Chloe: This video talks about stuff like eating disorders, self-harm, suicide, rape, abuse and murder so if you get triggered by any of these please don't watch this video.
Hey guys so this is my second YouTube video and I just wanted to explain about everything. So I'm going to start this video by saying that you are enough and I know how hard life can be sometimes but you don't have to give up please stay strong and continue to fight. If any of you are struggling with anything from like self-harm to even parents being divorced I am here to talk. I have downloaded Facebook for that reason I will try and answer most of you, with instagram I have to many dms from people so it would be very rare that I would see it.
When we first started dating it was amazing Vinnie was so nice to me but like 2 months in he would just so jealous and one day he just has enough and hit me for someone liking me. When my parents were going to Canada I stayed at his house but before I went there I was having a family meal. My phone started going off every 2 minutes and when I looked it was Vinnie.
When I went to his house and to his room I saw him with Zoe when she sees me she leaves then Vinnie hit me because she left, he told me to get on the bed and I didn't want to but I was scared of being hit again. When I go on the bed Vinnie came on top of me I told him to get off but he didn't luckily his mom came in before anything could happen.
But when she leaves he started to choke me saying that if I tried to say
anything to her he would put my in the hospital . I go to his bathroom and put makeup on my bruises he just made but he told me to cover up my body because I was fat. When he posted a photo on instagram he captioned it as "She's a whore but that's fine" after that I started to get hate for my body and it really messed me up.
He said sorry for the things he did and I said okay knowing that he didn't mean it. We went down for dinner and he put his hand on my thigh and I kept on moving it but he just put it back on he just kept on going higher and higher until dinner was over.
We went back to his room while he went to have a shower I was sitting on his bed watching Netflix but his phone kept of going on. I looked at it and it was from Zoe she sent him nudes and he put the heart eye emoji when he came out I questioned him and he omitted to cheating on me and he said "because your an ugly, fat, useless slut and he only used me to get clout and to get closer to Zoe" I yelled at him for saying all those things to me but it just ended up getting worse he ended up beating the shit out of me. That was the day he r...a...ped me he told me it wasn't rape because we were dating but I knew it was and I knew I couldn't go anything to stop it but I still tried, when he finished I put my cloths back on and ran out of the house. I didn't know where I was going but I didn't stop until I was at Anna's house. I told Anna what happened and I told her not to call the cops because I was scared Anna took me to her bathroom and I went in the shower while she was outside. When I was in the shower I cut myself 4 times because I wanted to feel something other then him inside of me.
She went to bed and I got up at 4 in the morning to go to the airport so I could go to Canada. When I got the the airport and my dad called me when I answered he knew that something happened. Then I saw Vinnie and he came up to be when I was just about to ask my dad to help me but he put something over my mouth and I went unconscious.
When I woke up I was chained to the bed and I started to get flashbacks of what happened I screamed for help but when I heard footsteps I knew it was going to be him. He comes in with bread and milk but I don't take it, when I asked him where we were he said no where he untied my arms and we were in the middle of the ocean on him dads boat. He told me he was going to never do that again but I new he would, he told me that we were having prom so I did. When I got ready Cynthia came I she sees the state I'm in and she asks me what's wrong but as I'm about to say something Vinnie comes in to take photos.
We got into the like ball room thing and there was Quinton, Madi, Cynthia, Mattia I told the girls what happened and Vinne found out and he dragged me on his lap and smacks my ass like you would a child but he did it like 50 times harder while the others watched. The others tried to stop him but nothing worked Quinton called the cops to come and help me.
I posted a picture on Instagram and the US police department commented on it and said that they were on their way and they were. I went outside on the deck and saw them. They took all of us on the boat, my dad and Ben were there.
It was Christmas Day and I just woke up I went looking for my mom but I didn't find her so i called her and Vinnie answered he told me to come to a random place. Before I got there I called my dad because I didn't know if I was going to come out of that alive. When I get in I see my mom with tears down her face I tell him to let her go and he does. When we hug I hear a bang and.... she dropped to the floor he shot her. I watched her die in my arms her lasts words was her telling my that she loved me.
After she died Vinnie takes her out of my arms and throws her outside, he comes back and ties my arms and legs to the bed and then I was raped again but this time he was so sick to start a live on my main instagram so everyone can see. 3 days later I woke up and I was in the Vinnie's room in his house I thought it was all a dream but it wasn't, he dragged me to the street by my neck and leaves me there I walk a bit trying to remember where I was but then I passed out.
Six weeks later and it was my mom's funeral it probably was the worst moment of my life. My mom meant the world to me she was the one who always pushed me to go with my heart and not my mind. My moms funeral no one wore black because she hated the idea of it. I still remember the note I wrote for her it was poorly written. "I know that I was always a pain in the ass and I regret that so much now. I'm sorry I wish I could go back in time and that this happened to me and not you. I know your up there watching over me and I'm going to make you the proudest mother ever. I know you wanted me to start doing music so that's what I'm going to do. I wish I could stalk to you and tell you that I love you" then that was it I couldn't finish it so I ran out of the church and go to Cynthias house and everyone was there even though I invited them to the funeral and they said they can't come.
I went to a cliff that me mom showed me and I sat there talking to her even though she probably couldn't hear me. I get a glass I found on the ground and I started I started to cut myself with it until I get tapped on the shoulder. I turned around and I saw Cooper this was the first time talking to him ever after taking for a while me dad comes and Cooper gave me his jumper to cover it up so he wouldn't see.
