft to take them to his floor.
"You don't want to?" Jaebeom asks back and Jinyoung only shrugs. "You still have to stock those shelves right? I said I'll help you today."
Oh, right. He remembers. "But we should've bought food. We'll get hungry after stocking my shelves. And you know I don't fancy cooking. Should we order out then?"
Jaebeom laughs at this. "We just ate and here you are thinking about food already." He even ruffled his hair. "Alright, I'll cook for you if that's what you're waiting to hear."
Jinyoung smiles real wide. It's been a week since he last tasted Jaebeom's cooked food. When the elevator did reach his floor and as they both stepped out of the shaft, Jaebeom spoke again.
"By the way, since I'm here... didn't you say you'll introduce mr.. Stranger-who-bothers-me-at-night to me? Why don't you invite him later? I'll cook for us three."
Of course Jinyoung liked the idea. "Oh, okay! Let's invite him before going to my place."
Jaebeom agreed so they both walked past his unit and went straight to teh unit next-door. Jinyoung knocked on the door but no one answered. He tried some more but to no avail. Jinyoung turns to a waiting Jaebeom. "Maybe he's out during daytime. Maybe he's at work or something."
"That's a bummer then. I thought I would finally meet the guy." Jaebeom says.
"If you would stay until evening, maybe you would since he usually drops by at night. Well that is if you really want to meet Mark so much." He told Jaebeom in a teasing manner. But he didn't get the reaction he's expecting.
Instead, Jaebeom gestured his head towards the door to his unit. "Shouldn't we go back now?" Jinyoung only nods at this and follows the older to his unit. Once insidem Jaebeom talked some more. "Why don't I stay here for the night? I could text Jackson and tell him I'll stay here with you tonight."
This made Jinyoung look teasingly at his bestfriend again. "Is this you being too eager to meet Mark? I told you already.. he's a nice guy. But okay.. if you really want to see it for yourself. You can stay."
Jaebeom didn't say anything more to that.
V
Jinyoung
It's raining. the sound of the raindrops hitting hard on the windshield of the car. The rain is angry. And so is he.
Jinyoung feels his anger and frustration all boiling inside him that he wanted to explode. His chest is aching as his heart pounds hard with every word he's saying.
But he couldn't make anything out of what he's saying. He's saying something, almost shouting even. He could feel the vibration in his lungs as he shouts loud, his throat almost hurting. But he can't hear anything. It's like he's underwater. He can't hear anything clear.
It's dark, almost pitch black.
But not until there was a blinding light on his right. Then everything started spinning, making him dizzy. It's like he's being sucked into a blackhole.
There was the sound of screeching tires... and then... a loud crash.
"Jinyoung!" he hears his name. "Jinyoung, wake up!" It's his voice. "Jinyoung please wake up!"
Opening his eyes was a struggle. It's like he's still blinded by the light he's seen in his dream.
His dream... he remembered? He remembered! But... what was that about?
When his eyes had adjusted to his surrounding, he saw Mark, seated on the side of his bed, casting him with those eyes filled with worry. "You're back." Mark says. "You're okay..."
Jinyoung suddenly feels like he's underwater again, his vision gets blurry and he can't hear anything anymore.
His hand reaches out for Mark's face, but he gets weaker by the second.
And then it was dark again.
VI
Jinyoung
Jinyoung wakes up with the sound of his phone ringing.
He sat up from his bed and looked for his phone. It's Jaebeom calling.
"Hey... you're awake." Jaebeom greets him after he answered. "Look, I'm sorry if I needed to leave you while you're still sleeping. Boss called me in for work. I cooked breakfast for you so eat it well. The moment this meeting ends, I'll drive back there."
"It's okay." Jinyoung answers. "No need to be in such a hurry."
While he was looking around, Jinyoung was reminded of last night... Mark... "Uhm, Jaebeom? Can I ask you something?"
"Okay... meeting is about to start but... what is it?"
Again, Jinyoung recalls what he's seen last night. Mark, who is seated beside him when he woke up from his dream. You're okay... how concern and worry was etched in his face as Mark stares at him...
"Jinyoung?"
Jaebeom called him to get his attention. Jinyoung snaps himself out of it and went on to asking. "Did someone visit me last night?"
"Someone?"
"Yeah..." He immediately said. It took a few seconds and Jaebeom hasn't responded yet so Jinyoung decided to be more specific. "Did Mark come to see me? I mean... I could be wrong or only dreaming but... I could've sworn he was with me in my room last night. So... did he come last night to see me?"
The response was still delayed. "I'm pretty sure no one visited last night. I stayed outside and slept in the couch. No one dropped by. No one visited. Mark.. uhm... he didn't..."
"Oh... is that so?" Jinyoung tried to keep his disappointment from showing in his voice.
"Yeah. Anything else?"
"Nothing more. Thanks, beom."
"No problem. Eat up, okay?"
Jinyoung fixes his hair and wore his slippers. "Okay."
It was around 10 in the morning and Jinyoung was about to sit on the couch when his eyes caught on something. He saw the box which still contains some of his books and other things he hasn't unboxed yet. Jaebeom helped him out yesterday but they were only able to unboxed 3/4 of it. He ponders for a few seconds before deciding to get on with it. It's just one box. He's not overworking himself.
He had just finished opening the box when he heard someone knocking on his door. This got him excited, no lie.
When he opened the door, he was glad to be right.
"Good morning." Mark greets him with a smile but Jinyoung knows his smile is brighter when he greeted him back. "Good morning. Want to come in?"
Mark nods. "Sure. You'll make me coffee?" When Jinyoung nodded, only then did Mark step inside.
Jinyoung made Mark sit down on the couch.
"You're still unboxing?" The blonde asked, eyes darting on the newly opened box.
Jinyoung nodded as an answer. "Didn't get to finish it so I'm doing it now. Those are mostly books anyway. Just a few left in my collection since Jaebeom already helped me stock almost 80% of them in the shelves yesterday."
He saw Mark standing up and glancing over the shelf where his books are. "You still kept all of them.." the blonde says. "Didn't throw even a single one?" Mark asked, looking back at him with a smile.
"That's why Jaebeom said I'm sentimental. I keep things sear to me. It's that hard for me to let go."
And... is it just him? Or did he really see Mark's smile as it wavered slightly? He isn't sure. Before he could look more into it, Mark was already crouching down, looking inside the box. "So these are all books?"
Jinyoung shrugged. "Probably... and maybe a few other stuffs?" Mark was still looking inside the box. "Anyway, I'll go and make your coffee. Please don't destroy anything."
He meant that as a joke but Mark nods like a behaved kid. "Wouldn't even dare." Jinyoung smiles before walking to the kitchen.
It must've taken him a bit long? But Jinyoung didn't think he did. Not until he reached the living room and there was no Mark.
He looked around and even called for the blonde but he wasn't there. When he walked towards the small coffee table, he noticed that there were books on top of it. He saw that the box he had just opened was now empty. Maybe Mark has emptied the box for him? But where did he go?
It was when he was placing the mug on the table when his eyes caught on something shining.
He knelt so he could look at it more closely.
On top of the table, right beside his books is a small antique box.
It's opened and near it lies a gold band.
VII
Jaebeom
Finally, he was able to breathe normally.
Jackson's hold in his hand is still tight, not letting go, while his arm wrapped around his shoulders securely, as if protecting him from any harm.
As he stared at Jinyoung who is lying unconscious on his bed, another tear rolled down his cheek. He could still very much remember the fear which consumed him when he received Jackson's message. He asked his boyfriend to drop by and check on Jinyoung after their call. And good thing he did. When Jackson arrived at Jinyoung's place, he had found the younger lying on the floor, unconscious.
It was too much for Jaebeom. It scared him so much.
It was like he was transported back to that night.. that night when he thought he had lost Jinyoung...
"Hon please, drive faster. Please!" he cried, tears uncontrollably falling from his eyes. He clasped his hands together, praying. Please... please dear God, save him. Save Jinyoung please...
When their car was caught on traffic, Jaebeom cried harder. "Hon please do something! Jinyoung needs us! He needs me! P-please..." He breaks down in tears.
He then felt Jackson taking his hands and only that stopped them from trembling. "Hon, I know you're scared but we'll get there soon. I'm trying, okay? Let's just pray for things to be okay."