I lose all of my friends because of what Vinnie did to me I only had Anna left but my dad told me we were moving to Canada to be closer with family and at first I hated that idea but when I thought of it I knew it was right for both of us.
The next day I just couldn't get the thought of my body out of my mind and that was the first time I ever said I wasn't hungry and my dad believed it. When I went to school everyone was looking at me and I hated it. I went went to my locker and there was murderer writer with pig bloods on it and Quinton took me away from the locker. The rest of the day I was told to kill myself and that I was murderer.
The next month was the same every day and it really damaged me so the only thing that made me cope was cutting myself it was a relief was all the stress, hate and my mothers date. Olivia was the first person to notice how skinny I've gotten and it made me so happy that someone was finally noticing a difference. When I posted that phone and people commented about me cutting it for me really sad and I knew I should do it but I had to it was my escape.
After my fist day of school it was good I made friends and I even found Cooper. At the end of the day I posted and I got hate which is normal but they just seemed to be hitting really hard and I didn't know how to deal with it so I just worked out for 3 hours and didn't stop once not even for a drink. I woke up and I was in an ambulance with Cooper and he saw my cuts. When I got out of the hospital Cooper came round mine and I kissed him and it felt amazing I felt the fireworks between us.
My dad for a job that made him go on business trips and I didn't think of missing him all I thought was that is was going to he easier to not eat. I went to the bathroom and started telling guilty for eating that one breakfast meal from the hospital so I forced myself to frow it back up.
A couple of months I decided I would quit TikTok because it's just a toxic place and I didn't need that in my life. I was getting ready for a party and the girls were perfect and I fell insecure so I go in the bathroom and I fires myself to throw up again. That was the night I told Cooper I want to die and he was so understanding and he listened to me.
Coopers sister got put in the hospital because she broke her arm and Vinnie was there. Vinnie is their cousin I rushed out of the room and left the hospital. As I walked and someone pulled over never to me and asked if I wanted a lift but I said. I and he kept on asking and asking until I said yes and when I went it the car it was Vinnie and he smashed my head in the wheel.
When I woke up I was tied to a car again and I was naked I can't express on how scared it was. He came into the room he kept on saying that I ruined his life I yelled at him and he got mad and he hit me for it and he told me he was going to kill Cooper and Josh if I did it again. We talked a bit more and then he started touching me inappropriately when the cops came in with Vinnie.
Vinnie got me out of the chair and put a gun to my head, when the cops tasered him he shot the gun and luckily it was facing up to the ceiling but some bricks fell on me and I blacked out.
Two days I'm out of the hospital and I can go to school. I get into Coopers car like I do... did every day he knew I didn't eat so he took me to get some breakfast and forced me to eat in front of him. I know he was just trying to help but it just made me feel unsafe, but anyway I feel the need to throw up so as soon as we get to school and I go to the bathroom. After about 10 minutes of throwing up Darianka walks in and tells me how she noticed that I wasn't eating and how skinny I gotten and told me that I was perfect the way I was and I didn't have to do that. I made her promise not to tell anyone.
When we were at lunch I went into the line and just the smell of the food made me sick but I still got food. Darianka and Cooper told me how proud they were of my for at least trying to eat but as soon as I eat half of my sandwich the beep (bitch) of the school told her friends about how much I got and how fat I looked. It really messed me up so I got mad and threw my drink over her head and trust me it felt really nice I walked away and went to the bathroom again and start to throw up.
I was in the bathroom for 2 hours blood all over my face and the toilet seat from throwing up to much and tears running down my face. Cooper came in and wanted to talk to me I started telling him how much I wanted to die and he just listened to me like he did the day we met. When Darianka came in I yelled at her for telling on me and I felt so bad after it so I ran out and didn't stop until I was at Pacific Electric Railroad Bridge
I sat on the edge talking to my mom and took glass and started to cut myself the same things kept on going through my mind: You are worthless your the reason why your mother died. It's all your fault. Your the reason why you got r@ped and abused, you stayed with him when you knew what he was like. Just do it jump Chloe you don't deserve to live anymore. Cut deeper in your arms don't stop until your arms are covered. You did this to yourself you have no one else to blame but yourself.. your dad blames you, you auntie blames you, your uncle blames you, even your 2 year old cousin blames you. Think of Jess she will never meet her auntie because of you. This is all your fault. Jump Chloe jump.... And that's what I did I looked at my phone with the phone case of me and Cooper and then I jumped.
When I woke up I was in the hospital and I was so beep (fucking) sad that it didn't work. Cooper and my dad was in the room but all I could do was apologies and my dad asked about me starving myself and it just made me feel worse then he asked me if I was self-harming and I have to tell him. We started talking about my mom and how much I missed her and he said something about going to LA to see my moms grave and Anna but the doctor came in and told me that I was going to go in a mental hospital.
I got told I was anoxic and I knew that I just didn't want to believe it. My dad kept on saying how he lost my mom and how he couldn't lose me and it just broke my heart because I knew all of this was my fault. The next day all of my friends come with gifts I was so glad I had friends like them. The rest of that day went to fast and it was time to go to the mental hospital.
Every time I refused to do something they ended up drugging me and I would wake up with bruises on my back. This one time I refused to talk in my therapist and they drugged me but it didn't work and they I saw them hit me over and over again with a chain. Then my dad came and took me.
But yeah that's the end of the video there is more but I don't want to say that because yeah but I just wanted to say thank you all for the support that you have given me and that you are loved in every way.