And despite his tears, Jaebeom did pray. For Jinyoung doesn't deserve this. He had bear so much pain already. He promised he'll help him keep on living so please.... let him do that.
"Drink this first, hon. He'll wake up soon. The doctors said do. Let's sit down, please."
Jackson tells him, leading him to the couch inside the hospital room where Jinyoung is admitted in. When they finally sat down, Jackson made him wear his jacket. Jaebeom bites his lips. He didn't want to be this weak and vulnerable. But he can't help it whenever it's Jinyoung who's involved.
"He'll be okay. He'll wake up soon." Jackson says in the hope to soothe his feeling. Jaebeom nods and fights the tears which are threatening to escape his eyes once again.
"By the way... I found this." Jackson tells him as he shows him a familiar antique box. "He must've seen this again. That's why-" the latter failed to continue.
Jaebeom took the box and opened it. His tears fell at the sight of the gold band.
He thought he would be able to protect Jinyoung from the same pain which almost destroyed whatever was left of him after the accident. But looks like he failed.
With eyes filled with tears, Jaebeom walked to where Jinyoung is and sat on the chair beside his bed. He reached for his hand and let the rest of his tears fall as he cried. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Jinyoung."
The doctors did say that it was just fatigue which caused Jinyoung to lose consciousness.
This time, Jinyoung didn't try to end his life.
Unlike the last time he was rushed to this hospital, covered in blood, barely breathing after crashing his car into the cliff; the same cliff where he had an accident two years ago... the same accident where he lost Mark.
VIII
Jinyoung
"No, you don't understand!" Jinyoung yells at Mark who's driving the car.
It's raining and he could hear how hard the raindrops were hitting against the car's windshield. The rain is angry. And so is he.
"Jinyoung can you please hear me out first? I just-"
"You just what, huh Mark? You just don't want to support me. You want me to just stay here and not go where my feet could take me. Don't you understand how much big this offer is that you're asking me to drop? Because of what? Because of your insecurities? This is still about your fears? Is it? For goodness sake Mark, if you don't even trust me and my love for you, then why did you even ask me to marry you?"
Jinyoung is fuming in anger. He really can't understand Mark. In their eight years of being together, has he failed on making him feel that he's enough? Why does Mark always think that he's gonna leave him anytime?
"Do you still think I'm leaving you?" he asked, almost desperate to make his husband understand.
"You already did once." Mark told him and it's like a punch in his gut. "And now you're doing it again.."
Mark kept his eyes on the road, but he could see how his hands gripped on the steering wheel. Jinyoung was lost for words. It's as if his tongue was cut. But he still tried.
"I made a mistake before..." He says, still trying to keep his eyes on the older. "..you said you've forgiven me. And now you're bringing it back? So you haven't really forgiven me at all, have you?"
He saw how a tear rolled down Mark's cheeks.
"Stop the car." Jinyoung told him.
His heart is aching from too much pain, and guilt. He was reminded of his sin. How he once broke Mark's heart because of a single mistake. He was reminded of the pain he had caused Mark just because he tried to look for another.. what he did was a huge mistake. But he tried hard to earn Mark's forgiveness. And he thought he did. He thought he had.
But now...
"Jin, I don't-"
"Stop the car right now, Mark."
"Let's not-"
But this is too much for him to bear. "If you're not stopping the car, I'll get off myself."
He then started to take his seatbelt off and that made Mark shift his attention from the road and onto him, trying to stop him from what he's doing.
And then it happened.
There was a blinding light at the side of the car where he's seated. There's a truck heading their direction so Mark quickly swerved the car. The tires screeched as the car spun around.
Jinyoung felt Mark's hand on his, as he called his name until their car went straight to the cliff, a loud crash painting everything pitch black.
Jinyoung wakes up, but all he could see is white.
There's fog, making his vision blurry but he still took steps, in the hopes of finding out where he's at. But then he heard his name being called. When he turned, he saw a familiar figure.
"M-mark?"
The fog disappeared, allowing him to see the face of the man he missed so much.
The man he loved but had hurt.
The man he had forgotten.
He ran to him but stopped before he could wrap his arms around him. Now he could remember everything, he knows one thing for sure. Mark is no longer with him. Mark is already gone. And this made his eyes tear up.
But he didn't expect it when Mark reached for his face and wiped his tears away. He's touching him. And he could feel his touch.
Without saying anything, he threw his arms around Mark and buried his face on his neck, not minding the tears cascading down his cheeks. "I miss you so much. Mark I really missed you so much and it hurts. I can't make the pain stop." he cried hard, as he tightens the embrace, afraid of letting go. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I miss you and I love you and I'm in so much pain since I lost you. Mark.. please... please don't leave me."
Jinyoung almost can't breathe anymore. He then felt Mark kissing the side of his head.
"I missed you too. That's why I came back." Slowly, Mark pulled away from the hug to caress his face and stare at his eyes. "I can't keep on seeing you like how you were, Jin. That is not how I want to leave you. I can't leave you like that."
"Then don't. Please don't."
"I have to." That only made him cry harder. "I've already forgiven you. That one is true. But I was still afraid to let you go. Just like how afraid you are to let go of me now." Mark takes his hands which were holding on tightly on his sleeves. Mark kissed each of his hands ever so softly. "If only I knew where that will lead us, I should've just supported you."
Jinyoung shook his head. "I shouldn't have even thought of leaving."
But Mark hushed him. "Let's not blame each other anymore. And please Jin, stop blaming yourself. Seeing you from the other side, and how you tried to end your own life, almost made me lose it. That I asked for a chance to come down here again so I could be with you for a short time. So I could tell you all these."
Jinyoung cries as Mark held his hand, and touched his finger where their ring should be on.
"I asked you to marry me because I love you so much and I couldn't imagine myself being with someone else other than you. When you said yes, you made me the happiest man alive and that erased all the pain I felt in the past. Jin... I love you. And although I can't be with you anymore, I promise you, we will still be together again. Not now... but soon."
Mark then cupped his face. "Please promise me that you will keep on living."
With tears in his eyes, Jinyoung nods. Mark smiles, a happy and content one despite his own tears.
As Mark closes his eyes, Jinyoung does the same.
When their lips touched, it's like time stopped, only to continue on flowing again.
IX
Jinyoung
It had taken him a full week before he got discharged from the hospital. All throughout the time he stayed there, Jaebeom didn't leave. As always, the whole world may turn their back on him, but not Jaebeom.
It was the next morning after he woke up when he and Jaebeom did talk about everything.
Jaebeom apologized for keeping the truth from him after his accident. Jaebeom told him that he just got really scared after Jinyoung tried ending his own life. "I thought the pain was too much for you to bear. So I decided to conceal it from you." Jaebeom told him.
That is why Jaebeom had kept the ring from him, because after Mark died, Jinyoung will be having breakdowns whenever he sees the ring on his finger. "The pain was too much. I know. And if forgetting is the only answer, then so be it."
Jinyoung apologized too. For being selfish then, which made him lose Mark. And for being selfish yet again, almost making Jaebeom lose him.
"I promised him I'd keep on living." He told Jaebeom, recalling his dream (if that's what it was) where he had talked to Mark for the last time.
"That's the last thing he had asked from me... to keep on living. Not just for me, but for everyone who loves me."
Jinyoung walks until he'd reached Mark.
Kneeling down, Jinyoung touched the cold granite, where his late husband's name is engraved. He placed the bouquet of sunflowers he bought on his way here on top of Mark's headstone.
"Hi, love." He says. "I miss you. And yes, I'll keep on missing you. But don't worry.. it doesn't hurt too much anymore. And if this pain will keep on reminding me of how much I love you... then I'll bear it for the longest time that I can."
Jinyoung touched the granite again.
"I love you so much... and I'll be waiting until we could be with each other again. Until we meet again, love."
ஐ〰ฺ･:*:･✿ฺ ஐ〰･:*:･･:*:･✿ฺ ஐ〰･:*:･･:*:･✿ฺ ஐ〰･:*:･
At long last! We reached the end of this story. How are your hearts everyone?
I would like to thank everyone who had read this story. And to all of you who reached this part, I hope all your questions were answered. If there are still some things which are not clear, you can ask me in the comments section :)
Like I said in twitter... whether this is a tragic ending or not... I'll let you decide on that one. ^^
<3 nicapark